Chapter 21 – Alexis
21
Confession Equals Connection
Alexis
I DON’T TALK about my Grandma Dot very much. Not because I didn’t love her—I worshiped her.
I don’t talk about her because she’s gone and I will never get another memory with her, so I guard them. Keep them to myself. For myself. But I’ve accidentally opened that can worms and Gavin doesn’t seem interested in letting me snap the lid back in place.
He gives me a slow nod. “Yeah, I’m going to go ahead and agree that is the plan of action we should take, because Granny D would come back to life and murder me for daring to deface something she made you.”
My throat goes tight when Gavin says the nickname he gave her. She pretended like she hated it, but I knew the truth. My grandma always had a soft spot for him. I can’t blame her. She and I were so much alike, and it seems our fondness for giant goofy rugby players is yet another similarity between us.
Gavin reaches up, sliding his fingers through my hair as he pushes it behind my shoulders. “Did you know Granny D is the reason I can cook?” His lips curve into a tender smile. “My parents were wrapped up in their own shit, so I was on my own in a lot of ways. When your grandma found out about the home ec fire incident, she made it her personal mission to teach me.”
I hold my breath as he continues offering me the most precious gift anyone’s ever given me. More of the woman I loved with my entire heart.
“I went over there once a week my whole junior year, and she taught me how to make all kinds of shit.” His voice softens as he studies my face. “She was fucking awesome.”
I nod, swallowing hard around the lump in my throat. “She was.”
Grandma Dot was the only person who ever really understood me. She never expected me to be more than I was. Never got confused when I didn’t react to things a certain way or enjoy certain activities. That’s probably because she was just like me, or I was just like her. We were two peas in an introverted pod surrounded by a loud, outgoing family.
Gavin’s eyes move over my face, one thumb coming to swipe at a tear I didn’t notice had dropped free. “You should come home with me, Al.” His voice is soft and tender. “I’ve got something I think you’ll want to see.”
This time I agree easily. Not because I want to see whatever it is Gavin wants to show me, but because for the first time in a long time, I feel understood. Appreciated.
Safe.
My mother loved my grandmother—I know that. But she never understood her—never understood me. I’m starting to think Gavin does, and that’s a rare thing for me. “Okay.”
Gavin gives me a tender smile before turning me toward my room, giving my ass a little swat, and telling me to hurry.
I grab a bag and get to work. I changed into my pajamas while we were waiting for dinner, so all I need is some clothes for tomorrow. After adding a few toiletries and my toothbrush, I come out to the living room to find him holding something that confirms my suspicions.
Gavin comes to stand in front of me, gently winding my most prized possession around my neck. His big hands stroke over the thinning weave of the yarn with an almost reverent touch. “Now I see why you were less than impressed with the scarf I got you.”
“The scarf you gave me is beautiful.” I defend his gift immediately. Not just because it’s cashmere and gorgeous, but because he put thought into it. Chose something he knew I would like.
“Anyone can buy a scarf off the rack, Al.” His big hands are still gently holding the scarf my grandma made me. “It takes a lot of love for someone to spend hours of their life making a gift.”
Again Gavin hits the nail on the head. Seems to understand exactly why the scarf is so important to me. It’s not simply because it came from my grandma, but because it is a physical embodiment of her love for me.
He tips his head to the door. “You ready to go?”
My eyes are burning again, and my throat is still tight, so I just smile, giving the surprisingly sentimental man in front of me a little nod.
Gavin takes my bag, hooking the floral printed overnight tote onto one shoulder, then slips his hand around mine. After snagging my keys off the counter, he opens the door. I start to follow him out, but then stop.
“Hang on.” I turn, rushing back to collect the rest of our dinner and dessert, stacking the foam boxes into the paper bag they came in before hurrying back to his side. This time I’m the one taking his hand, and Gavin looks down at where my fingers weave between his, studying them for a second before tugging me out into the hall.
When we reach my car, he doesn’t even ask, just loads me into the passenger side then drops my bag into the back seat and climbs behind the wheel. The sight of him in my small crossover is still hilarious, and I huff out a little laugh over it.
“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He turns out of the parking lot. “I’m sure everyone thinks I bought my Hummer because it’s flashy, but I just wanted to drive without getting a fucking leg cramp and a crick in my neck.”
I tip my head his direction, offering a disbelieving look. “You can admit you also like that it’s flashy.” My stern expression melts into a smile. I can’t help it. “Especially to me, because we both know I like pretty things.”
Gavin glances my way, giving me a slow grin. “You are a pretty thing, Al.” He turns back to the road before confessing, “And I do kinda like that it’s flashy.”
I look over where he sits in the driver’s seat, wondering. “Do I get to drive your car since you get to drive mine?”
Gavin barks out a laugh, and it has me expecting him to say no. But—like he’s in the habit of doing—Gavin surprises me. “I would love to see you behind the wheel of my Hummer, Al.” He gives my body the same appraising look I just gave his. “You might need a booster seat though.”
I scoff in mock outrage. “I’m not that short.”
“To me, everyone is that short.” Gavin’s tone is teasing, and it’s hard for me to remember how much I used to hate it.
“That’s because you’re an overgrown beast.” I’m terrible at teasing him back, but I give it a try even though it still comes off serious and dry.
Gavin sits up as straight as my small crossover will allow, giving me a wink. “Flattery will get you everywhere with me.”
“Only you would take that as a compliment.”
“Not true.” Gavin’s eyes come my way again. “Your brother would too.”
The reminder of Leo sobers me a little. “I’m worried about him.”
Gavin’s jaw sets. “It’s none of Leo’s business what we do.”
“I didn’t mean that way. I don’t give a shit what Leo thinks about my personal life.” I gave that up back in college when he was so clearly against Hugo. Now I know he wasn’t the only one. “I’m talking about him and Maddie Miller.”
A little of the tension bleeds from Gavin’s body, his shoulders easing down. “I’m worried too.” He gives me a sidelong glance but doesn’t fully look my way. “I know how crazy men can get over the women they care about.” Gavin’s frame stiffens. Like he’s waiting to see how I respond.
I can admit, I don’t know a whole lot about fucked-up relationships. My parents have a great marriage. The one boyfriend I had didn’t treat me badly, just indifferent. But I do know a thing or two about human nature. I’m not a big talker, but I am a big listener. And I people watch better than anyone I know.
“Leo’s situation is very different from the one your parents had, but feeling insecure can bring out the worst in people.” I think back to the guy at the bar and his knee-jerk response to being shut down. “Leo’s probably not worried about Maddie dumping him, but he is scared he’ll lose her. Just in a different way.” One that’s way more terrifying than a simple breakup.
“I know I pissed him off tonight, but I wanted him to think this through. Reacting is easy. Deciding how to handle shit is hard.” Gavin’s hands flex against the steering wheel. “I can’t judge him for what he’s doing, though, because I don’t think a lot of shit through either.”
“You mean like inviting me for a sleepover?” I try to make it sound like sarcasm but fail epically. Even when I’m joking I sound serious, but this time I’m not making an attempt at teasing.
It’s actually insecurity running my mouth. Gavin’s a player. I knew that going into this and was fine with it. But Gavin doesn’t seem to be playing, and I don’t know what to do with that.
“I’ve spent way too much time imagining you in my bed to claim I haven’t thought this through, Al.” Gavin’s gaze swings my way, devouring me as we wait at the light to turn onto the road where he lives. “It might be the first thing I’ve thought through in a long fucking time.”
My belly flips at the sincerity in his tone, fluttering around my insides as his dark eyes hold mine. I’ve been ignoring the connection pulling us closer and closer. Pretending this was only some fun little fling. Just a couple of people making each other feel good. Scratching itches.
But it’s not. And as the light switches to green and we start moving, my little SUV slowing as we reach our destination, I have to consider my brother might not be the only one in over his head.
It’s dark enough outside I don’t get a great look at Gavin’s building, but it doesn’t take more than a glimpse to tell it’s nice. I knew where it was located, but since it’s on a dead-end road, the multi-story structure isn’t in a spot I’d need to pass. And, even though I was curious about the place Gavin called home, I had the willpower and self-restraint to keep my nosy ass to myself.
It seems like that’s the extent of what I possess where Gavin is concerned though, considering I always end up naked when we’re alone together.
We pull into the underground garage before I see much more than the sleek reflection of giant windows spanning the six or seven floors. Gavin slides my SUV into the spot next to his Hummer, then shuts off the engine.
He turns to me. “Ready to face the dinosaur?”
“Uhh.” I glance toward the elevator. “I thought you had something you wanted to show me.” My eyes narrow. “It’s not just your damn lizard, is it?”
“It’s not just my lizard. I really do have something to show you, but we need to secure the premises first.” Gavin gives me a wink as he opens his door. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”
I trust him—really I do—but the dinosaur comment has me... Concerned.
By the time we’re standing in front of his door my stomach is in knots. My parents aren’t really pet people, so I haven’t spent much time around the cute cuddlies most people have in their lives.
Let alone the ones with scales.
“I’ll go in first.” Gavin punches a code into the fancy keypad on the door. “Stay behind me.”
I balk. “I thought you said it was locked in the bathroom?”
As much as I want to see Gavin’s home—and take him up on that cuddling offer—I’m regretting my decision to tag along.
“It should be.” Gavin gives me zero time to prepare before opening the door.
Fear has me latching onto the back of his shirt, using him as a shield as I follow him inside. My eyes dart around the space, but I’m not really seeing anything. Not when I’m worried a freaking dinosaur is going to jump out at me any second.
I stick to Gavin like glue, white knuckling the cotton fabric stretched across his broad back. When we come to a stop, I peek around him. My stomach clenches at the sight of what must be the door to the bathroom in question.
“Ready?” Gavin lifts a brow at me.
“No.”
I don’t have to think about it. When my friends find out I willingly came within ten feet of a lizard, they’re going to take me to the hospital, sure I’ve been concussed.
Gavin grins. “Too bad.” He opens the door without doing a countdown or anything, and I get my first glimpse of his dinosaur.
“Holy shit.” The thing is almost as long as I am, but way better at climbing, because it’s currently perched on the shower curtain rod. Its head turns our way, revealing a scarred mess where one eyeball should be. A collection of additional scars are scattered across its muddy green hide. “Was it in a fight?”
Gavin slowly walks into the room and I have no choice but to follow. “I think it was someone’s pet and got too big so they set it free. It’s probably been on its own for a while, and there’s no telling what happened to it.”
“Awe.” A pang of sympathy hits me for the huge green monstrosity watching us with a squinted eye. “Why would someone do that?”
“People suck, Al.” Gavin stops in front of the tub/shower combo. “They bite off more than they can chew and walk away when it gets to be too much.”
I gasp when the lizard reaches one taloned hand toward Gavin. Then I gasp again when Gavin reaches back, gently collecting the reptile into his arms.
“Should you be holding it?”
Gavin runs one big hand down the lizard’s back, flattening out the pokey things growing along its spine. “He seems to like it.”
Gavin seems to know what he’s talking about. The lizard leans into his touch, eye closing as he soaks up the affection. “He does kinda seem like he’s used to being handled.”
Gavin turns away from the shower, scanning the room. “That’s why I thought he was probably someone’s pet.” He pauses to look over the counter, peering into the two bowls sitting on the granite surface. “You ate everything I gave you, didn’t you, buddy?”
I swallow hard, afraid to look in the bowl because there might be remnants of the lizard’s meal. “What did you feed him?” I give the giant beast in Gavin’s arms a sidelong glance. “He looks like he could eat me.”
Gavin’s mouth slides into a slow smile, his voice dropping dangerously low when he says, “I’m the only one who gets to eat you, Al.”