7. Bonnie
7
Bonnie
M y body is still flooded with adrenaline after my altercation with Allegra. Maybe it was the way she threw me over her shoulder like a sack of spuds, or maybe it was the argument afterwards that still has me vibrating with pent-up anger. It’s definitely not the fact she clearly just did rather adult things with someone, up against my door.
The woman is awful. I understand why Lorenzo has her running his evil empire. She’s well-suited for it. A pang of regret burns in my stomach. I was equally awful in our last exchange. I like to think I’m a good person. I go out of my way to make people’s days pleasant. Growing up, my dads often said I was too nice. I don’t feel like that nice little girl right now.
I intentionally hurt Allegra. I don’t know where it came from, but I knew it would wound her. I saw a vulnerability and exploited it to cause her pain. Some might say it was deserved. After all, she’s kidnapped me, shot my best friend, and threatened to kill me. But aren’t I just as bad if I retaliate?
The fact I could be so cutting is a concern, too. Naturally, I’m wondering if I’ve inherited some less than savoury characteristics from Don Sperm Donor. It’s not just brown hair and brown eyes that have been passed on, it seems.
Gah! This kind of pondering should be done over a tub of ice cream whilst hiding under a blanket on my couch, not in the secret lair of my biological father.
Oh, my God, it sounds insane! If, and that is a big if, I get away, who in their right mind is going to believe me? I’d like to think Kelley would back up my story, but after her little display of dribbling over Beth, I’m not so sure now.
Okay, I need to ground myself. I’m quite new to yoga. I started practising last month and I’m honestly not sure I’m cut out for it. My body is more stout and rigid than lean and flexible. I do, however, enjoy the breathing exercises and the way they help me calm my anxieties.
Pete said yoga only counted as a hobby if I went to an actual class rather than trying to learn on my own in my apartment. I chose to ignore his opinion. Back to the task at hand: processing the past twelve hours and figuring out what the hell I’m supposed to do.
I need to take a measured approach to my current situation. If I learned anything from my parents, it’s how to step back, organise my thoughts, and then make an action plan.
I sit on the floor with my legs crossed, doing my best to look like a seasoned yogi. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply and focus on my energy. Once I feel in a state of relative calm, I collect my jumbled thoughts and start to unpack them.
First point to analyse: being kidnapped and watching Kelley get shot. It was harrowing, but all in all, I think I handled myself well. It would have been a mistake to try to get Allegra’s gun, so in a silver lining sort of way, I’m pleased she was able to read me so easily and get me to see the stupidity of it. If not, I might be dead in a ditch now, probably because I shot myself. I have no idea how to use a gun.
Watching Kelley get hurt will require some professional help, but I am a master at compartmentalising, so I’m confident I can shove that to the back of my mental closet for now. The most important thing is Kelley is okay…sort of. Her mental state is somewhat questionable right now.
Moving on: Lorenzo Ferrante is my biological father, and I’ve got some pretty nasty people after me because he’s a crime family boss. I never thought about my bio parents. My dads were and are great parents. I had everything I could ever want, not just materially, but emotionally, too. Why would I need to seek out people who didn’t want to keep me?
The problem is, now I know it wasn’t such a straightforward situation. On the other hand, Lorenzo chose his horrible wife over me and my mother. Surely, with all his power, he could have found a different way to handle the mess he created. I suppose it’s neither here nor there anymore. He gave me away, and that’s that. Going forward, though, I’m not so clear as to where my feelings stand.
By all accounts, he and his merry band of criminals are all terrible human beings. There’s no rational reason I should want anything to do with them, but something inside of me is curious. I suppose it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if he’d kept me. Would I be as ruthless and heartless as Allegra?
My guess? Yup, that’s definitely what would have happened. After all, Lorenzo took her in and groomed her to be the perfect mafia queen. It doesn’t take a qualification in psychology—which both my dads have—to guess how she ended up connected to Lorenzo. If I have to guess, I’d say Allegra has no parents and Lorenzo has been her surrogate dad. That’s why my last words to her were so cruel.
Stop thinking about Allegra.
Right—back to Lorenzo and him being my father. Maybe if we’d met under different circumstances, I’d be more open to getting to know him. But even with a curious mind, I can’t forgive what he’s done. Or can I? I need to table this conundrum for a different time. There’s way too much to process and consider. Right now, I need to stick to the smaller things.
Changing my train of thought leads me to my current predicament: being locked away in this gigantic and admittedly gorgeous—if you’re into antiques—room. Everything in me wants to run away. But if Lorenzo is telling the truth, I could be in more danger if I leave. Staying put would be the sensible course of action, right?
What about the bookstore, though? Surely, Clive will realise I’m missing. It’s not like Janice will really give a shit, but even she will see the store isn’t open and will wonder where I am… I think. Plus, I ring my dads every night without fail, unless they know I have a new book to read—like Mob’s Seduction —so actually, they won’t be expecting me to call until at least tomorrow. That might be a good thing, though. It gives me time to talk to Lorenzo about them. I don’t trust Allegra to pass on my demand to get them here. There is no way I’m leaving my parents to get hurt. They didn’t ask for this, just as much as I didn’t.
Alright, I’ll not do anything daft tonight. I’ll try to get some sleep, then demand to see Lorenzo in the morning, and have him secure my parents and call Clive. Okay, that’s a solid plan.
Yoga meditation for the win!
Last but not least: Allegra. How am I going to deal with her? She’s clearly the head honcho around these parts. By all accounts, Lorenzo is the only one above her, which means I’ll have to interact with her whether I like it or not.
She’s the mafia queen and I’m the unsuspecting civilian thrust into her world. I knew reading so many books would come in handy one day. If I do the opposite of everything the main character would do, when faced with an alluring, yet dangerous, mafia nut job, I’ll be fine.
There will be no forced marriages, no fake relationships to appease other mafia families—none of it. Plus, it’s not like Lorenzo wants me to take over the family business, so Allegra shouldn’t feel threatened. She’ll be in her corner, and I’ll be in mine, being careful not to piss her off to the point of homicide.
Now I have my brain in order and am confident in my decisions, I need to get some rest. Actually, I need a shower because I feel gross. Wool and sea spray aren’t a pleasant combination. Standing from my yoga pose, I try to will the blood to flow into my limbs again. Pins and needles are a bitch!
Shucking my skirt to the floor, I pick it back up and lay it over the back of the vanity chair. That’s right—the room has a vanity desk that looks like something Queen Victoria would have used. Everything is so bloody old. I mean, it’s lovely if you want to live in a museum, and I’m sure—like the paintings—the vanity costs an arm and a leg… but jeez, it’s so dark and dowdy.
Once I’ve removed all my clothing and organised them neatly to prevent creases, I proceed to the ensuite. The gold is blinding: taps, plug holes, showerhead—everything is garish; however, the size of the shower cubicle makes up for the gaudy décor. There’s also a claw foot bath I may utilise at some point. Might as well make the most of it, I guess.
The water feels heavenly against my skin. The journey by boat left me covered in a fine layer of salt. At least my tights kept my legs from the same fate. It’s nice to release my hair from the low pony I usually wear. Running my hand through my locks makes me instantly think of Allegra and her super tight bun. Although she didn’t have her hair up when she hauled me over her shoulder. It was flowing freely, and I’ll admit, it did something to me when I first clapped eyes on her again. I’ve never seen natural platinum before. The light kept catching it and reflecting off it in an almost blinding display. She looked different, too. She’s definitely more imposing in black silk.
Of course, I then think of the noises I heard outside the room. At first, it disgusted me. Not because the two women were having sex—I’m all aboard for that—it was Allegra’s utter disregard for decency. I can’t understand what point she was making. Did she want me to know how powerful she is? That she can have whomever she wants, whenever she wants? I guess that would make sense after what I said. Clearly, she needed to feel in control again. She probably wanted to banish the truth behind my coarse words: She is a replacement. I still feel shitty for saying that.
Or…and I’m not sure if this is wishful thinking… Did she want to… I don’t know…turn me on? Did she want to let me know she is also a member of the rainbow family? But why would she? It’s pretty clear she detests me. And more importantly, why do I enjoy the idea of her trying to turn me on?
See, this is where I need to remind myself of the books I’ve read. Having naughty thoughts about the mafia queen is like number one on the plotline list of things I need to avoid. Easier said than done, though. I might be the world’s most boring person, but I still have carnal urges and functional eyeballs.
I roll my eyes because I can hear Pete’s mocking tone in my head as he repeats carnal urges back to me with a grimace. It’s times like this, when I use words like that, he thinks I’m one cat away from living as a spinster. He could be on to something.
Shaking my head, I surge on with scrubbing myself clean. That is, until I clean a certain body part and I realise Allegra succeeded, even if she didn’t mean to. The mafia boss has turned me on.
Bloody marvellous. I’m already failing. Nothing I can do about it now. I just need to be extra vigilant going forward. No more thoughts about Allegra and what her mouth can do…or those long fingers.
Dammit.