Chapter Twenty
HOLLY
“I can’t do this, Cassie.” I grab my clothes from the drawer, throwing them in the general direction of my rolling travel bag, not caring if they land all the way in. I’ll figure it out later.
“It was a simple misunderstanding, Holly. No one is going to think anything of it tomorrow,” Cassie tries to reassure me, standing in the bedroom doorway, eying me like I could sprout two heads at any moment.
My mind reels. Yes, I was considering the option of one day having a husband and family. Possibly with Rex. But seeing him down on one knee after everyone assumed he was proposing was too much. It made me realize just how quickly this has all moved.
“I’ve been here less than a week, Cassie. This isn’t normal.”
“It wasn’t like he was actually proposing,” she says, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.
“I know that,” I snap, sounding harsher than I intend. I close my eyes, grasping my shirt in my hand harder than necessary. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you. Out on any of you.”
“So why are you? I mean, forget about me; you’re frustrated, but why are you leaving and taking this out on Rex?”
I look down at the shirt in my hand and whisper, “I don’t know.”
“Do you like him?” she asks.
I keep looking down at the shirt, noticing it’s the plaid one he gave me on my first morning in town. He told me to keep it and, to be honest, I never wanted to give it back.
I think of the time we’ve spent together. How he’s opened up his home—and his heart—to me. He’s been nothing but kind and patient and what have I done? Freaked out over a misunderstanding.
“Yes, I like him.”
“So, why are you leaving?”
I look up at her, tears welling in my eyes. “I need to know if it’s this place that is making me feel what I’m feeling. This has never happened to me before, Cassie. I’ve never just come to a town and been swept up in the community and the events. I’ve never met someone like Rex and had everything just fall into place.”
“Literally,” Cassie says, trying—and failing—to cover it as a cough in her hand. When I look up at her with a huff, she adds, “What? He fell into you, and then, if I heard correctly, you fell into him.”
I let out a soft chuckle, thinking of how we met.
Was that really only less than a week ago?
“What I’m saying is, are you really ready to throw away what might be an amazing relationship because you’re scared? We’re all scared, Holly. I was scared to put my feelings out there for Rex, but you know what? Even though it’s not going to work out, and I completely believe that it’s for the best now, I’m happy I did because now I know I can do it. So when the right person comes along, I’ll be able to know that I did it, got rejected, and I’m still okay.”
I know she’s right, but my mind still fills with the ‘what ifs.’
“What happens when the Christmas magic is gone, Cassie? When the decorations come down and the spirit of the season is gone? Will what we have be enough? Surely even Candy Cane Creek doesn’t stay like this all year round.”
She laughs. “No. We love Christmas, but we are also realistic.” She takes a moment to regard me before continuing. “But seriously, there’s no magic, Holly. Yes, the season brings its own magic, but everything that I’ve seen between you and Rex is real. No matter the season or the holiday, I believe that what you have is real. Is it fast? Yes, but that’s life. Sometimes you meet the right person, and it just clicks.”
I want to believe her. I also know that if I really stop and think about it, what I feel for Rex is significantly different than what I felt for Josh.
The sound of a knock at the door breaks our conversation. I know it’s him. I’ve gotten to know his knock, just like I’ve gotten to know how he takes his coffee—either the overly-sugary latte or black with a candy cane. I’ve gotten used to the way he smells, which is peppermint with a hint of dog. It’s become a comfort in the short time I’ve known him, but yet, it makes my stomach do a tilt-a-whirl, thinking about what it means.
“I’ll get it,” Cassis says. She hesitates for a moment before crossing the room and pulling me into a hug. “Please don’t stay away for too long. It won’t just be Rex that misses you.”
And with that, she’s gone.
I hear their muffled voices down the hall as I throw my shirt into my rolling bag, closing my eyes and fighting back tears.
How did I get here? How did I go from wanting something with Rex to having it make me so scared over a simple misunderstanding?
“Can I come in?” Rex’s hushed tone makes me open my eyes. He’s rid himself of his jacket and boots, standing in front of me in his light up tie, making me wish I could rewind the clock a couple of hours to when I was in his arms. To before I freaked out and ran off.
To when I still believed that we could just be us .
“Of course. It’s your house.” I turn to the dresser, pulling out another shirt.
“You’re really leaving?”
The hurt in his voice breaks my heart.
“I have to, Rex. I don’t live here.” I turn, throwing my shirt in my bag. “This was always the plan. I get my car fixed and I go back home to Vancouver. “
“I know. I just thought…”
He doesn’t need to say the words. We both know what he thought. If I’m honest, a couple of hours ago I thought the same thing. That I could stay. That I could be a part of Candy Cane Creek with their over-the-top decorations and festivals. With their Christmas themed stores and events.
With Rex.
“My apartment is there. My job.”
“Isn’t your job to travel? Write your blog? Why can’t this be your home base?”
Why can’t he be my home base?
“I’m not saying it can’t be,” I whisper, not looking at him. “I’m just saying I need time. I don’t want to end this—us—I just need time.”
“So long distance, then? Is that what you’re asking for?”
“Yes? No. I don’t know,” I say in a frustrated tone, lifting my hands and covering my face.
I hear his soft footsteps on the hardwood floor before I feel his hands on mine, lowering them. I look into his beautiful blue eyes, framed with his black glasses and his floppy brown hair. I don’t see anger or contempt in them, only caring and concern.
Maybe even…love.
“I don’t want to pressure you. Just know that if you come back, I’ll be here. But my life is in Candy Cane Creek. If you end up being in Vancouver or anywhere else, I understand. Know that I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for you and our time together. You’ve taught me it’s okay to open my heart again. That I can open my heart again. For that, Holly, I’ll be eternally grateful.”
I don’t try to hold in the tears as he pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head.
We stand like that for a few moments; me clinging to him while tears fall from my eyes. Him holding me tight and brushing his lips over my hair, telling me softly it’ll be okay. I don’t know if the reassurances are for me or both of us, but it’s working.
With a final squeeze, he gives me another kiss on the head before he turns and leaves the room without another word.
That’s when I fall onto the bed and cry.
* * *
“Holly! Open up, I know you’re in there!” Rachel yells through my door, breaking my blissful silence.
I got back to my apartment late last night, texting Rachel to let her know I made it back to town before shutting off my phone and hiding it under my pillow. I didn’t trust myself not to text Rex, just like I had to stop myself from turning around on the highway and heading back to Candy Cane Creek at least a dozen times.
“Holly! Open up! I’m not above calling the building manager and making up some Christmas emergency!” Rachel yells again, knocking louder this time.
I groan as I get up, knowing she will do just that if I don’t get to the door in the next ten seconds. Pausing the movie I was half watching, I place the remote next to the melting tub of ice cream before shuffling over to the door.
Merry Christmas to me.
I sigh as I open the door, not looking, as I walk back to the couch and wrap myself in my blanket.
“Well, aren’t you a merry sight?” she says, closing the door and walking to me. “Are you watching a Christmas movie? And eating candy cane ice cream?” Her eyes open so wide I think they might jump out of her head. “What is that on your head? Antlers?”
I wrap the blanket around me tighter, burrowing into the couch. “Maybe.”
“What happened?” she asks, her voice softer as she takes a seat on the couch, making me move my feet to give her space.
“My car was fixed. The blog post was done. I came home,” I say, staring at the paused TV.
I can’t take my eyes off the couple on the screen. They’re wearing fluffy jackets and festive toques, lost in each other’s eyes as the snow falls around them. Not long ago, that was Rex and I. Now, I’m here, wallowing while dressed like a fuzzy reindeer.
“That’s not all. It wasn’t long ago you were gushing about Rex. Then, I get a text you’re in town and then nothing. I have to say, the movie and the ice cream are concerning. You hate both of those things.”
“Hate is a strong word,” I grumble, wishing I could grab another bite of the overwhelming peppermint and sugar treat without drawing more attention to my odd behaviour.
I probably shouldn’t tell her I also drank my coffee black with a candy cane this morning, either.
Thank goodness for the fully stocked gas station I found on the way home.
“Fine. You still need to tell me what happened, though.”
So I do. I tell her about the town, but not the unbiased, fluffy version in the blog. I tell her about Cassie and Jacob. I tell her about the people. The community. How they welcomed me with open arms and not just because of the attention they could gain from the blog, but because that’s just who they are.
More importantly, I tell her about Rex.
“So, what are you doing here, then?” she asks, playfully swatting at my legs.
“I live here, Rachel,” I answer, as if it were the simplest question in the world.
“So? People move all the time. Plus, you’ve never liked this apartment and you’ve been miserable in the city for a while. Why do you think I’ve asked you to do so many travel blogs lately?”
“You…what?” I ask, sitting up.
“It’s really hard to take you seriously with those antlers on.” She shakes her head. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you as happy as you were the last time I talked to you there. Honestly, I was expecting to get a call asking me to pack up your things, not to find you like this.”
“I was happy…” I whisper, looking back at the couple on the screen.
“So, what are you doing here?”
That is the question. What am I doing?
All I’ve known since Josh left me was to deflect and avoid. I’ve worked to keep my mind off everything else, making sure I left no time to think of anything else. This past week, I found myself working less and just enjoying life.
I had forgotten what it was like. What being happy felt like.
Maybe that’s what really scared me. Am I afraid of being happy?
It makes sense, or at least, part of it does. The last time I thought I was happy, I ended up alone in a church with all my family and friends witnessing the single most humiliating event of my life.
But deep down, I know Rex would never do that to me. Rex isn’t Josh. Not even close.
I draw my attention away from the clearly in-love couple to my friend. “What do I do, Rachel?”
She looks between the screen and me. “You go back to Candy Cane Creek, and you save Christmas.”
“Is it really that easy?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
I look back at the screen for another moment, knowing that’s exactly what I need to do.
The city no longer feels like home.
This apartment feels small and closed in compared to the guest house on Rex’s property.
Everything is…not Candy Cane Creek.
I know it will take more than showing up to make things right. Apologies need to be made. Promises need to be fulfilled.
Decision made, I stand, taking a look at the mess I’ve made with my self-pity party. “You’re right. This isn’t the place for me.”
Rachel stands with me. “So, what are you waiting for?”
Meeting her eyes, my heart races in both fear and anticipation.
“There’s something I need to do first.”