28. Raleigh
Raleigh
28
Soft strumming of an acoustic guitar fills the night, and I open my eyes to Ezra’s bedroom, the clock on the wall telling me it’s only three in the morning. I peer down the bed, following the soft music to find him sitting on the ground at the end of the bed, just like he always used to do.
He stops playing to jot something down in a notepad, and a smile pulls at my lips. He’s writing.
Pride fills my chest. Dylan mentioned one night while on tour that Ezra hadn’t written over the past two years. He couldn’t find his muse, but now that I’m back in his life, the words are flowing once again.
I can’t help but wonder what he’s writing about. I’m sure he has a lot on his mind. It was an emotionally draining night. Telling him about my awful years without him only to flip the switch and have him tell me about Axel’s death.
It was a lot to take in, but it was necessary, and now I feel like for the first time in eight long years, we’re finally on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, processing everything that we talked about is going to take a while. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see Axel’s death from Ezra’s point of view. To me, I will always hold a level of responsibility, and I think it could take me years before I’m finally at a place of acceptance, but until then, I’ll have Ezra by my side, guiding me through the darkness.
The weight of my father’s abuse still lingers on my shoulders, but after finally letting it out, I feel lighter. I feel as though I have a new purpose. A fire has been lit inside of me, and there’s no longer a cold darkness that puts it out. I’m finally able to breathe, and it has everything to do with the man at the foot of the bed.
He held me all night, right through all the pain until the exhaustion claimed me, and I slept right there in his arms, in a bed I never thought I’d find myself in. You know, apart from the day I hid out in here, but that doesn’t count. He’s incredible, still the amazing man I always knew him to be, and I hate that we missed all that time together.
Ezra drops his pen back to the notepad, and I push up onto my elbow, watching him strum his guitar. I’ve never been able to wrap my head around his level of skill with that guitar. It’s amazing. Both he and Axel were given a gift that so many others could only dream of achieving. It’s inspiring. I’ve seen random YouTube videos where people try to break down their technique in the hopes of being half as good, but the boys are on a different level. Nobody could ever touch them.
Ezra closes his eyes as he plays a beautiful melody, and I can’t help but pull the blankets back and climb out of bed. My feet hit the ground, and I slowly pad around the edge of the bed, watching as he opens his eyes and lifts his gaze to me. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmurs.
I step into him, and as he puts his guitar aside, I slowly lower myself onto his lap, my knees on either side of his strong thighs. “You good?” he questions, brushing my hair off my face as those dark, dreamy eyes linger on mine.
My fingers linger on his chest, slowly trailing down to his waist before curling around the hem of his shirt and slowly dragging it up his toned body. He allows me to pull it over his head, and I toss it aside before leaning in and capturing his warm lips in mine.
His hands fall to my waist as mine curl around the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his thick hair as he slowly kisses me back.
My heart races, and something feels so different about this. It’s sensual, exactly what I’ve always craved from him, and I need it to last a lifetime, even if all we do is this.
His hands roam over my body before falling to the hem of the Demon’s Curse shirt I wore to bed. He pulls it up over my head, tossing it aside to join his discarded shirt beside us, and as his fingers brush over my body, goosebumps appear like a map, pointing out everywhere he’s touched me.
A shiver trails down my spine, and as I gaze at him, I can’t wait another second to speak the words I’ve always needed to say. “I love you, Ezra,” I whisper into the silence of the night as the moonlight dances across the room. “I think I might have yelled it at you a few times, but I mean it. I never stopped.”
His hand curls around the back of my neck, his thumb stretching toward my chin. “I know, Rae. I feel it every time you look at me. Every time you’re in the same room as me. Every time you say my name, it’s there. You don’t need to tell me, not when everything you are is so tightly bound to me. I’m not letting you go, Rae. You’re home now.”
Ezra pulls me back in, kissing me deeply while taking his time, every brush of his fingertips setting my skin on fire. He lowers his lips to my neck as his fingers skim across my thighs. Hunger burns through me, but I take my time, needing this to last the whole damn night.
A soft moan rumbles through my chest as his lips dance across my neck, teasing the sensitive skin below my ear, each swipe of his tongue sending an electric pulse right to my core. I tilt my head, giving him space to work as my hands roam over his strong chest.
My pussy clenches, and I reach down between us, freeing his cock from his pants and slowly wrapping my hand around his hardness. I pump my fist up and down, letting my thumb roll over his pierced tip and loving the way he shudders beneath me.
It’s not rushed and desperate like in the pool or backstage in Madrid. It’s just me and Ezra, the way it should have always been when we were younger. It’s exactly what I’ve always needed from him, and he’s giving it to me just right.
He reaches around me, his hand slipping down over my ass, and I groan as his muscles flinch, realizing he’s just torn my panties right off my body, but I don’t have a moment to linger on it when his fingers disappear between my legs.
His thumb rolls over my clit, making my hips jolt with need, and as his fingers continue south, my eyes roll languidly. He pushes one inside of me as I slowly continue pumping my fist up and down his impressive length.
“Ezra,” I breathe, my chest rising and falling rapidly as his lips work across the base of my throat, the intense pleasure already too much for me to handle.
“I’ve got you, Rae,” he vows just as he adds a second finger.
I gasp before grinding down on his hand, taking his fingers deeper, and when he curls them inside of me and slowly massages my walls, passing over my G-spot, I tremble. “Right there,” I groan, tipping my head back again.
He does it again and again, and I tighten my grip on his thick, veiny cock, feeling the bead of moisture at his pierced tip. I need him inside of me, I need to feel the way he stretches me, and then just when I have him right where I want him, I’ll ride him until we’re both losing our minds.
“Ez—”
“Patience, my sweet girl,” he rumbles as his fingers split inside of me, making my head fall back.
“Oh God.”
“You like that, baby?”
“Mmmmm,” I groan, riding his fingers as his thumb becomes the unofficial VIP of the party, working my clit just right.
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need you inside me,” I pant, almost sure I’m begging. “I need to slide down on your thick cock and ride you. I want to feel the way my pussy stretches around you, and I need your lips on mine when you do it.”
His arm tightens around my waist, and without skipping a beat, he lines himself up with my entrance. As I slowly sink down over him, his lips come to mine, kissing me deeply. Tears sting my eyes as the closeness somehow sews the shattered remains of my heart back together, breathing oxygen into the dark depth of my tortured soul, and filling me with the kind of light I’ve been searching for since the day he left. With every kiss and caress, he makes me whole again.
“God, Rae,” he groans against my lips, and as I slowly begin to rock my hips while moving up and down his impressive length, we both suck in a desperate gasp.
His fingers twine through mine, and I hold them with everything I have as he slowly puts me back together. He doesn’t stop kissing me, even when I taste my tears on my tongue, even when the intensity becomes too much I can barely breathe.
My hips jolt, riding him the way I should have always been able to, and as his lips drop to my neck, I throw my head back. My orgasm crashes through me, and I come hard on his cock.
My pussy spasms around him, wildly convulsing as the pleasure rocks through my body, taking me to new heights. Ezra comes with me, holding me tight and grunting as he finishes, but I don’t stop moving, slowly rocking my hips and grinding against him as I take what I need.
It’s too much.
Too intense.
How did I never know it could be like this?
Ezra catches my lips in his, and as I ride out the rest of my high, he kisses me deeply until we crash against the ground, barely missing his acoustic guitar.
He holds me tight as we come down from our high, and not a moment later, he reaches up to the bed and pulls the blanket off, covering us from head to toe.
I stare up at the ceiling as I catch my breath, living in a world of pure elation, never so happy in my life. “Holy shit,” I breathe as my fingers dance across his chest. I lay tucked into his side on the floor, bathing in the soft moonlight that shines through the window. “This is how it should have always been,” I tell him as the raw emotions of finally getting to be close to him in this way begin to overwhelm me. “That’s how I always pictured our first time.”
“Yeah?” he questions, his voice like a deep rumble that speaks directly to my soul.
A stupid smile pulls across my lips. “Mm-hmm. Isn’t that what you thought? That there would be some big special moment? Don’t get me wrong, the pool in Paris and backstage in Madrid were amazing, but this was different.”
Ezra drops a kiss to my temple as his hand snakes down my body to grab my ass. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Rae, but I have gone to great lengths not to picture how good we’d be together. You were such a temptation. You have no idea how many times I almost snapped and did something you were too young to have any business doing.”
I scoff and push up onto my elbow to meet those dark eyes. “And to think I was going out of my way to try and seduce you. It was driving me insane that you wouldn’t make a move. I wanted it so badly. Just one touch. I would have settled for a simple boob graze by the end, but you were always so careful. I was starting to wonder if you were even sexually attracted to me at all.”
His head snaps toward mine. “The fuck?”
I give him a blank stare. Surely he knows what I’m talking about. “You’re kidding me, right? You didn’t even notice?”
“Oh, I noticed, but I thought I was imagining it,” he tells me. “When I was eighteen and nineteen, all I could think about was touching you. It drove me wild with need. The need to taste you . . . fuck, Rae. I had to pull away because I didn’t want to do something you weren’t ready for.”
“You’re an idiot. I was so ready for it. I was practically begging you for it,” I tell him. “I don’t know how many different ways I could say, ‘Ezra, I need you to put a dick in me.’ It was getting exhausting.”
He gapes at me as though suddenly going over every moment we’ve ever spent together, trying to see it through my eyes. “You’re lying.”
“Nope.”
“Did you say it in those exact words? You know, sometimes men can’t take hints.”
“Did I scream at you to shove your giant dick in me? No,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I didn’t want to seem desperate. But I laid down those hints all over the place. You were just too blind to see what was right in front of your eyes. I mean, shit. How many times does a girl have to press up against you before you shove your tongue down her throat?”
“Bullshit.”
I shake my head and settle back into his side, a stupid smile across my face. “You know the night that Lenny and those execs came to see you in that old bar?” He nods and I go on. “I had this grand plan. That was going to be the night we finally had sex.”
“No,” he says, now the one pushing up on his elbow to meet my stare. He shakes his head, clearly remembering that night very differently. “I went out to some bullshit club.”
“Yeah,” I scoff. “I’m more than aware, but remember before that? You and I were supposed to spend the night together? But then your stupid ass bailed and broke my horny little heart, and instead of coming to the lake with me and spending the night buried deep inside of me, you chose to fuck around with the boys.”
He collapses back to the ground, his hands dragging down his face. “Fuck, Rae. I had no idea,” he says. “Ax said something in the car about you looking upset, but I thought he was talking shit, and by the time we got home, you weren’t there. We had to call you and then you came.”
I nod. “Right before that gig, that was the night my father first tried to touch me. I’d dropped him with a knee to the balls and didn’t want to go home, so I slept in your car at the lake until I knew it was safe to come home.”
He lets out a heavy breath, finally understanding why I did all the things I did back then. “Fuck.”
“Yeah,” I say, mimicking his heavy tone. “I threw you so many curveballs, and you managed to dodge every single one of those little bastards, choosing to believe I was some innocent, naive little girl when all I wanted was to know what it was like to be yours.”
“You were always mine, Rae.”
“You know what I mean,” I tell him. “I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to be my first.”
A heaviness comes over us, and he pulls me back into his arms. “I know,” he says. “I wanted that too. I wanted to be every first you ever had.”
I shrug my shoulder. “I mean, I suppose there’s a lot of things I’m experiencing with you for the first time,” I tell him. “I’ve never come during sex until you. Never been able to take control. Never actually enjoyed it.”
“What do you mean?” he questions. “You haven’t enjoyed sex until now?”
I shake my head. “After everything my father put me through, I wasn’t exactly willing to put myself out there. I’ve pretty much avoided men. You’re the only one I’ve allowed to touch me.”
Ezra rolls on top of me, bracing himself on his elbows to keep from crushing me, and I can’t help but twist my legs around his. “I am?” he asks, a strange joyfulness flashing in his eyes.
“Yeah,” I say with a dorky smile. “It’s only ever been you.”
He dips his head and kisses me before abruptly pulling back. “Wait. In the pool—”
“I suppose, I’m kinda counting that as my first time. My first real time. It’s the only one that counts.”
“But wait,” he says, rolling right off me and sitting up, horror darkening his stare. “Fuck. If I’d known, I would have done it differently. It was so rushed and desperate. I could have made it special or—”
“Stop,” I laugh, reaching for him and pulling him back to me. “It was special. It was everything we both needed in that moment, and let’s be honest, that night was a little . . . wild. Apart from crazy, desperate sex, we weren’t going to be able to manage much else. We had to get through that to be able to get here. I wasn’t in the right headspace for this.”
He fixes me with a hard stare before settling back over me, his lips casually dropping to mine. “I wanna make this right, Rae. How do I fix us?”
A stupid grin pulls at my lips. “Well, for starters,” I say as my fingers brush over his chest and up around the back of his neck. “You can stop writing songs like ‘Cold Hearted Bitch.’ ”
Guilt flashes in his eyes. “Yeah, that wasn’t exactly my brightest moment,” he admits. “I never should have written it.”
“No, it’s fine,” I say, reluctantly. “You wrote what you were feeling in a dark time of your life, and I get that. There were a lot of shitty things that went through my head too. Granted, I didn’t write them down and encourage the whole world to sing along.”
Ezra groans and grabs me, rolling us so that I hover over him, his hands resting at my waist. “You wanna know something I’ve never told anyone?” My brow arches with a deep suspicion and as a wide grin stretches across his face, I feel myself growing anxious to find out whatever’s on his mind. “Demon’s Curse. You remember the day we came up with the band name?”
I give him a hard stare. “You mean the day my mother died?”
He cringes. “Fuck,” he says, and it’s not as though he’d forgotten about that time in my life, but sometimes, moments from so many years ago blend together, and it can be hard to remember the exact timing of when things went down. “Sorry. That was all on the same day, huh?”
I nod. “Same day Dad started drinking.”
“Shit. I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“I know,” I say, dropping my hands to his chest and trailing my fingers over the lines of his tattoos before settling them over my favorite one—the one just for me. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t still want to know whatever you were going to say.”
Ease settles into his features, and I watch as his eyes soften. “The name Demon’s Curse. It’s about you.”
My face scrunches, and I stare at him as though he’s just lost his mind. “Huh?”
Ezra laughs and reaches up, his fingers grazing over my lips as though still unable to believe I’m right here in front of him. “Back then, in those early days before anything had really started between us, I was trying to keep you at arm’s length, and it was torture. Not getting to make you mine, I always likened it to some kind of curse.”
My jaw drops, and I gape at him. “What? You named the band after how you felt about not being with me? There’s no way Axel would have been okay with that.”
He smirks back at me, his eyes dancing with silent laughter. “Axel never knew.”
“Oh my god,” I laugh, crashing down next to him and falling straight back into his warm arms. He holds me tight, pulling the blankets up to keep us both warm as I stare at the ceiling that somehow feels a million miles away. “You know, this house is way too big for just one person. You realize this, right? Nobody needs a house this big.”
He laughs. “Oh, I’m more than aware,” he tells me. “But I bought it for you.”
“What?” I say, pushing up on my elbow to gape at him. “You’re insane. You bought this for me?”
“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs. “I always knew that at some point, we were going to find our way back together. It was inevitable, and when that happened, I wanted to be able to give you the world, Rae. We’d already lost so much time, and when I found you again, I didn’t want to have to wait. That’s why I bought just down the road from your brother. I thought you’d be happy to be closer to him, and I know it doesn’t get to be that way now, but that’s what I was thinking at the time.”
My gaze lingers on his as my heart swells inside my chest. “You really did this for me?”
He nods, and I lean in, brushing my lips over his. “It’s always been you, Rae. You’ve been my endgame from day one, and I’m done waiting for something we both know we want. I’m not waiting for a hypothetical anything anymore. I’m yours. Every fucking part of me. I’ve always been yours.”
Tears well in my eyes, and I crash into him, my lips fusing with his like they were always meant to be. “I’m not going anywhere, Rae,” he tells me between kisses, his words making every part of my being reignite with life. “It’s you and me.”
His arms cage around me, rolling us until he hovers over me, and as I feel him harden, I lock my legs around him, welcoming him in. He pushes inside of me, and as his lips work over mine and he brushes the tears off my face, I’m filled with the most undeniable love, and I know that from this moment on, we no longer have to fight what was always meant to be.
I’m his and he’s mine. There’s no more hypothetical about it.