Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Better than he’d ever dreamed.
Colton had imagined this countless times.
Imagined holding Riley close, his arms wrapped around her.
Their first kiss and all the kisses after that.
The images permeated his sleep, popped into his day at times when his mind needed to be on other things.
No matter how hard he’d fought it. Tried to keep his growing feelings for her in check.
All his efforts turned to dust the second he pulled her close. He hadn’t kissed a woman in years, yet this kiss felt like … home. As if this weren’t their first.
But it was. His first with Riley. The woman who claimed more and more of his heart, his soul, every day, every hour he spent with her.
She rose up on her toes, pressing closer, and he thought he’d combust with a yearning for more. But before things could go somewhere they shouldn’t, somewhere they couldn’t, he let the kiss soften until he pulled away and put his forehead to hers.
“Riley …” He hardly recognized his voice, thick as it was with the release of everything he’d kept locked inside.
“Don’t say you’re sorry, Cole.” Her hands framed his neck. “Please, please don’t say you’re sorry.”
“I’m not sorry, sweetheart. But, Riley, we need to get some control here.
” He took a breath, their foreheads still pressed together.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been with anybody this way.
” He pulled back, her hands slipping to his chest as his came to her face.
“And this probably isn’t the best time. Emotions are … high tonight.”
“Maybe.” She peered deep into his eyes, her own shining with tears and something more. Something he’d never expected to see in another’s ever again. “But I don’t regret it. Not for a second. It’s not as if I haven’t dreamed about it a hundred times.”
He chuckled before giving her another soft kiss. “You’re not alone there.”
Taking her by the hand, he led her to the sofa and pulled her close to his side, her knees drawn up as she snuggled into him. How could this feel so natural, so familiar, considering they’d never had an intimate moment?
“Stay with me a while?”
“For as long as you need me.”
“And I’ll be here for you.” Her head burrowed into the crook of his neck, and he laid his cheek against her silky hair.
“You already have been. You brought me back to the Lord, Ri. I’d walked so far away, I couldn’t even hear Him anymore. Until you showed me the way.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She brushed her hand over her face. “It seemed to me you were searching for a way back. I prayed for you every day and left you in His hands.”
“But you reminded me how much He loves me. And that He loved Theresa enough … enough to heal her. Even if it wasn’t on this side of heaven, she is healed.
And until you painted the picture for me of her living happy and whole with the Lord, I hadn’t realized how selfish I’d been, wishing she were here on this broken planet with me rather than in heaven with God. ”
“You weren’t being selfish. You were being human. This is all we know, and, of course, we want our loved ones with us. What I wouldn’t do to have more time with my grandparents who have already gone ahead. But I know they’re in a better place, and that gives me peace.”
“Well, I’m ready to move into the future and stop holding onto the past.”
Silence stretched for a moment. “Maybe with me?” The uncertainty in her quiet voice yanked at his heart.
He tightened his arm around her and closed his eyes. A deep breath in brought her subtle jasmine and ginger fragrance with it. “I can’t imagine anybody else.”
“I can’t imagine being with anybody but you, either.”
He tipped her chin up to lay a gentle kiss on her mouth. “You are so beautiful.”
“I’m kind of a wreck right now, but that was sweet.”
“I love it when you’re natural. You’re a knock-out all dolled up, that’s for sure. But when you’re like this—all Riley—that’s my favorite.”
“You’re my favorite too.” She yawned and snuggled back into him. “I was under the impression you were completely unaffected. By me, I mean.”
“Not since that first night in your dad’s study. When you so graciously called me tactical gear.”
“A name you wear proudly, so you told me.”
“I do. I was hooked from that moment, although I didn’t want to admit it. Now I’m honored to be your tactical gear, Riley Hudson.”
“Hmm. And I love being your principal.” A minute later, her even breathing told him she’d drifted off to sleep. Sleep she desperately needed.
After clicking off the lamp beside the sofa, he crossed his feet on the coffee table, closed his eyes, and held her close. She fit him perfectly. So small and so soft, and she smelled so good.
A small niggling of doubt tickled the back of his mind, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to think logically for once. He wanted to live what he’d only experienced in his dreams. Curled up with this woman who’d been nothing but one surprise after another from the first day.
How could she wonder if she affected him?
Couldn’t she tell? He’d let go with her as he rarely did, having always prided himself on his ability to hold himself in check.
Not let anybody see inside. What he felt.
But the moment she’d looked at him with those emerald eyes filled with question, he’d lost that resolve.
She’d destroyed it with her utter transparency.
In her sleep, she nestled closer and draped her arm across him, her forehead pressed to the side of his neck. He tightened his hold. So comfortable. So natural. Holding her like this. As if he had a million times before tonight.
“I love you, Colton.”
Her whisper in the dark lifted the veil of sleep that had begun to lower. His eyes slowly opened as the cloud he’d been trying to push away crashed down on him. Now he understood what that doubt had been trying to tell him. What he’d known all along.
And his heart splintered in his chest.