Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Cassius
Thankfully, I did not run into Harmon while at his building, though why would I? I was going to a different floor, and it’s not like he rides the elevator all day. Though I did find some strange relief to know that he wasn’t leaning over Wendy’s desk flirting with her.
I don’t know why I am letting that bother me so much. He’s told me that he’s not only not into her, but he’s not into women at all. It’s not an issue, so it shouldn’t be a concern. I’m being crazy.
And I’m the one who told him we can’t do this, so I have no right to be jealous. He isn’t mine and he won’t be. That’s what I said this morning.
Yet, I can’t stop thinking about it, anyway.
I can’t stop thinking about us being together, like actually together.
It feels so normal, so natural. Enough so that I invited him to my house for my sister’s birthday.
That’s a big step. Not only coming to my house but meeting my sisters. What the hell was I thinking?
It didn’t scare him away though, and that’s something. It’s a big something. He agreed to come, and even looked happy, maybe a little relieved.
It’s not that I want to tell him not to come, but maybe it’s for the best? If we can’t do this… we need to stick to the rules, and this definitely breaks them.
Why am I still thinking about it? I have good news—amazing news!
I officially have custody of my sister. It’s official. We don’t have to worry about our mother causing problems. No more insurance running out. No more nights without her, worrying whether or not she’s okay.
I get off the elevator at the main floor and walk toward the front doors but don’t go out of them.
“Hello.” I greet the receptionist at the desk. An older woman with her glasses perched on her nose, reading a book.
“What can I do for you?” she asks without looking up at me. Her hair is short, curly, and grey.
“I’m going to be honest with you—” Because I figure this is going to be the easiest thing to do. “Harmon Stone let me borrow his car. I’m here to drop it off. But I am avoiding him and don’t want to head up to his floor. Does he have a mailbox down here I can shove these in?”
She looks up at me, blinks slowly, then stares at me like I asked for the square root of pi.
“Uh, well, on better thought, maybe I’ll bring them up—”
“Margie here giving you a hard time?” the mailman asks as he leans against the counter, smiling at me like he’s proud of himself for the joke.
“Oh, I, uh…”
He’s a good-looking guy. Green eyes, sandy blonde hair, and enough facial hair that it isn’t overwhelming.
“She can be grouchy around this time,” he whispers, hiding his mouth behind a handful of letters that are bound together by a rubber band. He chuckles, then hands them over to the woman behind the desk.
“Oh, Dillon, knock it off,” she giggles, smiling at him with little hearts in her eyes.
Now, I am not one to judge anything here, but this woman has got to be twice his age. Maybe he’s into that. But if the way he’s looking at me is any indication, I’m going to say he plays for the other team and she has no clue. Or maybe she does, and she’s being hopeful.
Margie brings her attention to me. “Just hand them to me. I’ll make sure he gets them.”
“Are you sure? I can—”
“Come on, now. Hand them over. Wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable in the presence of Mister Stone, of all people.”
“Oh, Mr. Stone, hm? Did you just start working for him?” the mailman—Dillon—asks.
“No, no… I don’t work for him.”
“A friend, then?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
Something glints in his eyes, and I should let him know it’s not like that.
But it is like that, and maybe I don’t hate the fact that someone thinks it. I also don’t hate the fact that he doesn’t think I’m lying. He isn’t looking at me like I have no chance with Harmon, and that feels good.
I hand the keys to Margie. “Thank you for doing this.”
“It’s no problem.”
“Have a good day,” Dillon says to me, a mischievous smirk on his lips.
“Yeah, you too.”
I head back to the elevator and take it to the garage so I can get into my car and head home.
I need to talk to Cammy.
I burst through the door like my ass is on fire and drop onto the couch, covering my face with my hands.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Cammy asks, dropping onto the couch beside my head.
I groan in response, shaking my head back and forth.
“I’m such a fucking mess!”
“Uh, yeah… aren’t we all?”
She bites into something that sounds like a chip, and I uncover my eyes so I can see what she’s eating. A bowl full of potato chips. I reach for it and get a handful before she pulls it away.
“Get your own, you gremlin.”
“Gremlin?” I laugh, sitting up. “Really?”
I pick the chips from my hand, eating them slowly.
“Sour Cream & Onion—yum.”
She rolls her eyes, grabbing the remote and pressing the play button for the TV.
“What is this?”
“Supernatural. I’m obsessed.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Well, you better get used to it because there are a lot of seasons.”
“What episode are you on?” I ask, grabbing another chip from her bowl.
“Fourth of season one.”
“So, what’s it about?”
“These two brothers are looking for their dad who went on a “hunting trip” which is code for hunting ghosts or something.”
“Oh, brothers?” I say, waggling my brows.
“I already claimed Dean, so back off.”
I laugh and rest my head on her shoulder. We get through the episode and another before I get up to use the bathroom. When I get back, she’s staring at me with her arms crossed.
“Okay, tell me what the hell is going on.”
Groaning, I plop onto the couch, leaning back with my eyes closed.
“Why does everything have to be so hard, Cammy?”
“What’s hard, Cass? I’m pretty sure we’re doing pretty well over here.”
I turn my head to look at her. “I signed the papers for custody of Chrissy today.”
She gasps, her eyes widening. Then she growls and slaps me.
“Hey!”
“Why couldn’t you tell me that when you first came in, you jerk?”
“Sorry, I’m… in a bad mood, and I’m trying not to let it bother me because this is amazing news, but I’m so sad.”
Cammy throws her arms around me, and we sit in silence for a while before she says, “It’s okay to be in a bad mood sometimes.
You can’t be strong all the time, Cass. And you have been strong for a long time.
You’re the oldest, you’ve dealt with all of this the longest. Things are good right now, at least here.
So, what’s going on that has you upset?”
I rest my head against hers, reaching to hold onto her forearm.
“It’s… everything with Harmon.”
I wait for her to say something smart, because she usually does. Smart but accurate. She doesn’t hold anything back but always adds sass with what she says. It’s one of the reasons I love her so much.
“The job? Because you like him? Cass, if you—”
“No, it’s not that. I mean it is, but… we’re, like… I don’t know. Things were different before we went away for the weekend, and then things got out of control there and we threw the contract out the window...”
“I was going to say if you don’t want to work with him anymore, you don’t have to. We can figure this out.”
“How can we figure this out without him, Cam? We’ve never seen money like this before. Hell, most of the country doesn’t see money like this.”
“We can get better jobs and work our asses off like other people do. Now that we’re here and safe, I can work more hours. I can get a second job. A third. I could—”
“No, you need to go to school.”
“No, Cass. I don’t.”
“Yes, you do!” I shout, sitting up. “Yes, Cammy. This is what you want to do, and you need to do it. I can keep doing this, make sure we have the money, and you will go to school.”
She gapes at me, sitting up and rearing back. “Why do you always do that?”
“Do what? Help?”
“Put everyone else in front of you and then complain that you don’t have what you want?”
I gape at her. “What are you talking about? I don’t do that.”
She rolls her eyes. “When’s the last time you bought yourself something? Like for you. Something you wanted? Because I won’t lie to you, I’ve been buying myself a milkshake every single time I get paid for the last year.”
My eyes widen. I had no idea.
“Yeah, can you believe it?” she says. “I felt bad about it every time. That’s like $6 we could have used for something else, but you know what? That milkshake made my day a little better.”
“You work hard, Cam. You deserve that. And so much more.”
“But so do you! Why do you think you don’t? Why do you think you have to give everything for me and Chrissy and take nothing for yourself?”
“This isn’t that. It’s not what I’m doing.”
“Oh my god, Cassius,” she groans. “Yes, it is. I know you like Harmon, Cass. Even Chrissy can see it. You like him, and with what you just said, I’m assuming he feels the same way? And what? Did he try to renegotiate or something? You denied it? I know you, Cass, so I know I’m not far off.”
“How can I date him and still have him paying me?”
“Look, I can’t answer that question for you. I can imagine it would feel weird, I get that, but by the way you look right now, I bet you turned him down and didn’t even try to figure it out.”
I have nothing to say to that. Because she’s right. It is what I did. He said we would talk later. It’s already afternoon and I haven’t heard from him yet. There is still plenty of time in the day, but...
I huff an annoyed sound, shaking my head. “It’s messy.”
“Yeah, and? So is our life. You can figure this out, Cassius. And if you two can’t come to an agreement, then you can find another job.
We’re good here. We have plenty of time to figure shit out.
We lived with nothing, we can manage with what we have now.
Don’t ruin something good, a chance at being happy, because you’re scared. ”
“I’m not scared.”
“Yes, Cassius, you are. And it’s okay.”
I stare down at my hands for a long time, picking at a hangnail I’ve just noticed, then my gaze goes to the watch he gave me.
The one I never take off unless I’m going in the shower.
It means more to me than I ever thought it would.
I feel her staring at me, her eyes burning into the side of my face.
“I’m scared too. All the time. I’m always worrying, and I hate it. I don’t want to be like that, but guess what? I’m working on it.”
I grab onto her and pull her to me, hugging her tight.
“I love you, Cam. So much. I’m so happy you’re my sister.”
“I love you too, Cass, but you need to fuck off with the self-sabotage shit.”
We get comfortable again, still hugging one another. I have a lot to think about today…
“I invited him over for Chrissy’s birthday,” I admit.
“That’s sweet of you, Cass.”
“He’s really nice. Like… he’s so thoughtful and kind. A little clueless about how we live our lives, but he’s great. You and Chrissy will like him.”
“I’m sure we will. Never doubted it for a second.”
We sit in silence for a short time, and I consider everything she’s said. The way I feel. Things with Harmon. Getting a job. Paying bills.
“What do you think I should do?” I finally ask.
“You need to talk to him about how you two can figure this out, and if you like him as much as I think you do, worst case, you get a regular job. School can wait.”
“It can’t wait, Cammy,” I say, annoyed.
She sits up, looking at me furiously.
“After everything you have sacrificed for us, I am willing to sacrifice this for you. It’s not forever, and it’s not even certain. We can talk about it, like we have been doing, once you talk to him.”
She looks over, glancing down at the couch, then leans across me to grab my phone.
“Call him and tell him you want to talk before I do it.” I raise a brow. “Don’t test me, Cass. I have my period. I will do it.”
“Ahh, so that explains it,” I say with a grin.
She growls at me, and I laugh, taking my phone and getting up. I walk out of the room and hear the TV turn on.
“You better not watch that without me!”
“Then hurry the hell up!”
I pull up Harmon’s contact, the laugh dying in my throat when it starts to ring.