Chapter Nineteen
REX
H ope fills my chest at her words as I hold her in my arms.
“Do you really mean that?”
“Of course I mean it, Rex. I may not have appreciated your Christmas-obsessed quirks when I first got here.”
“I’m hardly obsessed,” I interject.
“ But, ” she stresses as she continues, a hint of a smile on her face. “I do now. I see how incredibly kind and considerate you are. I see how much compassion you have for the dogs in your shelter and the people of the town. You went out of your way to try to raise money to train them to find homes, Rex. You’re a good man.”
“So, what is this about, then? I feel like something happened back there.”
“No, not at all. It’s nothing like that.” She shakes her head, looking down.
I can’t help but notice the way the curls in her hair bounce with the subtle movement, or the way the coloured lights that line the roof of the barn reflect off her auburn locks. She’s so beautiful, but she acts like she doesn’t know what sort of hold she has over me.
She sucks in a breath before returning her gaze to mine. “I like you, Rex. You make me want things I haven’t thought about in a very long time.”
“Does that mean you want to stay?” I try not to let hope creep in. If I let it in, I’ll be devastated if she leaves.
“I think so,” she whispers. “But it’s a lot, Rex. Moving here…” She shakes her head. “I would be giving up my whole life after just a few days.”
“I know this is crazy. It’s moved fast, but if I’m honest, it’s been one of the best weeks of my life.” I pause, looking over her shoulder into the barn, seeing the townspeople laughing and enjoying the evening. “The people here love you, Holly. I…well, I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”
“Rex,” she pleads, drawing my gaze back to hers as I hold her hands tight in mine.
“You don’t have to say anything to me. I understand that none of this is what you wanted.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know.” The corner of my mouth tips up in a sad smile. “But nothing worth having is ever easy.”
She sucks in a breath. “It’s not that I don’t see myself falling for you and the town, but you have to understand there’s more than just packing up and leaving the city. There’s…”
“There’s what?” I ask after she hesitates.
“When Josh left me, he didn’t just ruin my love of Christmas. He broke me, Rex. I was going to marry him. I had already mentally committed my life to him, and I thought he’d done the same for me. When he left me there in the church…” She shakes her head. “Even with everything that I think I want—a husband, kids—how do I trust again after that?”
I let go of her hands and wrap my arms around her, pulling her in close to me. I kiss the top of her head, taking in the sweet coconut scent that feels so out of place with the snow falling around us.
“You have no idea how sorry I am that he did that to you.”
“Thank you, but that doesn’t lessen how afraid I am to put myself out there again. I’m not saying you’re him—believe me, you two couldn’t be any more different—but the wariness is still there.”
I run my fingers through her hair, encouraging her to look at me. “I’m not him, Holly. I can’t promise that I’ll never let you down or disappoint you, but I can’t imagine any situation where I would willingly leave you like he did, or any way.”
“You can’t promise that, Rex.”
She attempts to look away, but I cradle her face, not letting her avoid my gaze. I want her to hear me. Really hear me.
“I’m well aware that things happen out of our control. I learned that very quickly with Lauren. I also shut my heart down like you are. I couldn’t see how far I’d gone until I’d met you, and Jacob pointed out how I wasn’t letting you—or anyone—in. I realized that I had done that. I moved to this town to embrace the community and closeness, and what do I do the moment I need them? I turned away and locked myself in my shelter. Now that I’ve started to lower my walls and let them in, let you in, I want the same for you.”
“Rex…”
“It doesn’t have to be with me. I know I’m asking a lot of you, but please let someone in. No matter what happens between us, Holly, I want you to be happy. I need to know that you will at least try to give yourself that.”
Tears fill her eyes as she looks at me. “And Cassie?”
My eyebrows draw together. “Cassie? What about her?”
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. She likes you but stepped aside and became my friend? I’ve never experienced that before. Back home, I would be shunned by her. Roadblocks put up between us. She would have only been nice to me to sabotage this somehow.”
“This isn’t the city, and Cassie’s not like that. And even if she still does have feelings for me, it doesn’t matter because the only woman I see is you.”
“Really?” she asks, eyes wide in surprise.
“Yes. I’ve only ever looked at Cassie as a friend, but with you, I want more. I want it all. I want to watch you scrunch up your face while I eat a stack of gingerbread pancakes and drink my Holly Jolly Latte. I want to see you dress in fuzzy animal pyjamas and go shopping. Play with the dogs. See you interact with the people of Candy Cane Creek. More importantly, I want to hold you in my arms, kiss those lips, and make every doubt and insecurity you’ve ever had go away.”
“Oh, Rex.” The tears in her eyes flow freely now.
I reach up with my free hand, wiping the tears with my thumb. “What do you say, Holly? Do you think you can give us a chance?”
“I want to,” she whispers, clutching at the fabric of my shirt on my chest.
My thumbs brush more of her tears from her face as I study her eyes. I want to make all her hurt go away. Part of me hopes I never meet Josh, but at the same time, I’m glad I have her and he doesn’t. If she lets me in, I’ll vow to show her not all men are like him. Not all towns are like Vancouver. Not all friends are fake.
I lean in closer, dropping my head to kiss her when my finger catches on something before falling to the ground.
Holly sucks in a breath as she grasps her ear. “My earring.”
I drop to my knee, looking for a diamond stud among the snow. My eyes adjust to looking in the glistening snow as it reflects the lights from the barn.
“Do you see anything? I’m afraid to move in case I knock it somewhere.”
“Not yet, just hold tight.”
I study the impressions in the snow before a single sinking hole the size of a stud catches my eye near her foot. Carefully, I brush the snow away until the stone twinkles back at me. As delicately as I can, I pick it up, worried I’ll push it deeper into the fluffy pile below it.
Pulling it out from its pillowy enclosure, I hold it up to Holly, the diamond sparkling in the reflection of the moonlight.
“You found it!” Holly exclaims, taking her earring from my fingers, careful not to drop it again.
“Oh, my gosh! He’s proposing! Marcus! Get over here!” someone yells from inside the barn.
Peering around Holly, wondering who in town is getting engaged, I’m shocked to find everyone rushing to the door to watch us .
“It’s so soon!”
“When you know, you know.”
“Christmas magic is at work again!”
People chatter from the doorway. What once was an empty entryway now stands half the town with the other half clamouring to get a look.
“I’m so happy you found this,” Holly says as she places her earring back in her ear, completely oblivious to the crowd gathering behind her. “I bought these as a present to myself last year. I would hate to have to replace them.”
“Um, Holly?” I say, frozen in place as I realize that I am, in fact, down on only one knee.
Did I mean to do that when I went to look for her earring? No, but I did.
“Yes, Rex,” she smiles down at me.
“I don’t want to alarm you, but I think the people in town have the wrong idea about us.”
“What do you mean?” she asks with a quizzical look on her face. “Don’t they think we’re already together?”
“Well, yes.”
“Aren’t we together? I mean, I know I have my hesitations, but I thought that with us almost kissing back there, it’s what was going to happen.”
“Um, well, I still want that to happen.” I glance around her again, seeing that people are still gawking at us. Some with happy smiles, hands clasped against their chests. Others with curious gazes, no doubt wondering why I’m still on my knee, which is currently so cold I can’t feel it.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Turn around.” I gather the energy to stand, bracing myself for her reaction.
“Why are they all watching us?”
“Well, they, uh—they think I just proposed to you.”
“They…” she whips around to face me, looking down at where I knelt, her hand flying to her ear. “They what?”
“Someone saw me down on my knee handing you a diamond…”
Her eyes open wide, her mouth in a silent ‘o’ as she gasps.
“Look, it’s just a simple mistake.” I move around her, placing my body between the crowd and Holly. “It’s not what you think. I dropped her earring when I went to kiss her, and…”
“You kissed her?”
“Are you together?”
“Did she say yes?”
People bombard us with questions.
I never in a million years thought I would be facing the town like a questioning firing squad; inquiries about my love life being hurled at me as fast as shots fired.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry to inform you that it’s not what you think.”
Before I can explain any further, Holly brushes past me, wiping at her cheeks. “I can’t do this.”
I’m amazed at the speed she exits on her heels given the snow and ice, but she’s gone before my mind can catch up with her leaving.
“I’ll drive her home,” Cassie says as she rushes past me, chasing after Holly.
“What happened, man? Did you actually propose to her?” Jacob asks beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I mean, I know you guys are moving fast, but I didn’t think that fast.”
“No,” I answer simply, watching as the women pile into Cassie’s car and drive off.
I have a feeling I lost it just as quickly as I found it.