Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Cassius
Harmon’s alarm goes off, waking me. He shuts it off and scoots over to me, putting his arm around my waist and he’s snoring softly again.
I can’t say I’ve ever been a morning or a night person, I’ve just done whatever is needed of me. But I can tell you that if I had to wake up for work right now, it would be difficult to crawl out from his grasp. It’s warm. It’s safe. It’s comfortable.
But his alarm went off, meaning he has somewhere to be. Work, probably. Which means I also need to get up and go. And I should shower before I leave because I’m sure I smell like sex and cum. Not something I want Cammy smelling on me when I get home.
As carefully as I can, I untangle myself from him and slide out of bed.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he grumbles.
“You have work,” I say as I gather my clothes from the floor.
“I mean at all,” he says, which has me freezing, bent over and grabbing my pants. My heart stops but then pounds harder.
All I can think about are Cammy’s texts and how amazing last night was… but I can’t have both. Why did I think I could have both? Why did I think I could have this perfect life? It’s not meant for me.
Some people get perfect lives. Some people don’t. It’s that simple.
And the only way I am going to get anything done is by being honest. With myself and with him. Lying will only make this hurt more.
I turn to face him with my clothes gathered in my arms and trying not to feel weird over the fact I’m naked.
“How are we supposed to do this, Harmon?” He frowns, but I keep going. “I can’t let my family down. I need the money.”
His face turns almost angry as he sits up, eyeing me with a look that’s quite intimidating.
“I’ll give you the money, Cassius. I don’t care about the fucking money.
” He gets to his feet and stands in front of me.
“I’ll pay for your apartment for a year.
Ten, if it’ll help. Hell, I’ll buy the damn building if it’ll make you feel better.
I don’t care about my money, I don’t care about my things.
All of it means nothing.” He cups my cheeks, something he does when he’s going to say something serious.
I’m not ready for it, but he doesn’t care about that.
“Just give this a chance. Please don’t deny me this.
Nothing has ever felt so right, and I know you feel it too. We deserve this. Both of us.”
I clear my throat, swallowing past the lump that’s settled there.
“I don’t see how this can work. We’re very different people, and you’re the one who said we couldn’t do this in the first place. You said that, Harmon.”
“I know that,” he says with a firm nod. “And I don’t know what happened, but I… I’m weak. Being with you makes me weak, and it feels too good to let go of.”
“This… it won’t work,” I say, stepping out of his grip. “It’ll be weird. Like you’re paying me for sex. I don’t like that.”
“You said you would do that.”
“I know, but… it’s different now. There’s—”
“There’s what?” he says, coming to stand in front of me again. “Say it. There’s what?”
I grit my teeth together.
“There are feelings,” I ground out, my eyes burning with tears.
“Exactly,” he says. “That’s exactly what I mean. We both feel something here, we both know this can be something if we give it a chance. I’m terrified of what it’ll mean for me. I could lose everything. I have a lot on the line too, Cassius. It isn’t only you.”
“If this fails for you, you still have money, Harmon. You have something to fall back on.”
“I told you I don’t care about the money,” he barks, throwing his arms up.
“And you can say that because you have billions!” I shout with a humorless laugh. “You have enough to survive for the rest of your life, even if your company fell to the ground right now. It’s easy for you to say that because you have something to fall back on.”
“And what’s the point of having that if I’m alone?”
I shrug. “You planned it all along. Why has it changed?”
“Because I didn’t have you before.”
“Harmon—”
“Cassius, please, let’s—”
His alarm goes off again. His jaw clenches, and he runs his hands through his hair, before going around the bed to shut it off. I stand in the same spot, though I should have taken the opportunity to run out of here. Only to remember I don’t even have my car here. Shit.
He tosses his phone to the bed as he comes around to stand in front of me again.
Move, Cassius. Leave.
But I can’t. I just fucking can’t get my legs to work.
“Cassius, let’s talk about this. We can figure something out.”
“I don’t see how we can figure this out. I know what I said before, and maybe then, when I was desperate for it, I would have done anything. But now… it doesn’t feel right. I can’t take your money if we’re doing this, and that ruins everything.”
I fight away the tears, because I realize now that I’m the one who did this. I fucked it all up. Just like I always do.
“There is a way to fix this. There’s a way to make this work. There has to be.”
I hear the desperation in his tone, and it makes me want to give in, it really does.
I could ask him so easily to pay for Cammy’s school, and I know he would do it.
He would do it because he’s as desperate as I was then.
Only he’s desperate for me… for this. For something real.
For us. I want that too, it’s just that my problems are more real than any relationship could be.
And I know I’d feel weird for the rest of my life if I took his money because we’re fucking now.
“You know this is wrong, Harmon. I know you do.”
“It’s not. How can it be?”
His phone goes off again. “Fuck,” he growls.
This time I do take the chance to leave. I hurry to the bathroom to take a shower. It’s quick, and when I’m dressed and out, there’s a note on the bed with a set of keys telling me that we WILL talk about this later.
I don’t hurry home because I don’t want to answer the questions Cammy will have.
I told them Chrissy was getting a car to school, so I can show up after she’d have left.
Guilt eats away at me because I could bring her but am choosing not to, but I need a moment for myself.
Just a little while to worry about my own problems for a minute and not everyone else’s.
I don’t know how Harmon left, or if he was even gone when I did, but the keys on the bed were for his car.
The only one I saw him drive—and the only one at his house.
It’s possible he has others or had someone pick him up in the twenty minutes I was in the bathroom, or he was hiding out in the house somewhere waiting for me to leave.
I don’t know. I want to ask but I won’t.
How am I supposed to move forward with this?
Everything is a mess. It’s the only word we’ve used to describe this situation so far. Messy. And it truly is.
And why the hell does my chest hurt so much? This shouldn’t hurt so much. Yes, I care about Harmon, yes, I love the way I feel when I’m with him, but it’s been only a few months. And most of those months were just work.
Right?
Yes. Definitely. It was work.
I pull into a plaza and park toward the back, where no one will pass by me. Nothing is open yet, so hopefully the cops won't bother me.
I need a minute. Just a damn minute.
I leave the car running, the radio on low, the same station it was on when I got in. Classic rock. Another surprise. I’d think he’d listen to classical stuff without lyrics.
Am I being judgy? I totally think I am. I’m judging him by the way he looks and his standing in society. The fact he’s a billionaire. That’s not cool. It’s really not, and I should stop doing it. I’ve done it to him from the day I met him, and he’s always brushed it off.
The phone rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I recognize the number but can’t place it.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, is this Mr. Carr?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
“It’s John Kohler.” The lawyer! “I was calling to let you know that we were able to get everything handled without a court date. All I need you to do is come to my office and sign the papers.”
Go to his office and sign papers?
“Papers for what?”
“The custody agreement.”
“Custody agreement?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Of your sister. Did I get you at a bad time?”
“I’m sorry, no. I… how did you handle this out of court? I thought I would have to go, and like… talk to the judge or something?”
“I handled it all. I gave my case, and he agreed it would be for the best. Especially since your sister has been doing so much better since being with you.”
“She has?”
“We spoke with the school. You signed for us to get information from them, and they gave it to us. Her grades have gone up. Not much, as they were already good to begin with, but they have, and so we used that. Plus, her mood has been better. She’s even talking to a counselor about joining after school clubs. ”
“She is?” I breathe out. “I mean, yeah. She is. She’s been doing great. This is… awesome.”
Why didn’t Chrissy tell me she was joining an after school club? Did Cammy know?
“It’s great news. When can you come to the office? Any time is fine. I will leave the papers with Wendy—”
Oh… Wendy.
“I can be there in an hour,” I say.
“Perfect. I’ll let her know. Have a great day, Mr. Carr.”
“You too.”
I end the call, dropping the phone into my lap and staring out the windshield.
Why didn’t Chrissy tell me about the after school club?
I put my seatbelt back on and put the address for the Timeworks building into the GPS. While I’m there, I can get my car back.