Chapter 8
Lina
Chapter Eight
I think Sean was texting while I dozed. I sorta felt his arms moving, but I was too tired to tell. I’m lying still, listening to his heart right now. The moment I came fully awake, I realized our bodies aren’t joined anymore. Damn male anatomy. I’ve warmed cocks before by just sitting on them, but it was always a type of submission in the past. It was about them controlling when I could or couldn’t get off. About them deciding when I did or didn’t get their attention.
I know I had Sean’s complete attention while I was awake. I sense he knows I’m awake now and that I have his attention again. I could fuck him to get myself—or, preferably, both of us—off, and he wouldn’t stop me because I’m not his sub. I know he’d see it—me—as equals.
I kiss his collar bone before sitting up. “Hi.”
“Hi, little one. Do you feel rested?”
“More than I did.” My brow furrows. “What happened?”
His eyes widen, and I know he’s letting me see his surprise. If he didn’t want me to, then I wouldn’t. But I’m certain something is even more off than it was before I fell asleep.
“I’m going to Boston tomorrow.”
“I figured. I don’t want you to, but I’m certain I can’t talk you out of it.”
“Have you changed your mind?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. Me not wanting you to go has nothing to do with me ending this or wanting to hide this. I don’t want Ewan trying to kill you, and I don’t want you succeeding at killing him.” I shrug because I feel a wave of sadness slam into me.
“Lina, I’m not going there to hurt him. I’m not going there to kill him. As long as he keeps you protected…”
He trails off, and I know he means he won’t kill Ewan as long as he leaves me out of it. But my brother won’t. He can’t. Sean said his cousin met with Nishida a few weeks ago. I met with him today. Ewan’s going to expect me to brief him on that because he’s obviously found another way to try to fuck the O’Rourkes over.
“It’s going to piss him off to find out I slept with you because I want you, not to get something out of you.”
He squeezes my ass in response, and I jerk my hips forward. My instinct is to avoid the pain, but then I press back into his hand.
“You definitely got something out of me.” He waggles his eyebrows and kisses me.
Fuck. This is perfection. The way he kisses makes me melt. The feel of his stubble under my fingers. The scent of his cologne. The sound of our mouths, and the feel of his tongue. The way he looked just before his lips met mine. He definitely deals in narcotics. The drug is him.
“The way what I just said sounded. I didn’t mean I sleep with people to get things out of them.”
“I didn’t think you do.” He brushes hair back from my face and tucks it behind my ear. It’s tender and intimate. I love it.
“I can’t convince you not to do this, can I?”
“No. If Ewan sent you to spy on my family, do you know why we’re not getting along?”
“Not getting along? Ha.” I dash my glance away before looking back at him. “Our families have never gotten along. Your family tolerates mine. And my family swallows its inferiority complex and silently fumes that once upon a time the O’Malleys and O’Rourkes were equals.”
“Well, yes. But do you know why we’re outwardly hostile right now?” He makes it sound so benign. We’re about to discuss how his family killed my father and uncle, doing my brother a favor since he and our dad were at each other’s throats.
“I know it’s complicated just like it always is. My dad and Uncle Riley stole a shipment of yours. The rugs were legal, but it was what was sewn into them that wasn’t. Dad supported some biker guy related to your sister-in-law when the biker went after her dad. I don’t remember exactly. When your family raided the warehouse to get the rugs back, you found a bunch of other shit. Illegally kept animals. For all my brother’s faults, that was the final straw between him and our dad. Ewan may dislike most people, but he loves most animals. Shockingly, they love him back.”
“Did you know how strained things were between your dad and Ewan before you moved down to Boston?”
“Yes. Our dad had his moments when he genuinely wanted to put his family first. But they were only moments. It was his ambition that got him killed. It exceeded his common sense and his skills. He kept pushing Ewan to make a move on your family by setting up a deal with one of your big rivals. I don’t think he cared which one Ewan chose as long as it fucked your family over. He wanted Ewan to prove himself. He wanted to brag that his son—who’s younger than all of you—got one over on you. He wanted to prove our family is still relevant. And he wanted to show his men he still controlled Ewan.”
“But did he?” The sarcasm drips from Sean’s three words.
“No. He hadn’t since that Christmas Ewan stood up to him when we overheard him talking about me. I’ve never respected my dad in any sense other than being a fellow human being. I didn’t respect him as a father. I didn’t respect him as a leader. I didn’t respect him as a businessman. Those feelings started when I was too young to understand what they were. He was just a shit dad most of the time. I stopped trusting the moments when he was great and waited for the hours, days, weeks, and years that he wasn’t. At least I didn’t have to live with him full time like Ewan did.”
“You said the animals were the last straw. Do you know what Ewan was going to do?”
I’m still sitting on Sean’s lap. I lean back farther see his face better. I lift my chin, and I know I shutter my gaze. I’m not shutting him out, and I think he knows that. I’m letting him know I’m fine with what my brother planned. I just won’t say it out loud because what kind of monster does that make me?
“What did Rowan do to you to get you to this point?” He can be vague too.
“I guess you and your family came up for a wake about three and a half years ago. Maybe closer to four now. It was for a man I never met, but he was pretty high up and close to my dad. I wasn’t there because if I had been, I would have met you. And I definitely wouldn’t have forgotten you. He wanted me to come down for it. He wanted me to sleep with Dillan. He knew Finn hooked up with my aunt whenever he was in town. He figured getting info from Finn was good, but getting info from Dillan would be great.”
“He what?!”
I press my hands against Sean’s chest as he explodes.
“He’s already dead. You can’t resurrect him to kill him all over again.” His scowl tells me he didn’t like my attempt at reassurance. “He never said that to me, and he wasn’t that blunt with Ewan. But he made his wishes clear to my brother, who was supposed to convey them to me. Basically, he told Ewan to get me to make friends with Dillan. To get him alone and see what I could learn. Dad knew Dillan wouldn’t look to make friends with me. He wanted pillow talk.”
“He tried to pimp his daughter out.” Sean’s hands are curled into fists, lying on the bed beside his hips. I reach for his wrists and lift his arms. I put his hands back on my ass. His grip is tight without squeezing. It’s possessive, and I love it.
“Ewan and I are close sometimes and distant at others. I suppose we’re like Britain and France. We generally don’t care for each other but can get along. We even play nice in public. But if someone threatens either of us, we’re best friends. Needless to say, Ewan did not try to convince me to come to the wake. He told me the truth, though. I know Ewan manipulates me sometimes since the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, but he didn’t do it this time. I know because I overheard Uncle Riley and Aunt Cady talking about it the next time I was in town. That was when Ewan decided it was time to prepare for a transition. The animals would have pushed him into doing whatever he’d planned.”
I don’t know the details of his plot to commit patricide, and I don’t want to.
“You overhear a lot of things.” It’s an observation, not an accusation.
“Apparently, I’m easy to forget, even when I’m around.”
He fists my hair and holds my head in place as he sits up. He rakes his teeth up my neck before tugging my hair, pulling me back. He lifts my left breast and sucks hard on the nipple before leaving another mark dangerously high. The wrong shirt would reveal it.
“You are the most memorable person I know, cailín.”
His kiss is aggressive. His free hand presses my right wrist behind my back. He holds me immovable with his grip on my arm and my hair. I let him lead. Not just because he practically overwhelms me. Because I love this. I love that he wants me, desires me this much. He can be gentle and cautious with me, so I know this is an element of him he wants me to see. It’s not who he always is. He wants me to know he feels the words he just said. It makes me feel special.
When we come up for air, his hand releases my wrist, but it comes to rest heavily on my throat just above my collar bones. He doesn’t tighten. It’s enough to keep this dynamic going as though I’m at his mercy. That he dares me to disagree with him. That to do so will only make him prove what he says goes.
This isn’t a scene or roleplaying. This isn’t him being a Dom, and me being a sub. This is just us. He gets what I need. It feels pretty fucking shitty to admit your father didn’t give two fucks about you past how useful you were to his ambitions. That your brother conveniently cares about you, but that’s usually to get him what he wants. Sean knows I need to feel like I’m more than just a chess piece. That I matter to him.
“Cailín, I know this is painful for you to tell me. I know it’s humiliating. You hide it well, but not well enough from me. If you want to keep telling me the past, I will always listen. But if you don’t want to tell me more, or you don’t want me to know more, then I won’t push you. I’ll hold you until I’m calm enough not to lose my shite on your brother. Will you let me?”
I lean forward and whisper to him after kissing his cheek. “As Lina and Sean, I’ll let you. As cailín and nounours, make me.”
I sit back and press my hand over his that’s still on my throat. I urge him to tighten his hold. It’s not breath play because it remains easy to breathe. But it makes it harder to take a deep inhale. He pulls me forward until my nose nearly brushes his.
“I still have to go, Lina. For your sake, I won’t lose my patience. But the moment your brother looks the wrong way at you, says the wrong thing, thinks the wrong fecking thing, I will make sure he and everyone else understand you’re mine. We will figure out what we are to each other with time. We can define our relationship into whatever it turns out to be. Nothing about that changes the fact you’re mine. Whether you’re my friend or my partner, you are mine to protect and take care of. By the time I leave Boston, no one will doubt that.”
I reach between us and stroke him. I move my hand tight and fast, and it doesn’t take long since he was halfway hard already. I rise on my knees and sink onto his cock. He lets go of my hair and brings his hand down on my ass. He releases my throat.
“Are you in control now, little one?” His voice is an invitation to sin.
“Not at all. Knowing I’m yours is the most arousing thing ever. I want you to know how strongly I agree.” And I do. Whether he’s my friend, my lover, my boyfriend, my whatever, I’m his.
“Lina, it goes both ways. I’m yours. Completely.”
Our gazes meet, and I know he’s letting me in even further. I’m in no woman’s land. I don’t think he’s ever opened himself up like this. It’s precious, and I know that.
“Thank you.”
He rolls us, so I’m on the bottom. He guides my left leg over his hip while he lifts my right. He helps hold that one up while balancing with one hand. He drives into me over and over. I’ll be sore in the morning. I’ll remember I’m his. Telling him about my family blew big chunks. But all of this right now—fucking hell, it’s motherfucking divine.
“May I come, Sir?”
“Yes.” He barks the answer.
My fingers press into his upper arms—there’s too much muscle for them to sink into anything—as my cunt contracts around him. Pleasure starts as that unique sensation inside my pussy and spreads as I orgasm. My entire body tenses as I arch my neck.
“Sean!”
“Say my name.”
“Sean!”
“Say it.”
“Sean!”
“That’s right, little girl. It’s my name you’re saying because I belong to you.”
“Fuck, that’s hot. Don’t stop. Please.”
“I’m not going to.”
He slams into me extra hard, pushing me up the bed. If it weren’t for his weight on me, I might slide out from under him. I don’t know if it’s even a minute later that I come again. This is so intense. It’s my nails that press into his arms as my fingers turn into talons. It’s so consuming I almost want to run from it, yet I want this ecstasy to last until I die. Hell, sex with him may kill me. My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest.
“Lina!”
He thrusts one more time before tensing. Then he rocks his hips three more times before scooping me up and rolling us again, so he doesn’t crush me. I could sleep for a week or run a marathon right now. I’m not sure which. I may not have the longest list of men I’ve slept with, but it’s more than long enough. Sex with Sean defies reality—at least the reality I’ve known so far.
Yes. The way we fit together physically has a lot to do with it. But it’s so much more than that. I like dirty talk. I have since I got confident enough to try it. I suppose you could categorize the things Sean said as dirty talk. It doesn’t feel that way, though. Maybe it’s a little over the top because it’s during sex. That doesn’t make it any less sincere or true.
That begs the question: How the fuck is that possible? We’ve texted for three and a half weeks and talked on the phone briefly right after the last thread. That was only yesterday. We went to lunch together. We did hook up the day we met, and I knew something was different even then. I was never interested in psychology before meeting Sean. At least not beyond what makes people in power tick. And that was to understand human nature in context of national security. But I’m interested now. I want to understand how every part of me is attracted to him so fast. This is more than a dopamine hit or a rush of adrenaline. I feel it every time our eyes lock.
“Cailín?”
“Hmm?”
“You all right?”
“Yeah.” I push up onto my hand beside his shoulder.
“You didn’t answer me.”
“I didn’t hear what you said. Sorry.”
“I blew your mind that well?” He grins.
“You did. I was off in la-la land.” I roll to my side and tug at his shoulder to bring him with me.
Our hands caress up and down each other’s ribs and waist. We share brief pecks, closing our eyes for them, then gazing at each other in between. My eyes shut as I sigh.
“I know we can’t stay like this forever, but I wish we could.”
“Me too. I?—”
He freezes when an alert goes off on his phone. It’s not a buzz. It’s an actual sound. He sits up immediately and grabs his phone. His thumb swipes up as he reads. He presses the side button and locks it as he looks at me.
“I have to go.”
I knew he was going to say that the moment he reached for his phone. I’ve never had a man jump out of bed to pick mob shit over me, but I’ve seen plenty of men in my life abruptly leave after getting a call or text.
“Come here.” He holds his arms out to me as he lies back down. I didn’t expect that.
I scoot back to where I was a moment ago. His palm cups my jaw, and he sweeps his thumb over my cheekbone. Every way he touches me that isn’t purely sexual is so calming. I want to curl up and sleep. It’s not because I’m chronically tired. I don’t have narcolepsy. I feel that at ease and that safe with him. He tells me he wants to protect me and take care of me. That’s all good and well. He shows me he can and will. That matters more than I can put into words.
“I have to go out, and I don’t know when I’ll be done. It might be in time for dinner. It might be in time for brunch. Or it might not be for a couple days. I don’t know yet. I need you to answer me truthfully. Is Justin going to force you to deal with your brother? Are you going to have to deal with Ewan when I leave?”
His gaze is so earnest. It’s unwavering. The eyes are the windows to the soul because the way he looks at me tells me his character as though I can look straight into his mind and heart.
“Justin can’t make me do anything. I just won’t open the door to him. He won’t bang on it again or get hotel staff involved. He knows it would make a scene. Ewan can call until he gives up. I don’t have to answer. But I will have to deal with them both.”
“What is Ewan going to do to you?”
I don’t want to answer that because there’s no good way to do it. “He’ll either chew me a new one or ice me out. He’ll either jump down my throat or ignore me for a week or two. I’m staying with him, so it sucks when he does it. But it also means I don’t have to listen to him nag.”
“Will he tell any of his men about us? Would he let any of them say shite to you about either being with me or not finishing the mission?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
He goes quiet as he stares at me. He’s mulling something over, so I won’t rush him.
“Do you have to go back to Boston tomorrow? Would you rather stay here? Go to Montreal?”
“However angry he might be right now, if I don’t go back to Boston, it’ll make everything a thousand times worse. He might ignore me while he sulks, but he expects me to be there to watch him. If I go to Montreal, he’ll assume I ran to my grandfather. If I stay here with you, he’ll know I choose you over him.”
Choose. Not chose. Choose. As in the present tense. As in ongoing. I am, but I didn’t mean to say something that sounds so—presumptuous. Like now the postcoital bliss is over, I assume everything said was real and not dirty talk. I know I said what I meant, and I believe Sean did, too. But what if he didn’t, and I completely misread all of it?
“I want my cousins Seamus or Cormac with you while I’m gone. If you decide to stay in the city, then they’ll rotate outside your door. I want them to go everywhere you go. That includes Boston if you decide it’s there. They will fly up with you in our family’s jet. If you can stay somewhere—anywhere—else, then I suggest you do. But if you have to go to Ewan’s, then they will be in cars discreetly outside his house. Believe me when I say Ewan and his men won’t know they’re there. I know you know your brother, but I doubt you’ve been in this position before. I don’t trust him because we’re in the unknown. I trust my cousins with your protection. If the men don’t share my DNA, then they aren’t good enough to guard you.”
“If you can send me in the jet with your cousins, does that mean you aren’t going to Boston?” I know it’s unlikely I’ll get an answer to that. He just looks at me. I nod.
Maybe he’ll fly out tonight, and the jet will be back in time to take me tomorrow. Maybe he’s staying in the city. Maybe he’s going to Timbuktu. I won’t know unless he tells me. He won’t if he believes it could jeopardize me or anyone in his family or organization. I know how it goes.
“If whatever this is, is because of me, I’m sorry.”
“It isn’t. Even if it were, you don’t have to apologize. I hate that you already know this life, and it means I don’t have to explain most things to you. I hate that I’m not the one to explain it because it means you know way more than I wish you did. I told you what I want. Are you okay with that? What do you want?”
“I want us to never leave this bed. But short of that, I’ll accept your cousins being my bodyguards. I hate they’re tasked with this and that this is my introduction to your family. But I know it’s serious if you want it. I won’t argue with you, and frankly, if you believe you can only trust your family to protect me, then I’m only going to feel safe with you or them. I have to go back to Boston, or it’ll only get way worse. I flew commercial, but I accept the offer of the jet because I know that means I’m safer.”
He sits up again and gets his phone. I watch him unlock it and tap a contact. Then he puts it to his ear and waits.
“Shay, I need you and Cor to meet me at The Conrad in Midtown. Plans changed.”
There’s silence for a moment. I wonder what his cousin’s saying. Is he arguing with Sean? Will he see this as babysitting his cousin’s fuck buddy? Will he think I’m sinking my hooks into Sean to use him?
My growing tension must be nearly palpable because Sean wraps his arm around my upper back and draws me up next to him. He presses my head to his chest.
“Thanks. We’ll be ready when you get here. See you in a few.”
He hangs up and puts the phone on the bedside table. I squeak when he scoops me up and gets off the bed. I know I’m skinny, but it still surprises me how easily he moves around with me like I weigh nothing at all. He strides toward the bathroom as he looks down and smiles.
“It’s time for another kind of sex. Then I’ll let you scrub behind my ears.”