Chapter 2
TWO
EDDIE
Eddie Stone made it to his quarters before overstimulation put him in the fetal position.
But only just. He felt safe here in the dim, blue-lit interior, comforted by the near-imperceptible whir of machinery.
But his hands shook, then his arms, and then his whole body convulsed.
He was too hot and too cold, constrained by his clothing but incapable of removing it.
Tears streamed down his face as his throat constricted and the memories of everything ran along the inside of his eyes.
Today had been worse than usual. He’d prepared some remarks, but thought the captain would make the announcement.
He resented not being warned, but that was lost in the stream of emotion.
The words he’d used hung heavy on his tongue, rang in his ears, and he’d hear them in all their beautiful inadequacy for many days to come.
He’d needed time to calm himself, but the look of betrayal on Jett’s face kept replaying in his mind.
The months leading up to the meeting had been exhausting.
Starting with the careful and callous excision of Jett from his life, Eddie spent most of his time in meetings, parties, and ship walkthroughs while still performing his duties as First Officer of the Neo-Tokyo.
He couldn’t pick any single day out from the rest. And all of his uncertain and wretched feelings of newness, guilt, and loss culminated in today’s massive breakdown.
“I love you, Eddie. I would give you the System and the Stars.”
Jett’s deep voice echoed inside Eddie’s head.
Though he’d done his best to chase it out, it always returned in his dreams and daydreams, reminding him of nights tangled in each other’s arms, whispering hopes and promises and sweet nothings between kisses and moans.
They had loved each other so desperately, so passionately, because the Universe had not loved either of them.
“Why, Eddie?”
Eddie’s breathing hitched, he wheezed, pulled his uniform coat from his body. His shirt followed.
“What did I do?”
Memories of the day Eddie ended their relationship were more overwhelming than everything else combined. He recalled in exacting detail, every look, every breath, every tear that marred Jett’s perfect face. The words he’d said haunted him, waking and asleep.
Eddie was ashamed of the man he was. His past had instilled in Eddie a distinct separation between himself and others, one he worked hard to maintain.
A separation that Jett had tried to narrow, but could not overcome completely.
And Eddie hadn’t done enough to open up, especially when he accused Jett of doing the same thing.
The truth was that Jett Valla was the only man in System Sol that Eddie had ever loved, the one man Eddie could spend the rest of his life with.
And now Eddie had to reckon with the long, empty future ahead of him. To the absolute knowledge that soon they would never see each other again. He’d have the Golden Lion, but what was a ship compared to Jett? What was a crew and Systems to the love of his life?
When Eddie surfaced once more his head ached, his throat burned, and his chest felt too small and congested.
Meltdown hangovers were worse than the alcoholic variety, which could be fixed with hydration packs and food.
This hurt would last for hours, perhaps days, before he was finally rested and recovered enough.
Eddie’s tab buzzed on the table. When he answered a man in a dove gray suit smiled at him.
“Do I have the pleasure of speaking with Edward Markus Stone?”
Eddie narrowed his eyes. There was no reason that a Quasar rep should be calling him, nor using his legal name.
“Yes.”
The man’s smile broadened. “My name is Al Ostend, and I’m calling to inform you that you have been selected as Captain of one of our forthcoming ships, the Golden Lion.
Your file stood out to several members of the Board and Captain Ro-nold gave a glowing recommendation. There was very little deliberation.”
Eddie sat his tab down, wondering what he should do. He’d asked for a couple days to think over the offer, to weigh his options. The Golden Lion would be a much different place compared to the Neo-Tokyo. It was a much smaller ship meant to ferry the rich back and forth across the Three Systems.
“What was that, little brother?”
Richard stood in the doorway to Eddie’s old rooms. Eddie had been hiding there from his family, from their incessant prying. They’d all been asking questions about the future. Asking questions that confused Eddie, put doubts in his head and heart. Telling him that Jett wasn’t the one for him.
“Just a call from the company.” Eddie hoped that would put Richard off asking further questions.
“I overheard them offer you a ship.”
Eddie froze in place as his brother approached. He was smaller than Eddie, but had a much more commanding presence. He took up more space than he needed because he could. And people let him.
“You are going to take this offer, right?” Richard looked down at him with a brightness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He looked hungry. “It is time you finally did something for the family.”
Ding!
Pulled from his memories, Eddie glanced at his tab where a message waited for him.
Lt. Jett Valla: Meet me down in City.
Eddie shook as he placed the tab down and bit open a hydration pack. Sweet, artificial strawberry filled his senses for a moment before everything crashed back into place.
Can I really look Jett in the eyes and talk about anything?
Lt. Jett Valla: You know where.
Jett didn’t say it, but Eddie knew he owed Jett some sort of explanation.
He’d kicked Jett out of the only permanent home he’d ever had, told him that they were over, and hadn’t spoken to the man since.
He heard through others that Jett had to find quarters down in the city.
And knowing now that he was working for Quasar Corporate, he understood why.
Lt. Jett Valla: Come whenever. I’ll be waiting.
“Edward, dearest.” Eddie shuddered at the tone his Mother used when she called to him. She spoke with a soft, loving voice that she used with Richard, not him. As a boy, Eddie would have given anything to have her speak to him that way.
He wandered outside to her garden, her pride and joy. She was sitting beside a rose bush, pruning it.
“Come sit with me, Edward.”
Eddie grabbed a stool off the porch and sat down beside her, wondering what it was she wanted.
“I think it is time that we had a serious conversation about your relationship.”
Eddie swallowed hard. He didn’t like where this was going, but he didn’t respond. Time and experience had taught him that it would only be worse if he did. He could grin and bear whatever she had to say.
“Despite the length of your relationship, I do not think he is quite the right match for you. Certainly not when you have taken this new commission.”
Eddie was caught off guard; Richard had told their parents about the call. “I have not taken any commission, mother.”
“Richard told me you got a call from Quasar this morning. You are going to take this commission. You have a duty to your family. It is time you remembered that.” She snipped a diseased rose off its stem, handed it to Eddie.
He looked down at it, the fragile petals and thorns that stuck to his palm. Roses had always reminded him of Jett.
“He has not once come to visit your family in six years. I had expected to meet him by now, since he is supposed to be your partner.”
Eddie stiffened, remembered the way he’d begged Jett to join him this one time. But Jett had said no—vehemently—and walked away. They’d barely spoken in the two days since he’d come ashore.
“He had duties to perform,” Eddie lied, just as he’d lied every other visit to his family over the last six years. “He could not get away even for a few days.”
She sniffed in displeasure and continued pruning her roses. “That is quite disappointing. I wonder…” she trailed off for a moment. “Perhaps he does not love you at all.”
“Of course he does,” he protested, an age-old fear worming out of his guts. “He is just very busy.”
“Ha!” Her tone lightened. “I am not sure if you could even tell, given your…condition. No, you must leave him. He will not follow you to the Golden Lion. No Captain should have a spouse like him.”
Eddie deflated and the words ran circles in his head.
Pulling himself from the floor, Eddie ran a hand over his face and through his curly hair. There was so much he could say to Jett, so many layers of truth underneath his sharp words and stoic demeanor. How deep would Eddie bury himself before this was over?
The city of Neo-Tokyo was framed on all sides by 500m of parkland and gardens.
But one garden in particular—the rose garden—meant more to Eddie than anywhere on the ship.
Within it was a particular grove where deep red roses grew massive and almost wild.
It was the place he retreated to when he needed silence and solitude, a place to mentally reset after long days and bad news.
Jett had found Eddie’s grove on his own, and together they made it a sanctuary for their love.
Today he stalled, took his time winding through Neo-Tokyo while residents went about their lives, unaware of what went on with the crew.
Few down here knew who Eddie was, knew he was second-in-command of the ship.
Fewer still cared. There was an anonymity beneath the neon lights that Eddie craved; he could almost be anyone down here, could do almost anything in this bustling city.
He’d lose that comfortable anonymity as soon as he left.
The captain of a small ship wouldn’t have that luxury.