15. Killian
Her soft curves molded beneath my tightening grip as I marched down the short hall, my boots stomping on the polished hardwood with every quick step. If I wasn’t careful, just the feel of her in my arms, her soft breaths against my neck, and the lingering sting left from her little nip to my lip would have me exploding in my jeans like a teenager at his first introduction to a porno magazine.
Not that I knew from experience.
I prided myself on steely control, but with Millie in my arms, it seemed all that carefully crafted self-control fucking evaporated.
Inside her bedroom, I did a quick sweep, noting the windows and the two doors, which I assumed led to a closet and bathroom while assessing every escape route and various objects around the room that could be used as a weapon if needed. Sure, I had my gun, but the CIA trained you to be prepared for anything, and that included if your gun failed or bullets ran out before your enemies’ did.
With a sharp shake of my head, I gently laid my Millie on the light gray comforter. The fluffy material molded around her tiny frame while her legs dangled off the edge of the king-size bed. Instead of ripping off her clothes, tying her hands, and covering her eyes like I would any other woman—and had with everyone since Millie—I relaxed both hands at my side to memorize everything about the significant moment.
Dark hair splayed around her head, hooded lids almost covering blown pupils that made her dark eyes look almost black, combined with the flush that covered her slender neck to her cheeks, had my cock straining against the zipper of my loose jeans. My teeth sank into my lower lip as I bit hard to keep a desperate groan from escaping while I adjusted myself.
“Fucking hell, Millie,” I rasped. “I could come just looking at you, all flushed and desperate for me. I won’t be able to hold back once I get these damn clothes off you. If you want me to stop, please have fucking mercy on me and tell me now, or?—”
“If you don’t do something right the fuck now, Killian, I swear I really will hate you.”
A slow smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I nodded and reached for the hem of her sweater. Millie arched her back and wiggled, helping me pull it over her head, and collapsed back against the bed the second it was free. I licked my lips, staring at her full tits that spilled out of lace cups. Unable to keep my hands to myself, I palmed one and gently kneaded the full globe while brushing a thumb over the hard nipple poking through the delicate lace.
“How attached are you to this torture contraption?” I asked, unable to look away from how her flush spread down to her chest and continued lower.
“What?”
Taking that as an answer, I slid my knife free, the one I didn’t go anywhere without, and flipped it around in my hand, loving the way Millie’s eyes went wide. I flinched, but there wasn’t fear in her gaze, more curiosity and a flicker of heat. Careful to not nick her soft, porcelain skin, I slipped the knife beneath the restraining strap between her breasts and slid the sharp edge against the material. It fell apart with little effort, the lace cups dropping to her side.
“I want to fuck your perfect tits one day soon,” I muttered under my breath. The slight hitch of her breath jerked my attention to her parted lips. Hmm, seemed she liked that idea as much as me. What other kinky-ass shit was my Millie into these days?
Stepping back, I returned the knife to its sheath and set it on the floor beside my foot, along with the gun and holster. It was too much to leave it somewhere not within reach. The fact I could set both aside was a fucking testament to how comfortable and safe I felt with Millie. If it wasn’t because I was more concerned about her safety than myself, I’d probably be able to move both weapons farther away.
But if something were to happen, as unlikely as that was, I needed to be ready. I failed her once already when Dad got the drop on me. She was drugged, for fuck’s sake, while I lay there beside her?—
“Killian?” I snapped my gaze to hers. Her dainty hand reached up, brushing along my jaw. I trembled at the faint touch, utterly mesmerized by the lack of shame it conjured. “You okay?” Her fingertips stroked along my skin. My lids fluttered closed as a guttural groan vibrated in my chest. “We don’t have to?—”
“It’s not that.” I turned all my focus to the feel of her soft touch. “I’m fucked in the head, Millie, more than I ever was when we were together. I’ve done things, had things done—” My voice cracked as those dark memories threatened to take hold. “This is the first time I’ve let someone touch me intimately—hell, almost at all—in ten years.”
Before she could respond, not wanting to ruin this moment I had fantasized about, I dropped to my knees between her legs and leaned forward. Eyes locked on hers, I flicked the tip of one pebbled nipple with my tongue before sucking it between my lips. Her back arched off the bed, and her fingers dove into my disheveled hair that draped over my shoulders and danced across her skin.
“No therapy session now, babycakes. Now is my time to reacquaint myself with this perfect body, learn every spot that makes you squirm and beg for more.” I shifted to her other side, nipping at the tip while twisting and pulling the other nipple between two fingers. Millie’s hips shifted against me, and her legs wrapped around my back, holding me even tighter against her. “Are you desperate yet, baby?”
“Yes,” she pleaded as her head rolled from side to side along the bed. “Fuck, Killian.”
Watching for the smallest of reactions, I pinched both slick tips hard. Lips parted, Millie twisted, but not to get away from the slight pain, but writhed along the bed in desperate need.
With the waistband of her joggers in my tight grip, I pulled them down her thighs, making sure my scarred knuckles brushed against her soft skin, ramping up both of our anticipation for what was to come. I tossed the pants to the side and stared at the tiny square of lace covering her cunt.
I pressed my nose against the soft material and inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the overwhelming scent of her arousal. Her legs trembled on either side of my head with every soft kiss I placed along her covered slit, tongue lapping at the drenched fabric, not yet diving into her like I wanted but loving the slow build. Instead of ripping the thin straps on either side, I blindly reached for my knife and used it to cut away the fabric that kept me from my fantasy brought to life.
Fuck, how many times had I dreamed of this, woken up with my leaking cock in hand, and was forced to get myself off or risk not walking normally from the resulting blue balls.
Sitting back on my heels, I made quick work of the top button of my jeans and ripped the zipper down. A guttural groan rattled in my chest as my fingers tightened around my throbbing cock and pumped up to the head, squeezing even tighter.
“I will not come outside your cunt,” I growled, more to myself than Millie. Unable to stop, I nipped at the inside of her thigh before biting even harder on the other. Her legs squeezed tight, nearly suffocating me with the constricting hold. One-handed, because the other was busy keeping me from embarrassing myself and shooting my load all over her fucking carpet, which I would then have to burn because no DNA left behind—it was an odd CIA motto that maybe I created and had caught on amongst my peers—I spread her thighs apart.
The first real taste of her on my tongue had my balls pulling up tight. The familiar zing of an oncoming orgasm raced up my spine. With a vicious growl against her slick core, I dropped my dick and stood.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Millie.” Her eyes widened as I pulled out my wallet and tossed it to the side after retrieving a condom. “I swear I’ll eat that perfect pussy until you pass out from too many orgasms by my tongue, but I need to be inside you. Now.” The trash fluttered to the floor as I rolled on the condom.
“Killian,” she whispered as I leaned over her. “Why are you still dressed?”
“Baby steps, Millie. Baby steps.” I knew she didn’t understand those words, but now was not the time to discuss the next level of fucked up I’d become.
“Killian?”
“Yeah, baby,” I hissed through clenched teeth.
“Don’t be gentle.” The frown that pulled at my lips must have told her I wasn’t sure she could handle my not gentle. “I’m not as fragile as you think. Please, Kill.”
Oh, I liked that. Loved hearing the sweet, yet deadly nickname on her lips.
A predatory smile grew as I lined up with her entrance. Reaching between us, I pinched her swollen clit at the same time I thrust inside her until our hips sealed together. Lips to hers, I swallowed her cry as I shifted, making sure every inch of me was inside her. The demanding kiss turned frantic. Blunt nails scraped along my back, driving me fucking crazy in the best way possible.
Pulling my hips back, I snapped them forward, adjusting the angle with every thrust until she clamped around me, signaling I’d hit her perfect spot.
“I dreamed of this,” I panted against her lips as I pulled back to kiss along her neck. “Though I never expected to hold you again, to feel you… fucking everywhere.”
Keeping up with the quick pace, I bent lower to seal my lips around her peaked tip and sucked hard. Her cries of pleasure echoed around the room. Knowing I couldn’t hold back much longer, I snaked a hand between us. Thumb to her swollen nub, I pressed hard while drawing tight circles.
A curse flew from my lips when she clamped down around me, her tight pussy keeping me locked in place as her orgasm raced through her writhing body. Not wanting to miss a second, I watched her in fascination as she fell apart around me. Too past the point of holding off my own orgasm, I pushed even deeper inside her and came with a string of curses.
The arm holding my weight trembled and gave out. The bed molded beneath my elbow, thankfully catching myself before I squished my tiny woman beneath my larger frame. Thick dark lashes fanned up and down her flushed cheeks as she worked to get her breathing under control. I wasn’t much better. My heart hammered against my chest like it wanted to punch through, to get even closer to her.
I worked out a lot to manage the anger and frustration that always simmered through my veins, keeping me on constant edge. But the last few minutes made me feel like I’d just run a fucking marathon. Sweaty palm to her cheek, I swiped away the few strands of hair sticking to her warm skin as I smiled down at my Millie.
“Tell me this is real,” I whispered.
“I know exactly how you feel,” she said, stroking her fingers through my hair. Those dark eyes shifted to look at the long dirty-blond strands. “I like your hair. It suits you. Don’t cut it tomorrow, please. I have this odd urge to play with it.”
My chuckle brushed against her skin as I swept my lips against hers. “Whatever you want, baby. I’m all yours.” She held my gaze, and a thin line appeared between her brows. I clicked my tongue and pressed a thumb there. “What has that brilliant mind of yours working overtime?”
“How long?” I cocked my head to the side. “How long are you all mine?”
I froze, unsure of my response, but that didn’t stop me from answering with the truth. “For as long as you’ll have me, Millie.” I sighed and pushed up from the bed, putting some space between us. Slowly, I pulled out of her and tugged off the condom. After tying off the end, I made my way to the bathroom while fastening my jeans and flushed the condom down the toilet. Back in her bedroom, she watched me with hurt and confusion written all over her features. The bed dipped where I sat beside her. Unable to stop, I trailed my fingers up and down her bare stomach, loving the way her muscles jumped and twitched with every barely there touch.
“I’m not the same man I was back then. Before you commit to wanting me—” I stopped and raked my fingers through my hair. “Wait until all my baggage is exposed, and you’ll realize just how fucked-up I am.” Turning, I lay down beside her, head propped up by my palm. “You’re this amazing professor, beautiful and way too good of a person for someone like me. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop wanting you or wanting your everything, but before you question how long you have with me, let’s see if you even want this dark and fucked-up version I’ve become.”
I avoided her gaze, instead following where my fingers circled around her belly button.
“Fuck, even your belly button is cute.” I shot her a smile that would convince anyone else that I’d moved on and was back in a good place. But not Millie. Of course, my Millie could see through the mask; she always did.
“Killian, I think you’re forgetting something.”
My fingers stilled. “What’s that?”
“You don’t have to fight it alone anymore.” I sucked in a shocked breath. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but baggage is kind of my specialty.” Her smile made my gut flip. “And I’ve just found you, after also dreaming of this moment for ten years, just like you. Don’t think so little of me that your trauma or past, the hard work that will be needed to help you, will stop me from finally getting what I want.”
“Orgasms?” My smile was forced and fake as shit.
Hers went all soft and sad, making me hate myself a little more. Holding my face between her hands, she pulled me close until our lips barely touched before she responded with the one word that ripped me apart in the best way possible.
“You.”
“You’ve always had me, Millie. I’ve never stopped being yours.”
My lips slid against hers in a slow kiss. Every emotion that I kept bottled up over the years poured from me to her. Holding her face, I deepened the kiss, hoping to relay how much this, her, meant to me. What she’d always meant to me. Those hard days and nights that never seemed to end when I was a hostage. The memories of Millie kept me going and made me fight to survive another day. If it hadn’t been for her, for those months together as friends, I wouldn’t have wanted to keep going, to keep enduring the pain and mental torture those bastards put me through.
But now she was here.
Offering to help, to fight through my mental shit with me.
Slowly working my way down her throat, I scooted off the bed until I kneeled between her thighs once again. Palms under both cheeks, I lifted her slight weight off the mattress and yanked her core to my face.
“Now, I think I promised you an orgasm marathon.” With a whimper, her head fell back to the bed, an arm tossed over her eyes. My chuckle skated along her slick skin as I nipped at her swollen clit with just enough pressure to sting. My guttural groan vibrated against her slick lips when I buried my tongue into her perfect cunt, ready to devour her until she begged me to stop.
And if she never demanded I stop eating her whole, then that was 100 fucking percent okay with me.