Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Kendall
I licked my lips nervously, my belly spinning. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I said, being honest about my own uncertainty.
Jude reached over, catching my hand and lacing his fingers through mine. His thumb began to stroke in an idle, comforting pass on the inside of my wrist. “I kind of can’t either, but I’m all in.”
“So what are you doing today?” I managed, trying to distract myself. I couldn’t be going around getting turned on all the time with Jude because we actually had things to do, like life.
“I have a hike to lead. Haven texted that the group was getting ready.”
“In the winter?” I eyed the snowy landscape rolling by. We were in the heart of winter with several feet of snow blanketing the ground.
“Well, snowshoeing,” he added.
“Oh, I love snowshoeing!”
His chuckle spun around my heart. “I know you do. Anytime you want to go with me on these hikes, you’re welcome. Although I know you’re usually busy at the rescue,” he added.
“That is the story of my life, busy at the rescue. I have to study tonight. Is that going to be okay?”
Jude cast me a side-eye.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I pressed.
He shook his head, bringing his eyes back to the road.
“Of course, it’s okay for you to study. You’re getting your veterinarian degree.
I know that’s important to you. You don’t have to entertain me, Kendall.
If having dinner at the resort takes too much time because you need to study, we’ll go back to your place and I’ll make some dinner for you.
The better guess is my mom will make us something to take with us. ”
I smiled, my heart feeling warm. “I know she would.”
“Back to my point, I already know you need to study. I’ll hang out and watch something on TV.” Jude let out a sigh. “And, I also have to finish up my certification for the electrician thing.”
“Oh, I forgot you’re doing that.”
“Well, it’s because I’m doing it really slow.” He chuckled.
“I think it’s good, you like being able to do anything needed.”
“I do. As it is, Cole’s the one who does everything electrical at the resort, and he could use some help.”
“You all are for sure adding the extra rooms, right?”
Jude let out a sigh, smiling at the same time. “Yeah, we are. We need to. At this point, we have a waitlist that’s almost a year long if we were to book everyone who’s waiting.”
I squeezed his hand. “I’m so happy for you all.”
He squeezed back. “I know you are. It’s been a long time coming.”
“When did you say Lincoln was coming home?” I asked.
“It sounds like sometime in the next couple of months. It’ll be good to have him here.”
“How’s he doing these days?” I knew how much Jude worried about Lincoln.
Jude was quiet for a moment, lifting one shoulder in a shrug when I glanced over. “He sounds okay, better than he has in a long time.”
“You all miss Bree. Hopefully, Lincoln coming home will maybe help him… I don’t know. I don’t want to say let it go, because I know he’s always going to feel something. But maybe he can find some peace in what he can’t change.”
“That’s what we all hope.” Jude’s voice was low, and the subtle reverberation of pain echoed in it.
“I know,” I said softly. “Aside from Haven, you and him are closest.”
Jude cleared his throat. “We are.”
“Any updates from Blake?” he asked after a few beats of silence.
“He texted to let me know he was home and that he talked to his sponsor.” I let out a sigh. “Sometimes I think maybe I should just ignore him the next time he reaches out for help like that, but I know I won’t.”
When Jude slid his gaze to mine again, the understanding there made my heart flip. “Of course you won’t.”
“But I feel like I’m enabling him.”
“Picking him up when he made a bad choice and didn’t actually drink, I don’t think that’s enabling.
I think that’s supporting him.” Jude paused, and I could sense he was considering his words.
“One of the things I love about you is you’re a good friend.
I know that you’ve always carried the burden in your family.
You’re pretty much the parent for all of them.
I have my feelings about that, but it is who you are.
You don’t have to try to change who you are.
You’re going to help your brother if he needs help.
That’s the person you are. If anything, I get more frustrated with your parents because they flake out and expect everything to work out, and you make it so for them.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t help them, because I know that if they needed something, you can’t ignore it.
Rather than beating yourself up for who you are, accept it and be honest with your parents and with Blake.
Maybe try to set some boundaries so they step up and don’t take advantage of you. ”
“That’s the hard part for me,” I said softly.
A quiet fell between us for the rest of the drive.
I watched the beautiful landscape roll by out the window.
We were in the deepest, coldest part of winter now.
January through February was when we tended to get the most snow.
The days were still short, but they were getting longer.
By the time March came, it would feel like a ball rolling downhill fast as the days got longer and longer.
The sun was just coming up, staining the sky with purple and pink, its rays breaking through the thin clouds hovering above the mountains.
The sound of an eagle calling was sharp in the quiet winter morning. Jude slowed, murmuring, “Easy there.”
I glanced ahead to see three moose ambling across the road. It looked like a mom and a pair of yearlings. “Do you remember that summer that yearling wouldn’t leave your place?” I asked.
Jude snorted. “Oh yeah. The mama moose chased him in circles while he cried in the yard. It was dramatic and sad.”
After our laughter petered out, I pondered that this morning between us encapsulated so much of our friendship.
We could both talk about the things that hurt the most and just move on to lighter topics.
A tiny sense of panic spun in my chest because this was what I never wanted to lose.
I feared now that we had taken things so much further that it would hurt all the more if something ruptured in our connection.
It’s Jude. It’s you. You love each other. It will be okay.
When he dropped me off, Travis gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Jude dragged his sleeve across his face before he leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss. “I’ll see you later, okay? Stay warm.”
“Should I walk over for dinner?”
“Of course not. I’ll come pick you up.”
“I don’t mind walking.”
He rolled his eyes. “I know you don’t, but I also don’t mind picking you up, and it’s freezing out. Now go.”
I scrambled out of the truck, watching as he drove away. Travis had already raced off into the snow. It was dry snow for now, and it fluffed up in the air around him.
Once the sound of Jude’s tires on gravel disappeared, it was just me, the sunrise, and my dog.
I didn’t need to call Travis. He knew where to find me.
I turned and walked into the barn, smiling as soon as I did.
The horses nickered softly, and the goats let out their little bleating sounds, and I felt welcomed.