48. Chapter 47
Chapter 47
Beth
D id Doug just propose in an ice cream shop? What the hell do I say?
Doug stood there, staring, waiting for me to say something, and looking more nervous than I’d ever seen him.
Chase was pulling on my arm telling me he wanted Doug to be his dad.
Everyone in the ice cream shop was clapping and cheering.
I hadn’t actually said anything after Doug’s declaration of love and sort-of proposal, but it didn’t seem to matter. I was so shocked I hadn’t even accepted the gorgeous bouquet he was holding out to me.
The sound faded away as I looked in Doug’s eyes. Big, strong, quiet Doug had just admitted he was sterile to a room full of strangers, before telling me he loved me. He’s probably dying of embarrassment . He was holding it together so well, you’d never know by looking at him.
“Mommy, why are you crying?” Chase tugged on my arm again.
I brought my other hand to my face and wiped away the tears I hadn’t felt rolling down my cheek.
“These are happy tears.”
A slow smile spread across Doug’s face at my words. He asked, “Can we go outside and talk for a few minutes.”
I nodded, but Chase crossed his arms and stomped a foot. “What about my ice cream?”
Doug and I both laughed, and just like that the tension between us evaporated.
“I thought we were here to get an ice cream to cheer me up?” I asked. It was the excuse he’d given when he begged me to come here. Now I know why he was more relentless than usual .
“I’ll buy everyone an ice cream. If we can eat them outside,” Doug said.
“Yay!” Chase clapped and started towards the line.
When Doug held out his hand, I didn’t hesitate to slip mine into his. It felt like coming home after a bad day.
We ordered our ice creams, went outside, and sat at one of the red metal tables.
“I’m sorry I ambushed you,” Doug said while Chase was preoccupied with his hot fudge sundae.
“Forgiven. I was going to call you later tonight so we could talk anyway.”
“So, I didn’t need to embarrass myself in a shop full of strangers to win you back?” There was a twinkle in his eyes, and no malice in his voice.
“No, but it was quite the romantic grand gesture.” I teased him. “It puts every grand gesture I’ve ever read about in books to shame.”
His laugh sounded more like a sigh. “I don’t mind if you tell everyone about today, but can we keep the sterile part to ourselves?”
He didn’t need to ask, I’d never tell anyone, but I understood why he did. I could see in his eyes he was struggling with what it meant to his definition of manhood.
“Of course.”
“What does stairall mean?” Chase’s mispronunciation was cute.
“It means I can’t be a dad,” Doug answered.
“But you said you’d be my daddy.”
Doug clearly didn’t understand the mind of a five-year-old. It’s okay, he’ll learn .
His eyes rounded as he looked at me. I’d ask him later why he was sorry, but at the moment I had to answer Chase.
“What Mr. Doug means is he can’t make a baby. But he can be a daddy to babies already born.”
“I’m not a baby.”
“No, you’re not. Not anymore.” I agreed.
Chase went back to eating his ice cream.
“Beth, I didn’t intend to say it the way I did, but I meant every word. I love you.” He reached across the table and held his hand out to me, palm up.
“I’m not going to lie, it was a bit shocking.” I placed my hand over his, palm down. We weren’t quite holding hands, we were barely making contact, but it felt intimate. “I have a confession to make.”
He waited, his eyes locked on mine, as I gathered my nerves.
“I love you, too.”
His smile was brighter than the sun.
So was mine.
Doug asked if he could take us out to dinner. Chase said yes before I could answer, but I didn’t mind. Today had been a whirlwind of emotion, and I was exhausted. Being relieved of cooking duty was a blessing.
“Would it be okay if we got takeout? I’m not up for going out,” I asked. Not only can I relax, but we’ll have more privacy .
“That’s fine. Preferable actually,” Doug answered, the side of his mouth lifting just a hint. “What do you want?”
“Pizza!” Chase answered.
“Chase, I think Mr. Doug was asking me.”
Chase had the good sense to look ashamed as he apologized.
“Is pizza okay?” I asked, much to Chase’s pleasure. Pizza was a treat in our house. Not only did I not want Chase getting used to having takeout or delivery too often, but I couldn’t afford the effects on my hips and waist.
“Of course? What would you like on it?” His grin did funny things to my core. We’d only spent one night together, and until today I’d thought it might end up being our one and only, but now I could look forward to many more.
Doug's waiting for an answer.
“Pepperoni and green peppers.” I rushed out. I had to at least try to get Chase to eat a few veggies.
“Salad?” There was a glint in his eye, like he knew I hadn’t been thinking about pizza toppings.
Oh God, am I blushing? “Please.”
“I’ll pick up the pizza and meet you at your place. Need me to grab anything else?”
I didn’t.
While we waited for Doug, I arranged my bouquet in a vase and set it on the table while Chase changed out of his fudge-stained shirt.
As we ate, I reminded Chase not to talk with his mouth full as he told me how he’d called Doug to yell at him for making me cry. It was sweet how protective he was. He’ll grow up to be just like you, Phil . He’d have a lot of help getting there from his stepdad.
Did I really just think that?
Chase took all the credit for getting us back together. Doug let him have it—praising him along the way for being protective of me, for being smart enough to see we belonged together, and clever enough to plan the surprise at the ice cream shop.
Chase beamed at Doug’s praise. Watching him puff his little chest out caused my heart to fill with so much pride I thought it’d burst out of my chest, like cartoon characters when they see the love of their life.
Now that I knew my age wouldn’t ever be a problem; the fear of ‘what if he dies and leaves us’ took hold again as I thought back to the devastation of losing Phil.
A large, warm hand on my thigh brought me back the present.
What am I thinking? It’d be a crime to deny us what Doug was offering—love, companionship, and family.
Of course I’d always be scared of losing him. How could I not be? But at the end of the day we’d be better off having him in our lives, even if it didn’t last forever.
I was done standing in my own way.
It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all, and all that . I’d get to experience it twice.
I hoped it’d be a good long time before any of us had to say goodbye forever, but I refused to let the fear of loss rob us of the joy of today.