Chapter 18
Hayden
The ride back to Sagebrush took a little longer than it would’ve normally.
Diego was driving a little slower, and I had a feeling that had something to do with the fact that his hand was on my upper thigh for the entire ride.
Every now and then I felt his fingers dig in, squeezing me, his pinky just barely caressing my obvious boner through my jeans.
I wanted to ask him to stop so we could have one last romp.
But everyone was waiting for us, and I’d been wearing those same clothes for three days.
It was time for a change and a proper washup.
But that didn’t stop me from enjoying the attention and teasing him back in my own ways.
However, all that came to an end when we pulled into the long driveway at the Turner Ranch.
There was no sign of snow and the place looked like it was running just fine without Diego there.
The guest cabins were still standing, all the decorations were finished, and the ranch hands were bringing in the cattle to their winter pastures.
And Lucas was sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair, bundled up in what looked like one of Beau’s sherpa jackets. He was waiting for us.
As Diego parked the truck, Lucas waved at us with a knowing smile that made me want to crawl under the seat. I removed Diego’s hand from my thigh, suddenly aware that we were about to face reality. The bubble we’d been living in for the past two days was about to burst.
“Ready for the inquisition?” Diego asked, turning off the engine.
“Not even a little,” I admitted, adjusting myself in my jeans. “Maybe we should just drive back to Amarillo.”
Diego laughed, the sound warm and rich in the cab of the truck. “Tempting, but I think Lucas would hunt us down.”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
We climbed out of the truck, and I immediately felt the distance growing between us. Diego grabbed the bags of presents from the back while I stood awkwardly, unsure what to do with my hands or where to look.
“Well, well, well,” Lucas called from the porch, his voice carrying across the yard. “Look who’s finally back! Enjoy your little snow day?”
“It was fine,” I replied stiffly, feeling my face heat up.
Diego shot me a quick glance, something like hurt flashing in his eyes before his usual cocky grin slid back into place. “The whole situation was a mess, but we managed.”
Lucas’s eyebrows shot up as he looked between us. “Uh-huh. I bet you did.”
“We got all the presents,” Diego said, lifting the bags. “Everything on your list.”
“My hero,” Lucas grinned, standing up from the rocking chair. “Bring them in. Beau’s out with the hands, but he’ll be back for lunch.”
I shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling like an intruder. “I should probably get back to the diner. Dolly will be wondering where I am.”
“She knows exactly where you are,” Lucas said with a wink. “And who you’re with.”
My face burned hotter. “Still. I should go.”
Diego set the bags down on the porch steps and turned to me. “I can drive you back.”
“No, that’s okay,” I said quickly. “I could use the walk. Clear my head.”
Something flickered across Diego’s face. Disappointment maybe, or resignation? “If you’re sure.”
“I am.” I forced a smile that felt brittle on my face. “Thanks for... everything.”
Lucas looked between us, his expression shifting from amusement to confusion. “You’re leaving already? At least stay for coffee. Mabel always cooks too much for lunch too, so you’re more than welcome.”
“Another time,” I said, already backing away. “I’ve been in these clothes for three days. I need a shower.”
Diego’s eyes darkened at the mention of a shower, memories of our time together clearly flashing through his mind. I swallowed hard and turned away before I could change my mind.
“I’ll see you around,” I said, giving one last wave.
“Hayden, wait,” Diego called out, jogging after me as I made it halfway down the drive.
I stopped but didn’t turn around. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if it was from walking too fast or from hearing him say my name like that… like it meant something.
When he caught up, he grabbed my arm gently and turned me to face him. “What’s going on? Did I do something wrong?”
His dark eyes searched mine, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. How could I explain that this, whatever this was between us… it terrified me? That the way he looked at me made me feel things I’d sworn I’d never feel again?
“No,” I said finally, my voice softer than I intended. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then why are you runnin’ away like the ranch is on fire?”
I glanced back toward the house where Lucas was pretending not to watch us. “I just... this is real life now. Back there, in Amarillo, it was like we were in a bubble. Just us. No complications.”
Diego’s expression softened. “And what’s so complicated about now?”
“Everything,” I admitted, running a hand through my hair. “People. Expectations. The fact that I’m leaving after New Year’s. The fact that you’re not staying either.”
He was quiet for a moment, his thumb absently stroking the inside of my wrist where he still held me. “So that’s it? We just pretend none of it happened?”
“Isn’t that easier?” I asked, hating how weak I sounded.
“When have I ever done things the easy way, Freckles?” Diego’s lips quirked up in that half-smile that did dangerous things to my insides.
“Diego,” I sighed, “I can’t... I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“This!” I gestured between us. “Whatever this is. I’m just not cut out for it.” Then, without meaning to, “How do I know you’re not gonna just get tired of me in a couple months or a year from now?”
Understanding dawned in his eyes. “I’m not Tommy,” he said quietly.
The name hit me like a physical blow. “I know that,” I spat.
“Do you?” He stepped closer, close enough that I could smell that mix of soap and cologne that had become so familiar over the last two days. “Because I don’t think you’re even givin’ me a chance to prove that I’m not. You’ve already judged and sentenced me before I even got to try.”
His words stung because they were true. I was pushing him away before he had a chance to hurt me, using the same self-protective tactics I’d perfected in California. But this wasn’t California, and Diego wasn’t Tommy.
“That’s not fair,” I said, though my voice lacked conviction.
“No, what’s not fair is you assuming I’m gonna chew you up and spit you out just because some asshole did before.” Diego’s eyes darkened, not with desire this time but with hurt. “I thought we had somethin’ real back there.”
I looked down at my shoes, using the hat to hide my face, unable to meet his gaze. “We did. We do. I just—”
“You’re scared. I get it.” His voice softened as he stepped closer, his fingers gently tilting my chin up.
“Hell, I’m scared too, Freckles. You think I haven’t been thinkin’ about this since I met you?
I’ve spent my whole life movin’ from place to place, never gettin’ attached.
But then I met you, and suddenly I’m wonderin’ what it might be like to stay put for once. ”
My heart stuttered in my chest. “You’re just saying that.”
“When have I ever said anythin’ I didn’t mean?” He challenged, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip. “I’m not askin’ for forever right now. I’m just askin’ for a chance.”
A lump formed in my throat. I wanted to believe him. God, I wanted to so badly. But the memory of Tommy’s betrayal was still too fresh, the wounds still too raw.
“I need some time,” I whispered. “To think. To... process everything.”
Diego nodded slowly, reluctantly dropping his hand from my face. “Okay. Time I can give you.” He took a step back, and I immediately missed his warmth. “But don’t take too long, Freckles. New Year’s is only two weeks away.”
The ghost of a smile touched my lips. “I’ll… I’ll do my best.”
“I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “Or if you just want company. No pressure. I just like bein’ around you.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice. Part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and fall into his arms right there in the driveway. But the louder, more cautious part won out.
“I should go,” I said again, taking a step backward. “Dolly’s waiting.”
Diego didn’t try to stop me this time. He just flashed me that infuriating smirk that somehow made my knees weak. “Give her my best.”
I turned and walked away, feeling his eyes on me the whole time. It took everything I had not to look back.
The three-mile walk to town gave me time to think, to breathe in the crisp winter air and try to untangle the mess of emotions inside me. By the time I reached Aunt Dolly’s Diner, I had almost convinced myself I’d made the right choice. Almost.
The bell jingled overhead as I pushed through the door. The diner was half-full, mostly with the usual crowd of locals having late breakfasts or early lunches. Several heads turned my way, and I could practically feel the curiosity radiating from them like heat from the griddle.
“Well, look who finally came back!” Dolly’s voice boomed across the diner as she emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron.
Her eyes scanned me from head to toe, taking in my wrinkled clothes and what I was sure was my completely exhausted face.
“You look like you’ve been through a war, honey. ”
“Just a snowstorm,” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat up as I made my way to the counter. I could feel everyone watching me, probably wondering where I’d been for the past two days. Small towns and their gossip… it was exactly what I’d been dreading since we started back from Amarillo.
Dolly poured me a cup of coffee without asking and slid it across the counter. “So,” she said, leaning forward with a conspiratorial smile, “how was your little adventure with Diego?”