Four
H e was finally opening up to me, because this was the first time we’d ever had a conversation that hadn’t started with some form of ‘I can’t talk about this shit’ or ‘it’s not safe for you to know’.
For another person, particularly a woman, those words would have been red flags, in fact, everything about how I found him would have been, but not for me. If he knew my background, and my connections, he’d maybe feel better about telling me his story, but then again, maybe not. Maybe I was exactly the person he shouldn’t be telling these things to, because what if they caused a conflict of interest for me?
“M… Lowell, are you safe here?”
He got my meaning, not about his safety right here on my land, but in this area, and shrugged.
“I mean, I’ve never had a beef with the Rogues, but that said, I am from another club, so there’s that. How tight are you with them?”
Damn. I swallowed hard, lifting my chin as I tried to formulate a story in my head, because the truth could put me in danger too.
“Woman, just the fact that you’re not speaking yet tells me all I need to know. Fucking hell, are you safe? Are you under their thumb or something?” Oh god no.
His hand caught mine as I reached up to play with my hair, something I often did when my mind started to race, and I needed to try and force my thoughts to focus on something.
“Woman, Soph , tell me you’re safe. If you need to get out, I’ll do anything I can to help you do that.”
Despite myself, I found myself whispering the word, “why?”
“Because I owe you. I owe you everything. I’d be dead right now, and while that’s probably still something that’ll happen before this year is out, every day I have now, every moment, it’s because you did something you didn’t have to do. You saved a broken man. You put yourself in danger, and went through god only knows what, to nurse me back to health. All I am now is because of you. You saved me, woman.”
His words were so heartfelt, and his hand so soft and warm holding mine, that I felt my heart literally beat a little faster, as I stared into his warm brown eyes. He seemed like such a sweet man, so it was even more bizarre to me that anyone could have tried to harm him. Why would someone harm such a gentle person?
“Soph?”
“I’m sorry, I was a little uh… can I be honest with you?”
Lowell nodded, still holding my hand in a gentle grip.
“Always, woman.”
“I can’t understand how a decent person like you got so caught up with the MC life, and ended up half dead like that. I’m not judging your life choices, but it just seems like you were meant for so much more.”
His mouth dropped open for a moment, and it almost looked like his eyes filled with tears, before he scrubbed the back of his hand over his face, and sat back, dropping my hand and putting distance between us.
“Yeah, well, at some point we all make bad choices, and we have to live with that. I’m not the guy you think I am, but I’m really wishing I was.”
It was at that point that he feigned being tired enough to try sleeping again, and I left him in peace, taking with me to my bed the sight of that wounded man, struck dumb by kindness, and words I was starting to think he’d never heard from anyone before. What kind of hell had he been through with his MC?
I sat in bed, once more looking up the Godless Warriors on my phone, and using the county I’d found him in as an additional parameter, and all that came up was a set of old news articles referring to a club by that name, run by a brutal man called Leif Jacobsen, who sounded like a real monster.
The articles all referred to them being suspected of, or arrested for, various violent crimes, and accusations of violence from women, and then, confusingly, a reference to the club being dissolved, after the president was found dead, with a number of his ‘brothers in arms’. But that was over a decade ago, so it can’t possibly be the reason why Lowell was left for dead just a few months ago, could it?
Micro
S omehow I slept through the last few hours of night, without more nightmares, and what made them worse was how much of my past, my real past, appeared in those brutal dreams. Did I know my upbringing was abusive, and that I saw things a young impressionable mind shouldn’t have to even know existed? Of course, but what could I have done to change it?
I did my best to become a man my dad could be proud of, someone he’d stop beating on, because I’d absorbed his teachings, and grown into… well, I guess an abusive asshole. Sophie, saying what she said last night, had really kicked me in the balls, because what she saw wasn’t even close to the real me, was it? I’d done awful things, and I’d deserved every fucking second of the pain I’d experienced, at the hands of my club brothers. The worst part though, for some reason I went after their old ladies?
Not only was that shit cowardly as fuck, but Jesus… I threatened them with a lot of stuff I still wasn’t convinced I could even follow through on, but I’d been trying, even then, to make my asshole father proud. It wasn’t lost on me that he wasn’t even around to know about any of it, so it was too little, too late, and it achieved nothing. Nothing except pain, and terror, for a bunch of ladies who really hadn’t deserved it.
In all honestly, the only ones I’d meant to punish were Reacher and Stitch, for murdering the only parent I had, but shit got out of hand, and yeah, I got carried away. Thank fuck I never took things further than I had. I’d killed people, and that shit was eating me up, and now she was telling me shit like she saw me as a good man, and it was killing me even more. I think the moment I accidentally killed the woman I thought I loved, was when I really fucking cracked, and lost that last little fragment of goodness I’d clung to as a kid.
Then…
S he was really with me, kissing me, touching me, and it was all I’d wanted for more than a year. Chrissy, the woman who’d always been out of my reach.
“Micro, take me somewhere right now,” she’d demanded after that first kiss, and I’d gone with it. I’d led her out to my van, the one I kept down the road from the clubhouse for emergency use, and we’d headed into the woods, where we could be alone. Did it bother me that she wouldn’t be with me at the clubhouse, where anyone could see us? Yeah, of course, but for a chance to be with her, I’d bend to suit her, right?
“Pull over, Micro, I want to suck you.” No guy would say no to that, least of all me.
I parked up, and she started pulling at my pants.
“Whoa, babe, you want to let me get in the back first?”
She shook her head. “I want to blow you right here, Micro, show me that big dick you’re always bragging about.” Hell yeah, I made it known, because being stuck with a road name like ‘Micro’, there was always an assumption as to the meaning, and it wasn’t that at all. It wasn’t the time to dwell on that though, as Chrissy’s warm mouth closed around the head of my cock, and she started sucking on it like a lollipop. Jesus fuck, I never thought this would happen with her. It’d always been her for me, the one I couldn’t stop thinking about. We didn’t have many club girls at Phoenix, which apparently was down to the bad reputation my dad’s club had built, but she was the fucking hottest woman I’d ever met.
“Surprised you’re here with me, Chrissy. I always wanted to get some time with you,” I murmured, as I stroked her hair back from her face, and she lifted her head, releasing my cock with a wet popping sound.
“Well, Ryder and Has-Been aren’t really available anymore, so I had to find someone to keep me busy,” she said with a wink, and I fought the surge of anger those words brought, because why would she mention other guys while she’s holding my cock? Way to make a guy feel like he’s just being used, right?
I knew I wasn’t exactly the sweetest guy when it came to shagging women, but I was only ever in it for one night, so did it matter if they didn’t exactly want me for more than that?
“Jesus, babe, that mouth of yours,” I groaned, as Chrissy deepthroated me, and a tingle in my balls told me I was getting close already. I couldn’t be the brother who fucking came too fast with her, not if she was comparing me to those two fuckers.
“Babe, wait. I wanna fuck you.”
She shook her head, licking the length of my dick, as she met my eyes again.
“I’m not interested in you that way, Micro. This is just for fun.” Suddenly that urge to come was dissipating, because she didn’t want to fuck me? How could she just dismiss me, without even giving me a proper chance? I eased her head back, and started tucking my cock away, when the last thing I wanted was to miss out on coming down her throat, if that was the only way she’d take me.
“Oh come on, Micro, don’t be such a baby. I’m just saying, I’m out of here soon, so there’s no sense in getting attached, right?”
“So I’m such a lame ass motherfucker that, not only am I not as good as those two fucking pretty boys, but you think I’ll get pussywhipped too?”
Chrissy rolled her eyes, tossing that golden hair back over her shoulder.
“My god, if you’re going to be a bitch about it, Micro…” she sighed, and rested a hand on my knee, “I’m the one being a bitch, I’m sorry. I guess I’m hurt that they both found other women when they had me. I could have been their old lady, either one of them, but somehow I wasn’t good enough. I’m tired of not being good enough.”
I caught her chin with my fingers, and lifted, until she met my eyes again.
“You’re more than good enough, Chrissy. You’re fucking stunning, and I’ve been in love with you for fucking ever. Give me a chance, yeah? I’m not some poor second choice. I’m enough too.”
She sighed, chewing on her lip, and then she nodded, and I wasted no time. My lips were on hers before she could speak again, and hell yeah, I knew my dick had been in there, but it was her, and this was my chance.
She ended up in my lap, with my cock finally deep inside her, and it was everything I’d dreamed of, everything I’d imagined. She was so beautiful, so sexy, and her pussy felt like heaven. When I came inside her though, that’s when the shit hit the fan. I was kissing her, and riding that wave of pleasure, as my cum filled the woman I’d wanted for so long, and she started slapping at me.
“You fucking idiot! You came in me? I don’t want your cum in me!”
What the fuck? I had to defend myself, as she kept slapping at me, and calling me all kinds of things, telling me I was worthless, and stupid, and she didn’t want my filthy cum. That I was just a sad alternative to the decent guys she’d been with, and I wasn’t worth her time. That I was beneath her. It was only when she fell quiet, that I realised what I’d done. Those words, telling me I was worthless, that I was beneath her, they’d hit so deep, carving a hole in my chest, and rage had burned through the hurt, and the heartbreak, and suddenly she was silent, and sagging in my grip… my grip around her throat.
“Fuck! Chrissy? Chrissy, babe? Jesus, I’m sorry. Wake up, it’s okay. I’m so sorry,” I kept babbling, but she wouldn’t wake up. She had no pulse. I’d fucking killed her!
T hat night had destroyed me. I must have sat there, with her cooling body laying on the seat beside me, for an hour or more, with tears pouring down my face, at the realisation that I’d destroyed her, the only woman I’d ever really wanted. I killed her. I killed Chrissy, and I couldn’t ever take that back, or make it right. The worst part, even worse than knowing I’d taken her from this world, and ended her dreams, whatever they might be, yeah, the worst part was realising I was more like my dad than I’d known.