Forty-Two
I t was weird being around the Phoenix guys again, and after the speech I’d been given at the old clubhouse, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t see some of them ever again, so having them here again already was oddly comforting, even if several of them were still glaring daggers at me, and would take very little provocation to take fists to me again.
The bit that was really freaking me out was that fucking heart to heart the women were having over there. What if they were breaking her confidence in me? What if they were filling her head with the horrors I’d committed against them, and right now she was begging them to get her away from me? What if they were destroying everything I’d just built?
There was another voice in my head saying ‘so what, you fucking deserve that’, but I couldn’t listen to it, because I had to believe that I wasn’t losing everything, mere days after I fucking found it.
“ Fuck , Elise is crying,” Has cursed, marching over to the women. I tried to follow, but Stitch caught my arm and halted me.
“Let them talk. It took a lot for them to willingly approach a place where they would see you, and have to face you, so suck it up and let them do their thing.”
“Easy for you to say, VP. It’s not your woman who was fucking attacked by this cunt.”
I turned to glare at Ice, and he glared right back, just like I knew he would.
“Don’t hold back, fucker, say what you really think.”
He came at me, and Reacher and Stitch stopped us both, before it devolved into needless violence. Or maybe it was necessary violence. Maybe what we needed was to fight this shit out, so they could all fucking move on.
“Let him take his best shot,” I hissed at Stitch, who rolled his eyes.
“You don’t want anyone starting, because someone will finish it, fuckhead.”
“Has just took Elise away from the others, so should we grab our old ladies and fuck off?”
I turned to see Sophie looking at me, and I tried a smile, to see if she’d respond in kind, or if she’d reject me, but instead she beckoned me over to her.
“Wait… fuck no , he’s not going near our fucking old ladies!” Ice spat, trying to catch my arm, but this time he was the one stopped.
“We’ll be watching, brother. Let’s see how this plays out.” Yeah, for your fucking viewing pleasure, not like it’s my life or anything.
I headed over to Soph, crouching down beside her seat, and keeping my gaze only on her, on her teary eyes, resting my hands on her trembling fingers.
“Are you okay, babe? What can I do?”
A tear slid down her cheek, and I bit back a heavy sigh, reaching up to brush it away with my thumb. Her sorrow and pain was fucking destroying me. Was I just ruining her life now too, like I’d done to them? Was this my gift in life, to fucking break everyone around me?
“I understand, it’s okay. If you want to leave, I won’t make a scene.”
I wanted to. I wanted to scream and shout, and fucking carry her away somewhere and keep her, but if she was afraid of me, and wanted to be away from me, only a fucking monster would try and force otherwise. I might have been one once, but I knew I wasn’t that guy anymore. For her, I was different, like I’d fucking risen from the ashes of my own destruction, and don’t think the irony of that was lost on me.
“No.”
No what? I risked a glance around us, seeing sorrowful faces of the women around us, women I’d hurt. Women I’d terrorised, and threatened. I shouldn’t be looking at them at all, so I squeezed my eyes closed, and turned back to my woman.
“Tell me what I can do, babe.”
Soph sighed, a sound full of sorrow and pain.
“They’ve told me things, everything, I think.”
Jesus . What else could I say to that? The old me would have tried to cover for it, but honesty was what she deserved from me. Always.
“It’s all true, babe. Whatever they said, I did it. I’m sorry, but you know that. You know I’ve told you the same stuff. I was a cunt, a monster, I was cruel, and vicious, and wrong. That’s the most important part. I was wrong .”
“You think that makes up for everything?” Ally asked from behind me, and I shook my head, shifting on my feet, so I crouched beside Sophie, facing into the group.
“I know it doesn’t. Nothing can. I’m sorry. I can’t believe it now, when I look back at how hate-filled and fucked up I was. There’s no excuse, and there’s no fixing it, or making up for it. I know that, and I’m not trying to get anyone to change their mind about me. I can only say what’s in my heart now, and that’s that I wish I could. I wish I could go back and not do it all. I wish I could undo the hurt I caused all of you.”
Lissa was nodding, but the others remained stoic, and fuck me, if I thought my brothers were the tough audience, I’d underestimated their women.
“Elise wakes up screaming,” Cammy said quietly, and my gut clenched, as guilt damn near overwhelmed me.
“I wish I could do something about that. I wish I could fix it. I will never be able to, but I promise that side of me is gone, and Sophie will never ever need to fear me. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you all.”
“It’ll never be enough,” Torch said from behind me, and I felt like he’d just given me my knife back, right through my heart. Of course I didn’t deserve forgiveness, from any of them, but especially not him.
I stood up, and a sudden cold, sharp pain in my back made me gasp as I turned to face him, his other brothers fanned out behind him, all grim and deadly looking. He revealed a short knife in his hand, the sharp tip red with my blood, a blade he’d just stuck in my back. I knew he’d gone easy on me, but he’d made his point nonetheless.
“Just so you know how it feels, cunt,” he said softly, tossing the short blade on the ground, as a panicked Sophie gasped behind me. I kept my focus on Torch though, not for my protection, but because he fucking deserved for me to look him in the eye right now, for me to give him what he needed to get his closure too.
“I couldn’t torture you, and that makes me weak, because you deserved it. You put a knife in my fucking back. You left me for dead.”
I lowered my head, unable to look him in the eyes right now, despite my bravado of mere seconds ago.
“I know. I can’t ever fucking undo that. I can’t take that night back, but I wish I could.”
“I don’t care!” He roared, slamming both hands against my chest, and knocking me down on my back, the site of the stab wound flaring with pain again. His fist hit me in the face as he landed on top of me, and the women started to scream, but nobody was stopping him.
“Let them get this out of their systems,” Reacher barked, and everyone fell silent, watching as Torch tried to beat the crap out of me, and only the fact that he was pulling some of his punches made the difference between trying and literally beating me to a pulp. I wasn’t defending myself, or fighting back, because this was his moment to take what he needed from me, and if it was my life, then so be it. I at least owed him that.
“I’m sorry, brother,” I croaked out as he punched me again, my entire face throbbing with pain from every blow I’d taken today, and before. If I survived this, I’d look like mincemeat.
“It doesn’t change anything!” He hissed back at me, sitting back to glare at me as his fingers locked around my throat, and he started to squeeze.
He was going to kill me, and the one thing I was thankful for was that it wasn’t by his usual methods. One touch of his torch had shown me what agony he could cause.
“Torch, come on, you don’t want to do this,” a soft voice said, and he ignored it, tightening his fingers further, and choking me harder. He wanted me dead, and nobody would stop him, not even me, even though it was taking everything in me not to start fighting for my life. Fight or flight, I swear, it’s damn near impossible to ignore.
“ Mr North , get your hands off him and let’s go!” A sharp voice suddenly rang out, and Torch froze, groaning and squeezing his eyes closed.
“You’re gonna pull that on me?”
There were a few scattered chuckles around us, but Torch’s fingers loosened, and I was able to drag in a ragged burning breath, and another, as he sat back completely, lowering his hands to his sides.
“You know this’ll destroy you,” Grace said, leaning over to wrap her arms around his neck. She did that? She barked at him like that, and he just folded. Gave up on his vengeance, for his woman? How the fuck did that just happen?
“Alright, you lot, show’s over. Start loading up, we’re heading out,” Reacher called, and I sensed people shifting away from us, until hardly any remained. Torch hadn’t moved, and neither had Grace, and I was still trapped on the ground beneath him, my face a beaten, throbbing mess, and my throat still burning with every breath.
“Can you let him up, please?” I heard Sophie begging Torch, not for the first time, I don't think, and then she was on her knees beside me, her cool hand against my forehead.
“Come on, brother, either finish him, or get up. It’s time to move on,” Reacher said, leaning down to rest a hand on Torch’s back. Grace kissed her man, and backed up, and then it was just me looking right at Torch, the brother I’d tried to kill, when he was the last person I’d ever have wanted to hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wishing he could see the truth in my words, hear it. That he could fucking feel it.
“Same,” Torch said, getting up and staring down at me, “we were brothers. I’d have backed you through anything in life, except what you did. You had everything, and you pissed it all away.”
I nodded, wishing we were alone so I could really fucking talk to him, and try to get him to hear me, but it was too late. It was all too late, and I’d known that for a while.
Torch turned to look at Reacher, and then looked back at me, reaching down with one hand to help me up. When I stood again, biting back a groan at the way my head and face pounded as one, to the rhythm of my heart, Torch dragged a hand over his shaved head and sighed.
“Can’t forgive ya. I tried, I really did, but when I look at you, I can still feel the knife in my back, just like I hope you will now. I won’t be back, but I won’t stand in your way either.” He turned to look at Soph, as I felt my fucking soul dying inside me. I never expected forgiveness, but I hoped we’d have a chance to try and be civil again at least. I missed the fucker more than he’d ever know.
“Good luck, love. I really hope you get to see what I once saw, but there’s always a way out if you need it. Any one of us can make that happen.”
He didn’t even look at me again as he grabbed Grace’s hand, and headed for the rest of the crew.
“Harley saw the cops off for you earlier, but I’m sure that’s not the last you’ll see of them. Hang onto that one, he’s a keeper. Grease is on his way back in, having stopped to see Rossi, so try to keep him out of trouble too.”
I nodded at Reacher as he rattled off his orders, and Soph stood beside me, wringing her hands together again. I caught them, and tucked one firmly in mine, so she’d stop hurting herself.
“Gotcha, Pres. Thanks for stopping by.”
“Don’t be a snarky prick. This had to happen, and I can’t guarantee there won’t be more retribution from individuals you fucked with, but I know that keeping you here, where I can monitor you, is the best option for now. Lissa’s going to start her video calls with you tomorrow at three, and you’ll make sure you don’t miss a single fucking one, or that’s a strike against you. FYI, you only get one.”
“Do you have to be so unreasonable? He’s doing everything you’re demanding of him!” Soph snapped at Reacher, trying to pull free of me to approach him, but I tugged her back.
“It’s okay, babe. This is just how it works. This is what I deserve for the shit I did. It’s all good. I’ve got this, Pres, I won’t let you down. Just give me a few days to get shit sorted, please.”