Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Olivia
That first kiss, it still has a way of making us
nervous as teenagers, no matter how old we get.
~ Amy Jacobson
I walk to my apartment, not looking back over my shoulder, my nerves alive like fluttering swarms of butterflies clustered on trees during migration.
As soon as my door snicks shut behind me, I grab a throw pillow from my couch and squeal into it. I’m bouncing up and down like the winning contestant on the Price is Right.
Oh. My. Gosh.
I kissed Logan.
Logan kissed me.
We kissed.
I kissed Logan freaking Alexander.
I did that.
And, oh man, oh man, he kissed me. Did he ever.
I plop onto the couch, my head thrown back so I’m staring up at the ceiling.
I kissed Logan Alexander.
Logan kisses just like I imagined he would.
No . So much better. Infinitely better.
I could spend a year imagining how he kisses and it would be insufficient. Nothing would have prepared me for our actual kiss.
My fingers drift up to my lips, as if I could recapture the sensation of our mouths together.
That first gentle brush, careful, thoughtful, adoring. Then the way he moved in with confidence and passion. And I was right there with him. Of course I was. He’s everything I couldn’t dare imagine him being. He’s generous, humble, sweet, patient—and he wants me.
I definitely planned to kiss you. Those words. He planned to kiss me?
What kind of man has that level of desire pent up inside of him—and the equal measure of self-control to bide his time, waiting for me to come to my senses? He waited for me, and he would have continued to endure until I was ready.
I pick the throw pillow up and squeal into it again.
I need to change out of my work clothes and go back over to his apartment.
But I’m stalling.
What now?
How will it be between us?
What are we doing? Does he want to date?
Who are we to one another now that we aren’t bitter rivals?
My brain is a swirling cloud of euphoria, confusion, and fear.
I know how to be Logan’s enemy. I’m not sure I know how to be this —whatever this is.
I pick up my cell.
OLIVIA
Just a quick PSA. You might want to put my ice cream back in the fridge. I’m sort of freaking out.
LOGAN
Freaking out?
OLIVIA
Overthinking the rest of my life—and the first half too, while I’m at it.
LOGAN
How can I help?
OLIVIA
Give me a minute. I still want to see you. I’m just nervous.
LOGAN
How long is a minute in this scenario?
OLIVIA
Five? Ten? I don’t know. I just know I feel like moving to another country, but I also feel like running across the hall and banging on your door until you open it and kiss me again.
OLIVIA
And I can’t believe I just typed that to you. Are you smiling a smug smile right now?
LOGAN
I wouldn’t call it smug.
OLIVIA
I bet I would.
LOGAN
I bet you would too. And for the record, you wouldn’t have to bang more than once. I’d open it and kiss you again after one knock. Or not kiss you. If that’s what you want.
OLIVIA
I need to let my brain catch up.
LOGAN
And that will happen in five or ten minutes? I’m impressed.
OLIVIA
A little time over here alone will give me a chance to start adjusting to …
I delete that message before I hit send. I don’t even know what I’m trying to adjust to yet. Him? Us?
Us. There’s an us. We are now an us. Or are we? Gah!
OLIVIA
I’m going to call Megan.
LOGAN
Good call. Best friends help.
OLIVIA
She’s going to freak out.
LOGAN
I’ll be here when you’re ready to come over. This is me, placing your bowl of Rocky Road with chocolate sauce in the freezer. It will be here too. And Rhett. He’ll be here.
OLIVIA
You’re playing dirty, Alexander.
LOGAN
With you, always.
I chuckle and set my phone down. Then I pick it back up, take a deep breath, and dial Megan.
“Hey, what’s up?” Her voice is cheerful—for now.
“I kissed Logan.”
“You … You what? Logan Alexander? Why? What? Ohhhh! That dance. It was the dance, wasn’t it?”
“Megan. He paid Lynette’s rent. He was the one. Logan did that. And he kept it secret from me because he knows how I am. He didn’t want to force me to see him in a certain light—the right light. The one where he’s amazing and generous and nothing like I imagined.”
I take a breath.
Megan squeals.
“You and Logan!”
“Yeah. I think so. I don’t know. I’m so confused.”
“What is confusing about this? You two have had a tension running between you for years. You know what they say about love and hate. Two sides of the same coin. Something like that. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t care. But you care. Oh yes, you do!” She squeals again. “I’m so excited for you, Liv. This is awesome.”
“By this , what exactly do you mean? Because I don’t know what this is.”
“Awww, Olivia. Are you spiraling?”
“Kind of. Yes. Definitely.”
“What does he say this is?” Megan’s voice is soft and careful.
There’s a knock at my door. Firm. Purposeful. Concise. It’s him. I know it before I stand and swing the door open to see Logan standing there with Rhett at his feet and a bowl of ice cream in his hand.
He mouths the words, “Ice cream also helps.” Then he smiles this devastating smile and points back toward his apartment. “I’ll be right there when you’re ready.”
Rhett barks once.
“He’ll be there too,” Logan adds. “No rush.”
“Is that him?” Megan squeals the words so loudly I have to pull the phone away from my ear.
I roll my eyes toward Logan and answer Megan. “Yes. It’s him.”
She squeals again and then she shouts, “Hi, Logaaaannn!”
He smiles and softly says, “Hi, Megan.”
“Tell him I’m team Logan, or Olivilogan or Logivia.”
“No ship names. We’re good,” I tell Megan.
Logan’s smile is sweet and patient. He’s happy but restrained.
I do know him. Maybe I’ve always known this side of him. No. I haven’t. Only in glimpses, and then I tossed those off as if they were part of some nefarious masterminded plot to undermine me, instead of the very core and essence of who he is as a person.
I’m like Dorothy, seeing behind the curtain. Only, instead of finding a puny man pretending to be larger than he was, I found the actual wizard, disguised behind a shell of superiority and aloofness.
“You should go spend your evening with Logan,” Megan says.
“Maybe I should,” I tell her.
“You definitely should,” Logan says with a wink, clearly overhearing Megan through the phone.
“I’ll call you later,” I tell Megan.
“You will. Or I’ll hunt you down. I want details upon details.”
“Okay.” I turn my back to Logan so I can say something privately to Megan.
He stands there waiting for me. The reality of his patient endurance rolls over me again like a gentle wave.
“I’m going,” I say. “Thank you. Your excitement somehow calmed my nerves.”
“Don’t overthink this, Olivia. The two of you need to talk. Your whole worldview just crashed into bits. Everything you’ve believed about him has been shattered. Let him help you put Humpty Dumpty back together again. And don’t fight your feelings so hard. Maybe let them take the lead for a change. You’re not in danger. This is the good part. You should enjoy it.”
I smile. “Thanks, Meg. I love you.”
“I love you too. Now go.”
I say goodbye and turn around. Logan and Rhett are still standing outside my doorway, side by side, staring at me like I hold the key to everything important in their lives.
“Want to bring that over to my place?” he asks, a boyish vulnerability in his eyes.
“I’d love that,” I say.
“Love!” Davy Jones squawks. “Love is in the air! Love birds! We’ve got love birds!”
I smile, even though I feel a blush rise up my cheeks.
Logan smiles back at me, and something deep down settles like it never has before.