21. Ryder
Chapter 21
Ryder
Like the last time I was fucked, my ass was sore as hell, but it was a reminder of how much these men took care of me, even when I was at my lowest. I was still at my lowest, but I no longer felt alone despite having roommates. Finn and Knox had become so much more than two men I had sex with. Their tender care, support, and protection had become everything to me.
The large California King bed was empty. I sat up and glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand, which read it was just before eleven in the morning. Had I slept all night and morning?
Yesterday, I’d just buried myself, never wanting to come out of my room again. Wanting to wither away into dust. Thoughts ran through my head—horrible thoughts of leaving this world to be with her. I wasn’t a religious man, but I still hoped death wasn’t the end. But it must have been, or else I wouldn’t have been grieving so hard.
Then Finn came to the rescue and took me to his home, where he and Knox took such good care of me. It was almost as if they loved me, which was stupid. They only wanted me for the sex and to experience having a third partner. It was only temporary. Sure, they said I was theirs and shit, and they were unexpectedly kind, but that didn’t mean I had a permanent place in their hearts. In the end, I would eventually be a third wheel.
I rubbed my face, stood, and padded to the bathroom to piss and wash my hands. Then I tossed on my clothes and headed out in search of the two amazingly special men.
When I came downstairs, I found them outside, by the pool, sunning on teak lawn chairs. They looked too fancy to call them simply lawn chairs, but I had no other words for them. It must have been a warm day for them to be out there.
As soon as I stepped out, they turned to look back, and when they saw me, they both stood and came at me, pulling me into a fierce hug. The emotions threatened again, and while it hurt, it was filled with something else… hope, perhaps.
“Do you need some coffee, Rye-baby?” Finn asked.
I coughed away my emotions and nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”
As he headed to get me some coffee, Knox took my hand and led me to one of the chairs. “It’s a gorgeous day today. You should get some sun, which can be very soothing to the soul.”
“Thanks, and I don’t just mean for the… sun, but for everything.”
Knox took one of my hands as he sat across from me. “We are happy to know you, Ryder. And we’re happy to take care of you. You make us happy, too, with you in our lives.”
Soon, Finn came out with a travel mug full of coffee and sat next to me. I took the drink and sipped it, with the perfect amount of cream and sugar. It was weird to have so much sugar and cream, but it was the way I liked it. “That’s really good.”
The two men sat there and stared at me from behind their sunglasses, no doubt waiting for me to tell them what the hell happened. With a deep breath from my tight lungs, I told them my story. I owed them that much.
“You don’t know this… no one does other than anyone from back home, but I had a twin sister,” I started as my gut twisted, telling me to shut up and bury the pain deep inside, but I pushed on.
“Twin? Jesus,” Knox breathed.
“Had?” Finn asked softly, quickly figuring out who I’d lost.
“Yeah…”
I took a few more sips of the coffee to give me strength and fuel as I plunged forward with my story.
“Her name was Rowan.”
“What’s up, Bug Face?” I say when I answer Rowan’s call, loud country music playing in the background. I used to call her that when we were little to irritate her. Now, I use it as a term of affection. “It’s kind of late, isn’t it? I thought you were dancing with Bryce.”
“C-can you come get me?” Her voice is shaky, like she’s suddenly about to cry.
I’m instantly on high alert and in protective mode. “Where are you?”
“Broken Barrel Saloon in Omaha.”
“Tell me what’s going on?”
“Bryce has had too much to drink. You know how he gets sometimes. And if a man talks to me, he gets all jealous and takes it out on me as if it’s my fault.”
“Enough is enough, Bug Face. Let’s get you home. Move in with me until we can get a place for you. Then we can tell Mom and Dad what’s happening.”
“No! I’m fine. We just have our arguments, like all couples do.”
Not like all couples do, but I don’t tell her that because she always gets mad at me.
“And please don’t tell Mom and Dad. We’re just fighting. There’s no need for them to know all my arguments with Bryce. Please. Just come and get me. I’ll stay with you until he calms down like he always does. But… I’m tired of this, Rye. It’s getting old.”
“Where is he now?”
“I… I’m not sure. Outside, I guess. The bouncers kicked him out when he punched the guy hitting on me and then started yelling at me for it. I’m assuming he’s blowing off steam outside until I come out.”
“Okay. Stay inside with the bouncers. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
“Thanks, Stink Butt.”
I smile at that, which tells me she’ll be okay. “Are you safe?” I ask, just to be sure.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m close.”
We hang up, and I grab my keys and toss my boots on. I run out of my apartment and rush down three flights of stairs and into my old 2005 Ford F-250 .
As I drive as fast as legally possible toward Omaha, I hope Bryce has gone on home.
They started dating during our senior year at the University of Nebraska. He played football for the Huskers. It didn’t take them long to fall for each other.
I never liked the asshole, and I’ve told Rowan as much, but she never listens. Bryce is an arrogant prick, but whenever he’s around Mom and Dad, he puts on the charm, so they have no idea when she’s having problems with him; then she begs me not to say anything, so I never do. He tried his bullshit with me at first, but I saw right through him.
He’s never hurt her, as far as I know, just like she said, but he’s a narcissistic bastard who gaslights the hell out of her. I’ve repeatedly tried to get her to leave him, but she never does. No doubt he manipulates her to stay.
I get to the club forty minutes later because I have to find the damn place on my phone’s GPS. I don’t go out a lot, so I’m not familiar with the country/western bar.
The place is huge and packed with cars since it’s Saturday night. I send her a quick text to tell me where she is, but she doesn’t respond.
I curse under my tongue and head inside to begin my search. After circling the massive club twice, checking the restroom area, and texting her two more times, I’m at a loss. I ignore the women hitting on me as I step outside and call her. There’s no answer, and it doesn’t go straight to voicemail, which means her phone is on.
“Dammit, Rowan,” I mumble. “I told you to stay inside.”
I quickly call Bryce to see if he has her. Maybe they made up again, which I hope not, because she seriously needs to stop dating the asshole.
He doesn’t answer either, so I shoot him a text to call me and let me know he has Rowan.
I check inside one more time, then give up when I can’t find her. The last place for me to check is the apartment they share together.
I hop into my truck again, punch in their address into my GPS, and drive off.
At this point, I’m getting worried. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on. It’s not like them not to respond, especially Rowan.
As I drive, I see something on the side of the road. Something strange and out of place, like my headlights reflect on something, then it’s gone. Something tells me to pull over, so I do. Once my truck is in Park, I hop out to look.
My heart and gut are sending warning signals throughout my body, but I don’t understand why.
Because Rowan and I are twins, we often get a sense of each other or if something is wrong. When we’re hurting, the pain doubles for us. There are times when we even know something is wrong without saying a word.
There’s acid in my stomach now when I see a form lying on the ground. I want to believe it’s just a deer someone hit and dragged to the side of the road, but I know it’s not.
It feels like I’m dragging my feet, but I’m not. I stop and stand over the form, knowing it’s a human body. My instincts tell me it’s her. I pull out my phone with shaking hands and hit the flashlight button. After I get it on, I turn the light to shine on the body.
When I see my sister bloodied, her body twisted unnaturally, I finally move into action. My only thoughts are making sure she’s alive and that she gets medical help. It doesn’t even cross my mind yet that she’s dead, despite the warning bells going off in my mind. I absolutely refuse to listen.
“Rowan!”
I reach for her, ignore her open stare, and press my fingers to her throat. Cars and trucks blow by on the small highway, and not one person stops to help. I feel nothing. No pulse, so I lean my face over her mouth to see if she’s breathing, but there’s nothing.
My hands are really shaking now as I open the screen and call 9-1-1.
After I hang up and wait for the cops and ambulance, my reality soon becomes my living hell. It finally settles in the pit of my stomach, a nuclear bomb going off and rising out of my mouth as I wail. I want to hold her, but I know enough that the police will need to investigate. But I grab her hand, her nails covered in the god-awful purple-and-silver glitter nail polish she loves so much.
He did this to her. It’s my fault that I didn’t get here sooner. Even worse, I didn’t stop her from dating that prick. That I didn’t tell our parents. If I had, I could’ve prevented her death.
Rage settles in me, and I want to go after him and fucking kill him, but I can’t leave her. Anger is better than this grief.
On top of losing half of me, I have to call my parents. Life now forever changed for all of us.
I didn’t know where the tissues came from, but I grabbed some and blew my nose. It kept running as I cried. Finn held me, his head on my shoulder, as Knox clenched his jaw, looking as if he was ready to kill something. I didn’t know what that meant.
“Was it Bryce?” Knox asked.
“Yeah. They found him passed out at his apartment, drunk as hell. His pickup was covered in her blood. He ran… over her.” A sob settles in my throat, and I try to swallow it.
“He better be in fucking prison.”
“He got ten years for involuntary manslaughter. I have no doubt he did it on purpose, and there were plenty of witnesses who saw them arguing, but because his alcohol levels were so high, they ruled out that he ran over her intentionally. Goddamn bullshit.”
“God, I’m so sorry, Rye-baby,” Finn said softly.
“It’s all my fault. She would be alive today if I’d just reported him or told my parents.”
“Stop it!” Finn snapped. “He had no history of hurting her. How would you know? You can’t report every single argument a couple has. Besides, the police wouldn’t have listened.”
“But if I told my parents, they would’ve made her…”
Knox placed a gentle hand on my knee. “And do what? Ordered her to come home? A young woman of twenty-five? Not likely. The only one who’s at fault is her boyfriend.”
“If I’d known how bad it was, I would’ve dragged her ass kicking and screaming. She would’ve hated me, but at least she would be alive! And don’t tell me you wouldn’t feel the same if you were in my shoes.”
Neither of them said anything because they knew I was right, so I continued with my story.
“I had to run. After her funeral, I did. I had to get out of that small town and forget I even had a sister—my twin.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, forgetting I had tissues. “A big city, far away, was what I needed. My parents begged me to stay, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t because I saw Rowan everywhere I went, but I couldn’t face my parents anymore, knowing I’d kept my sister’s lie from them.”
“They still don’t know?” Finn asked.
I shook my head. “They just know Bryce went nuts after getting really drunk. I, ah… haven’t talked to them since the trial six months ago. I came back for that… for her, but I stayed away from them, unable to face them.”
“Jesus…” Knox whispered. “Ryder, they’ve got to be worried sick.”
“They know I’m alive. I send them a text periodically.”
“That’s not enough, Sweet Boy. They know you’re alive, but they don’t know if you’re okay. You should tell them the truth and how you feel about all this.”
“Maybe… not yet. It hurts too much right now. Ever since she died, I’ve been missing half of my soul. I’m empty inside. Incomplete. Until…”
I grabbed my coffee, still hot, and drank several sips, unsure of what I wanted to say exactly.
Finn kissed my cheek, but I didn’t react except to look down at my feet.
“Until what?”
“Until… you and Knox.”