Chapter 20 Jess
JESS
This is the first time I’ve visited the park in a long time. I collapse onto the first bench I can find and stare into space. My arms have been wrapped around myself this entire afternoon. I left at lunchtime, deciding I couldn’t be inside of that building for another minute.
My stomach rumbles, needing food, but I have no appetite to eat.
I was starting to put my trust in Nadir. I thought he could be different. Every time we came together, I felt sparks, like we understood each other.
He told me he killed his fucking family. There has to be a reason behind that, but it’s probably more bullshit—all a strategy to get me where he needs me.
I rake a hand through my hair and feel like yanking it out.
I reach for my phone and hover over Savannah’s name, but guilt zaps through me.
I can’t speak to her. Taro is officially in Boston.
He knows I’m here. Knows what I did. If I’m talking to my best friend, I’m coming clean about what I did.
She has to know, especially before Taro strikes.
I stare into space as birds tweet from the trees, beating their wings as they take flight. God, to be able to fly. I’d take my kids out of kindergarten right this second and fly us to a different country, using the money from Sterling to start over.
I don’t want to work for Nadir anymore. God, I don’t wanna spend another second living under his roof. But what choice do I have? He’s the best shot I have at protecting my children. Even if that means pretending to be okay about the heir thing.
I press my back into the bench, a huge weight bearing down on my chest. Part of me wanted Nadir to see my worth. He’s powerful—respected by every single fucking person in this city. If he liked me, wanted me around for longer than a few minutes, it had to mean something.
And for a minute there, I thought he actually wanted me around.
I avoid telling people I was in foster care because I don’t like the sympathy. Nadir doesn’t do sympathy, hence why I told him. I knew he’d listen instead of saying, “I’m sorry that happened to you,” like most people do.
The guy is unapologetic. I didn’t realize just how much until earlier today when I caught him discussing plans to raise his children as heirs.
Yep. I should’ve kept my big mouth shut and not told him.
Planning to put your kids in the Bratva when they’re older has to be worse than murder.
I imagine Charlie with a knife behind his back in conferences, so far from the sweet boy he once was.
Willow is fiery, but her fire must be contained in the right way. Is Nadir hoping to capitalize on that?
And Iris? Nadir won’t be marrying her off like a pawn to secure a business alliance.
My pulse spikes as I run through every possibility. I can’t let my children down. I’m meant to be working here at Sterling for their future, to give them a good life. You can never start saving too early for college tuition. They’re all bright sparks.
And Nadir wants to take advantage of their potential and turn them into monsters.
I shoot up from the bench and march through the park.
The birds tweet, but the sounds spiral into my eardrums, the sweet melodies becoming something more off key and shrill.
I clamp my hands over my ears and fight to keep my breath stable, but it feels like I’m sprinting. My body’s working overtime.
I need to get away from Nadir, protect my children. They’ve warmed to Nadir a way they’ve never warmed to anyone before. But he’s no father to them.
I march through the trees, needing to get out of here. History is repeating itself, and this time around it’s more dangerous.
I didn’t wanna believe it, but being here at the park is confirming the truth.
Taro knocked over my coffee and told me everything I needed to hear to feel special.
Nadir isn’t even doing that and I’m head over heels for the guy. We go days without speaking to each other and have rough sex. I melt whenever he draws a breath. He doesn’t even have to speak.
And when he does, when he’s telling me his evil plans, I’m still head over heels.
He’s dark. Sinister. Twice my age, covered in gorgeous fine lines and a beautiful tan. He’s soulless. And I still want him.
I dart down the path, heading out of the park.
“I’m Taro.”
“You have to be the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.”
Hot coffee is scalding my skin…
But I’m more focused on the words coming out of Taro’s mouth.
Nobody’s ever said that to me before.
My heart clenches as I make it out of the park. I cross the road, head down into the subway station and tap my card on the machine, rushing through the turnstile as soon as the payment goes through.
Something feels off in my gut as I wait for my train. I have to pick the kids up from kindergarten. We have to get away from their father before things escalate.
Sure, the guy’s keeping us safe, but he’s doing that for his own selfish reasons—like I figured. He’ll take my children away. Torture them and do God knows what else.
I release a sigh, hoping the off feeling in my gut will subside.
It’s better this way, I tell myself.
I’ve always survived better on my own.
The train grumbles through the tunnel, hot wind lifting the ends of my hair. I enter when the doors fly open and sit anxiously for three stops until it’s my turn to get off.
I haul my bag over my shoulder, heels clomping on the concrete as I navigate my way out of the station. An invisible force is telling me I need to walk faster. A shiver runs down to the base of my spine. To top it all off, I now have the irrational fear that I’m being watched.
I hold on to the handrail as I ascend two flights of stairs back up onto the street. Other passengers fly past me. I look past the crowds, searching for something that looks a little suspicious. But there’s nothing. No odd behavior.
Strange. I always used to get sharp, stabbing feelings in my gut like this right before Taro appeared. But when I used to look over my shoulder, he was there, flashing me his infamous Cheshire cat smile. He never hid from me. It was more the other way around.
I’ve had a bad day. My brain’s in a very irrational place at the moment, and my body clearly doesn’t know what it’s doing. I miss the next step and almost fall flat on my face when I continue up the stairs. Today has been a whirlwind, to say the least. And the day’s not even over.
I inhale fresh air with a side of pollution when I make it back out onto the street.
I have two blocks to walk until I’m at the kids’ kindergarten, so I pace as fast as I can in heels, marching down the sidewalk as cars pass by me on the road.
I glance at each one, my stomach churning every time a black car drives by. Taro could be in there.
I’m out of breath, but I force my legs to keep walking.
One foot in front of the other. That’s not so hard when you’re facing forward.
When you’re glancing over your shoulder every other step, it’s a different story.
I lose my balance a few times but manage to save myself from face-planting on the ground.
I’ll save that for when I’m in Nadir’s company.
The pinching feeling in my gut grows. I turn around, now only one block away from the kindergarten. An angry pedestrian flips me off when I accidentally cut them off, and I have a middle-aged woman behind me giving me the evil eye each time I turn around, thinking it’s her I’m looking at.
I keep walking, peering over my shoulder.
Something feels weird. My gut can’t rest, and neither can my legs.
They don’t stop until I’m right outside the kindergarten entrance, staring at the gates.
My hand reaches out to push them open, but it freezes midair.
Is this a good idea? Picking up my kids when I can’t shake the feeling I’m being stalked?
“Jessy?”
My spirit leaves my body. I jump, spin around, and find a very confused Savannah looking at me.
“Are you okay?” she asks, two lines forming between her brows as she studies whatever expression I’m giving her. She looks concerned.
God, I can’t imagine how much of a mess I look.
“You look like an escaped convict. Is there a reason you’re acting so paranoid?”
I bite my lip. The last time I spoke to Savannah was when Taro spotted us from his car. Since then, we haven’t really spoken.
“I’m…fine. What are you doing here before pickup?”
“I was dropping Rosie off after her dentist appointment.” Her eyes narrow. “I could ask you the same thing. Is everything okay?”
I glance over my shoulder and gulp, expecting to see Taro watching us from afar on the other side of the street. But there’s nobody there.
“Yes and no.” I grimace.
Savannah walks through the gate and turns around to face me, waiting for elaboration.
“I overheard Nadir talking to one of his executives about my kids.”
Savannah’s eyes flare wide. “You told him?”
“Yeah.” I wince. “You think I should have kept quiet?”
“No, Jess, he needed to know. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s bonded well with them.”
I laugh, knowing what I know now. “Oh, you could say that. I think he’s planning to take them away from me.”
“What?” Savannah’s eyebrows recede to her hairline. “We’re going for coffee. Right now. I don’t care if you have to get back to work. This is more important.”
“Sounds good. I’ve actually been meaning to tell you something.”
“Tell me when I have a coffee in my hand. You know how I get grouchy when I’ve not had my afternoon fix.”
I glance over my shoulder again, nerves fizzling through me. I still have that stubborn feeling in my gut, even though we’re alone.
“Let’s go to a different neighborhood.”
“Newburry? They just opened a new cold brew place with red velvet cold foam—”
“No.” I tense my jaw. “We should avoid Newburry.” I give her a knowing look, and she takes the hint.
“Of course. We don’t wanna be running into Taro again.” Savannah grabs my hand, and we cross the side street. “What is it you have to tell me, anyway?”