Chapter 13 #2
“Because, stupid, you won’t leave him any of his own to fight,” he says simply. “And he needs to do that. Win or lose, he needs to make his own decisions, and you’re going to have to step back and let him or you’ll lose him in the end because he’ll think you’re another Thomas.”
I breathe in sharply, Gideon’s dig hitting my chest and mixing with the fear I have there that maybe I’m no good for Milo.
I look up and find Milo standing and watching us.
His eyes are dark and he looks concerned.
I smile at him, but it must be pathetic because he shakes his head.
I make another attempt which he obviously finds more satisfactory because he nods happily and turns back to dancing with Jacinta, the two of them looking gorgeous amongst all those people.
I turn back to Gideon to find him watching me. “Why are you helping me? It’s very weird,” I say abruptly but he laughs.
“Because it’s funny.” He sobers up. “And I love you, Niall. You’re the best person I’ve ever known.”
I stare at him, unsure how to take this, but I’m distracted when Sam raises his head from the table. His hair is sticking up everywhere and he has a beer mat stuck to his cheek. “What day is it?” he asks blearily.
“I don’t fucking know, mate,” I say disconsolately. “Everything’s topsy-turvy now.”
Milo
A few days later I sit back in the hot tub on Niall’s balcony and look at my view.
The mountains rise over the village like humped figures under white blankets.
It’s twilight and lights are coming on all around, but out here it’s private as no one overlooks this side of the house.
Fat, fluffy flakes eddy down from the sky and land on my face, their cold touch giving tiny shocks.
I smile and wriggle further under the hot churning water, feeling it tug and pull at my sore muscles and inhaling the scent of chlorine.
We’ve skied every day from early until late and I feel as if I’ve done an intensive workout.
My arms and legs are sore and my arse is tender. However, I feel alive and buzzing.
I’ve adored these last few days with Niall.
We’ve been with the others in the party, but he still managed to sneak some time for the two of us when he took me snowshoeing at dusk.
That had been memorable with the swish-swish sound of the shoes through the snow, the wind howling around the trees, the feel of his hand on mine, and the sight of his face tanned from skiing and glowing in the low light.
I wriggle even further under the water and smile.
The sound of the door opening and shutting and the pad of footsteps makes my grin widen, and I open my eyes to find Niall standing on the balcony.
He’s got rid of the grey ski trousers and red and grey checked ski jacket he was wearing earlier and is now clad only in thermal underwear, the tight dark-grey fabric hugging the long length of him and displaying the bulge of his groin.
He’s also carrying two big mugs with steam coming from them.
I sit up eagerly, water sloshing over the side of the tub and onto the ground. “Oh, is that hot chocolate?”
He grins, handing me both mugs and then starting to strip. I stare at him, the cups in my hand forgotten as his long, golden body comes into view, his cock hanging softly and his balls bunching as he moves to hop into the tub.
“Fuck, that’s good,” he groans, and the sound makes me shudder. He grins at me and holds out his hand for his mug. Taking a sip, he groans again before putting it on the table by the tub. “God, that brandy in it makes it so good.”
I smirk. “You sound like you need alcohol.”
“Yes, thank you so much for abandoning me. I really and truly loved being left with the Grady sisters.”
I grimace at the thought of Jacinta and her sister, who take sibling rivalry to previously uncharted heights. The comparison with the twin girls from The Shining is very apt. “Was it bad?”
He shakes his head. “Put it this way, as I was leaving Jacinta offered to insert Daisy’s skis somewhere that the manufacturers certainly weren’t prepared for.”
“It’s hardly Little House on the Prairie , is it?”
He shudders. “Only if it had been set in a hell dimension.”
I throw my head back and laugh loudly. When I recover it’s to find him staring at me. “What?”
He shrugs. “Just looking. You’re gorgeous when you laugh.”
I hum awkwardly. “Well, I’ll be less gorgeous when this next batch of bruises come out.”
His expression instantly smooths into concern. “Yes. How’s the knee?”
I shrug. “It’s fine. Just a bang.”
“You went down with a real clatter, Lo. I thought you’d broken something.” He pauses. “Maybe we should get a doctor to have a look. Just in case.” I stare at him open-mouthed and he looks instantly self-conscious. “What?”
I shake my head. “Did you just offer to get a doctor? You, the man who went two days with a broken leg because you said you were sure it was just a muscle strain.”
He rubs his hand over his face, looking awkward. “Yes, well, this is different.”
“How?”
“It’s you.”
The simple words stop me dead and I stare at him, an awful suspicion running through me. “This isn’t part of you still thinking I’m ten is it, Niall, because I can assure you that I’m old enough to look after myself. I don’t need a protector.”
“Ugh, I’m totally aware that you’re not ten.” He shrugs. “I don’t want to be your protector. I want …”
He hesitates. “What?” I ask softly, almost unwilling to ask for fear of what it will reveal.
“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” He shrugs and gives a wry smile, and I know he feels the same and he’s not going to analyse what is growing here. I don’t know whether I’m disappointed or relieved.
He settles back against the tub and, reaching one long arm out, he pulls me to him. I plaster myself against his side and sigh happily. He grins and lifts his head to let the snowflakes kiss him, and I stare at the wide cheekbones dusted with freckles and the full lips and big nose.
Without opening his eyes, he squeezes me. “When are you going to talk to him?”
I stiffen slightly but he doesn’t stir, just tugs me closer. “Not yet,” I mutter. “It hasn’t been the right time.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” I say, slightly stung. “What with the homicidal twins going at each other all the time, Sam pissed from seven in the morning, and my brother doing his whole enigmatic Greta Garbo act, there hasn’t exactly been time.”
He groans. “I’m so sorry. I thought having others would lighten it up. I just didn’t want you stuck with the three of us with that look on your face.”
“What look?” I ask crossly, and he grins.
“The sort that says you’re trying to work out all the sexual positions that were involved.” He opens his eyes and directs a very serious expression at me. “Don’t bother. What I did with them is like comparing mutton to steak.”
“Oh, a lovely meat analogy. Lucky, lucky me.”
He grins. “It’s true. Nothing I did with them is anything more than a pale echo of the way we are. Nothing.”
I stare at him, my fingers stroking down his chiselled chest. “Really?”
He nods. “I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.”
“But this thing between us is still going to get too boring for you in the end.” He stares at me and I rush on, blurting out my secret thoughts.
“I mean it’s just sex with one person. At some point, it’s going to feel too staid for you and I know you’ll want to be off and filling your bed with more people.
” I hesitate, wishing my voice had some conviction in it when I say the next words.
“I’ll be fine if you want to finish whatever this is and move on.
I just ask that you’re honest and tell me before you do it. ”
He sits up, his eyes turbulent. “You’d be fine with me fucking other people?”
I nod, biting my lip, unable to hold his eyes which are burning with some emotion. “We didn’t start this with any commitments beyond hooking up, so you’re still free.”
“Stop right now,” he says sharply. He stands up, unleashing a surge of water over the sides of the tub. “Just stop fucking talking, Milo.”
“Niall,” I say urgently and try to grab him but he turns and storms off, banging into the door in his haste.
“Niall,” I shout and jump out of the tub, hissing as I land on my bad knee.
I scramble up and dart into the bedroom, which is empty.
For a second I think he’s gone out, but then I hear movement in the bathroom and I rush to the door.
He’s towelling himself off, his movements sharp and jerky, and he doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Niall,” I say imploringly. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”
“Oh, so you didn’t mean to say that it was fine for me to fuck other people and there’s nothing between us apart from sex which is bound to get boring as there aren’t multiple penises involved?”
“No,” I say miserably. “P-Please, Niall. L-Let me talk.” I hear the stutter and want to punch myself in the fucking throat. Not now .
He folds his arms. “Go ahead. ” His expression is stormy.
“I d-d-don’t want …” I pause. “I don’t …
I don’t …” Powerful red-tinged rage fills me suddenly from somewhere deep inside me, the place where I have to watch myself stammer and pause and deep breathe all the time.
And before I know I’m going to do it, I grab a vase from a side table and throw it against the far wall.
The sound of the smash of the pottery echoes through the room and everything goes still apart from the noise of our breathing.
I stand and pant, unable to believe that I just threw something during a row.
I never once lost control like this with Thomas. I wouldn’t have dared.
“Feel better?” he says roughly.
“Oh God, Niall,” I start to say but then gasp as he comes away from his standing position so quickly I don’t have time to move before he grabs me, fisting my hair and kissing me furiously.