14. Andy #2
Jem: What in the holy hell? Is that a joke?
Maisie: Not according to Har. Apparently Jedd and Andy are getting married. Tomorrow.
Jem: Just checked with Boone, it’s legit. Andy, you better get your ass in here and answer us.
Maisie: GIF of "you’ve got some explaining to do"
I stare at the text messages as they come in while sitting in my car waiting for Piper to get out of school. I got here earlier than normal today because I needed air and time to think.
I knew that the girls would find out, but I was kinda hoping that I could break the news to them, maybe explain a little bit better about what’s going on.
Should have known better considering the boys gossip like old ladies.
Yeah, it’s a long story.
Maisie: I’ve got time.
Jem: You can bet your ass I’m making time.
Maisie: Girls night?
I can’t tonight. I have to tell Piper, and I want to do it in private so she can say/do whatever she needs to in a safe space.
Piper’s not prone to dramatics—well not more than any other typical kid, so I’m pretty sure she’ll take it okay.
Jem: Awww. That’s amazing. You’re so good with her.
Maisie: What Jem said. But Andy, are you seriously going to get married at the courthouse where the judge who’s overseeing your custody case works?
?????♀? I don’t really have any other options.
It’s not like we can plan a real wedding before our next court appointment. Those take time, detail, and a shit ton of money.
Jem: Sunday. Hal’s backyard. I just confirmed we can use it. I’ll get ordained online, apparently it’s super easy. I can create a cute e-invitation on that design website that Maisie told me about. We’ll do a small backyard wedding. Can you get a dress by then?
Maisie: Wait. Wait. She can’t go dress shopping without us.
Jem: Don’t worry, Mais. That was a rhetorical question. I was going to kidnap her tomorrow and go dress shopping.
Maisie: Har’s got Audra, I’m in.
I watch bubbles fly across the screen, the two of them planning a wedding for me in a matter of minutes.
A wedding for my fake marriage to their brother-in-law.
Wait. Guys. Wait. It’s okay. We can just do the courthouse. I don’t know what the boys told you, but I can’t get into it right now, we’ll get married tomorrow, and then I’ll explain tomorrow night. Let’s meet for drinks at Floozies.
Everette doesn’t have a bar. There are a couple of restaurants that serve alcohol, but we don’t have an actual bar. Floozies in Crescent Falls is the closest at about a half hour away.
Explaining how I’m breaking the law over text messages that can be subpoenaed by the court is a terrible idea. And I don’t want to discuss it somewhere everyone knows me and I can be overheard by anyone.
Late night anxious me shouldn’t be allowed to google.
My phone rings in my hand, a group FaceTime request with Maisie and Jem.
I sigh before answering. Should have seen this coming.
“No way in hell are we letting you get married without all of us there. I don’t care if this is spur of the moment.” Jem air quotes that with a pointed look, so I assume she knows that the marriage is fake. “You deserve to have a special day, and we deserve to celebrate with you.”
Jem hangs up, leaving me and Maisie on the call.
My shoulders drop. I didn’t even think about Jedd’s family wanting to be there.
Maisie’s tone is calm and light when she says, “She’s right. Even if this is spur of the moment we should celebrate. It also would probably make it easier for Piper.”
Fuck.
She’s right. We’re telling Piper that this is real. She’s more likely to believe that if we have a party with all the normal things that a wedding has.
I relent. A throbbing headache blooms at the base of my neck. This is turning into a circus.
“Okay. Let me text Jedd.”
“Don’t worry about anything. Me and Jem will handle everything. You’ve got enough to deal with, let us do this for you guys,” Maisie says, and I agree before hanging up.
I fire off a text message to Jedd telling him about the girls planning us a quick wedding and letting him know that we need to talk as the bell rings and school starts to let out. Piper spots me and jumps into Bocephus.
She chatters for a few minutes about her day while I wait to be let out of the car line and organize my thoughts.
“Hey, so I wanted to talk to you. How about we go get some ice cream on the way home?”
Piper’s smile falls. Her voice small as she asks, “Am I going back to the trailer?”
Oh god. I’m going to traumatize this girl beyond anything therapy can handle.
Shit. I still need to look into a counselor for her. I make a mental note to email Melinda.
“Pip. No. Nothing like that. I promise. This is happy. I swear.”
“Okay.” The enthusiasm she jumped into the car with is still absent as I pull in at the local ice cream parlor. She orders a cup of cookie dough, and I get orange creamsicle in a chocolate-covered waffle cone.
The drive home is quiet. Tension builds in the car the closer we get and by the time we’re sitting in the kitchen the thought of eating ice cream makes me want to barf.
Piper still hasn’t tried her ice cream, instead she swirls her spoon in the slowly melting bowl of dessert.
“So. You know how much we love Uncle Jedd?”
Her eyes find mine, suspicious as hell. “Yeah.”
“Well Uncle Jedd loves us a lot too. The other day after you guys pranked me, he asked me to marry him. I told him that I wanted to talk to you about it first.”
Piper’s eyebrows pinch together as she scoops up a small bite of ice cream.
Pinched eyebrows are good. That means she’s thinking, right? It’s not screaming hysterics, which would have definitely been bad.
I bite the inside of my cheek and send up a plea that I’m not screwing up my niece too bad.
“You guys are gonna get married?” she asks after she swallows.
“Only if you’re okay with it,” I answer honestly. If she’s not on board, if I get even an inkling that she’s uncomfortable with this, I’m backing out immediately despite Jedd telling his entire family that it’s happening.
And this is why I didn’t want Jedd here while I talked to her. It’s hard to say no to the Calhoun charm, but I want Piper to know that her feelings matter to me.
“Married is for people in love. Are you in love?” she asks and then takes another bite of ice cream. Leave it to a kid to call me the fuck out. I nibble on the cone to my ice cream to buy myself more time.
Telling her that I’ve been in love with Jedd for longer than she’s been alive but he doesn’t feel the same way is out. I can’t tell her that we’re doing this for her future because I won’t put her in the position of having to lie for us.
I need something neutral.
“I love him very much” is what I settle on. It’s not a lie. And she doesn’t need to know the specifics.
“Does that mean you and Uncle Jedd are going to kiss all the time now?” Her nose scrunches in disgust, and I laugh at her knee jerk reaction to adults kissing.
“I mean, we’re going to kiss, I don’t know if it’s going to be all the time.” No matter how much I wish it was.
Her face screws up in confusion. “How come I’ve never seen you kiss before?”
“Do you want to see us kiss all the time?” I cock an eyebrow at her while I avoid the question.
She pulls a gross face. “Ew. No. When are you going to get married? Will I have a pretty dress?”
Oh sweet baby Jesus, thank god.
Relief hits me like a punch.
I guess dress shopping is happening after school tomorrow.
“Of course you’re going to have a pretty dress. We were thinking of doing it in Grandpa Hal’s backyard this weekend.”
Piper nods sagely. Like this all makes sense. She’s taking this a whole helluva lot better than I am. “Is he going to live with us?”
I nod. “Yeah. He’s going to live with us.”
“Will we still be able to have girls’ nights?”
I bump her shoulder with mine. “You know it.”
“Okay. At least he can cook dinner from now on. I love you, but you kinda suck at cooking.”
I grin. At least she’s got her priorities straight.