19. Finn
Chapter 19
Finn
A few days after our show at the sex club, I was still floored by Ryder’s reaction. I knew how emotional this sort of sex could be, but I hadn’t expected the full-on need for him to be ours. He wanted to be a part of our lives more than what we were already doing.
My emotions for him soared at that moment, even though they were already growing. I wanted him, too. Father said as much as we held him. Fuck, the entire thing had been intense, and I loved every minute of it.
Father and I hadn’t talked more about it, processing how we wanted this to go and how to make Ryder a permanent part of our lives. It was a big step, especially since I had only done this for a month and a half. It was the risk we took. Whenever sex was involved, especially intense sex, it could quickly create bonds and strong emotions. We had been prepared for that, but not by how much.
No matter what, the three of us had to sit down and discuss our plans and what we wanted to see happen between all of us.
My biggest concern was that we hadn’t heard from Ryder since that night. He’d gone radio silent. I texted him a couple of times, but he never responded. We wanted to give him space, but I worried those strong emotions had scared him a little, which was the last thing Father and I wanted.
He was due to come into work tonight, so I planned to head to the club to try talking to him and see where his head was. Father wasn’t as concerned as I was, but I could see flickers of doubt in his dark eyes.
Father was already at work, getting ready for the evening, as I rushed over there, suddenly desperate to see Ryder and to talk to him, terrified he’d suddenly changed his mind about us. That right there told me how much I wanted him in our lives.
As I drove to the club, Father called me. I put him on speaker to stay hands free.
“Father…”
“He hasn’t shown up for work yet.”
“Is… that unusual?” Of course it was. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have called me to tell me as much.
“Yes. Ryder is always punctual.”
“How late is he?”
“Not terribly late, but as I said, it’s unusual. More than unusual.”
“I’m headed to the club. I need to speak with him, but if he’s not there…”
“Can you swing by his apartment? I’m a little worried now, too.”
“Yes.” And it gave me something to do, feeling useful.
“Let me know what’s going on.”
“I will,” I said and hung up.
While I’d been to his apartment before, I had a driver last time, so I couldn’t remember where it was, but I recalled the address. I pulled over and plugged the details into the GPS, then drove off again.
Ten minutes later, I found a parking spot, got out of my car, and rushed to his building. When I reached the door, I pounded on it.
One of his roommates, an older woman, opened it with a small smile on her face. She was pretty, with blond curls and gray eyes, but rather short.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’m Finn, here to see Ryder.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she frowned. “Are you the reason he won’t come out of his room?” she asked, blocking the way inside. Soon, his other roommate, Luna, I recalled, came to the door to see what was going on. Then another man arrived, who was quite attractive, but not nearly as much as Ryder was.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because something is wrong, and now you’re here. I’m just putting two and two together.”
“He’s the one Ryder’s been seeing, I think. He’s been here before,” Luna said.
Now, they all narrowed their eyes at me, and I raised my hands in defense. “I promise you, I haven’t hurt him, if that’s what you think. I’m here because he hasn’t shown up for work, and he’s been ignoring my texts and calls. I don’t know why, though. We’re very worried about him.”
Luna thought about it and nodded. “Let him through. Maybe he can get Ryder out of his room.”
The older woman stepped aside. “Fine, but you better be nice to him.”
“I promise.”
She held out her hand, and I took it after stepping inside. “I’m Emma. This young man here is Atlas. And you’ve already met Luna, apparently.”
“Hello,” I said, brushing past them, not trying to be rude but desperately needing to see Ryder. If I hadn’t been worried before, I was then.
I stood in front of his bedroom door and turned the knob. Locked.
“Ryder! Let me in.”
There wasn’t a peep out of him or movement on the other side.
“We’ve been trying all day. He hasn’t come out once in the past six hours or so. Not to eat, shower… nothing,” Atlas explained. “While he’s locked in there now, his mood has drastically changed over the past couple of days.”
I swallowed, filled with a surge of guilt that Father and I had done something wrong. Ryder had been entirely on board, but things clearly had changed. Regardless, we neeed to talk about it and fix things. “Are you sure he’s even in there?”
He nodded. “Yes, we saw him use the bathroom earlier and head back into his room, completely ignoring us. He… didn’t look so good. We’ve been trying to get him out and talk to us, but he won’t make a peep. But we also don’t want to be intrusive.”
“Be fucking intrusive if he’s being unresponsive!” I snapped.
I grabbed the doorknob, rattled the door, and pounded on it. “Ryder! Open the goddamn door this instant!”
My stomach clenched into a knot, and a lump formed in my throat. Fuck, what if he was so bad off that he… No. I refused to think about that possibility.
“I’ll pay for the damage,” I said.
Emma’s eyes grew wide. “W-what? Wait!”
I stood back and kicked the door open. The flimsy, hollow door practically crumbled. I rushed in to find Ryder in bed, facing the wall. He was so unresponsive he didn’t even fucking flinch at the noise.
“Leave me,” I said, and I slowly walked around his bed to face him. His roommates ignored me as they clustered around the doorjamb. I squatted in front of him, his head covered by blankets. I squatted, grabbed the edge of his covers, and pulled them back. He didn’t even try to stop me.
My breathing heaved as my heart beat heavily against my chest, terrified about what I’d find underneath.
What I found wasn’t a dead Ryder but one who looked at me with red, swollen hazel eyes, tears dripping down to his sopping pillow.
“Oh, Rye-baby… What’s happened?” My own eyes watered at the sight and his pain. I knew loss when I saw it. That was fucking grief all over Ryder’s face.
I looked up at his roommates. “Please leave us. I’ll take care of our boy.”
They nodded. The two women left as Atlas tried to readjust the door for more privacy.
I ran my fingers through his damp and greasy hair. “How long have you been like this, sweetheart?”
“I-I can’t breathe.”
His eyes shed fresh tears as his lips trembled.
“Who did you lose?”
His eyes closed, and he curled into himself, shaking. I needed to text Father, but Ryder was my priority. I stood and quickly undressed down to my underwear, leaving my clothes in a pile. Then I climbed into his bed, on the other side, and pulled his back against my chest, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulder. I slid my arm underneath his and rested the palm of my hand on his rapidly beating heart.
A sense of love for this man overcame me. My feelings for Ryder had grown, but now they just overfilled and spilled. I wanted him not only to be mine, but ours . He belonged with Father and me.
When we started this, we had no idea we would need Ryder as much as he needed us. It was strange how quickly he fit in, like we had no idea a puzzle piece was missing until he came into our lives.
“Talk to me.”
“I-I can’t… it hurts too much.”
“Did they die today?”
“Yesterday… Last night,” he whispered. “A year ago.”
He sobbed for a while longer, and then he calmed down a bit. When I leaned over to check on him, I found he’d fallen asleep.
I eased out of bed, careful not to wake him, then found my phone on the floor, next to my pants. When I opened it, I found several texts from Father, demanding to know what was happening.
It was too much to text, so I quietly left Ryder’s room and stepped out to where I could talk. His roommates all looked at me strangely, probably because I was still in my underwear.
“He’s… grieving,” I told them. “I have experience in it, but he hasn’t really spoken about it either, except to mention someone died a year ago yesterday.”
“Is there anything we can do?” Luna asked.
“It’s hard to say. Everyone grieves differently. I think Ryder has been burying his pain, but apparently, it was the anniversary of the loss, so it hit him, probably fresh in his mind again. I need to call… Mr. Porter, who’s his boss and my stepfather. He needs to know Ryder won’t be coming into work for a while.”
I stepped outside onto their little balcony and closed the glass door behind me. The early October evening was chilly, but I didn’t want to bother with clothes for the moment.
I quickly called Father before he got mad at me. His texts were bordering on obsessive.
“What the hell is going on?” he answered.
“Sorry, Father. I’ve been trying to console Ryder. He’s grieving, is what’s going on. But apparently, he hasn’t told anyone about it. Not even his roommates knew what was happening. They were all worried about him when I arrived.”
“Dammit. I knew something was off with him. As the days went on, he was slipping more and more. It’s only when we have our fun that he opens up again.”
I’d noticed, but I didn’t think much of it.
“It’s clear he needs us, Father.”
“Jesus… he really does. Bring him to the house. I’ll be home shortly. We’ll take care of our sweet boy.”
“I’ll try. He’s been pretty catatonic, and now he’s sleeping.”
“I want him home with us. Do what you can.”
“Yes, Father.”
We hung up, and I stepped back inside the apartment. I walked into the kitchen, opening cabinets until I found a glass, and then poured Ryder some water.
When I went back into his room, being careful not to knock the door onto the ground, I found him rolled over, facing the doorway, now awake and looking at me.
“I thought you left,” he said, his voice raspy.
“Not on your life.”
I sat on the bed and held out the glass for him. “Sit up and drink, please. Then we’re going to get you dressed so I can take you to the house. Father and I are going to take care of you.”
“You shouldn’t have to. That’s not what you brought me in for.”
“Stop it,” I said gently. “You matter to us more than the sex. Father and I are very worried about you, and we want to take care of you. We both know what it’s like to lose someone dear to us. If anyone can help you get through this, it’s us. Please, baby.”
His eyes watered again, but he didn’t fight me when I pulled him to sit up and fed him water. It spilled a little down his bare chest, so I wiped it up with his sheet.
“Stay. I’m going to grab some clothes and pack a bag for you.”
I found a duffle bag in his closet and filled it with some underwear, socks, a pair of joggers, a pair of pajama bottoms, a couple of T-shirts, and toiletries.
After getting him dressed, I tugged on his arm to get him to stand. He was lethargic and had no energy. I reminded myself to see if I could get him to eat when we got home.
I held his hand and carried the bag, leading him out of his room.
“Someone will swing by to fix the door. I apologize.”
“It’s okay,” Emma said. “We probably should’ve done the same.”
“Take care of our Ryder,” Luna said.
“I will.”
Atlas stood and handed me a slip of paper. “That’s my number. Please let us know what’s going on.”
“Will do.”
I looked at my broken, depressed Rye, feeling the twang of my own grief through his, combined with some guilt for falling in love with my mother’s husband.
“Come on, Rye-baby. Let Father and I take care of you.”