Chapter Thirty-Three
Cassius
“I need to be honest with you,” Harmon says the moment we’re in the door.
“Okay.”
He looks devastated; truly concerned over what he’s going to tell me, and I won’t lie—I’m worried.
“I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone—ever.
Not even when I was younger. There was this one boy, when I was a teenager.
We… messed around a little. It was my first time.
My father caught us… and I hid who I was for a long time.
He made my life hell, telling me how unmanly I was—in worse words—and went off about how I couldn’t be his son because no son of his would act like that.
He threatened to take the company from me, threatened to throw me out on the street…
so much. There are… so many awful memories, and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t cross my mind now and again. ”
“You know it’s not true,” I say, walking to him. I want to reach out and touch him, but I hesitate. I’m not sure what kind of head space he’s in. I’ve never seen him so worked up before.
“I know that,” he says. “I think I know that. I want to believe it, but the trauma… it’s hard to look past, and I’ve forced myself to believe I deserve nothing good when it comes to others because of who I am attracted to.
I grew up thinking I could never have a normal life being the way I am, and so I turned to this.
And looking back on it all now, I see how messy and messed up it is.
And with you… God, with you—” He puts his hand on my cheek.
“I see more. I see the ability to have more, and I don’t know what it is about you, Cassius.
Whether it be the right time, or if it’s simply you… but you make me want more.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” I ask, my breath coming in harder.
“Yes… no? I don’t know.” He shakes his head, his eyes falling closed as he lets out a breath. “You make me feel crazy. Out of control.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I say simply. “Because I am here and I won’t let you lose yourself.”
“My father was—” he chokes out.
“You are not your father,” I say firmly.
He frowns. “Harmon, I don’t know your father, other than the few things you’ve said, but even had you said nothing to me about him, I’d say the same thing.
You are you. You’re whoever you want to be, and you can’t keep running away from being him.
You just have to be you. And you are a good person.
You’re a good man. You’re successful and handsome and kind and thoughtful, and so many other things that I can’t think of right now because my head is spinning. ”
“Cassius—”
“It’s true, Harmon. And you’re right about all of this being a mess.
We both know that, yet we keep making it messier, but maybe if we stop looking at all the rules and we stop worrying about boundaries and lines and contracts, maybe it won’t be a mess.
Maybe we get rid of the things that are making this messy.
Maybe we could have something else. Something different… something better.”
The words fall out of my mouth without thinking of any of the repercussions.
Dollar signs blare in my head like a warning sign, but I’m at the point where that doesn’t matter anymore.
My sisters would understand. We’d figure it out.
The apartment is paid up for a year. We have time.
I could get a real job, a regular job. The hard part is over.
We have the apartment, we have the stuff, we have Chrissy…
everything else is manageable. Maybe Harmon could even help me find a real job.
I bet he’d do that. He’d help me figure it out because that’s the kind of person he is.
Blinking a few times, he sighs again, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.
“You are a wonder,” he whispers. “I knew it the moment I saw you and couldn’t take my eyes off you. I’m so lucky you came into my life.”
“I’m the lucky one,’ I argue.
“No,” he breathes. “Money is a made up thing. It means nothing. It comes and goes. But this? Whatever this is that I am feeling right now, this very moment?” He grips my hips.
“This isn’t something I can get at a store or on a whim.
This is special.” His hands move up to cup my cheeks. “You are special.”
His lips brush mine in a gentle, sweet kiss. I wrap my arms around him, pulling him even closer and trying to ignore the emotion welling in my throat.
I want to argue about the meaning of money, that it’s okay for him to say something like that because he has enough of it, but my sisters and I have always gotten by and we’ve always been happy and figured things out.
It’s been stressful, but we’ve had each other.
Harmon has had no one. So… despite wanting to argue, I understand what he means.
And it makes my decision easier to make.
Money can be made. Happiness cannot. And I can’t deny that being with Harmon makes me happy. The way he looks at me, guides me, teaches me, takes care of me… it’s a happiness I’ve never felt before.
He breaks our kiss, his forehead going to mine again.
“Let me take you to bed,” he says. “My bed.”
I nod, unable to form words. He smiles at me, a mischievous look in his eye before he bends and tosses me over his shoulder, holding me in place with his arm around my thighs.
“Holy—”
He laughs as he moves towards the stairs. “What? Did you not think I was capable of this?”
“I mean… I didn’t really think about it, but yes, actually. I did not think this was something you could do.”
“I’m stronger than I look.”
“You look real good though.” I smack his ass, since it’s right in my face and so very tempting.
He chuckles again, reaching the top landing and turning down the hall. I’ve never been in his bedroom, but I do recall his bathroom, and if it’s anything like that—which I assume it will be—it’s going to be luxurious.
We enter a room with dark hardwood floors and deep blue rugs.
He places me onto a soft bed and crawls over me.
He doesn’t give me even a second to look around.
His mouth is on mine, hands sliding beneath my shirt.
I grasp at his hair, tugging on the strands more firmly than he tugs on my hair.
He groans into my mouth, so I keep doing it, holding onto him tighter, trying to show him that I don’t want this to end.
We take each other's clothes off, not in a rush. We’re taking our time, going with it. There’s no need to rush… we’ve both accepted this is how it’s going to be now, so we don’t feel like we’re on a time constraint.
Harmon sits back on his calves once we’re both naked and makes a show, holding eye contact with me, of spitting into his hand. He takes both our dicks and strokes them. I groan, thrusting up slowly into his palm, unable to even stop myself.
“You feel so good,” I breathe out, grasping the blanket for something to hold on to.
His gaze is on his hand, holding us both. I glance down at our cocks held together, glistening with precum and saliva. It’s so hot to see his hand wrapped around us. I watch for a moment longer, then swipe his hand away and sit up, pressing my palm to his chest.
“Lie down.”
He holds my gaze but moves to the top of the bed and lies on his back.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” I say as I crawl to him and settle between his thighs.
Harmon has a thick cock that is going to give me a jaw ache for sure, but it’ll be worth it.
I drag my tongue along the crown, licking up his precum before sucking on the tip.
He lets out a ragged moan that has my dick throbbing. I take him deeper before lifting up and going back down. I take more and more of him each time, allowing my jaw to get used to his size.
Harmon’s hands come around my jaw, holding while he thrusts into my mouth gently, urging himself deeper.
“You take my cock so well. In your ass, your mouth… you were made for me, Cassius.”
Goosebumps erupt over my skin and I suck harder, then lick down his shaft until I reach his balls. I tease them with my tongue, licking and sucking a little too.
His thighs lift, bending his knees, and I take that as permission to go even further.
So, I kiss the inside of his thigh, then trail back down to the sensitive spot beside his balls, then down to his hole.
I drag my tongue over it, and the guttural sound that leaves his chest has my dick throbbing.
I do it again, then slide my tongue inside of him, before licking my way back up.
I’ve never been big on topping. If he wanted me to, I would, but I’m not entirely sure that’s what this is. And he doesn’t stop me when I put my mouth around his cock again, so I leave it be. It’ll be a conversation for another day. For now, I’ll enjoy his cock in my mouth.
“Do you want me to cum in this pretty little mouth?” he rasps out.
“Mhmm,” I manage to say with his dick down my throat.
“Good,” he breathes. “I’m going to—”
He thrusts harder, faster, just a few times before he explodes in my mouth. His salty, musky flavor fills my mouth and slips down my throat. I swallow all of him, trying not to choke and focus on his pleasure rather than breathing.
A ragged breath comes out of him before he’s tugging me on top of him, his mouth on mine while his hand wraps around my cock and strokes hard and fast. I come right away, all over his stomach and chest while his tongue is stroking mine.
I feel him dragging his hand between us, gathering the cum, and he shoves his fingers into our mouths, adding my cum to our kiss. My dick, somehow, gets harder.
It’s dark when I wake up, and it takes a second to realize what it was that woke me. Harmon’s cock is between my ass cheeks, sliding up and down while his hand is pressed to my stomach and his mouth is on my neck.
I didn’t take him for a cuddler, but after we came earlier, we fell asleep with him being the big spoon. We didn’t even clean up—another thing I didn’t expect from him.
I’m not sure what time it is, but I have nothing to do in the morning.
“Let me fuck you,” Harmon whispers in my ear.
I nod, grinding against him to show him I want it.
His fingers brush along my lips, wanting entrance, so I open and suck on them, getting them wet.
He slides them both inside me without hesitation, nipping at my neck.
“I need to be inside of you,” he pleads.
“Then do it.” I groan, pressing into him more.
With a nip so hard to my skin it makes me hiss, he pulls away. I look over my shoulder to see what he’s doing, and in the dark of the room, I make out him grabbing something from a drawer.
“Get on your knees,” he says when he rolls back to me.
I turn over, giving him my ass and resting my head on the pillow, my arms grasping it.
I like getting fucked on my back and watching the pleasure on their face but hugging a pillow while being fucked doggy style is a whole other level of amazing.
Harmon fucks me with his fingers, using a lot of lube, then he’s pressing into me slowly, his thick cock going in one slow inch at a time.
He fucks me hard and steady. We come together, and then we’re cuddling again—only this time he gets a washcloth to clean up the cum. Moments later he’s snoring softly, so I grab my phone to see if I missed anything from my sisters.
There are a couple of texts from Cammy.
Cammy
I know you’re probably having the time of your life but wanted to let you know I looked into school.
Yeah, not happening. It’s way too expensive.
I was thinking maybe loans, but then I’d have to pay them back. I’ll keep working at the laundromat. I don’t hate it.
“Yes you do,” I whisper, staring at my phone.
Cammy has wanted to be a nurse for a long time.
For as long as I can remember. She said it even before we found out about Chrissy’s diagnosis, or maybe that was around the time.
When Chrissy was in the hospital, we went along too because there was no one to watch us.
Cammy would play with all the stuff and pretend to check out Chrissy to make her feel better.
I glance at Harmon and think back over the night we had together. Over the last couple of weeks and how much they’ve changed between us.
I have feelings for him; there’s no denying it now.
It didn’t happen suddenly, but over the entire period of us being together.
Of him showing me kindness, thoughtfulness.
Maybe it was a crush at first, but when he started reciprocating, when I knew he was breaking rules for me… that was it. It was more.
Cam and Chrissy were right. I like him. I guess I have for a while.
And all of this? It’s amazing. The thought of having a normal life?
We have an apartment, I have my sisters, and maybe I have a boyfriend?
Though, I will say, calling Harmon my boyfriend would feel weird.
Of course, we haven’t gotten to that conversation yet, but it feels like that’s where we're going, right?
Only… we can’t.
I glance back at my phone and re-read Cammy’s messages.
This is her dream. I could help her reach that dream if I keep this job.
If I got a regular job, we could manage bills, but bills and school?
How would we pull that off? We couldn’t.
Not for a long time. And it’s fucked because in order to make more money to afford the school, we have to go to school to get a degree.
But she needs to go. She needs to do this.
I don’t think she’ll ever be truly happy until she does. This is her dream.
Cammy is like me, it must be the way we were raised, but we always put other people before ourselves.
Is it right? Not really, no, but we love each other, and that’s what you do for family.
But I’d be lying if I said there was some selfishness in me that wishes I could keep going with this…
that for once, I could worry about only me.
I look at Harmon again, sleeping peacefully, and know that I can’t move forward with this. With him. I can’t. I need to keep this job to take care of my family.