Chapter 13 #3
For a second I tense with old memories rising, but then the smell of him surrounds me and he gives the low groan that he always gives when he kisses me and I relax suddenly.
And now that I’ve relaxed, I can recognise that although his grip is tight and his mouth impassioned, the hand in my hair is still gentle.
I sag into him and kiss him back and for a second, all I can feel are heat and panting breaths and hot skin sliding against hot skin.
I give a groan when he pulls back as quickly as he kissed me. “Oh shit, Lo,” he groans. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“Oh no, Niall.” I grab his arms as he tries to move back. “Don’t you do that. Don’t pull away and treat me like I’m made of china. I don’t want that.”
“What do you want?”
“I want you to treat me as your equal. Someone who stands on the same ground as you. I don’t want you to hesitate with me and second-guess everything. I want you to talk to me honestly and tell me what you’re feeling. And don’t hold back.”
“Really?” His breaths are more like pants on the side of my face and there’s rosy colour in his cheeks.
“So, if I tell you that I don’t think I’ll ever grow bored of having one person in my bed if that person is you, you won’t freak out?
When I tell you that there is no room for anyone else in my head at any time?
That you fill me up all the time, in bed and out of it, so that all I can think of is you?
That I can’t remember a time when you didn’t occupy some part of my mind, but now you’re lodged in all of it? ”
I swallow hard, feeling panic and joy winging equally through me, and he glares at me. This has drifted so far from what we were when I climbed into his bed a couple of weeks ago, and I don’t know what to do. He must sense it because his next words echo my thoughts.
“So, you’re okay with hearing that, Milo? Because it doesn’t seem to fit with any of these fucking parameters that you keep banging on about.”
“I’m not sure what our parameters are anymore,” I say slowly, my tongue freed with him. “The only thing I know is that I want to be with you.” I stare at him, looking into his turbulent eyes, and hesitate over my next words.
He immediately shakes his head. “Oh no, Lo. You wanted no barriers. What were you going to say?”
“I don’t want you to sleep with anyone else,” I whisper, breaking into his words and stopping him into absolute stillness.
“Milo,” he says brokenly, and suddenly I’m in his arms and he’s taking my mouth with a feverish determined kiss that somehow hurts my heart, and I wind my arms around him and pull him close to me. “What else do you want?” he whispers, leaving my mouth and burying his head in my shoulder. “Tell me.”
I pause, and the words flood out. “I want you to fuck me.” He stiffens and I fist my hand in his hair, pulling his head up.
“I want that,” I say fiercely. Seeing the doubts rising on his lips, I shake my head crossly at him.
“I’ve wanted it for a while and it’s becoming a need.
” I twist against him, feeling his cock hard against me and hearing his groan.
“I need you to fuck me. I trust you. I don’t want gentle and holding back. I want all of you.”
He pulls back and stares at me. His eyes are dark and his mouth swollen and he looks at me closely, his eyes intent and almost blind.
“You’re sure?” he asks and when I go to object, he raises his hand to stop me.
“You’ll get all of me, Lo, but a lot of me is this desire to protect you.
It’ll always be there as will the need to check you’re okay. Get used to it.”
I take a deep breath. “Niall, I want you to make love to me.” I don’t realise what I’ve said until he gives a stifled gasp and I redden. “Oh, I didn’t mean to …”
“Shut up,” he mutters, grabbing my face between his big hands and dragging me near for a deep kiss. “Shut up and get on the bed.”
I swallow hard and move slowly as if I’m drifting through deepening waters towards the bed, feeling his body at my back, the heat wafting from him.
I almost wish that I could pause this so I could analyse and pick apart all these conflicting emotions in me that both push me towards him and make me want to pull back at the same time.
Then his hand trails down my back and I decide thinking might be overrated.
I climb onto the big bed and lie back looking at him as he stands by the side of the bed, his towel tented at the front and his eyes avid as they roam down my body, pausing at the tight nubs of my nipples and the hard length of my cock.
I lift the covers up. “Get in. It’s cold away from the fire.” A soft expression crosses his face and he pulls the towel away, letting it drop in a puddle at his feet as he climbs into the bed and lies down next to me.
For some reason, I feel open and exposed under that clear gaze, and he reads me easily. He always seems to find it easy. Bending to take my mouth, he kisses me for ages until my breaths are short and my mind clouded. Until my lips are swollen and my cock is hard and leaking.
Then he pulls away and tracks biting kisses that leave marks on my skin all down my body, tracing the sharp bones of my ribs and sucking on my hipbones like an animal nibbling and licking, before moving into my crotch.
He nestles his face there, inhaling deeply and biting gently at the area where my thigh meets my groin.
I can hear my breathing loud in the quiet room, and I groan under my breath at the touch of his tongue to my cock. My brain has gone dark with no worries or concerns, just a drifting warm pleasure with no room for anything else because Niall is bossy in bed and that bossiness sets me free.
In the past few weeks, it’s occurred to me to worry over it, to fret over the fact that once again I’ve handed control to another man, but then I’ll look at him and know that I’m safe. He won’t hurt me in bed. I know this as surely as I know my name, and it has set me free.
I cry out as he licks and suckles my cock, taking me deep down his throat with the same grace and sensual ease that he displays in bed. His mouth works on me and when he swallows, I fist my fingers in the white-blond strands of his hair.
“No,” I shout out. “I’ll come. Not like this.”
He releases my cock with a pop and moves up to lie at my side where he grabs the tube of lube from under the pillow.
Staring into my eyes, he uncaps the bottle and pours a stream onto his fingers.
Still holding my gaze, he reaches down and cups my balls, tugging them gently so a low ache settles in the pit of my stomach.
Then I swallow hard as he reaches lower and touches my hole.
Almost instinctively I spread my legs, trusting him, and I watch as a muscle ticks in his jaw.
Impulsively, I raise up and kiss and lick at it before he takes my mouth in a heated kiss.
I open my mouth to groan as he sends his fingers rubbing over my hole and seemingly waking about twenty billion nerves.
He seizes the opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth, and the next few minutes are marked by the noise of our groans as he kisses me furiously, eating into my mouth while I gasp and arch under him as he fingers me open.
At first, it’s strange and the burn scares me, but I relax as the pain that usually followed Thomas doing this never comes with Niall.
Instead, he replenishes the lube frequently and takes his time until he hits my prostate and I arch up, choking on a scream as pleasure sears me. “Oh fuck,” I cry out.
“Good?” he whispers.
I nod, staring at him. Sweat is coating him but his expression is calm. If it weren’t for that tick in his jaw and the fact that his chest is rising and falling with fast breaths and his cock is hard and angry-looking, I’d never know he was getting desperate. But he is. I feel it.
Finally, I grab and stay his fingers. “Please, Niall. I need you.”
He pulls back instantly, and I settle back in the bed as he reaches for a condom and rolls it on with expert moves, settling it with a snap.
Then he reaches for a pillow and I lift up obligingly as he shoves it under my arse.
With a graceful movement, he’s kneeling at the entrance to my body before I know it.
He looks at me, checking I’m okay, and when I nod he closes his eyes and breathes deeply.
Then I deliberately spread my legs further.
“Fuck me,” I gasp and he’s there instantly.
Notching his cock against my hole with one hand, he uses the other to rub my chest and hips soothingly as he starts to push.
I tense and he stops immediately. “You okay?”
“Just nervous,” I say, hating the threadiness in my voice, but his face softens.
“It’ll be okay,” he says, sitting back slightly but not leaving my body. “It’ll feel strange, but I swear it’s not going to be like before.” He holds my gaze until I nod, and then he pats my hip. “Okay, I’m in, but now you’re going to take me the rest of the way in your own time.”
I nod, looking down at our bodies. I can see where his cock is just in me, my hips and arse raised and my legs spread over the top of his thighs.
He rests his hands on my hips and I cant my bum and pull him further in me.
Slowly at first, but getting faster as my confidence builds, I grab onto his legs for traction and push down on him until finally, he bottoms out.
“Slow,” I say on a gasp. He feels huge in me and strange and I take the moment gratefully, just breathing.
He looks down at me and then, licking his palm, he reaches down and takes my cock in his hard, callused palm.
His movements are so gentle it’s like being stroked in a dream.
His hand moves slowly and almost delicately and I chase it, but as I move my hips his cock presses against the knot in me and heat surges through me, and abruptly all that glorious, wild energy that I associate with being with Niall roars through me.
“Oh, God,” I gasp and he looks at me. “Fuck me now. Please.”
He nods and surges forward, his hips starting to piston gently at first, but as I urge him on with breathy cries and groans he gets harder until he’s slamming into me and I’m urging him on, grabbing his arse to pull him in and winding my legs around him.
What felt strange at first with something inside me now just feels glorious.
“Oh fuck,” I cry out, and my hands slip around his arse cheeks to grab them and hold him in me. I graze his hole with my fingers by accident but he goes rigid.
“Yes. That’s so fucking good. Do it.”
I raise my fingers to his lips and he kisses them, sloppily mouthing and sucking them until they’re wet and I can feel the pulse in my cock.
Then I send them back and dance them over his opening before pushing one digit into him.
His thrusts accelerate and I writhe under him, feeling my cock slip and slide along the ridged abs that are wet with sweat.
I strain against him, searching for the end, and suddenly I’m there.
“Niall,” I shout loudly, and he groans.
“ God, yes. Come.”
Then I’m coming, shooting between us without getting a hand on myself.
He lifts up slightly and stares down between our bodies.
When he looks up, his eyes are dark and his expression frantic.
“So hot,” he says hoarsely. “You’re so fucking good, Lo.
” The last is choked and he grunts as he starts to come, his face twisting almost as if he’s in pain as he thrusts and thrusts, filling the condom inside me with heat.
Then he collapses onto me and we both lie there for a while as our breathing slows and we mumble soft asides and kiss. Finally, he levers off me, grabbing hold of the condom and tying a knot in it before he slings it into the bin near the bed.
I watch him, feeling a curious emptiness and already missing his body heat, but then he rolls over to me and pulls me into his arms and instantly the odd emptiness is gone, replaced with warmth and a very cautious joy.
“You are my equal,” he whispers, answering my earlier words and pulling the duvet over us. “You’ve always been my equal. You’re spiky and clear-headed and calm but to me, you’re also precious and that means you can’t ask me not to care and look out for you. It’s what makes me the person I am.”
I nestle further into him, running my fingers along his forearms, relishing the darker hair that grows there and tracing the long veins that marble the surface.
“As long as you’re okay with me doing it back to you,” I whisper.
“As long as you’re okay with me caring if you're hurt or getting worried about you. Because sometimes you need me just as much as I do you.”
He’s still for a second as if surprised that anyone would want to take care of him. Then he hugs me closer. “I don’t doubt that,” he whispers, and the words echo in the sleepy silence between us.