20
Onyx
“I asked you not to,” she breathed and then broke right in front of my eyes. She silently sobbed like she’d been trained not to even make noise when she cried, just her shoulders shaking as tears came.
I reached for her, but then she made a noise and begged me not to touch her, that she wasn’t in control when so upset and she couldn’t hurt anyone again. That she couldn’t be the monster they accused her of, and if I didn’t believe her, just ask Benson because she’d almost killed him as a child.
But he was older than her. He was at least my age.
“When she was a child, idiot,” my dragon drawled in my mind. “Your need for answers and to solve the puzzle as a professor will cost us our mate and I will never forgive you.”
I mentally winced, realizing my dragon was right. I hadn’t meant to do that but… Really, I had. More it was that I’d figured it out and I couldn’t keep it from her that I had. It felt like lying.
In a way?
I ignored her warning, picking her up and carrying her over to the sofa and sitting down with her on my lap. I kissed her hair and held her tightly, promising that I thought she was worth so much more than her shitty parents. That they didn’t deserve to be her parents and Rhys was just jealous.
That got a reaction from her which surprised me. She slowly quieted and raised her head. “Do you believe that? Really?”
I blinked at her. “Yes. Oh, baby girl, yes. If you never hear me on anything else, yes. Your father was the most—no one could be better than him, and I—he was jealous of me and that was why we never met probably. I came…”
She sat up. “Tell me. Please? Fraser said that was probably it too, but I never—there are so many lies and I just don’t know what to believe anymore. And now people will forever be so careful about what they say to me because they’re gone.”
I opened my mouth to tell her, but there was a knock at the door.
I gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll get dinner and handle everything.
I’ll tell you as we eat.” I smiled at Pearl when I opened the door, ignoring the worried look and then warning one like she might strip me of my balls if I hurt Sagan.
“She just went to the bathroom and to change into relaxing clothes.”
“Good, she’s had a really rough day.” She cleared her throat and looked past me again. “Don’t read it.” Then she handed me a note for Sagan. “This should help.”
I nodded, knowing full well it was a test but also wondering who would send a note to Sagan instead of just texting her.
I thanked her and brought the cart inside, smiling when Sagan was wearing a lounge set with cute little frogs on it.
She was clearly worried about me seeing her in something so adorable and that shyness made me want her even more.
“I will always pass the tests and never read your notes,” I told her as I handed it over.
She frowned and took it as she sat at the breakfast nook. She snickered. “Not a test. Yolanda doesn’t like having the trail of texts for certain things and already knows she can trust Pearl with anything.”
“Fine, Pearl tested me.”
She seemed to accept that and burned the note to nothing before unloading the cart with me.
She was trying to not make it a big thing, but I could see the trust she was offering me.
“She confirmed that Raquel’s flight landed at Treena’s home and she would keep in contact with her, so I don’t have to. ”
“I’m glad.” I went over to her kitchenette and got any condiments we might need. “I’m glad someone else came in who so clearly has your back and an outside opinion so people can finally start seeing that they’re being ridiculous.”
“Yes, because gods forbid they ever listen or believe me,” she whispered, sounding heartbroken at that.
She seemed happy with the hearty stew we had and all of the sides.
It was only the first week of October, but living on the ocean the nights turned cold fast and Thovudin was known for a wide range of stews.
Which apparently Sagan found bland. She sighed and went to the kitchenette, grabbing several things before coming back to the table. She put in a dash of this and a shake of a few things before mixing it up and tasting it. Then she was happy.
“Okay, you can’t leave me hanging after you’ve already changed my culinary life,” I grumbled and pushed my large bowl towards her.
She bit back a smile and fixed mine the same before giving it back and waiting for my reaction.
“It’s excellent,” I said, completely gobsmacked. “Seriously, you had to have been a chef in another life. I can’t even—it’s worlds better.” I looked at what she’d used while she laughed. “You didn’t even use salt. I don’t understand.”
She stopped laughing and shot me a worried look before focusing on my bowl. “So you’ll support me when I push the idea of having visiting chefs who work here?”
“Yes.” I nodded when her eyes flashed shock. “I’ll support whatever you want, Sagan. Always as long as it doesn’t hurt you.”
She lost her amusement. “Doing what’s right hurts me all the time and we both know it.” She hurried on when I was going to argue the point. “You were going to tell me something?”
“Tell me first?” I hedged, wanting the idea. I was thrilled when she did.
She basically wanted the castle’s chefs to be cross-trained and ready for state dinners and all cultures. Instead of always acting like Thovudin was the center of the fucking world, that even the staff who worked for the ruler had some better understanding of the people who would visit.
It was how it worked in other countries after all. She said that so easily that I felt pretty ignorant and I really wasn’t. I just wasn’t as worldly as I’d thought and I wanted to fix that.
I wanted to fix it and be worthy of her.
“First, I love the idea and think that would make the staff closer to being worthy of serving such an impressive ruler,” I said honestly before serving us both another bowl and asking she fix it again. Then I let out a slow breath. “I was stronger than your father.”
She dropped her spoon, it clanking loudly against the bowl and then on the table. “I feel like we’ve switched places.”
It took me a moment to understand what she meant and I snorted. She was referring to when I had trouble believing what she told me about Hanna. Sagan knew I wasn’t lying, but she couldn’t see it.
“I beat him in sparring when I had just finished school. My father was furious I’d volunteered, probably knowing the outcome, but I was a cocky shit—hurt how they were treating me and I needed to know.
Rhys was dismissive and—not like how you fight.
You know you’re good, but you’re never stupid and dismissive. Never.”
“Everyone always underestimates me and it’s their biggest mistake. It’s one I don’t make.” She snorted and picked up her spoon and wiped it off. “I make enough others.”
“We all do. I did that day, showing my full strength.” I cleared my throat.
“I’m not going to lie. Your—Rhys could probably have taken me if he trained, but he reminded me a bit of Kole.
He was entitled and deluded at times—the best because of how he saw things and lazy.
He relied on the royal bloodline instead of working like he should. That was…”
“What?” she pushed.
I let out a slow breath. “I’m not really sure if I’m right, but the pieces fit. Father said something once about Rhys’s arrogance making your grandfather worried he would be easy to manipulate and Father agreed, having seen it now. I think he was referring to the elders.”
She nodded and seemed to process all of that as we finished eating. “Did you kick his ass?”
I snorted, at her question and at the idea. “No, I would have been dead and banished. Everyone knew not to dare pull that shit with Rhys.”
The horrified look she gave me made me fall for her a little more. Like there was no world where she could ever consider people treating her that way and holding back to save her ego.
She couldn’t seem to shake it off until I changed the topic to what happened in court and the fallout. I’d updated her since she’d been in meetings, and I thought she’d want to know that people were on her side.
“I’m sorry about what Ayao said,” she whispered. “You’re not Kole. That wasn’t fair and I told him that he had to tell you the truth.”
It meant a lot that she was bringing that up even if she completely interrupted me and made it clear she hadn’t been listening to what I’d been saying.
We were done eating, so I moved us back to her couch but so we were facing each other this time.
After a moment, I reached behind her and took out the one clip she used to keep up her massive amounts of hair.
“You were meant to be the elegant De la Rosa queen, but this is Sagan with her hair down and a beauty like no other,” I whispered as I stared her over. I did a double take when I saw what was in her eyes. “What did I say right that you’re looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know if I can put it into words besides I feel seen,” she admitted.
I slowly nodded because that really explained enough.
“He did talk to me and that you made it clear he needed to. He said he thought he was wrong and that he said it in the moment because he was worried about you and couldn’t physically take me, but not to prove you both wrong. That was actually fair.”
“Maybe,” she whispered, sounding unsure. “No one likes being jerked around.”
“That’s not what you’re doing, and what you’ve said about our situation is fair.”
“Maybe, but it’s also why I’m so worried about what you said tonight that you can handle what’s going on now.
” She rubbed the side of her face until it was red.
I grabbed her hand and made her stop. “You’re all in and so intense and I’m never sure where I am.
And now you know that your nephew took my virginity and I’d only been with him until… ”
“Joris and Thorn,” I said quietly.
“It’s complicated,” she whispered and went to pull her hand away.