Midsummer

10. Lex

Four years was a long time to pine for someone, to watch as they laughed and preened with the wrong person.

I couldn’t explain the way I felt about Carter, even as I continued to love Miri as fiercely as I ever had. Once he and Ivy went exclusive, whatever happened between us in London had to stay in London. Perhaps that made it easier for me to be friends with him. It certainly made it easier to be around him every morning, when he’d stumble out of his room with that sleepy, rumpled look on his face, wearing only his boxers, and I would smell her.

Vanilla. Sugar. Girl. Ivy. The mixture of their scents did something to me I was deeply ashamed to admit, so I kept it to myself. Did he think about what happened in London? Did he reimagine it over and over the way I did?

For four years, I watched them get closer. I watched him light up her world the same way I once longed for him to brighten mine. I watched her meet his enthusiasm for the stage with equal intensity, her performance anxiety dissipating the minute he grabbed her hand. They loved each other, truly and always. That much was apparent to anyone who spent time around them.

Four years was also a long time to date the same person. Especially someone who swore at the beginning they got tired of people after a few months, someone who craved freedom like everyone else craved air. Miri and I made it through to senior year. It wasn’t easy. We were broken up almost as much as we were together. She didn’t want to do monogamy, especially when she was in the UK and I was in the States. Her gran would never allow a public relationship between us, and now that things had taken a huge fucking plot twist with Ivy, that might have been for the best.

By the time my parents told me their plans, I had almost forgotten who and what the fuck I was: Alexei Fairfax, great-great-grandson of Tsarina Anastasia Romanov, son of a grand duchess of Russia, son of a former vice president, son of a future president, likely a future president himself. If I went to law school and married Ivy. If I followed the track my father outlined for me. I protested. I swear I did. I fought it as hard and as long as I could.

And I lost.

I hated keeping the secret from Miri. The entire flight to Ireland, it weighed like a boulder on my chest, and every time she opened her phone, I winced, thinking our parents might have jumped the gun and announced the engagement early. I should have fucking told her. Ivy and I should have told them together, but we didn’t. We let it fester between us until it was an itchy, putrid thing that needed to be lanced. I believed Ivy when she said she’d find a way out of it, some loophole or desperate measure that would ensure our freedom, but I’d been searching for weeks and hadn’t turned anything up.

They controlled our money, and if wanted to have any chance at our inheritance, we had to fall in line.

“Are you sure you’re all right, darling?” Miri wrapped her arms around my bicep and leaned her head on my shoulder. I unclenched my jaw and forced a smile.

“Yes, of course. Just jet-lagged.” I could only use that excuse for so long. Ignoring the hundredth call from my mother, I turned my phone off and tucked it in my back pocket, resolving not to look at it until the trip was over. I couldn’t face her, not yet.

She owed me a hell of an apology, and the only thing I’d get from her were excuses. She made a promise, and she broke it. End of story. Not that I cared anyway. I had more important shit to deal with, like how to tell my lover I had to marry her best friend or how to tell my best friend I had to marry his girlfriend.

But it’s okay, I’d say. We can still keep fucking whoever we want.

Jesus fucking Christ.

We were on the bus, driving down some back-country road in the middle of Nowhere, Northern Ireland. Carter and Ivy slept in the seats across the aisle from Miri and me, Ivy’s head on his shoulder and his Bears hat over his eyes. I licked my lips and bounced my knee, every molecule in my body itching for nicotine. The urge to smoke thrummed through me, and if we’d arranged our own escort like I’d wanted, I would have devoured an entire carton by now.

But no, we needed to blend in, appear normal, and Ivy wanted to spend every moment she could with Carter. Not that I blamed her. I wanted to spend every moment I could with Carter, too.

“Talk to me,” Miri whispered. “You’ve been on edge since that brunch with your parents.”

“It’s nothing.” I rubbed my fingers over my eyes again just to give them something to do. “I just need a cigarette.”

After driving for fucking eons through the woods, the bus finally stopped outside a Gothic monstrosity. I’d been looking at trees for so long I assumed the driver planned to kill us where no one would find us. Then Killwater College loomed out of the fog like a villain from a fairy tale, reminding me of the college from every secret society movie ever made. Turrets and gargoyles gave it that dark academia vibe that made it seem ancient and mysterious.

I was the first one out of my seat and down the aisle, clawing at my smokes with shaking hands as I climbed off the bus. God bless that first inhale. It made my knees weak.

“You should really quit that, DC,” Carter said, climbing down the stairs. He had his hat on backward, dirty-blond hair sticking out the front of it. “It’ll kill you one day.”

“Are you my mother now, Chicago?” I asked. Miri and Ivy followed behind him, yawning and stretching and hugging each other.

“If I were your mother,” Carter murmured, “I’d put you over my knee and belt you until you swore never to touch them again.”

“Oh, baby,” I teased. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

Carter’s dimpled grin made adoration swell in my gut, a warm mushy feeling I quickly ignored. He meant nothing by it. It was just Carter being Carter.

“All right,” Stephens said. He was the director of the theater project this year and the staff sponsor of the trip. If one of us fucked up, his ass was on the line. “Everyone stay here. I’ll get us our rooms. I know we’re jet-lagged, but don’t forget we have orientation tomorrow morning at eight a.m. I’ll read the cast listing right after. Don’t be late.” He turned around to walk inside.

“I still can’t believe they’re doing Romeo Juliet,”Ivy said with a groan.

Yeah, this year’s play sucked, but I’d been forced to read it a few times, so I knew most of the lines already.

“You’re just pissed because there’s only one good lead, and it’s a thirteen-year-old girl,” I teased, curling my lips into a grin.

Ivy rolled her eyes and hugged Miri harder, her head on my girlfriend’s shoulder. “I’m not going to get the lead, Lucifer.” Miri squirmed and pulled away, giggling as Ivy tickled her sides. “Princess is.”

“Stop it.” Miri laughed and wrapped her arms around Ivy’s shoulders, tugging her close again. “You have as much of a chance as I do. Your audition was fantastic, darling.”

When Stephens came out, he read through everyone’s names and their dorm assignments. Carter and I were together, and Miri and Ivy were on the same floor but at the opposite end of the hall.

Despite its looming exterior, the inside of Killwater had been kept relatively modern. I expected tapestries hanging from stone walls and wax candles dripping from the mantel. Instead, bulletin boards hung from white plaster and my shoes echoed off shiny laminate floors as we made our way down the corridor to our rooms. The entire college had that millennia-old patina that had built up in the five hundred years the college had been standing.

Sure, they’d slapped some new paint over it, but I stood in hallways that had been occupied by people longer than the US had been a country. Nothing could fake that smell. Carter opened the door to our room, and a wave of stale humidity hit me in the face.

“Jesus.” I walked through the small space to open the window on the other side.

“That’s our fucking luck, isn’t it?” Carter said with a small chuckle. “To come to the land of no AC when it’s having the worst heat wave in history?”

Too fucking true. With record highs near a hundred degrees in the day, with the nights only dropping down to the mideighties, Ireland was literally melting. These old buildings didn’t have air conditioning because it never got this hot so far north. But fucking climate change put a damper on everyone’s party.

“Can you imagine how hot it’s going to be under the spots with all that shit on our face?” I dropped my bags next to the twin-size bed against the far wall. Being up on stage and trying to keep my energy up for hours on end was exhausting enough. The spotlight eventually burned like bathing on the sun, and with the stage makeup, I’d be lucky not to have heatstroke by the end of performance week.

“Dude,” Carter said. “I’m trying not to think about it.”

I snorted a laugh as he unpacked his jeans and shoved them into the waist-high dresser next to the tiny study desk. He’d started working out recently in preparation for his move to LA, and the extra muscle suited him.

God, how many times had I done this to myself? Stared at him while he did the most mundane shit? Wanting something I’d never get?

Almost like he felt me looking at him, he stopped and glanced up, hunger and desire passing behind his eyes. I swear I saw it before he locked it down and gave me a genuine smile.

Nope. Nothing to see here.

Just two bros doing college bro shit.

“I bet you get cast as Mercutio,” he said. “You both have that devil may care thing.”

I smiled and ran my hands over my hair. “Yeah, maybe.”

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you about something,” he said. “You never told Miri about London, right? The two of us?”

“Uh…No.” I ignored the drop in my stomach from the fact that this was the first time he and I had talked about it in years. “Why?”

He shook his head and sighed. “I hate keeping secrets from Ivy. It’s become a bit of a sore spot. I need to tell her.”

Fuck.

“It’s been four years,” I said. “Aren’t you guys breaking up in three weeks, anyway?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed and hung his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Even if we agree to see other people, Ivy and I will never be over. Not really. I love her, Lex. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone. It’s fucking terrifying.”

I’d never admit to actually having a heart, but if I did, it would have shattered for him. He was in love with someone he’d never be able to have, and so was I. Weren’t we a fucking pair?

I waited to see if he’d add anything else, and when he didn’t, I rummaged through my shit, looking for nothing in particular. If I didn’t do something with my hands, I’d be tempted to twist them in his shirt and yank his lips to mine.

“You’re okay with it?” he asked, his tone hopeful and optimistic. “If I tell her?”

I swallowed, hating how dry my throat felt, despising I’d have to tell Miri, and surprisingly relishing Ivy might finally learn I’d fucked her boyfriend before she ever came into the picture, something I could have used against her but hadn’t.

“Yeah.” It was bound to come out anyway. “If you must.”

“Great.” He smiled, pinching my chest with the appearance of his dimples. “Thanks, man.” An awkward silence fell between us before he cleared his throat and asked, “How did that thing with your parents go?”

I furrowed my brows. “What thing?”

“Didn’t you have a thing with your parents before we left? Brunch or something?”

A silly proposal. The rest of my life planned out for me. Nothing worthwhile.

“Oh…Yeah…Fine.”

He looked up from his luggage, narrowing his eyes as he seemingly tried to read me and figure out my damage. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged it off. “Totally fine. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighed and shook his head. “I found out my dad got remarried a few days ago. He knocked up the nurse that saved his life in a car accident a few years ago. I’ve got a little brother I’ve never met.”

I didn’t know what to say. Carter didn’t get along with his father because they didn’t agree on Carter’s chosen career path. Because of that, he never talked about him. Carter had three younger sisters that his mother raised on her own since her sleazy ex had taken off with his mistress.

“I’m sorry, Chicago.” I took a step closer to him. “Want me to have him murdered?”

He threw his head back and barked out a deep belly guffaw before shaking his head and flashing his grin in my direction. “No. He wouldn’t be worth the hit money.”

Damn. Ice cold.

But honestly, I had the same opinion about my old man. It was probably these shared daddy issues that had driven Carter and me together in the first place. Two knocks at our door broke the camaraderie between us, and Miri poked her head in after cracking it open.

“Just wanted to see what you guys ended up with.” She took a few steps inside and spun around, taking in the meager surroundings. It was the shittiest room I’d ever stayed in, but that wasn’t the point of the intensive. We wouldn’t be in here very much.

“Wow.” Ivy came in after her and wrapped her arms around Carter’s waist to stare up at him. “Your room sucks.”

“It really does, darling.” Miri perched herself on my bed. “Our room is at least three times this size.”

“And our beds are bigger.”

Miri nodded.

Carter’s eyebrows went halfway up his forehead, and he gave her a goofy grin. “How much bigger?”

A lot, it turned out. After we went to inspect their living space, I wondered what in the hell they’d done to get such an upgrade.

“Well, I guess I know where we’re sleeping.” Carter grabbed Ivy around the waist before tumbling into her full-size mattress, pulling her down with him.

“No fucking way,” I said. “I need my beauty rest, and I’m not interested in listening to you two fuck all night. I get enough of that through the walls of our apartments.”

“Don’t be jealous, Lucifer,” Ivy said. “You’re welcome to cuddle with Carter any time you want.”

“What makes you think I don’t already?” I meant it as a joke, but Carter met my eyes, echoes from our earlier conversation behind them, and he sat up, twisting his hat around so the brim was on the front.

Well, now it’s fucking weird.

“We should all stay in here,” Miri said, draping a blouse on a hanger in the closet. “It’s our last few weeks together. It’s better when it’s the four of us. Isn’t it?” The words simply rolled off her tongue, as if summoned from somewhere deep inside her subconscious. I couldn’t argue with her logic. It did feel better. And worse. And so incredibly depraved.

My focus went to Ivy, recognizing the same signs of panic in her glare, before I resettled on Miri. “I’m sure the lovebirds want their alone time before the blond one flees the nest.”

Miri rolled her eyes. “Like we haven’t spent the last four years basically living together. I just…I want to be close to all of you, and it’ll be easier to run lines.”

“Okay, Miri.” Ivy gave me a nod. “Let’s stay in here.”

It was settled, and despite as much baggage as I had with everyone in this room, that arrangement was somehow perfect.

* * *

The next morning, we gathered around a dining table in the lounge, waiting for the mandatory orientation to start. Carter and Ivy sat across from me, their heads huddled together as they whispered salacious and revolting nothings to each other. Next to me, Miri leaned on my shoulder, her arm wrapped around my bicep as she nursed her tea. I did the same to a black coffee.

“All right, all right,” Stephens said, brushing his chin-length hair over his head. Everyone in the room, all twenty US theater kids, quieted to hear what he had to say. “Thank you all for showing up on time this morning. I know you’re anxious to hear the cast assignments, but we need to take care of some housekeeping things first. I want to introduce you to a few people.” He gestured to a table. “Ashley Murphy, our coordinator this year. She’ll go through the etiquette and folklore in Killwater, so you don’t accidentally piss off a townie and get us banned from Ireland. Yes, I’m talking to you, Greenburg.”

Everyone laughed, and Greenburg had the nerve to blush.

“We also have Sheila Fitzgerald, the head of the liberal arts college. She’ll make sure we have everything we need. And finally, we have Peter Smythe, an associate professor of theater and an old colleague of mine from my younger days. He is the reason we have this partnership, so try not to embarrass me.”

The students laughed again, and I shook my head. Stephens had that I’m-not-like-other-professors-just-call-me-Stephens persona he thought made him more likable and approachable. If anyone took a closer look, they’d see that his relationship with his TA, Caroline, was a little too close for comfort. But that shit was none of my business, so I took another sip of coffee and sighed.

“All right, I’ll hand it over to Ashley.”

“Thank you, thank you.” She waved as she stood and walked next to Stephens. “Welcome to Killwater. We’re so pleased to have you.” She was a small woman, brunette and pale-skinned, with impish features that made her seem younger than she probably was. The thing I noticed about her was the tattoo snaking up her arm and twisting under the cuff of her tank top. It looked like vines of ivy, but the detail was incredible. Fine lines and amazing shadows accented each leaf as it twirled and almost shimmered on her body.

“Killwater College has been standing for over five hundred years,” she said, bringing my attention back to the present, “and the town is proud of this tradition. Because we are so far north, our community was sheltered from a lot of the political strife that plagued the rest of the country. Our superstitions are engrained in our society. Everything, from the way we cheers before a drink to the way we plan our infrastructure, has to do with these myths and legends.” She clamped her hands in front of her. “Now, has anyone heard of fairies?”

The students snickered, and to be fair, taking her seriously took a bit of work. Fairies? I mean…c’mon.

Someone shouted, “What? Like Tinker?—”

“No, no, mate.” Ashley shook a finger. “I’m not talking about some sparkly Disney princess. I’m talking about old fairies.”

“You mean like Oberon and Titania,” Carter said.

“Exactly.” Ashley pointed to our table and smiled. “What’s your name?”

“Carter,” he said.

“Carter what?”

“Oh, I know better than that.” Carter grinned and drank his coffee.

Again, Ashley smiled. “Smart lad. It’s believed that if a fairy knew your full name, they could bewitch you, which is why so many of us have three or sometimes four middle names. In fact, that’s why middle names exist in the first place.” Ashley’s eyes lingered on our table for a moment more, and a shiver raced down my spine, some kind of instinct telling me that look had to do with more than interest. I probably needed a smoke, so I ignored it.

“The fairies lived in Ireland before humans, and once mankind came, a great war ensued, one that pushed the fairies farther and farther north until they had to leave this realm altogether.” Ashley cleared her throat and straightened her spine. “Killwater is the last surviving vestige of the fae in this realm.”

This realm?This was all just mythology and lore, right? Like the Greek gods. None of it was real. Why the fuck we were listening to this shit again?

“The forest around us is sacred,” Ashley went on. “As is the town to the west. Old magic runs through the ground on which you stand. It demands your respect. What do I mean by that? It’s simple.” Ashley gave us another one of her impish pixie smiles. “Should you choose to go into the woods, be mindful of where you walk and what you do. Leave your area cleaner than when you found it. Do no harm to the natural landscape. And should you come across a fairy, don’t piss it off.”

Everyone laughed.

“You think I’m kidding.” Ashley shook her head and waved a finger. “But fairies have been known to curse humans in cruel, horrible ways. Especially those who insult them. A fairy curse is no laughing matter. Of course, fairies have also been known to bestow the most generous gifts.”

“Uh-oh,” someone said.

“Uh-oh’s right,” Ashley agreed. “Be wary. Not all gifts are what they seem. They might offer you endless youth, but at the expense of having to eat human flesh for the rest of eternity. They might offer you true love, but then that love becomes suffocating. Should you happen to make a deal with a fairy, be very specific. Otherwise, they are free to interpret it as they please. I would suggest you never enter into such a reckless arrangement. But do as thou wilt.”

“You talk about them like they’re real, like they actually exist,” Greenburg said.

Thank God I wasn’t the only one thinking it.

“We don’t have any proof that they do,” Ashley said, “but we don’t have any proof that they do not. Students have been known to go wandering in the woods and never return.” She shrugged. “Nowadays, we’d say they got lost or maybe murdered by a jealous lover. But two or three hundred years ago? The locals imagined them wandering into the fairy realm, a world of endless daytime where no one ages and the rules of this life don’t matter.” Ashley paused to let that sink in. “Why should one be any less true? A missing person is a missing person, and a fairy curse is forever. So be careful. Be mindful. Use the buddy system.”

Again, Ashley looked at our table, her shifty gaze circling between the four of us.

“Now let’s talk locals.” She carried on with her presentation, explaining that everyone in Killwater was hospitable and willing to help if needed. Most of the professors and college staff lived in the town, if not on campus. It had a few clothing shops, a bakery, a grocer, and a hardware store. There were some touristy things and several restaurants, at which we should seat ourselves if we visited.

“And c’mon out to the pub for live music,” she said, giving us all a cheery grin.

“You’d better be studying your lines instead of going to the pub.” Stephens turned to look at us while he spoke, which made Ashley chuckle in a tinny nails-on-chalkboard way.

“That’s all I’ve got,” Ashley said. “I’ll end on this. Believe me or don’t believe me. That’s up to you. But there’s a section of the library devoted to local folklore and fairy curses. I assure you, that’s not for nothing.”

We clapped, thanking her for her presentation, and then Stephens stood again.

“Thank you, Ashley. That was fascinating. Truly fascinating.” He bit his bottom lip, his eyes lingering a tad too long before refocusing on us. “Okay, I know some of you were disappointed in the choice this year. Romeo Juliet has been done a thousand times. But we’re giving it a Tarantino spin, subverting a few expectations, and maybe playing around a bit. So, keep that in mind as I read the casting announcements. Now, you all did well, and believe me when I say this was a tough call.” Stephens walked toward us and held his hand out to Carter. “This year’s Romeo.”

Everyone clapped and erupted into applause, and Carter’s cheeks flamed in that stupid humble way of his, genuinely surprised he’d gotten the part. Like it would have been anyone else. Everybody knew Carter and Miri were the most talented among us, so it also surprised no one when Stephens turned to Miri to say, “And our Juliet.”

Another sound of applause. Fuck, they’d do a great job together.

“Mercutio,” Stephens said, pointing to me.

Again, that made sense. I shared with Mercutio the same intolerance for the political bullshit of our powerful families.

Stephens gestured to Ivy. “And our Tybalt.”

Even more perfect. A stuck-up bitch to play the stuck-up prince of cats.

A stuck-up bitch who’s also your fiancée.

I pushed that thought away.

He went around the room, naming the rest of the cast, but my gaze landed on Ivy. She held her fingers up in the shape of a gun, pointing it and playfully pulling the trigger.

“Okay, okay,” Stephens said. “Now that you have your parts, finish your breakfasts. We’ll do a read-through this morning and start blocking this afternoon.”

“Aww, I have to kill you, Weeds,” Carter groaned, leaning to kiss her temple.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to do that?”

“For the sake of art ”—he pretended to sigh—“it’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make.”

“Well, at least you don’t have to kiss your best friend’s boyfriend,” Miri said, flipping through her script.

The stab in the center of my chest meant nothing, even as it throbbed harder when Ivy and I met stares across the table.

“Oh, c’mon.” Carter leaned toward Miri, making kissy noises and flirtatiously attacking her cheek. “I’m downright adorable.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She shook her head. “Goodness, could you imagine if it were Ivy and Lex?” She bit the cap off a highlighter and went through her lines, turning them a bright shade of violet. “Talk about subverting expectations. The audience would shit themselves when Romeo and Juliet killed each other at the end instead of themselves.”

Yeah. Wouldn’t that be a fucking sight.

My heart pounded harder as Ivy’s stare bored into me, and I ignored it. The best way to keep a secret was to act like there wasn’t one.

“That sounds like a missed opportunity,” Carter said. “Someone should tell Stephens.”

“I’m not giving up the starring role in the last intensive I’ll ever do.” Miri looked at him like he’d grown four heads.

Ivy winced, as if the thought of this being the last one twisted her heart as painfully as it twisted mine.

One last hurrah. One last time.

“I love that you’re Romeo.” Miri reached across the table to grab his hand in reassurance. “We’re going to nail this thing.”

“You bet your royal ass we are.” Carter looked at Ivy and turned his hat around so the brim sat on the back of his head. “Hey, you okay?”

She cleared her throat and plastered that fake politician smile on her face, the one in every photo ever printed of her.

“Yeah, of course,” she said.

“Tybalt’s not the lead”—he gave her hand a squeeze—“but it’s still a great part.”

“It’s not about that.” She pushed to her feet, shoving her script in her bag. “I’ll see you guys at rehearsal.”

“Wait,” Carter said. “Where are you going?”

“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom,” she called over her shoulder.

Carter was already stuffing his phone in his pants so he could go after her, but Miri held up her hand and slung her purse over her shoulder. “I’ll go. She’s been weird since we got here.” She gave me a kiss before taking off after her friend, leaving me alone with mine.