Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Jude
“It is fucking cold,” Lincoln said flatly.
“It’s the middle of the winter,” I pointed out as we glided along on our skis.
“How far until we reach that hunting cabin?”
“A few more miles. We’re not far.”
We glanced back at the group of college kids stretched along the trail behind us. This group wasn’t quite as high-achieving as the one that had come with us for training, but they kept us in top form. “You don’t even sound winded,” I pointed out.
Lincoln flashed a grin. “Dude. Hotshot firefighting is no joke. You know that. That’s all I’ve been doing for the last five years. Carrying gear. Hiking in horrible conditions. Gliding along on some skis is easy-peasy.”
“I do hotshot trips,” I felt pressed to point out.
“Yeah, you do it for two or three weeks at a time. I’ve been doing those trips for six to eight months out of the year. Or, I did.”
“You really home to stay?” I couldn’t help but ask.
His gaze slid to mine. “I really am. I know Mom’s worried I’m gonna change my mind. I’m not.”
I opened my mouth to ask another question, but he beat me to it. “And, yeah, I still hate what happened with Bree. I’m always gonna feel like I screwed up. Somehow, I had enough time away that coming back is better than running from it.”
“Fair. If you ever want to talk about it, you know I’m here.”
“That’s all I want to say about it.”
The tone in his voice was the equivalent of a door closing—firmly and quietly—right in my face.
“Understood. I won’t ask you about it again.”
He paused on the trail, and I stopped beside him. “I don’t mind people asking, but Mom is asking about it a lot. My bandwidth to deal with the questions is, I guess, filled by her,” he explained.
“She means well,” I offered, my tone cautious.
“I know she does. We’ll muddle through it.” He paused, tipping his head back to glance at the sky. “We better keep moving.”
“Hey, you’re the one who stopped,” I pointed out with an eye roll as we began skiing again.
“I know. But we can’t let these guys show us up. It’ll make me feel old.”
With that, he leaned forward and picked up his pace. I followed suit.
That night, after we got comfortable in one of the two trail cabins we’d booked for this trip, I leaned against the wall where I sat near the wood stove.
“Can’t beat a warm place when we’ve been out in the cold all day,” I commented. The feeling of rest after this kind of day was potent.
“Seriously,” Lincoln agreed. “How’s Kendall?” he asked. “I’m surprised you didn’t stay with her that last night.”
My heart twisted a little, and I ignored the frustration bundled like a tight coil inside me. “Her brother’s staying with her for a couple of days. I’m just hoping he’s gone when I get back.”
“Ah, Blake. He’s kind of a mess.”
“We all know what happened.” Her brother had been brutally assaulted at school by a group of kids on the football team. Not a whole lot happened in the aftermath. Those guys still roamed the hallways, the school bullies.
Blake had been on the team, but he’d been the biggest competition for the guy who was the star, and they wanted to make sure to put him in his place.
They succeeded. He dropped off the team and became known as the party guy.
Years later, he was still struggling to right the ship of his life and stay sober.
“How many times did he get caught drinking and driving?” Lincoln asked.
I shrugged. “Hell if I know. He lost his license though. He can’t drive. And, you know Kendall, she’s always busy taking care of everybody in her family.”
“You seem a little…” Lincoln tapped his fingers on his water bottle. “I don’t know. You might be angry.”
“I’m not angry. I guess I’m disappointed.”
“At Kendall?”
I paused, tipping my head to the side. “Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t expect her to let him stay with her, but she did. So, that’s that.”
“What the hell do you mean that’s that?”
“I couldn’t see her the night before I left, and now we’re gone for five days. That’s what I mean.”
Lincoln narrowed his eyes. “Are you—” He paused, cutting his own words off.
“Am I what?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “You’ll figure it out.”
“Figure what out?”
“Well, you figured out that you love her, dumbass. When are you going to figure out that what you have with her is something most of us never get?”
“Hey, I know that.” I tried not to sound too defensive. “I’m not the one who’s busy bailing out my brother.”
“You would do anything for any of us.” Lincoln’s tone was somber.
“I know.” My throat was tight and my chest ached.
Just then, one of the guests called over to us, asking a question about the route tomorrow and effectively ending that conversation.