Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
MCKINSEY
M y blood thrums through my body in a way it never has before.
Even stronger than it did the other night when the image of Draven in my bed was still a fantasy. With each step he takes up my stairs with my legs wrapped tightly around him, that fantasy becomes closer to a reality. I should put a stop to this. It needs to end now, before we make a huge mistake that can’t be rectified.
We don’t even mean anything to one another.
When we’re halfway up the stairs, I intend to release my lips from his. But instead, I kick my shoes off. They hit the steps with a loud bang that echoes through my house.
When Draven reaches the top step, I tug his T-shirt out from where my legs have it pinned to his waist and pull it over his head, letting it fall to the ground in our wake. Running my hands over his inked biceps and pecs, I lose even more of what little self-control I have left.
I need to see him. The masterpiece of a body I’ve longed for for far too long.
Breaking the kiss, I pull back slightly as he continues walking us toward my bedroom. I see his pain mirrored in my stare. Only this pain isn’t the kind you feel when you’re sad or in mourning.
It’s the kind you feel when you’ve held back from your own baser desires for what feels like ages. So long that you snap and no longer have control over your body.
My eyes move from his down to his sculpted chest, my hands running over his muscular arms.
“You’re stunning.”
His steps falter slightly, his feet slowing down.
“You can’t say things like that to me.” His eyes close, and I mourn the loss of their perfect, golden warmth.
“Why?” I place my hand on his cheek, and his eyes fly open again. “It’s true. I won’t ever lie to you, Draven.”
It’s a careless admission. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s one I hope I never betray.
I pull his face back toward mine and rekindle our kiss. This propels him forward again, and in no time flat, he’s lowering me down onto my bed.
Lifting the hem of my T-shirt, he pulls it over my head. Standing straight, he towers over me, eyes burning as he takes in my heaving chest. In a moment of discomfort, I look away from his severe gaze, but he cups my chin and pulls my attention back to him.
“Tell me what you were thinking about… The other night, when I saw you in here.”
Shaking my head gently, I try to look away again. I can’t admit the truth to him.
“You just said you would never lie to me, Doc. So now’s your chance to prove it.”
“Call me McKinsey.”
“What were you thinking about, McKinsey?” His tongue darts out, and there’s a light in his eyes as though he likes the taste of my name on his lips.
His question comes out more like an order, sending a wave of pleasure straight to my core.
“You…” The word leaves my mouth with a cry, and Draven’s eyes pulse with desire.
He drops to his knees in front of me and wraps his arms around my torso. Bringing his lips to the mound of flesh at my breast, he sucks gently on the skin there. Feathering kisses toward the fabric of my bra, I feel his hands working to open the clasp at my back.
Making quick work of it, the bra falls limp against my chest before he tugs the straps free from my arms.
Cupping one of my breasts in his palm, he covers my nipple with his lips and flicks the bud with his tongue. The motion sends an electric flutter straight to my clit, a pleasure-filled moan ripping from me.
Draven looks into my eyes and smiles deviously around my nipple before removing his mouth from my breast.
“That’s it. There’s the moan I heard the other night. Do it again for me, Kins.”
Kins .
Fuck.
No one has ever called me that before, and if anyone ever does again, it won’t sound as delicious as it just did coming from Draven’s mouth.
Focusing on my other nipple this time, he repeats the motions until he forces another toe-curling whine from me. This time he answers my cry with a groan of his own before gently pushing me back onto my bed.
Quickly unbuttoning my jeans, he pulls the denim down my legs. My heart slams against my rib cage as he pauses, taking a moment to appreciate my body. Then he leans over me and crawls onto the mattress. He follows me as I scoot back until we’re in the center of the bed.
Lowering his body over me, he parts my legs with his knee. His lips cover mine once more as his hand dips beneath my panties. He swallows my gasp with his kiss as he presses his fingers through my slit. Feeling how wet he’s made me forces heat to my cheeks, but the temperature only adds to my desire.
I feel his erection dig into my side as he thrusts his hips into mine. Propping one leg up, I grant him better access, and he wastes no time plunging his fingers into me.
“Oh god, ” I cry out, the sound getting lost between our kisses.
Draven licks a path from my lips, down my throat and over my shoulder. Pressing kisses across one collarbone then the other before bringing his face back to mine. Staring me dead in the eyes, he removes his fingers from inside of me, lifts them to his lips, then sucks my arousal from them.
When I cover my face with one hand, he grips my wrist and moves it away so he can look into my eyes.
“So fucking sweet, Kins. I’ve wanted to know what you taste like since the first night we met.”
Before I can react or get embarrassed all over again, he makes quick work of removing my panties. Once I’m free of them, he stands at the edge of the bed and slowly takes the rest of his clothes off.
Too slowly.
With my body still on fire and craving release, I grip my nipple in one hand while the other drifts to my clit. I see the excitement explode in Draven’s eyes as he watches me. Even after he’s finished removing his clothes, he still stands at my feet with his hard dick in his fist, slowly pumping away as he watches me touch myself.
Only seconds pass before he’s crawling over me again. He lifts my legs so they’re around his waist before his lips are on mine once more. I can feel him directing his cock to my entrance before he presses through.
The intrusion is welcome, but he fills me so thoroughly it hurts at first.
“Ah…”
“Sorry, am I hurting you?” Holding himself up, he looks down at me with concern.
“N-no. No, it feels … amazing. It’s just been awhile.”
Pleased by my admission, a gentle smile breaks out on his face.
“Just go slow at first.”
“You got it.”
He lowers himself over me again, bracing my head in his hands as he pushes and pulls in and out of me. Speeding up with each moan and murmur, he causes my pleasure to build quickly.
It isn’t long until I’m panting through an earth-shattering orgasm.
“Oh my god!” A scream rips through me that I’m certain can be heard by whoever happens to be walking down the sidewalk outside my house at the moment.
Draven looks down at me with a genuine smile, and it’s one of the most heartwarming things I’ve ever seen.
“Fuck… I-I’m gonna come.” He slows his pace, his voice sounding more worried than pleasure-filled.
“I’m on birth control, but you can also pull out if it will make you feel better.”
He needs no more assurance than that to quicken his movements again and barrel into me until he’s grunting his release.
When Draven pulls out of me, his face drops. It’s like a switch has been flipped, and the despondent guy I’ve seen the past two days is back. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he reaches for his boxer briefs and pulls them on. Concern races through me as I grab the throw at the end of my bed and wrap it around myself before joining him.
“What’s wrong?” My voice is level, not wanting to spook him into closing up on me.
With a weak hum, he looks at me quickly before dropping his head again. “I … don’t know.”
He’s quiet for a minute, and just as I’m about to prompt him to explain, he speaks.
“I’m just confused.”
I feel terrible. Once again, I’ve royally fucked up. I should bar myself from practicing ever again.
“Draven, I’m so sorry. I never should have allowed this to happen.”
“No, it’s not that.” He places a hand on my leg, comforting me. “It’s just, ever since what I did to Lillian—that’s the girl I was talking about—I haven’t been able to have sex without guilt. Like, stomach cramping, on the verge of puking type guilt.”
A thought occurs to me.
“This is why you walked out yesterday. I began questioning you about previous relationships. Did I make the guilt worse for you?”
He reaches up and rubs the back of his neck.
“Well, that’s part of it.”
Bending down, he grabs his pants from the floor and pulls them on, creating more of a barrier between us. With each layer he adds, I feel more naked wrapped in this blanket. I also feel the threat of panic around the edges of my consciousness at the thought of him leaving me now that he’s gotten what he wanted. I have to remind myself that this wasn’t planned. It’s not like what happened before.
Sitting back down, he exhales loudly. I turn my body so I’m facing him, letting him know he has my full attention.
Fuck, but his torso is so distracting…
“That time with Lillian, it was my first time. I only had one girlfriend after her; Eva. She and I were together for about three years, and every time we had sex that feeling of guilt was there. I’ve often wondered if it was imprinted on my soul as part of my punishment for what I did to Lillian. But just now … with you … I felt no guilt at all.”
“Well, that certainly is interesting. I’m more than happy to sift through it with you if you want to, but, Draven, you have to forgive yourself for Lillian. Regardless of whether or not you were right or wrong, you can’t live with this guilt forever. For all you know, she could be happily married with children right now. You may not even cross her mind any longer.”
“Or she could be rotting away in an institution, if she’s not already dead.”
I don’t know what else to say to him at the moment to help him begin to heal from this incident, so I decide to leave it alone.
“So this girlfriend of yours?—”
“Ex-girlfriend.” He shoots a serious look at me, and it almost makes me smile. It’s like he’s trying to reassure me that he’s not tethered to anyone at the moment.
“Did you love her?” His face drops, like I’ve just uncovered a deep, dark secret. He looks away from me.
“No.” The sadness in his voice makes my heart ache. “I tried really hard to. I care about her. She’s a great girl. But I couldn’t make myself love her.”
“Then it’s entirely plausible you felt guilty about that, and it had nothing to do with Lillian at all.”
“But then why didn’t I feel guilty just now? It was the—” He stops himself, presumably before he reveals too much, but I won’t allow that.
I’m bordering on inappropriate again, but I have to know what he was about to say.
Will a relationship between us ever work? No.
Do I have the right to want him to want me? No.
Do I care about any of this right now? Apparently not. Not in my still loopy, still moderately-horny daze.
“What, Draven? Please tell me.” I half expect him to pull away from me when I place my hand on his forearm.
But he doesn’t. Instead, he looks me dead in the eye and speaks.
“It was the first time sex has actually been enjoyable. So much that despite knowing how fucking wrong this is, I want to do it again.”
He reignites the electricity in the room with his words. Throwing the blanket off of me, I straddle him.
“Fuck wrong. Let’s just not let today count, and we’ll start over tomorrow.”
Because as much as I’ve fucking enjoyed every single second of Draven’s hands on me, and the way his cock lit my body on fire…
This can’t continue past today.
“Works for me.” Picking me up, Draven twirls me around then tosses me back onto the bed. “I’m not ready to let go of this feeling just yet.”
It takes less than five seconds for him to remove his pants and sink into my hungry pussy once more.