20. Knox
Chapter 20
Knox
When Finn and Ryder walked through the front door, I rushed toward the grieving young man and pulled him into a hug. Ryder was barely recognizable with his swollen red eyes and a deep frown.
“I’m sorry I missed work,” he whispered.
“Shhh. None of that. I got it all sorted out, Sweet Boy.”
I looked at Finn, who watched us with unshed tears, clearly worried about Ryder and maybe feeling his own grief again. “Finn, please make some calming tea. I’m going to take him upstairs and bathe him.”
Ryder rested his head on my shoulder and clawed at my back. Then he held his arm open for Finn to slide into the embrace. “Thank you for getting me.”
Finn sniffed. “Of course. We’ll always get you.”
“I need…”
“What do you need?” I asked.
“Take me away from this pain. Please. I shouldn’t ask. You both have done so much for me, giving everything to me. You brought me in for you two to have fun with, not to take care of my sorry ass. But… I need to go away for a bit.”
I kissed the top of his head. “We’ll take care of you.”
Finn slipped out from under Ryder’s arm and headed into the kitchen to make tea. I pulled away from him, grabbed his hand, and tugged him upstairs to my ensuite for a calming bath.
I sat him on the toilet lid and ran the water, testing the heat until it was perfect. Then, I sprinkled some lavender bath salts into the tub.
As it filled up, I helped Ryder to stand and undressed him. He said nothing, his body virtually limp, allowing me to do anything to him.
I didn’t say a word, not pushing him to tell me what was going on, but at the end of this… after he got his distraction, we were talking, even if it hurt him. He needed to get it all out. I should’ve pushed harder before. Perhaps then he wouldn’t have bottled it all up, leading to his explosion and isolation.
Once he was naked, I helped him into the bath. I sat on my knees on the bath rug and grabbed the handheld showerhead attached to the faucet, pouring warm water over his head. He brushed away the water from his face, and then I grabbed my shampoo and washed his hair, which needed cleaning.
“Whenever I’m upset or stressed, I find bathing and being clean helps wash away some of the pain, and it relaxes me.”
Ryder didn’t acknowledge me as I worked the shampoo into his hair, but I knew he heard me.
By the time I had his hair rinsed, Finn came in with the steaming tea. He handed me the cup, which I brought to Ryder’s lips, who took a sip.
“This is a lavender and chamomile tea. I want you to drink it all.”
After Ryder was bathed and had finished all his tea, Finn and I dried him off and led him to my bed. Each bedroom in this house had a gas fireplace. Finn had lit it to add to the calming ambiance. It was the only source of light in here, casting a warm and soothing glow.
All of this seemed to work, as Ryder appeared more collected and aware, though if he was suffering true grief, it was only a temporary reprieve. But we’d deal with that when he fell again. He needed us to get through the worst of it.
Finn and I stripped out of our clothes and climbed in, naked, flanking either side of him and putting him in a protective sandwich.
“Fuck me, please,” he said.
Finn nuzzled his face on Ryder’s neck, wrapping an arm around his waist as I dragged my fingers through his wet hair. “What I think you need is some sleep. After some rest, I’ll help set you up with our grief counselor.”
“No. Please… One of you… Just be inside me. It helps so much.”
Finn lifted his head to look at me. We silently agreed to give Ryder what he wanted and needed.
“Who would you like inside you, Sweet Boy?”
“Finn this time.”
I reached for the lube from my nightstand and handed it to Finn, who poured some into his hands. As Ryder lay on his side, I lifted one of his legs to give better access to his ass as Finn worked him open.
While Ryder wanted this, I worried he wouldn’t even get it up. I remember having no libido while grieving, but everyone was different.
As his ass was worked open with Finn’s expert fingers, I stroked Ryder. Sure enough, he closed his eyes, fingers digging into my side, as he got lost in the double sensations. Slowly, his cock started to get hard.
No words were exchanged. No dirty talk was said. We simply wanted to let Ryder feel something other than pain.
Finn eased his cock in, pulling a grunt from the other man, who had his eyes slammed shut as he adjusted to the burn. He soon unclenched and Finn started pumping into him.
I slid down the bed until I was face-to-face with Ryder’s cock and swallowed him down to the root, his pubic hairs tickling my nose.
His hand went into my hair, but it was cropped too much for him to grab at, so his fingers dug into my skull as he thrust into my mouth. I pressed a hand on his groin to keep him from pumping too deeply, with Finn also pushing him forward.
The whimpers and groans I’d become accustomed to slipped from Ryder’s lips, always responsive.
He remained hard, with the bittersweet flavor of his pre-cum on my tongue. He must have known what he needed better than we did. I grew hard, too, but this wasn’t about me.
I took a deep breath of him through my nose, inhaling the lavender mixed with his scent, which was all his, no matter what cologne or body wash he used.
Finn picked up speed, rocking Ryder’s body and shoving him deeper down my throat. I sucked, licked, and hit those sweet spots that had him groaning louder.
Ryder suddenly came out of nowhere, and I captured his load on my tongue before popping off him and swallowing it all down, loving the sweet aftertaste.
Finn was close behind as he thrust and sputtered before he settled down limply.
By the time I sat up on the bed, Finn had pulled out, and Ryder had already passed out asleep.
“Was this a bad idea?” my precious asked me in a whisper.
“Maybe. But he needed us, and we helped him with that. It was only a temporary escape. He’ll be hurting again when he wakes us. I’ll find him some help.”
Finn padded to the bathroom, grabbed a washcloth, and cleaned the other young man of cum from his ass, careful not to wake him. Then he pulled the covers over him and kissed him on the head.
Finn picked up his underwear from off the floor and tossed them on along with his T-shirt. I also got dressed. Because we’d been taking care of Ryder, we hadn’t had dinner yet. “I’ll make us some food,” I said.
“Okay, let me take a quick shower, and I’ll be down.”
As he headed back to his room, I sat on the edge of the bed and pressed a hand to Ryder’s scruffy face, which was usually smooth and clean-shaven. He didn’t even flinch at my touch. He was completely out. There is no exhaustion quite like grieving exhaustion.
My heart ached for him, looking so lost when he arrived here earlier. I wanted to gather him in my arms and never let him go, just like I had with my precious boy. I wish I could protect them with everything I had, but I couldn’t be a shield against emotional pain. The only thing I could do was to be there for them, to listen, and hold them with promises of love.
I knew Finn cared about the young man, too, but how much? If I told him I was falling for Ryder, would Finn be upset? Did he feel the same? Would this break us? We talked about this a little before, but love hadn’t been in the equation then. As much as I cared about Ryder, he hadn’t been with us that long. Finn would always take priority. But Ryder also needed us. I could see it so clearly now and why he eased into the sex so effortlessly.
That also could be a problem.
Once in the kitchen, I pulled out a couple of cans of tuna, opened them, and dumped the fish into a large bowl. Then, I added salt, lemon, and mayonnaise, mixing it thoroughly. As the fish soaked, I finely chopped some celery and red onion, dumped it into the bowl, and mixed that in as well.
As it rested, I dumped some pre-cut lettuce into two bowls, diced some tomatoes, and added the tuna mixture on top. I then sprinkled some pepitas, diced apples, and red wine vinegar on top.
I set aside extra tuna for Ryder later when he woke up. I doubt he’d eaten in a while.
It was a perfect meal, full of protein and vegetables.
By the time I finished, Finn came into the kitchen, wearing only a pair of joggers.
He looked tired and stressed. I felt similarly.
I sat down at the kitchen table, but before I could eat, Finn walked over, climbed onto my lap, wrapped his arms around my neck, and placed his head on top of mine. I held him back, inhaling the woody scent from his body wash.
“We talked about bringing Ryder more into our lives a little, but—”
“But you love him,” I finished for him, knowing what he was going to say because I felt the same way.
Finn lifted his head to look at me and nodded, his green eyes wide. “Yes. I love him, Father. How does that make you…”
He worried about my feelings, but he didn’t need to. “I love him, too. We both care deeply about him, and I think he cares about us, too.”
“I agree. Are you okay with this? If not, you are my priority. You are my first. I don’t want to choose, but I will always choose you.”
I reached for his head and pulled him into a small kiss. “I know, Precious, and I feel the same about you. While I agree Ryder needs us, I also worry that he’s only doing this as a distraction now that I understand how much pain he’s been in. If that’s the case, we should be careful of our strong feelings.”
“What we need to do is talk to him. I agree he could be in it for the sex, but remember, Father, that’s the very reason we brought him into this in the first place. We haven’t talked about deeper feelings with him yet, so he may still be on that level. Only communication will figure that out.”
I rested a hand on his cheek. “How did you get to be so smart, baby?”
“I learned from you… and a lot of therapy.”
Finn leaned down, kissed my nose, then climbed off me to sit at the table and dig into his salad.
“We need to get him to talk to us about what’s going on, too,” he said.
“Agreed. This bottling up the pain isn’t healthy.”