20 #2
I didn’t let her, instead pulling it closer and kissing her palm. “They’re both very handsome and I’m sure treated you much better. I’m glad you got to experience that.”
“That’s not what I expected,” she murmured, intently watching what I was doing with her hand.
“Well, my answer has changed since learning that,” I admitted honestly. “I’ve been with a lot of women in…” I swallowed an emotion I shouldn’t have felt when she started chuffing. “I didn’t say that to make you jealous, but I like that you are.”
I kissed her hand again when she tried to pull it away, moving her closer to me.
“How many is a lot?” she bit out.
“None since I met you, and that’s all that should matter, baby girl,” I whispered, hoping she felt the same.
She didn’t seem to know how to reply, so I moved on.
“I can take a lot as long as I know you’ll come back even if you don’t come find me.
I can carry the burden and help you with the load—hold us together while you hurt.
“It’s the feeling like you’re slipping away that makes me spiral.
One moment it’s like we’re okay and we’re being cute with the flowers and roses in the tub—even the first flowers when your dress fell apart in the foyer…
But then it’s like the door is slammed in my face again and I have no idea what I did and I can’t—that’s when going to Thorn breaks me.
“That’s when I get overbearing and too much.
” I leaned my forehead to hers. “I’m a rock dragon, Sagan.
I like to be the steady one and what you need.
You’re fire and passion and the chaos because you have a huge role from the gods, but I’m stability.
I’m the port in the storm, and I just need to know you see me that way, not drifting out at sea anymore. ”
“That’s really hard to do from the start.”
“Normally it’s not, but nothing about any of this is normal,” I hurried on when she flinched. “But that’s not our fault. It’s not.”
She leaned away. “But it’s my fault for not communicating with you better?”
“And mine too,” I accepted. “If we had normal, and I just could ask you out, this wouldn’t be this way.
We won’t be that way, so we’re going to have to skip some steps.
That’s what I’ve been trying to say, but I’m a stupid man.
We’re skipping some steps of intimacy basically since we’re living together even if I’m not your boyfriend. Nothing will be normal.”
That was finally the right thing to say for her to hear what I’d been trying to explain to her. “I’ll try.”
“Okay.” I kissed her nose. “Then no more trying to cut me loose to save me. I know what I’m signing up for and I can walk away if I need to. The guilt will never be yours.”
She looked haunted. “You don’t know what you’re signing up for. That’s what I’m telling you. You have no idea.”
I cupped her face. “Neither do you. That’s how every relationship goes, no matter who we are. We figure it out and we sign up for that.”
Sagan swallowed loudly and then licked her plump lips. “But they will eventually tell you things and I maybe never can.”
That was something difficult to stomach, but I still nodded, knowing part of it was the trauma she’d suffered—been suffering. “I trust you. If you hide something from me, then it’s needed, not lying or to hurt me.”
Nothing shocked me more than her climbing on my lap and kissing me deeply. That faith was what she’d needed maybe more than anything.
And it was absolutely something I could give her if it gave me a chance to be with the woman I knew was supposed to be my future.
She quickly pulled away. “I can’t wake up in your arms. Not right now.”
“What? Wait—what?” The words didn’t make sense. “Why not? What did I do?” I had to press down some serious rage when she flinched.
I didn’t do anything, but someone had.
“Who?” I asked, needing her to say it.
She looked away. “You can’t think Joris would ever be mean and hurt me, right?”
It was honestly so adorable that she didn’t want to snitch but also wanted to make sure I didn’t jump to conclusions and pound the wrong guy.
I ran my nose along her cheek. “I won’t kill him, but please tell me.
” I hurried on when she flinched again. “Not to gossip, but so I don’t make things worse for you.
This is what I mean by talking to me. You are too… ”
She sighed and pushed her hair over her shoulder. “I’d be devastated if he was talking about private things. It just always seems so over the line. I’m not trying to punish you, but I would never tell anyone what you tell me.”
“And I adore that about you, but he hurt you. That means he loses that privilege of your confidentiality so those close to you don’t hurt more, baby girl. That’s the line. That’s what’s healthy when you let people in.”
“I don’t know what’s healthy or how to let people in,” she whispered, sounding heartbroken.
“I’m not the best at it either, but I know enough, and the rest we can figure out together.” That was the right thing to say because she kissed me and told me what happened.
And then I experienced what true paradise was, making love to the woman I knew would be my mate. I knew it like I knew my own name. It was perfect—she was perfect and how she reacted to a few hiccups even.
No one could ever catch my eye after her, and even if I had to walk through all the fires she would make to protect herself, I knew she would be worth it. Our life together would be worth it even if she had forty mates.
I really hoped she didn’t have forty mates… And I could start sleeping over because I wanted nothing more than for her to wake in my arms.
She tried to act like nothing was different the next morning during the run, but I could see it was for her too. Everyone else simply knew something was going on with her because none of us could keep up with how fast she was jogging.
“Okay, I can’t,” Ayao groaned and slowed down. “Fucking machine. I’m pathetic.”
One by one we dropped off, and it didn’t take long. We were past the point of most trying to save our egos about how we were bigger and carried more weight and that was harder to run with.
Especially when one of the recent ancients Belinda had brought in was maybe one of the largest, widest dragons I’d ever seen and was the only one who could run with Sagan until she sprinted for real.
When we tapped out, we went to the training area and jumped into what was next, breaking off into our normal cliques.
“Thank you for taking over the scholarship program and getting the rest of everything finalized,” Velle said quietly as I stretched with her, Myriam, and Princess Treena. “I really was doing my best. It’s just not something I was familiar with.”
“People were intentionally fucking you, Velle. I’m sorry my species is so blind to the lies they’ve been fed and saw only you’re a smaller flying beast instead of what you were doing for our people,” I said gently.
She looked away and let out a shaky breath, clearly needing to hear someone say that or acknowledge that things had been rough for her. I gave Myriam and Treena looks that I wasn’t kidding and they both nodded, looking ashamed almost.