Chapter 10
My entire drive home, I chastise myself for suggesting something that probably is like work to him. A weapon. Throwing it. Hacking at something.
Then I tell myself I’m stupid for thinking ax throwing is anything like what he does when he’s being what he called the ugly side of him that he hopes I never see. I’m going around in my head about what an idiot I sounded like stammering on the phone. I know he was trying not to laugh at me. Once I’m in the shower, I have plenty of other thoughts. I close my eyes and let the hot water run over my back and tits, thinking about what it would be like to be in here with Finn. To go down on him or have him go down on me. To brace my hands on the wall and stick my ass out for him to fuck my pussy or my ass. I get myself off three times before I hurry to get clean.
I took longer in the shower than I realize, so I’ve barely finished getting dressed when the doorbell rings. I glance at my watch. He’s early. I’m about to open the door without looking through the peephole. Something tells me I should. That is not Finn.
“Ally, I know you’re home. Open up.”
I remain silent. I fervently pray Uncle Corey is gone before Finn gets here. One of them will end up dead.
He bangs on my door a few more times. I barely take a breath, certain somehow he’ll hear me.
“Ally, I heard you running to the door. Who are you expecting?”
Go away, go away, go away.
He hammers on the door three more times.
“Fine. Jamie’s the next person on my list. He and the kids should be home by now.”
My hands are shaking as I pull out my phone.
Me
Are you home? Answer me now. Urgent.
Jamie
Almost. What’s wrong?
Me
Where’s Asher? Where’re the kids?
Jamie
Asher’s teaching a night class. The kids are at Mom and Papa’s. What’s going on?
Me
Uncle Corey is outside my door. He said he’s going to you next.
Jamie
What the fuck? Why is he in town?
Me
It’s too long to tell you over text. You need to get to Mom and Papa and all of you need to leave. Now.
“All-eee! All-eee!” He’s sing-songing my name.
I glance at my watch again. I don’t think Finn is the type to be late. He’ll be here any minute. I try not to scream when something hits my window, and I hear it smash. I don’t go near it, dropping to the ground instead. I see the brick. I’m on the third floor. Who hurled that all the way up here?
“I’ll check on you tomorrow, Ally.”
I lie on my floor for a couple minutes before crawling over to my window. It didn’t shatter the whole thing, but there’s a hole in it. There’s a note wrapped around the brick.
I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places.
That’s Uncle Corey’s calling card phrase. I raise my head just high enough to peek out the window when I hear three motorcycle engines rev. I watch my great-uncle— my dad’s uncle on his dad’s side —and two of his henchmen ride away. I watch as they disappear around the corner. Before I can get anything to clean up the glass, a black town car pulls up.
Fuck.
I grab the brick and run to my bedroom. I shove it under my bed and run back out to get the broom and dustpan. I’ve just finished and calmed my breathing when I hear another knock. I tiptoe to my door and peek through the peephole again. I nearly burst into tears when I see Finn and not Uncle Corey. I take a few more deep breaths before I exhale a slow one. I open the door and smile. He’s about to smile back when his gaze pierces me.
“What happened to your window, Althea?”
He doesn’t push past me, but I couldn’t stop him if I wanted to. He storms across the room and looks at the hole in the glass. He spins around and stalks back to where I’m still standing by the door. I’m unprepared for him to slam the door shut then back me against it. His kiss is almost too much. I reach for him, but he grasps my wrists and lifts them over my head, pinning them to the door just like he has my body.
If it were any other man, I’d freak out. It would terrify me. With Finn, I want more. I open to him, letting him into my mouth, letting him press his thigh between mine.
“I’m going to get you off, Thea. Do you know why?”
I shake my head.
“Because you are mine. Mine to pleasure and mine to take care of. I’m going to hear you moan my name as you come.”
His free hand grips my hip hard enough that his fingers bite into my flesh and hurt. I don’t want him to stop. He guides me to ride his thigh. When I’m moving at the pace he wants, he reaches behind me and yanks down the zipper to my dress. He pulls it down one shoulder before he kisses the top of my breast. He pulls the bra cup down, then he’s lifting my breast to his mouth. His tongue toys with my nipple until it’s a tight dart. Then he’s sucking on it. His mouth is open as wide as it can, and he’s practically inhaling me. He can tell what that does to me. How much it turns me on.
I’m moving faster on his thigh as he drives me to the brink. I’m rubbing my pussy against his thigh as hard as I can. I want to come so badly. I want his fingers in me. I want his cock in me. I want something in me. But he replaces his mouth with his fingers. He pinches my nipple, twisting and pulling.
“We’re not ready for me to fuck you for real. But I will, Thea. You are mine.”
“I know, Finn.”
He’s kissing my neck, and it pushes me past my limit to control my body. I feel my orgasm coming, then it slams into me.
“Finn!”
He picks me up and carries me to the sofa. I straddle his lap and lean forward, panting. His hands are running over the outside of my thighs beneath my dress. His hands rest on my ass and push me closer, so I can feel his hard on.
“I want to touch you, too.”
“I didn’t get you off, so you’ll return the favor. I did it because I wanted to feel you in my arms. To know that whatever just happened to that window didn’t hurt you. To show you I’ll take care of you. You didn’t answer me before, and to be honest, that freaked me out more than the window.”
“You surprised me. I didn’t expect you to notice so fast.”
“I noticed from outside, but I couldn’t tell for sure. Joey would have called the other night to tell me if you had a broken window. He knows I’d be pissed if he left with it like that.”
“I didn’t expect you to call me Althea. I don’t like it.”
I think that’s the real reason I didn’t answer his question. It wasn’t even that I don’t want to tell him the truth. It shocked me to hear my full name, and I didn’t like his tone. We barely know each other, but he’s never called me that. He refuses to call me Ally. Anything other than Thea, cailín, or little one feels wrong.
“That’s your name.”
“But it’s not what you call me. I’m not a child. I don’t need to be reprimanded.”
He cups my face. His hands are warm, and his touch is soft, even though I can feel the slight callouses.
“I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. I didn’t even realize I had. I guess I wanted you to know how serious I take this. What happened?”
“A bird flew into it.”
I’ve been going over that lie since the moment I saw the brick. Clearly, I didn’t practice enough. Before I know what’s happening, he’s lifting me off his lap, then I’m over it. My dress is over my back, and his hand lands hard on my ass.
“OW!”
“You lied. I’ve already told you more than once that you don’t have to tell me your thoughts. You can tell me you don’t want to say. But I also told you I will punish you— hard —if you do anything to endanger yourself. There isn’t a fecking bird on the ground. I didn’t see one when I walked up, and there wasn’t one when I looked down. Hitting a window hard enough to break it like that would have killed it. And that isn’t even how glass breaks from a bird dive-bombing it. That was a fecking brick.”
He keeps raining down spanks, and I’m kicking my feet.
“Tell me the truth, Thea. Staying silent is no longer an option. You will answer me.”
“The truth is I don’t want to tell you. Stop, Finn. It hurts.”
“Of course it does. It’s a punishment. I didn’t think the first time I spanked you it’d be because you’re risking your safety by lying to me. I thought I’d spank you before fucking you. Did this happen because of me?”
The fight goes out of me. He’s scared for me, but he’s also scared this is his fault. He feels guilty. The spanking isn’t about allaying his fear. It is about me risking my safety. But he’s frightened.
“Finn, stop for a moment. Please. You can finish, but I need to sit up and see you while I talk.”
He stops immediately. He helps me up until I kneel beside him.
“This has nothing to do with you. But I’m not ready to talk about it. I understand you want to keep me safe. I need you to trust me about this, please. I need to sort some family stuff out. I trust you, but I’m still getting used to that. My instinct isn’t usually to lie.”
“Thea, I won’t pry if this has something to do with your family. It’s not my business unless you want it to be. But I won’t relent on your safety. Either you accept my expectations and the safeguards I want to put in place, or we can’t go forward. But either way, you are going to have a safety detail until I’m convinced you’re safe. Someone, at the least, wants to scare you. More likely, they want to hurt you, and they’re letting you know it’s coming.”
I close my eyes as I nod. He’s not being unreasonable. I stand and lie across his lap again. I reach back and lift my dress. His hand rubs my ass cheeks, taking away some of the burn. He massages, squeezing and rubbing. I expect more to come, but he helps me to sit up. He settles me on his lap with my ass between his open thighs, not putting any weight on it. He kisses my forehead as he holds me. I’m relaxed, but he isn’t. He’s all hard bone and muscle, even when he’s at ease. But he’s coiled so tight, he feels like a spring about to pop. He’s respecting my boundaries, but it might kill him to do it. He really doesn’t like not having control of this situation, and it’s stressing him out. But I don’t want him involved with Uncle Corey. Nothing good can come of them meeting.
We hear my phone buzz where I put it on the counter. “I have to get that in case it’s work.”
He helps me up, and I pull my dress back into place as I cross the short distance.
Jamie
We’re going to Gamma’s. Asher knows to join us.
Our grandmother lives in New Jersey. She’s our mom’s mom. I don’t agree that they should go there. I glance at Finn who’s watching me. I shoot him a smile, and his face appears less taut.
Me
Keep me posted. I don’t think Gamma’s is a good idea. He’ll think of it as fast as you did.
Jamie
She lives three doors down from a police station.
Me
So?
I don’t get a response. I don’t want to fight with him. I want my family safe. For now, that may be the best choice.
“Everything okay at work?”
“It was my brother.” I won’t lie. “It’s fine.”
That was sorta the truth. It is until Uncle Corey finds them.
“Your nephew?”
He stands, but he doesn’t walk over. He never hesitates to come near me if that’s what he wants. I think that as though we have some long history together. We don’t. But he doesn’t move closer. He’s giving me space, so he can’t see my phone. He thinks I’m going to lie again.
“No. Skyler’s okay as far as I know. We were talking about something earlier, but Jamie was in the car.”
He looks over at the window, then at my phone in my hand. He nods.
“Will you let me have one of my guys board up the hole until I can have the glass replaced in the morning? Your neighbors won’t appreciate the noise if a guy does it now.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Shane owns a construction company. He’s in real estate development. It’ll take one of his guys like fifteen minutes.”
I know it’ll take longer than that, but I won’t turn him down. He’s really trying. I slip my phone into my pocket. I walk back to him and go to slide my arms around him. His longer arms wrap around me below mine. It’s awkward, but I step into his embrace.
“Finn, can we still go out?”
“Of course. If you feel up to it, then of course we can. Are you angry at me for spanking you?”
I lean back. “If I wasn’t okay with that, you would know. I agreed to your rule when you told me about it. I didn’t object to you doing it, and I knew I could. I knew if I said stop and really wanted it over, you would accept that. I’m sorry I’ve lied. I hope you can understand why I have.”
“I do. If anyone can, I do. I already told you I know I’ll be a hypocrite. I’ll lie to you, yet I demand you be honest with me. It’s not fair. Whatever is going on, you don’t want to talk about it for your family’s sake. I, of all people, get that. But I’m here if and when you need or want me. I’ll let this go, but only for now, Thea. If anything else happens that scares me again, I will push you until you tell me the truth. I’m giving you fair warning.”
I pull one arm free and put my hand over his heart. “I don’t mean to scare you, Finn.”
“I know, little one. Let’s go throw some axes. We’ll probably both feel better.” He grins as we walk toward the door. I grab my purse, and he opens the door for me. I lock up and pray a broken window is all I come home to.
I smile at Joey, but his expression is grim. He’s looking up at my window. Maybe he saw Finn in it, and that’s how he knows which unit is mine. He walks around the car and speaks to Finn as he opens it.
“I already texted Shane. He can have someone over in the morning. I can get a couple of boards, nails, and a hammer while you’re together. If there’s time, I can swing over and do it.”
I look at Finn who’s looking down at me. He’s waiting for my answer. I look back at Joey, and I wonder what he thinks happened. He knows Finn well enough that he didn’t bother to wait for Finn to call Shane or tell Joey to text him.
“Grab what we need. I’ll do it when we get back.” Finn’s still watching me, so I nod.
I won’t turn down the help, but I think he knows it would make me uncomfortable to have strangers in my place. I slide into the car as Joey gets out his phone. He closes the door behind Finn as whoever it is— presumably Shane —answers. I reach for my seatbelt. When I twist to fasten it, Finn cups my jaw. He says nothing. He just sweeps his gaze over me as though he’s not convinced I’m all right after all. When I click the buckle, he lets go and puts on his own belt.
I don’t want to keep things a secret from him, but this is private family business. I’m not ready to tell him what’s going on. It would piss my parents off. I’m not exactly embarrassed, all things considered. But it’s not a part of my family tree I’m excited to share. If I want things to work with Finn, I must figure out how to navigate not lying to him— which feels crappy every time I do it —and not divulging crap my parents would lose their shit over. This also makes me realize I’m not a compulsive liar, but there are very few people I trust enough to tell them really important stuff. I’m used to deflecting or bending the truth a little to avoid answering.
I don’t want Finn to walk away because he thinks I’m dishonest. I see the irony, considering what he’s already told me will happen. But just because he has to protect me and others, which means lying, doesn’t mean it gives me a pass.
I’m lost in my thoughts, so I don’t notice how I cover his hand with mine where they rest between us. It’s not until he turns mine over to lace our fingers together that I realize what I did. It’s comforting.
“You were very generous to my friends and me. Thank you. We were already having a terrific time, but we felt like royalty when breakfast arrived.”
His thumb sweeps across the back of my hand. “I told you I wanted to spoil you.”
“You did.” I don’t want him to think I’m a gold digger and will expect more of this lavishness. I stretch to kiss his cheek.
As I sit back, I hear a motorcycle behind us. I hold my breath as it passes us on my side. It’s some crotch rocket, not a chopper like my uncle’s motorcycle club prefers. He has a few of the bikes made for speed, but he prefers the ones with the higher handlebars when he’s cruising and making sure the people in his neighborhood get a good, long look at him. As though any of them could forget the person extorting them for protection money every month.
I dart my gaze to Finn, and I wonder how I’m able to accept Finn being part of an organized crime family with such ease, but what Uncle Corey does makes me think he’s little more than pig shit. Am I a snob? Do I have more respect for a man who commits international crimes than someone who’s limited to the Mid-Atlantic area?
Finn’s family runs a small empire from what I can tell. They have thousands of people who must work for them. They might commit crimes— probably some really fucking heinous ones —but nothing about him makes me think he does it for the jollies. My dad’s uncle absolutely does it to feel superior to regular people who just want to live their lives in peace. He picks on people to see their fear. Finn probably terrifies most people he knows, but I think it’s likely with reason.
What the hell do I know? I barely know Finn, but nothing about him makes him even remotely on the same plane as Uncle Corey. He strikes me more like a ruthless corporate mogul than some two-bit criminal.
“How’d you find this place?”
Finn’s question breaks me out of my trance. How long have I been staring off into space? I’m being a crappy date.
“Terry— my friend who was at the roulette table with me —suggested it a while back. We had a particularly rough week, and she said it would be a great stress reliever. We never made it, but I remembered.”
“Are you into things like panic room escapes?”
If I say no, then I’m lying again. If I say yes, will he think I want to go to one with him? Is that like work for him?
“Cailín, it’s not a trick question. I think they’re cool. I enjoy solving puzzles like that.”
Survival training?
“Thea, I can practically hear the gears grinding in your head. No, I don’t use them as practice. No, it isn’t like work. No, it won’t bother me if you say you like them, too.”
Our gazes meet, and I wonder how he can read my thoughts so clearly when so few can. Most people say I have a resting poker face. They don’t know what I’m thinking until I’m ready to share it. I need it to break bad news to people. I have to appear calm and unfazed when I walk into a room with terrified parents.
“I haven’t been to a panic room escape before, but I’m intrigued. I think they look cool, and those are the kind of logic problems I like to figure out.” Better than diagnosing some rare condition.
“That’s why I asked. You spend your days figuring out solutions to problems, so I know you excel at it. I thought this might be something you’re good at but isn’t work.” He lifts our hands and kisses the back of mine. “I live a normal life most of the time. I don’t want you to walk on eggshells, worrying that things remind me of a part of my life I’ve never admitted to anyone. Most people have no clue. I go about my business and do regular things. I use the rumors to my advantage, but most people assume the truth is exaggeration. I only admitted things to you because I didn’t want you to walk away once I’m— we’ve been dating for a while.”
What was he going to say? Attached? In love? Hopelessly devoted? I hear that song from Grease in my head. But that’s what I wonder.
“I’m glad you told me up front. You’ve been giving me choices you could have easily kept from me. I want to be with you, and I’m going into this with my eyes as wide open as I can.”
We pull up to the industrial park with the warehouse that someone converted into this ax throwing place. It’s not very industrial anymore, considering there’s a wine bar, a vape place, and three food trucks parked in the lot. I spy a group of motorcycles parked at the far end, and it makes my heart race. I can’t see license plates or even that much detail to tell if I should be scared.
When we walk in, there’s a group of men in black leather vests. I want to bolt.
“Hey, Finn!”
The biggest guy waves at Finn as he gets off his stool. He’s gotta be three-fifty easily. The doctor in me wonders what his blood pressure must be, and if he should eat oatmeal for high cholesterol rather than drink an IPA.
“Hey, Hank.” Finn holds out his hand to a guy who totally looks like a Hank. “This is?—”
“Dr. Gallagher.”
I go still. How the hell does he know my name? I feel a clammy sweat break out along my back.
“Hello.”
I do the polite thing and offer my hand, and we shake.
“I’m certain you see hundreds of faces every day. My daughter and son-in-law had a baby three years ago who was born with the cord wrapped around her neck. You were her doctor because she was blue and not breathing well when she came out. You saved my little half pint’s life.”
I chide myself for my paranoia as I smile. “I’m glad I could help.”
“You did more than help, Doc. My daughter and son-in-law had been trying for eight years. She’d lost four pregnancies already. She was high risk because of her own health. We didn’t think they’d ever have a child. She was a miracle, and you kept her alive. Thank you doesn’t seem enough.”
I reach out and put my hand on his tatted forearm just like I’ve done with countless family members who need just an ounce of reassurance to make it through another day.
“Hearing stories about the kiddos growing up is the thanks.” I give his arm a quick squeeze, then let go.
“All the same, Dr. Gallagher, you helped make my family whole.” Are those tears in his eyes?
He turns back to his buddies and plonks down on the stool next to one of the high-top tables. There are four lanes, so there are places to sit when it’s not your turn. Finn and I walk over to the desk and sign all the necessary waivers. We wait for a target to come available, so we snag a loveseat near the back wall. There are a few of them pushed against the walls, along with the stools. I glance up at Finn and notice his eyes are scanning the crowd. He’s taking in everything and everyone. He’s not on edge. Just the opposite. I think he’s pretty relaxed. It takes me a minute to realize it’s because he can see everything from the front door to the back emergency exit. There aren’t any windows except next to the main door. Our backs are to a wall, and anyone not throwing is easy to watch.
What is it like to be on guard constantly? Isn’t it exhausting to always have to be situationally aware to the nth degree? I sense his need to control everything around him, but I never get the sense that he’s controlling. It sounds like a contradiction. But it’s not. He doesn’t make anything feel oppressive or restrictive. Instead, it puts me at ease. I can let my guard down because I know Finn will watch out for me. It’s not like I’m paranoid or too anxious to go out. It’s not like I assume something horrible’s going to happen, so I only feel safe with him.
It’s because I’m a single woman living and working in NYC. I’d be foolish not to pay attention to my surroundings. With Finn, I feel totally in the moment. I choose to trust him. I choose to follow his lead. I choose to be with him. So, since it’s my choice, I have no problems letting him have control. Plus, I want him to have a good time. If being on guard actually lets him relax like he is now, then why question it?
His hand rests on my thigh over my dress. His thumb rubs the outside of it absentmindedly. He leans to whisper in my ear.
“It’s sexy as feck seeing someone come over and thank the beautiful woman on my arm for saving a baby’s life.”
I turn my head to whisper back to him. “That’s what you think is sexy? So, I don’t need to worry about my lingerie?”
The look he shoots me makes my legs tense. His grip tightens.
“I think it’s sexy that you’re brilliant, and kind, and sacrificing. I think it’s sexy that you’re gracious, patient, and humble. And as for the lingerie, you don’t need to worry about it because you don’t need to wear any.”
His hand slides up my leg like a centimeter. Just enough for me to feel without it being inappropriate. The weight of his hand settles heavier on my thigh as he continues to whisper to me.
“I haven’t enjoyed your pretty pussy nearly enough. That means when I want it, I will have it. No more panties.”
I hold my breath for a second. That’s the hottest fucking shit. But only because it’s Finn. It would sound arrogant and disgusting coming from someone else. His matter-of-fact tone doesn’t make it sound dismissive or overbearing. It makes me feel physically desirable after he made my heart melt with his compliments. Like he wants all of me. Like I want to let him have all of me.
“Finn?”
An employee calls out his name. He helps me off the sofa and holds my hand as we weave among the tables to where the woman has four axes in her hands. She leads us to our lane and explains the rules. Finn steps back, and I suddenly get nervous. What if I make an utter fool of myself and don’t even hit the target?
I watched a couple videos before I suggested it, so I at least know the technique. I stagger my stance with my dominant hand holding the handle. My less dominant foot out in front. I wrap my other hand over the one holding the ax. I raise it until I point the blade at the bullseye. I inhale, transferring the weight to my back foot. Then I pray I don’t make an ass of myself, shift my weight forward, and exhale as I bring it over my head and release. I’m tempted to squeeze my eyes shut, but I watch as it thuds against the board. It embeds above the bullseye but in line with it.
Okay. That wasn’t as hard as I feared.
Finn’s hand comes to rest on my lower back. “That’s awesome.”
I turn my head to look at him, and our lips practically brush. He kisses my cheek instead. I step aside. I make sure I’m out of his way so he can bring the ax back over his head. Except he doesn’t. He holds it in his left hand; his stance clearly showing he’s been an athlete. He brings the ax up and throws without having to practice lining up his sights. It digs into the target just left of the bullseye. My eyes narrow. I knew he was left-handed, but…
“You missed on purpose.” I’m not asking. I’m telling.
He looks over at me, his brow furrowed. The picture of innocence and confusion. Fuck. He’s going to be a good liar. Far better than me. Neither of us says anything as I pick up my second ax and take my position. I focus again before hurling the ax with more force than I planned. I’m annoyed.
It hits dead center; the blade embedding deep into the wood. It’ll take some prying to get it out. I step out of the way again, but this time, I’m practically glaring at Finn. I don’t want pity shots to make me feel better. It makes me feel belittled instead. He watches me as he raises his hand. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he sends the weapon sailing through the air and into the target at the very most center part of the bullseye.
“Thea, I own an Irish bar. I used to go there after school when I was in elementary school. I did my homework there while Nana babysat my brothers and me. I’ve been throwing darts since I was nine. I wanted you to have a good time.”
Fuck. I’m a bitch.
He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me against his body. He presses the softest kiss to my lips. It’s so gentle after watching him do something— violent if we weren’t here—manly —impressive —that makes me want to jump his bones. That is Finn. A contradiction.
“Thank you. I should have been gracious like you said I was.”
“No. I made you feel like I did a pity throw. And I did. Not because I don’t think you’re good at this. You impressed me the first time. A little scared of you now after the second time. I did it because I didn’t want you to think I was showing off and being a dick.”
I cup his face. I’m falling into infatuation. He’s too good to be true. My kiss is not a mere brushing of our lips. It’s hard and fast. I want to be somewhere private. I want to take off my panties and let him do what he wants with my pretty little pussy.
Instead, I sweep my thumb over his light stubble. “Thank you for always putting me first. I’m sorry I assumed the worst.”
“You didn’t know why I was good at it, but I shouldn’t have tried to hide what you obviously already knew.”
“I want to try it single-handed, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough. I don’t want to embarrass myself by having it land on the floor halfway to the target. Will you show me, please?”
“You’re strong enough to make it across that space. It’s not that far. I think you’re worried you won’t throw hard enough to get it to stick. Considering how you just threw the last one, you definitely are. I think what’s really your concern, though, is the timing, so the blade is facing the right direction when it hits the wood.”
I nod. My fear of embarrassment is all of that. That I won’t be strong enough with one hand to make it sink in, but I also don’t feel confident that I can throw it so that it hits the wood at the right rotation.
“Cailín, I think your nerves are telling you that you have to do everything perfectly. Instead, they’re making you feel less coordinated. It doesn’t have to be a bullseye every time. It doesn’t matter if you don’t even hit the target. Everyone is busy doing their own thing. People aren’t watching us. And even if they are, there are plenty of other people who aren’t doing so great at this. You wouldn’t be alone at not being an expert.”
All of that. It’s why I take forever to bowl a decent game or play pool well. It’s not until I practically give up trying to be any good and just play that I hit pins and shoot balls into pockets.
I keep my voice low for only Finn. “It’s not exactly that I resist doing things I can’t be sure I excel at. I mean, there are some cases of that. But I was game to try this, knowing I have no experience with it. It’s not that I think you would look down on me for missing every shot. I’m used to being good at most things I do. When I get to something I don’t think I do well, I overcompensate. Then I’m way worse. I have to get to a point where I don’t care that I might not be good enough. And that ‘enough’ is some ridiculous self-imposed standard.”
I just admitted something that makes me feel kinda vulnerable. All I see in his gaze is— I’d say love if we were that far along in our relationship. I guess it’s respect and acceptance and —I just don’t know. It’s something I can’t articulate. But it makes me feel warm and gooey inside. I’d stepped back a little to talk to him, so he pulls me close again.
He whispers in my ear. “Fate gave me a gift the day you walked into McGinty’s.”
He lets go of me and fetches the axes. We take turns for the next hour until our time is up. I’m at ease during each of my turns, and I get progressively better with the one-handed throw. Moving my way from the right side of the outer-most ring to the bullseye. I don’t hit it dead on, but I get much better each time.
I excuse myself and slip into the restroom. There’s a stall open, so I go straight in. I want to surprise Finn later, so I’m pulling off my panties as I hear two women talking.
“Did you see the guy with the red hair and green eyes? What I wouldn’t give to be his girlfriend.”
“How could I not? The man is fucking hot as hell. He looked so sweet and in love with her. She’s so lucky.”
“I know, right? He’s gorgeous and is obviously the perfect boyfriend. I wish he was whispering whatever he was saying in my ear. His girlfriend is stunning. They could be like in a movie or something.”
“Why do gorgeous people always fall in love with other gorgeous people? I’m not surprised she’s with such a hot guy. She’s straight and out of my league.”
I hear them flush each toilet. I remain hidden. It’s not that I’m eavesdropping— okay. I totally am — I don’t want to embarrass either of them. It would be awkward, wouldn’t it?
The second woman speaks again as I hear water running. “I just can’t get over how loving he was. Like, she’s his entire universe. The place could have burned down around us, and he wouldn’t have taken his eyes off her. And it was obvious she feels the same way. I didn’t see any rings on their fingers. I definitely looked at her hand. I wonder how long they’ve been together. It’s gotta be years.”
“Yeah. Not that new relationship everything’s roses and passionate sex. It was like a lifetime together, but they’re still only in their 30s.” The first woman sounds like she’s directly outside my stall.
“Maybe college sweethearts or something.”
I can barely hear the first woman as they walk out. “Maybe.”
I realize I need to hurry because I’ve been in here too long. I stuff my panties in my purse and rush to wash my hands. Good thing I didn’t actually need to go. Finn’s outside the door, flashing a quick smile to the women as they walk past. But he’s looking at me as I step out. He doesn’t expect me to slide my arms around his waist for a hug, so he doesn’t get his arms under mine fast enough.
I freeze.