18. Raleigh
Raleigh
18
16 YEARS OLD
Irace down the sidewalk, all too aware that I’m going to be late. Tonight is a big deal. No, it’s a huge deal, and if I miss even a second of it, the boys are never going to forgive me.
Their first gig was such a success that they were invited back to play again the following week, even despite the ridiculous handmade flyers we had to make after my laptop was broken. And from there, it’s become a standing booking, but along with their standing booking comes the insane number of fans and their smartphones, each one of them uploading videos to social media which has gone crazy viral. The boys haven’t even officially put music out, and they’re already known across the country.
It’s insane. It wasn’t long until the call we had all been waiting for finally came in. A record deal. Well, almost. We hope at least. But tonight is the night. Some big scout from Louder Records is coming out to see them, and if all goes well, which I know it will, everything they’ve worked for could become a reality.
My boys are going to be rockstars.
And I’m going to fucking miss it.
Ughhhhhh. They’re going to kill me.
I’ve spent all afternoon locked in the school library working on a group project, and as much as I love to spend every waking minute slaving over a project where I seem to be the only one actually putting in any work, I couldn’t take it a second longer. Everybody was too busy flirting with each other to bother contributing to the project, leaving me to scramble to pull it all together in the hopes I’d still get out of there on time. Had I not been so anxious to get out of there, I might have even taken a moment to tell them to pull their shit together and pull their own weight, but I was on a time crunch, and wasting precious moments on their bullshit wasn’t going to cut it.
I have all of twenty minutes to get myself showered, dressed, and ready, and I’m not going to lie, I don’t think I’m capable. I’m a strict thirty-minute-shower girl. That’s my thinking time, and I don’t like to rush, but tonight is special, and I’m going to have to make an exception.
Ezra and I . . . We’re becoming something more.
Well, I suppose we’ve been something right since the start, but I’m not a kid anymore. I’m sixteen, and I’m ready to cross that line. I’m sick of having him so close and wondering what it would feel like to have him close the distance and kiss me. I want to feel his hands all over my body, his lips on my neck, and the rush when he slowly draws my panties down my thighs. I want to truly be his in every meaning of the word, and I need it to happen tonight. I can’t possibly wait another second.
Racing through my front door, I ignore my father as he takes up space in our living room, drunk as usual and not worth a moment of my time. I used to miss the old dad, the one who’d come home and joke around with us. The one who’d mess up my hair and tell me how beautiful I was. But now, I just want him gone.
Straight up, he’s an asshole and a nasty drunk. I don’t know how many times he’s called me a whore over the past few months simply for spending my time with the guys, no different to how I’ve always done. But apparently that’s a thing now.
I’ve never told the boys, Ezra and Axel especially. They’ve been butting heads with him a lot lately, and it’s not a fire I particularly want to add fuel to. But it doesn’t matter because soon enough, the boys are going to be big-time rockstars, and we’ll all be free of this place. My father will be nothing but a distant memory.
Hurrying up the stairs, I crash into the bathroom and tear my clothes off, tossing them around the room before diving into the shower and scrubbing every inch of my body. I want to be perfect for Ezra. I want him to look at me and be so overcome by raw desire that he can’t help but touch me, I want him at his knees, begging me to let him have me, and then I want—
A knock sounds at the door, breaking me out of my thoughts. “Hurry up, Turd,” Axel calls. “We’re leaving in ten. You’re gonna be late.”
Shit.
After quickly trailing the razor over my legs and everywhere else that matters, I finish in the shower and go to grab my towel before realizing it’s not there and scolding myself for not stopping to grab my clothes first.
“Crap.”
I’m not exactly a stranger to doing the quick nudie run from the bathroom, but I don’t exactly feel great about it knowing that Axel was just walking around out here. Not to mention, my father being home.
Not having the time to waste, I suck in a breath, open the door, and peek out, checking the coast is clear. Not seeing anyone, I make a break for it, racing across the hall to my room, only to hear a horrified gasp of disgust come from behind me. “What the fu—”
I slam my bedroom door, cutting off my brother’s revulsion as my face flushes with humiliation, knowing that Axel is going to hit me with all the jokes about needing to claw out his eyeballs. Now, I know I wanted one of the members of Demon’s Curse to see me naked tonight, but that was definitely not the one.
Diving through my closet, I quickly dry up and find an outfit—a mini skirt with a cute, cropped tank that shows off just enough of my waist, and I pair it with the brand-new underwear I’d gone shopping for earlier in the week, underwear I specifically picked out just for Ezra.
After getting dressed, I let my hair out, feeling the ends of my long auburn hair brush against my lower back. I tame the natural waves, adding a bit of mousse and spray to style it just the way Ezra likes it, and then to finish off, I add just a touch of makeup to accentuate everything I’ve already got.
I hear Axel passing outside my room, making his way to the stairs, and I wait a few extra seconds, not quite ready to deal with the fallout from my nudie run. Once he’s at the bottom, I open the door and make my way down to the kitchen, going the long way around to avoid my father in the living room, only as I turn the corner into the kitchen, I come face-to-face with the asshole holding a fresh beer in his hand.
“Well,” he scoffs, taking one look at me. “If it isn’t my whore of a daughter.”
I clench my jaw and keep quiet, knowing that the times I fight back usually end up worse for me.
“Cat got your tongue, princess?” he questions, stumbling closer toward me as his gaze drops down my body, lingering on my tits and waist. His tongue slips out, rolling over his bottom lip. “If you really insist on dressing like a whore, I have no problem treating you like one.”
My stomach rolls with unease, and I back up, unable to keep my mouth shut. Surely he doesn’t mean what I think he means . . .
“Mom would despise you,” I say with disgust, keeping my voice low so not to alert the boys in the garage. Their night is too big to ruin with something like this. If they heard what he had just said, tonight wouldn’t be about a record deal, it’d be about blood.
Dad lunges toward me, gripping my chin in his tight grasp. “Yeah, well what’s she going to do about it?” he demands as I feel my jaw on the brink of snapping. “The fucking bitch is dead.”
Anger booms through my system, and without a single thought, I bring my knee up in a devastating blow, slamming it right between his legs, and as he crumbles to the ground, groaning in agony, I sprint to the garage.
I throw the door open and run right into Ezra. “Woah,” he says, catching me by the shoulders. “You alright? You look—”
“Yeah,” I say, trying to shake it off as I reach back and pull the garage door closed behind me, hoping he doesn’t hear my father’s pained cries coming from the kitchen. “I thought we were late. I didn’t want to keep you waiting.”
“Yeah, I was just coming to get you,” he says before pulling back and really taking me in. His brow arches as his dark eyes deepen with hunger, and whatever fear my father had instilled in me is replaced with nothing but pure lust. “Fuck, Rae. You look good enough to eat.”
“Do I just?”
“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs, pulling me in and hooking his arm over my shoulder as he leads me out of the garage and to his car. His head tilts down, more than aware that my brother is two feet away. “Fuck the label. All I want is to concentrate on you.”
A wide grin stretches across my face as I tilt my chin up to meet his stare. “You know, I was thinking—”
“YOU!” Axel’s voice booms, the raw anger in his tone making Ezra and I spring apart from each other as though we’d just got caught with our fingers in the cookie jar. At least, that’s where I hope to catch his fingers after his gig.
My eyes widen as I whip around and take in my big brother as he lunges toward me, and I panic, trying to remember the exact words Ezra just said to me and what he might have overheard.
“What?” I rush out.
“You and I need to have a little conversation about the appropriate exit and entry strategy from the bathroom. Nudie runs were funny when you were a kid, but I don’t need to be seeing that shit now that you’re all . . . You know.”
“Now that I’m all what?” I push as a wicked grin stretches across my face, loving how awkward he is about this. “You mean now that I’m all grown up and have tits?”
“Ewwww. You’re my sister. That word isn’t supposed to come out of your mouth,” he groans as Ezra and the boys break into snickers.
“Wait. Which word?” I ask, playing dumb. “You mean tits? You know, every girl has them. They come in all shapes and sizes. Big tits. Small tits. Voluptuous, bouncy tits.”
“Oh, don’t forget the Dirty Areola tits,” Dylan adds.
“STOP. Stop,” Axel cries, bracing his hands against his ears like a child refusing to listen to his mother. “For the love of all that’s holy, please fucking stop.”
I shrug my shoulders and stride toward him, pressing up onto my tippy toes and dropping a kiss to his cheek. “Just trying to have an educational conversation with you, big brother,” I say, sugary sweet. “But if titties freak you out so much, you better not go diving between a woman’s legs. You’ll be horrified to find what they have hiding in there.”
Axel glares at me before lifting his gaze to the boys. “Can we get going before she starts drawing diagrams?”
Ezra laughs and slips his hand into mine, pulling me along. “Come on,” he says. “You’re riding with me.”
The ride to the old bar is quick, and before I know it, the boys are busy hauling drums and sound equipment out of the back of Rock’s van, and not wanting to get in the way, I make myself comfortable at the bar.
In most cases, I wouldn’t even be allowed through the door of this place, but after putting up a fight the first night, the bar staff have become more than familiar with me and allow me to chill here where they can keep an eye on me.
I don’t get a chance to speak with Ezra before they start their set, but it doesn’t matter because I know afterward, he’s going to want to celebrate, and when he does, I’ll drop it on him then. Maybe we could go somewhere private, just the two of us. A motel or down to the lake. It’s not a cold night, and with the moonlight glistening off the water, it would be beautiful. I might get a mosquito bite to the ass, but it’ll be more than worth it.
The boys are in the middle of their second song, performing for the crowded bar of screaming women, when three men in business suits stride through the door. People don’t wear business suits around here, so there’s no doubt in my mind that these are the men from the label. The chorus of “Hypothetically Yours” fills the bar, and as the men take a seat to my left, Ezra’s eyes come to mine, a silent question lingering within them, wondering if I think these are the men they’ve been waiting for.
I nod and his face lights up like Christmas morning, and when he glances to Ax and nods, they both grin like idiots.
I watch the suits as they watch the band, and there’s no denying they’re impressed with what they see. Though, how could they not be? They’re incredible, and anyone with a single brain cell would be able to see it. They’re not the run-of-the-mill garage band. They have that spark that everyone looks for, the fire and drive to go the whole way, and what’s more, the moment they finish their set, the crowd is always begging for more.
By the time they’re halfway through their setlist, there’s a line outside the door waiting to get in, and girls are pressed up against the windows, peering in for just the chance at laying their eyes on Demon’s Curse.
The bar staff looks busier than ever, and the owner comes over to me, offering me complimentary drinks and fries to keep me happy. After all, he learned quickly that as long as I was happy and allowed to sit here to watch the boys, then they’ll continue to come back.
By the time the boys are wrapping their final song, I’ve never been more excited or anxious. Don’t get me wrong, I could sit here for the rest of my life and listen to Ezra sing, and I’d be the happiest girl who ever lived, but the thought of what we’re going to do tonight has me more than ready to get out of here.
I can’t resist him another moment. I know he’s been biding his time, trying to wait until I was older and our age gap didn’t seem so daunting, but I’m sixteen now. I’m a woman, and I’m sick of just trying to tell him with words how much he means to me. I want to show him. I want to feel him, and more than that, I want him to feel me.
The adoring fans scream for the boys, and I try not to let it affect me. There’s no denying that every bone in my body was infused with copious amounts of jealousy and a sick sense of possession the day Ezra Knight came waltzing through my front door. And despite the way he keeps his dark gaze on me, I can’t help but despise the beautiful women screaming his name.
The boys leave the stage and make their way through the rowdy crowd toward me, but the three men in suits intercept them, and when they offer the band to join them at their booth, I can’t help but watch with a stupid grin as they talk and shake hands.
It seems to last forever, but when they all stand and say their goodbyes, Ezra’s gaze shoots to me, and without a damn word spoken between us, I know exactly what just went down.
The suits make their way out of the bar, and the boys desperately try to maintain their professionalism, but the second the door closes behind them, the cheering begins. Axel throws himself onto the table, roaring with excitement as Ezra races to me, scoops me off my barstool, and spins me around. The atmosphere in the bar ramps up, and suddenly all these people we don’t know are celebrating with us.
“What’d they say?” I ask as he balances me back on my feet, his hands so warm at my waist.
“They want to see us again, but it looks like they’re going to sign us,” he tells me. “They want to talk between themselves, let it sit for a few days, and then they’re going to bring us an offer.”
“Holy shit,” I breathe. “That’s amazing.”
“No, Rae,” he says, his eyes dancing with undeniable happiness. “You’re fucking amazing.”
Ezra leans down and drops his lips to mine in a swift kiss that takes me by surprise. He’s done it only a handful of times, and while every single one has been incredible and cherished dearly, they’re not the type of kisses I’ve been holding out for, and he damn well knows it.
He pulls me into him, his arms tightening around my waist as he buries his face into the curve of my neck, breathing me in as though needing just a moment to center himself. He gently kisses my neck, and even over the sound of the busy bar, I hear his words clear as day. “I love you, Rae.”
“I know,” I murmur, pushing up onto my toes, needing to get even closer.
Slipping his hand into mine, Ezra drags me back over to the guys, and I cling to his side for the next hour as we celebrate their massive win.
Then before I know it, the bar starts clearing out, and the guys make their way over to the stage. They begin pulling everything apart as I try my best to be helpful, but aside from carrying the small things out to the van, that’s about as much help as I can be. Even after years of being involved with the band, I still can’t work out how a drum set is supposed to go together.
I stand out back with the boys as Ezra and Rock load the last of the drum set into the van, and as I watch him, that strange feeling of excitement and anxiousness increases, only now it’s definitely tipping toward the anxious side.
This is it. He’s about to say goodbye to the guys, hook his arm over my shoulder, and take me back to his car, and it’s there I’ll suggest we go somewhere private.
I love gig nights. We always get to hang out afterward. Sometimes we go to parties or the lake while the guys throw back a few drinks, and other times we chill in my room, just the two of us. But tonight, it’s all going to change.
Tonight, I’m truly going to make him mine.
I’m done waiting, and I think he knows. Besides, when you’re this in love with someone, why should you be made to wait? Why should he have to hold back all the time when we both know how right it really is?
The sliding van door closes, and I stand up a little taller, watching the guys pile into the old van. Ezra turns and flashes a brilliant smile, and as butterflies explode in my stomach, he makes his way over to me. His arm raises, and I prepare myself for how it will drop over my shoulder, only it falls lower, hooking around my waist and pulling me against him instead.
He doesn’t try to walk back to his car. We just stand there in the middle of the bar’s loading area. “Sooo,” he starts, his tone laced with hesitation as he drops a kiss to my temple. “The guys kinda wanna go to this dive bar across town to keep celebrating. Apparently, there are some girls there that Rock knows, and he’s been wanting to meet up with them.”
“Oh,” I say, pulling out of his arms and feeling all of my hopes for tonight catch fire and burn to ashes at my feet. I try to force a smile across my face, not wanting him to feel guilted to spend the night with me if he’d rather celebrate with the guys, something he should absolutely do. But his tone is clear, it’s not something I’ll be invited to. I’m too young, and unlike these guys who can somehow walk into any bar or club without even a hint of being asked for ID, I don’t seem to have the same advantages. “You wanna go?”
“Yeah, I mean, nights like this don’t just happen every day.”
“Okay yeah, I’m kinda tired anyway,” I tell him, struggling to hold the smile on my face as I feel my eyes beginning to prick with tears.
“Alright, cool,” he says, digging his hand into his pocket and grabbing his car keys. He hands them to me with a stupid wink that almost has me wanting to forgive him. “Don’t wreck her.”
My brow arches as I stare at the keys in my hand. He knows damn well I’m not supposed to drive without a supervising adult yet. After all, he and Axel are the ones who’ve been teaching me, but I suppose Ezra’s never really been the type to follow the rules. I mean, falling in love with his best friend’s little sister and writing songs about all the things he wants to do to her is definitely breaking a few. “And if I get pulled over?”
Ezra grins as he starts walking backward to the van. “Then drive it like you stole it, baby.”
And with that, he disappears into the back of the van, but before I can even say goodbye, Rock hits the gas, taking off like a bat out of hell and leaving me alone in the empty loading area, desperately wishing for the millionth time that things could have been different.
Then because going home to spend the night alone in my house with my father is no longer an option, I slide into Ezra’s car and take off, not stopping until I pull up at the secluded lake where I pictured us spending the night together. As the moonlight glimmers against the still water, I allow the tears to roll down my face, hating the way my heart shatters.