15. Andy
ANDY
There’s a garment bag hanging over the door, and I don’t know what to do with my hands.
My makeup is done, Jenner just finished the fancy half updo, half classic movie star waves he demanded I wear today to frame my face, and I still don’t know if I believe that this is actually happening.
Hal’s backyard has been completely transformed.
Duke set up the arbor he made for Jem and Boone’s wedding earlier this year.
Winding flowers and vines wrap around the lovingly crafted wooden creation.
Draped chairs and cloth-covered tables dot the backyard for the ceremony and the reception.
A photographer the girls somehow found and hired last minute just finished with us and is headed to Jedd’s old room to take the pre-ceremony pictures for the guys.
If I thought I was ever going to get married, today would be exactly what I’d want.
A simple brunch with my girlfriends and Jenner before spending the day getting pampered and then walking down the aisle to promise my best friend forever.
The dance floor in the middle of the backyard for the reception.
The simple cottage flowers for my bouquet.
The shimmering beaded bodice of a classic A-line wedding dress with a sweetheart neckline.
A million tiny details paint pictures that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.
Even if it’s fake. Even if I don’t get to keep it.
I’ll never forget today.
“No, he didn’t say that,” Maisie says on a laugh.
“He did. He asked if he could have it in a regular coffee cup.”
Jem is entertaining us with a recent customer who had a problem with showing the world his “girly” drink.
“What did you do?”
“Charged him extra for the wasted cup and rolled my eyes internally.” Jem laughs out.
“Why do guys think if they like fruity drinks that makes them somehow less masculine?”
“Exactly. It’s not like anything I make is gross, but so what if you don’t like the taste of black coffee and grit in the morning.”
I can’t stop staring at the garment bag hanging on the door.
“Ready to get into your dress?” Maisie asks after checking the time on her smart watch.
Three months ago, she wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a traceable device, but seeing her slowly heal here with Har makes my heart so happy for her.
Maisie and Jem managed to find matching dresses in a burnt orange color that fit them off the rack. Jenner styled their hair. Jem’s signature wavy auburn mass hangs down her back. The top half of Maisie’s is twisted up and the bottom curls against her neck. They look like a million bucks.
Piper and Audra have matching fussy pink poofy dresses and fancy hair. Well as fancy as Audra’s can get. Piper’s going to be our flower girl and ring bearer.
She looks so happy and carefree. Nothing like the scared girl I picked up from her mom’s house and that strengthens my resolve.
A simple ceremony with friends and family and then a party afterward.
I couldn’t have asked for something that fit me better if I hired the best wedding planner in the state.
“Andy?” Jem asks.
I shake myself out of my head. Away from the nerves and the anxiety that someone is going to come and steal today from me.
“Yeah. Let’s do it.” I step forward to unzip the garment bag. How I also managed to snag a traditional wedding dress that didn’t require significant alterations was a miracle. The fact that I look like a fucking goddess in it doesn’t hurt either.
The cream white silk makes the first appearance as I open the bag. Then the beaded bodice with a swish of fabric at the hip.
“God. It’s so pretty. I still can’t believe we found it,” Jem says.
“I can’t believe it didn’t need to be altered beyond shortening the straps,” Maisie agrees.
“Thank you for that,” I say. Maisie apparently became pretty handy with a thread and needle at some point before she came here and was able to fix the straps to fit my shorter frame.
I shrug off my robe and step into the dress, nerves starting their dance in my tummy. The girls work on the tiny buttons that come to a stop near the middle of my spine.
“There. All done. Take a look,” Jem says.
“Oh god. I’m going to cry. We brought tissues right?” Maisie squeaks out.
“Don’t you dare. If you get going, I’m going to get going and we’ll ruin our makeup,” Jem threatens.
“You both are waterproofed, so cry away,” I say with a smile and turn toward the mirror one of the girls brought over so I could see the whole shebang once we were done getting ready.
I look like a bride. My fingers trace lightly over the beads glinting in the sunlight that streams through the window. I look like a bride and the only family I have here is my niece.
For some reason that thought is what makes my eyes water. Not the fact that I’m fake marrying my best friend in a wedding that I couldn’t have imagined better if I tried.
But that’s okay. Being a little sad that I don’t have my sister here today is okay.
I give myself permission to be disappointed that today couldn’t be different.
To be upset that my sister isn’t in a place in her life where she could stand with me today in a healthy way.
That I don’t have a relationship with my mother for her to be here helping me get ready.
That I’m not marrying the only man I’ve ever loved because we’re in love but because we need to fool the courts into believing that I’m the best placement for my niece.
“You okay?” Maisie asks as Jem presses a tissue into my hand.
I swipe at the tear trailing down my cheek and nod. “Yeah, sorry. Just …”
“It’s okay. We get it,” Maisie says. “To be honest, I’m a little jealous you got here before I did.”
“Harlan is taking forever to pop the question,” I joke.
“She could ask him,” Jem says.
Maisie and I share a look before we crack up.
“Nah,” I say.
“I’m going to let him sweat it out a little longer before I take matters into my own hands,” Maisie promises.
There’s a knock at the door and for a flash of a second I think this is when someone comes in and tells us that we can’t do this. That this is where the dream ends.
Jem steps forward and cracks the door.
“Oh, yeah. Sure,” she says as she steps back and Hal steps into the room.
He’s in a navy suit, with a green silk hankie pointed in the breast pocket.
His beard is neatly trimmed, hair freshly cut and brushed back.
Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I see the shock on his face a split second before I turn toward the only father figure I had growing up.
“Oh, Dandy.” The old nickname pops out, and I watch as his eyes fill.
I hold my hands out in front of me. “Don’t you start,” I say on a watery laugh.
He chuckles, a sound that holds a million feelings and his own share of memories. He pulls the silk hanky out of his suit.
“You look beautiful,” he says and clears his throat.
“Thank you,” I say, dabbing at my tears again.
“I remember when you were just this little bit with all that red hair all over the place. You barely came up to my hip the first time I met you.”
My nose burns as tears fill my eyes at the reminder of the day when Jedd and I were kids. We found a patch of fluffy dandelions in a field and Hal taught me how to make wishes with them.
He called me "Dandy" until Jedd’s "Mischief" took over.
Maisie and Jem blot the tears off their own cheeks.
“And now I’m getting married to your boneheaded son.”
Hal chuckles again and nods like he’s expected today to happen his whole life.
He shuffles his feet, and that’s when I notice the velvet box in his hands.
“I wish Catherine could see the two of you. She woulda gotten a kick out of today. She’d be so proud—I’m so proud of you. ” He gives me a sad, sweet smile.
I choke on a gasping sob. I’m damn near bawling now.
Jedd’s mom would have loved today. She would have loved all of this.
Thank god for waterproof makeup.
Something about happy days makes missing the people we love and lost worse.
“I know. I wish she could have been here too.”
Hal clears his throat again. “It’s okay. But I was thinking that you might want something of hers … something borrowed and blue for that tradition.” He steps forward and opens the box. Nestled in the silk lining is the most gorgeous tiara I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Hal …” My throat literally closes, and I can’t say another word. I’ve seen pictures of this. Catherine even showed it to me one time when we were looking through the albums of her wedding to Hal. It’s more gorgeous in person. Tiny diamonds dot around the band sprinkled with bright blue sapphires.
“She’d want you to wear it. This way she’s kinda here, ya know?” he says with a voice of grit.
I nod, feeling cherished and like a fraud all at the same time. This family has loved me. They’ve had my back. They’ve saved my ass and offered me a hand up when I’ve fallen more times than I can count.
And here I am, marrying one of Hal’s son’s so I can get custody of my niece.
He doesn’t know that I love his son. He doesn’t know that if Jedd loved me back the same way, today could have been real.
I swallow hard against the guilt. “I’d be honored. Thank you.”
He passes the box to Maisie, and I lean down as she gently threads it through my hair. When she’s done I look in the mirror again.
I turn back to Hal, and he nods while mopping at his eyes again. He cried just as much at Boone’s wedding earlier this year, and I pull him into a hug.
We’re a mess of emotions.
“Will you walk me to him?”
I wasn’t expecting anyone to walk me down the aisle. The plan was just to walk down myself. But … but that doesn’t feel right.
If today were real, if it were for keeps, I’d have Hal walk me to his son before I make forever promises.
Hal’s eyes drip as he mirrors my earlier words. “I’d be honored.”
Forget being sad. Forget what I said about my family not being here. All the family I need is right here with me.
“You ready?” Hal asks as the music changes.
I nod and glance toward the back of the yard imprinting more of the details in my memory.
The way the arbor is centered on the big ass barn that’s somehow still standing at the back of the property.
The way Boone’s eyes gleamed at Jem as she walked toward him.
The quiet desperate love in Harlan’s gaze as Maisie made her way down to them.
The way Calhoun men love is the stuff of fairy tales, and I ignore the pinch in my chest that today isn’t about that for Jedd and me.
Today is about Piper, who’s busy sprinkling the last of her flower petals before taking her spot next to Maisie with a grin so wide her dimples look like ditches.
Looping my arm with Hal’s, I murmur, “Don’t let me trip.”
“I won’t,” he whispers back, and I give myself permission to finally look at Jedd.
He’s wearing a blueish gray suit—the same one he and his brothers wore for Boone’s wedding, if I remember correctly.
His beard is trimmed neatly, hair styled, and he looks like sex on a stick.
If all of this were real, I’d be so giddy to get him alone for a minute to muss him up and sully him a bit before sneaking back into the reception.
And then I get to his face. A smile stretches his cheeks so wide that I can see his molars even as tears drip onto his cheek before disappearing into his beard. Love bleeds from his gaze as he watches me walk to him.
Oh god.
I’ve searched his face for that look for years.
And never saw it. Until today. Until the fake wedding he suggested to help me.
The reminder kicks me in the face.
It’s not real. He’s just acting really good. For Piper’s sake.
I have to tell myself that over and over again as my stomach tries to escape my body in a gravity-defying drop.
Harlan passes him a handkerchief, and he wipes his eyes before passing it back.
Somehow, I make it to the arbor that’s acting as our altar without tripping or doing something equally embarrassing.
My heart is pounding in my chest, and every drop of spit has disappeared from my mouth by the time Hal’s hand drops from mine.
He turns to me and kisses my cheek. “Love you, Dandy.”
“Love you too,” I whisper before he places my hand in Jedd’s. Tingles race up my arm at the contact.
Just like every single time he touches me.
Does he feel it? Can he feel the way my skin all but leaps to meet his?
Searching his face, I can’t see the answer, and that’s answer enough.
I hand my bouquet to Jem and stand next to my best friend.
Jedd’s thumb traces a circle on the back of my hand. “Mischief.” The same hoarse grit that I heard in Hal’s voice earlier is present in his son’s. I’ve never heard Jedd choked up. He’s really selling this.
But I don’t let myself think it’s more than him putting on a good act for the people here that aren’t in on the secret. I can’t let myself linger on the idea that the devotion in his expression is anything more than the platonic love we have for each other.
I steel my emotions and swear to get through the ceremony even if it kills a little part of my heart to do it.
There are too many witnesses here—Dawn from the diner, who’s holding Audra, some of the business ladies and their husbands and children.
Our closest friends from town are watching us lie to each other in the name of making sure a little girl can have a safe home and healthy environment.
That’s all today is. A big fat lie to accomplish my goals.