Midsummer

19. Lex

Iwould have sworn we were drugged.

But any drugs I’d ever consumed had never come close to the rush of feel-good chemicals coursing through my body that night. I didn’t know where they came from. I didn’t know what caused the marks on our hands. I didn’t stop to think about it.

I dined on that forbidden fruit like Persephone sucking down pomegranate seeds, only vaguely aware that whatever I’d done might never be undone. But fuck it, right? It tasted so fucking good sliding down the back of my throat.

And I wanted more.

Carter lay with his arm draped over Miri’s waist, her body tucked against his chest and the sounds of their heavy breathing confirming how lost to dreamland they were.

Ivy was on her side, facing me and with her back to Carter. I had my arm tucked under my head and her right hand was in mine, our marks achy and scratching against each other.

Until the end.

A testament of our vow, right there for all to see. Forever.

The high had started to wear off, the rush of endorphins returning to pre-vow levels. Now, I was restless and too big for my skin. I needed something. If I were still popping pills, I might have reached for a downer to help me sleep.

But I didn’t have anything naughty with me, and part of me sensed Ivy remained just as itchy. So we kept each other awake.

“You feel it, too, right?” she said. “Tell me you feel it, too.”

“Feel what?” I kissed the knuckles of her fingers, our hands clutched together in between our faces.

“This rush, this energy, this…” She sighed. “Pulse.”

“I feel it,” I said. “I don’t know what it is, but I feel it.”

“How did those words get on our hands, Lex?”

“I don’t know,” I said, leaning a little closer to her. “I don’t care.”

“Me neither.”

The entire night, she’d held no more or less fascination for me as the other two. I found her just as appealing as Carter or Miri, an essential part of our square, as important as its other members. Now, in the fading afterglow of whatever magic had possessed us, I found Ivy to be the most singularly perfect thing in the world—her glassy gray eyes that begged for adoration, her strawberry-tangerine hair that felt like satin between my fingers, her soft, delicate skin, just asking to be marked.

I traced the curve over her shoulder with my finger, pleased when she trembled, and I let myself wander down her upper arm and over her forearm to her hand, bringing it to my mouth. Sucking on her index finger, I swirled it with my tongue, my cock kicking to life when she sighed and pushed it in deeper. I tasted us on her. Miri and Carter and Ivy.

In the chaos, it had been difficult to tell whose hands belonged to whom, which mouth was which. I was certain I already fucked Ivy. I was certain she’d already fucked me. But this was a different kind of intimacy. I had never given myself permission to touch her alone. I had never thought she’d willingly spread her legs for me and let me spear through her skin with wanton possession. I never thought she’d be this close.

Perhaps our life together would not be as terrible as I feared.

I rolled us so she was on her back and my hips were slotted between her thighs.

My sore dick, abused but delighted to be involved again, jolted to life at the connection to her hot, puffy pussy. Balancing my weight on my elbows by her head, I caged her in and brought my forehead to hers, our bodies connected all the way down our torsos.

I trembled, and I didn’t know if it was because I was nervous to be doing this with Ivy or if it was because I’d come so many times that night that my balls were literally spitting air.

I slid inside her. I didn’t ask, and she didn’t protest. It was more of a compulsion than anything else. She winced and arched her back, just as sore as I was, but still wet and tight and inviting.

“Fuck.” She felt so good. Too good.

I rocked against her, taking my time to draw the pleasure out and unwilling to admit this was at its end. Slow. Leisurely. Private. Just between us. She flushed, sighed, and tilted her head to the side, displaying that rosy-pink X.

I couldn’t resist. I dragged my tongue across it. Once. Twice. It burned, tasting like sweat and skin and making me so fucking greedy for her. I licked it again, and Ivy moaned. That sound…God, that fucking sound. I would spend hours chasing that noise, that purr of pleasure, knowing I could draw it out of her.

I was close.

So was she.

I sank my teeth into her neck, right over that X. Not enough to break the skin, just enough to leave a mark, and she clenched around me, moaning again. I slammed my hips into her, seeking that spot that made her wild. She sank her nails into my back, scoring a path along my ribs. My vision swam as I exploded deep inside of her with whatever I still had left to spill, milking the last little bit of this madness out of me. It drained away completely, leaving me an exhausted, shaking mess.

I collapsed, landing on my back at her side, gasping for air.

After a few moments, I padded around for my cigarettes, but Ivy found them first, lighting one for each of us before handing mine over.

We smoked in silence, not needing to say anything. Our bodies had said it all. And once we were done, we stabbed out the butts, and I tucked her in close, my arm around her waist, her back to my chest, and my lips on the small of her neck.

And we fell fast asleep.

* * *

What the fuck?

That’s the first thing I thought when I woke up.

What the actual fuck?

The sun hit me square in the eyes, and a blinding, splitting headache shot straight through to the other side. I winced, squinting as Ivy’s ginger hair came into focus. My arm was draped over her waist and my fingers intertwined with a heavy palm that felt like Carter’s on the other side, their foreheads touching. Miri had an arm over Carter’s ribs and her hand was latched on to Ivy’s.

Fucking hell.

Everything hurt. People say they feel like they got hit by a train the morning after doing hard drugs, but I really did. Every nerve ending I had screamed when I moved. I disentangled my hand from Carter’s and sat up, running my palms over my face to try to figure out where I was or what we’d taken.

Ecstasy, maybe? A shit ton of cocaine? My head pounded like the comedown from a serotonin overdose. I’d probably feel like hell for another twelve hours.

Wait…

No.

We hadn’t taken anything. I didn’t bring anything with me from the States.

Agony blazed up my arm from my right hand.

Until the end.

Jesus Christ.

We branded ourselves?

I ran my fingers over the marks, maybe about a half inch by two inches total, right in the center of my palm, on the edge of the mound by my thumb. They were little, but real, and they stung.

I had no idea how they’d gotten there. I looked around the space, my gaze landing on the length of fabric a few yards away. We had to have taken something. There’s no way I would have agreed to this unless I was on some serious shit. But I couldn’t remember. Not all of it, anyway.

I’d always considered myself a rational person. I didn’t believe in God or fate. I definitely didn’t believe in fairies or any of that supernatural bullshit. Any bumps in the night were usually explainable, but even I had to admit, this seemed fucking surreal.

I lit a cigarette, my mind grappling for any memories it could conjure. The orgy in the creek. The walk to the ruin.

The wedding.

Then after that, a fat load of nothing…until I held Ivy down with my teeth and fucked her while she clawed at my ribs. I ghosted my fingers over the angry red marks.

Fuck.

We were so fucked.

The problems that had been there yesterday were still here in the bright light of today. One doped-up orgy in the woods would not fix the two weeks Ivy and I had spent lying to Carter and Miri. Nor would it fix four years of keeping my relationship with Carter a secret from both of them. This would only make things worse.

How far away those problems seemed. I could barely remember our argument.

“Shit,” Ivy groaned, rubbing at her eyes and blinking awake. “What time is it?”

Carter stretched, kissed Ivy on the mouth and ran his hands over Miri’s arm, rolling so he could look at her and give her a peck on her nose. I found my phone, miraculously still in my pants but unfortunately dead. The same fate had met both Ivy’s and Miri’s, and Carter hadn’t brought his.

“Maybe nine, maybe ten?” Carter said. “Judging by the sun.”

Ivy let out this sad laugh. “We’re so screwed. Stephens is going to fire us.”

“No, he’s not.” Carter pushed himself into a sitting position. “We’ll tell him we got lost. It’ll be okay as long as we figure out our shit on stage.”

“Bloody hell.” Miri examined the bite marks on her inner thighs, violet and pink against her skin. “I can’t tell whose are whose.” My gaze landed on the matching ones on Carter’s shoulder and Ivy’s neck.

I’d marked them.

Mine, a depraved part of my subconscious shouted. All of them, mine.

My teeth marks.

My vows in their skin.

Mine.

A burning possession rolled around in my chest, curling my hands into fists as I thought about any of them with anyone else. I chided myself for being such a greedy, perverted fuck.

“Christ,” Ivy said, finally taking notice of the wounds on her palm. “What did we do?”

“I can’t remember.” I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m still pretty fucked-up.”

“Wait,” Miri cut in. “Did we take something?”

“I don’t remember taking anything.” Carter pursed his lips. “I’m pretty straight-edge these days.”

“It feels like we did.” Ivy winced and rubbed at her temples. “It was that wine. From the party.”

Miri stood and walked over to the tied-up strips we’d torn from our clothing, barely a ball of fabric now. She picked it up with one finger like it was radioactive. “I think we tied the knot last night.”

“What happened after that?” Ivy rubbed one of her marks with a grimace.

No one said anything.

“We had to have been drugged,” I said. “That’s the onlyexplanation.”

“Who is going to drug four college students at a theater retreat in the middle of Nowhere, Ireland?” Ivy smirked and rolled her eyes, clearly set on giving me a migraine before I’d even found my pants.

“I don’t know, Ivy,” I said, returning her petulance. “Maybe someone at the fucking orgy you took us to last night.”

“It wasn’t an orgy.” She sneered and shook her head.

“They were literally passing out condoms and lube. I’m not judging, I’m just saying—” I cleared my throat and shrugged. “It was clearly an orgy.”

“Well, I can see the honeymoon’s over.” Carter pushed to his feet, grabbing his boxers and gym shorts to slip them over his legs.

“Or things are back to normal,” Miri added.

In my heart, I knew that wasn’t true. Things would never be normal again. I had changed. I could feel it in my skin, my blood, my bones. Whatever happened to us last night would stay with us long after we went home. Maybe for the rest of our lives. We had made a vow of forever.

Until the end.

Ivy groaned and rubbed her hands through her hair. “What if someone messed with us while we were asleep?” She gasped. “God, what if somebody saw us?”

“Who?” Carter wrapped an arm over her shoulders and tucked her in close to his body. “Like you said, we’re four theater kids out in the middle of nowhere.”

“That doesn’t mean there’s not someone out here looking to make money,” she said.

“Ivy’s got a point,” Miri said. “We have to be careful about how this appears. We can’t be all ‘mushy gushy here’s my boyfriend and my girlfriend and their boyfriend’in public.”

“Aw,” Carter teased, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and pulling her into him so he could rest his head on her shoulder. “After last night, I’m your husband, too, Juliet. Does that make me seventh in line for the throne?”

She poked his ribs and smiled. “Don’t push it.”

“I can’t go back to hiding how I feel about you,” Ivy said. “I won’t do it.”

Miri’s cheeks turned a gorgeous shade of rose, and she linked her fingers with Ivy’s, leaning in to give her a sweet kiss. I liked the sight of it too much, the way Miri’s mouth curved into a joyful grin and the way Ivy looked at her like the girl hung the fucking moon.

I didn’t want this to end.

I didn’t want to lose this the minute we stepped out of the woods.

Panic gripped me at the idea that it could happen, that Ivy would slip back into her former self, the one where she hated me and wouldn’t let me touch her. I couldn’t be that guy again. I wouldn’t. But Ivy was scared of change. She wouldn’t roll over and accept that this had happened, that we had something between us, whatever it was. I felt it last night. I knew she did, too.

“There’s a difference between hiding from each other and hiding from everyone else,” I said. “We promised honesty last night, or at least, I think we did. We made a lot of promises. It’s all a mess, but what if—what if we kept them? What if everyone gets what they want?”

“You’re talking about a poly relationship with your best friend and your archnemesis,” Carter said. “Just so everyone’s clear on that.”

“So?” I said. “I have to marry Ivy. I don’t have a choice in that. Neither does she.” Carter winced. Maybe I was being a little brutal. “But we have a choice about how we react to it.” Once I said it, an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders.

“Meaning?” Carter said.

“Miri is right,” I said. “Why can’t we all have each other? What’s so wrong about that?”

“Aside from the media scrutiny and the guaranteed disapproval from our parents?” Ivy said. “Possible disinheritance and the complete and utter breakdown of every ten-year plan I’ve ever created.”

“You can still have law school,” I continued, ignoring her pessimism. “You can still have the Senate and the presidency and whatever else your entitled ass wants. I think not holding anyone back from their dreams was also part of our vows, no?”

“And what do you want, Lex?” Ivy said.

“I want to fuck Carter whenever I want,” I said. “I want to fuck Miri whenever I want. I want you to not be a pain in the ass about every goddamn thing.”

“Well, two out of three ain’t bad, right?” Carter said.

“Fuck you both.” Ivy raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips, part offended, part amused.

“Sure, why not?” I teased. “You can have that, too, if you want.”

“I’m in,” Carter said. “If I go to LA knowing I’ve got the three of you in my corner no matter what, I’ll sleep a lot easier at night.”

“What if you meet someone new?” Ivy cleared her throat and shifted on her feet, a blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. “What happens when you want to marry someone else? We were going to break up, Carter. Before all this.”

“We’ll deal with that if it comes to it, Weeds,” he said, taking a step toward her so he could wrap her in his arms and tuck her under his chin. “Together.”

“I’ll keep him in line, darling.” Miri gave them both a wink.

“You will be the worst influence of them all,” Ivy said with a deep sigh and a laugh.

“There are a million things that could go wrong.” Carter kissed her temple and hugged her tighter. “But imagine if it went right?”

As soon as he said the words, I saw it. Our life together—the four of us at Miri’s cottage in Scotland, streaks of gray in Carter’s hair and wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, Miri’s timeless smile and her unyielding loyalty, Ivy’s piercing stare, not a day less intimidating for all the years it had spent incinerating people where they stood. I imagined the days spent chasing after our children and the nights drawling slowly by as we sipped from this forbidden chalice and made love under the Milky Way, pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist.

I’d never wanted anything more in my life.

Shame and guilt stabbed my heart because I knew every move I made from that moment on, every decision, every conscious choice, would be to bring me closer to that one pure vision.

“I’m in,” Miri said.

“Me, too,” I instantly agreed.

“Weeds?” Carter said.

Tears brimmed at the corners of Ivy’s eyes, but she pushed them back down and cleared her throat.

“God help me,” she said. “Yes. I’m in.”