11 Thilar
Penny was covered in discolored spots and scrapes when she removed her clothes to bathe. Her skin was so tender compared to everyone else and knowing that I had been the cause of most of her marks made my chest tighten.
The rutia had clouded my senses so thoroughly that I couldn’t even tell how rough I was being.
I had thrown her against the tree. Then to the ground.
And then I took her against the pole. I could have broken her bones or worse and was selfishly overjoyed to see she was walking in the bathhouse, even if it was with a slight limp.
Even after the cold bath, I was still feeling foggy.
Pek-Tol had wanted a show and he got it.
He gave me twice the rutia the valerians had to ensure I wasn’t in my right mind.
It blurred my vision. It opened my senses to her overwhelmingly sweet scent.
Every interference enraged me. I’d never felt so in need of…
something. All I could think of was her.
Her skin. Her scent. The noises she made when I was inside her.
Shameful.
My discipline was waning in that place more every day and with Penny present, that process seemed to be accelerating. I was getting further from myself every rotation and it made me wonder if I’d be welcomed back into a colony or into a unit if I ever got off Mekah Prime.
I walked to my cot and sat down, reaching under the blankets for the tiny, silver device that I’d swiped off Pek-Tol’s desk.
I tapped my finger against it and watched the face light up with a dim, blue glow.
I couldn’t read anything, but once a hologram appeared before me, I was able to navigate using images and icons.
I sifted through them and found a picture of Penny.
She wasn’t smiling. She was simply staring forward, her tawny hair tied into a high, tight knot away from her face. She looked proper. Put together.
I studied every word beneath her picture, finding that there were only twenty-six symbols that made up the different arrangements. But sometimes they changed. Every time a dot ended an arrangement, the first symbol was different.
I focused, deducing that there was an alphabet. That made things easier.
I sifted through countless other images, files, and words all tucked into the small device until I found something familiar.
A whole section was dedicated to valerians and in it was their common alphabet, which I knew very well.
I looked closely, finding valerian translations and in turn, I translated them into my own tongue as I read.
For hours, I studied. Every symbol. Every arrangement. Every translated word. I slept briefly and when I woke, I continued studying, tucking the device away every time the guards made their lazy rounds. Pek-Tol had given the device to me freely, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t take it away.
When my food was being slipped through my wall, I ate, and then I continued, filling my head with everything I could from that little bracelet of information.
There would not be another game for a while.
Seven contestants died in the last round.
Four of them at my hand. Pek-Tol would need to find more before he televised another game. There was time.
During the next rotation, everyone was allowed time in the yards to move, exercise, stretch, and train.
Like bathing, it was communal, but there were fewer rules.
Or rather, the guards were less inclined to enforce them.
The yard was a vast, open area where we were able to move and breathe outside of our designated biome.
Some could not stomach the environment for very long.
The gek’tal especially needed more humidity than the yard provided and often didn’t linger.
The valerians found it too bright for their sensitive eyes.
The nozun, despite how primitive they seemed, adapted well, but so did I.
And evidently, so did Penny. She stood against a wall when I walked into the yard, watching the others carefully.
Sunhai was doing pullups on a warped metal bar while one of the nozun watched from a corner, his teeth showing behind peeled back lips.
A few others were sparring with the guards watching closely in case it turned into a real fight that could damage Pek-Tol’s precious property.
Not that he cared if any of us were damaged, as long as it was made public and people threw credits at it.
I had slipped on a loose-fitting shirt with long sleeves, but the fabric was so thin, every lick of air pumping into the artificial environment pierced the fibers. I made my way toward Penny and subtly, I noticed Sunhai hop off her bar and turn to another exercise that was facing us.
The woman acted irritated by everyone’s presence, but I could tell she’d taken an odd liking to Penny. Everyone seemed focused on her in one way or another, and for many different reasons.
When Penny noticed me, she straightened, her hardened features softening a bit.
Why they would soften around me was a mystery. I was the reason she was enduring so much torture in that place. Of everyone there, I’d wronged her almost as much as Pek-Tol and yet she stood firm, letting me into her space.
I didn’t enter it completely. I stopped short and casually looked around to see if any of the guards were watching.
They were a dense bunch, but it was worth the caution.
Then I slowly stepped in closer, testing her boundaries.
When she didn’t move away, I pulled the little silver device from the pocket of my pants.
She didn’t run from me. Either she was brave or by the grace of the gods, she didn’t hate me or fear me for what happened.
She held my gaze, fearless, as I slid my hand down toward hers.
She opened her fingers and I pressed the small device into her palm.
Her eyes dropped to find out what it was and when she did, I could see the relief subtly easing her muscles.
She closed her hand over it again and tucked it to her side.
“How did you get this?” she muttered.
“From Pek-Tol.”
She blinked up at me, eyes wide. Then, as if I’d just revealed my plans to assassinate the shikari bastard, she scanned the guards to make sure none of them were moving toward us.
“You speak my language?”
“I learn,” I said, gesturing to her hand where she held the thing concealed.
“You learned? In two days?”
I shrugged a shoulder, crouching down in front of her as if about to pick up one of the sparring weapons scattered around the yard. She watched me closely, her lips parted.
“Humans cannot do this?”
“No,” she snorted. “It took me two years to learn Spanish for my trip abroad and I lost it as soon as I stopped speaking it all the time.”
“Spanish. Human language?”
“One of them. We have a lot.”
I nodded, taking a slow, subtle scan of the yard again just to make sure we weren’t drawing attention. Attention wasn’t exactly a good thing on Mekah Prime and we had far too much already.
“I am sorry,” I said. “For what happened in the game.”
Penny was silent. I lifted my head to meet her eyes when she did not respond. She was looking right at me as if she did not hear me.
“I know I used the correct words,” I said. “They are the ones I studied most.”
“You studied to say sorry?”
I nodded once and the stunned look on her face only hardened.
She just kept staring and then, the worst happened.
Her eyes began to redden, glistening with unshed tears.
Many species shed tears. Not monrians. Many simple things had been bred out of us.
It seemed like a useless function, but I knew what it meant, nonetheless.
But Penny’s tears didn’t fall. She took a deep breath and raised her chin, pressing her lips together.
“I told you to do it,” she said.
“For survival.”
“Which is the reason you did it.” She paused a moment. “Right?”
I nodded again and she mimicked the gesture. There was something she wasn’t saying. Something she was keeping within herself. Be it anger, sadness, or hate, she was swallowing it.
I wished I could peel her apart and find out what it was. Penny was a complicated thing beneath the tenderness of her skin. I had studied her little device in depth, but I still knew nothing about her. A fact I was eager to change, but I did not want to know her in that place.