28. 스물여덟 ‘sumulyeoldob’
Five years ago…
‘I thought you were taking me home. Why are we stopping here?’ I ask my boyfriend.
As we approach the dark warehouse, the silence of the empty street becomes even more pronounced. I’ve been here once but the daylight still shone. The eerie atmosphere that surrounds us now sends chills down my spine.
‘I’m just grabbing something to take to the party after. You can stay in the car if you want.’
I glance back at his new white Mustang standing out from the old and beaten cars along the street, surrounded by a few people in a detrimental state. Going with him is scary, but staying behind sounds even more terrifying.
I walk behind him, holding the back hem of his shirt, hyper-aware of my surroundings.
He stops, making me almost bump into him, and knocks on the door.
Someone on the inside asks, ‘Password.’
‘Sugar crush,’ Vance says, and the door opens.
We enter the warehouse, whose door is being guarded by a man in black.
A man with a teardrop tattoo under his eye, and others peeking through his collarbone, approaches the man beside me.
‘What do you want, Vance?’ he says, tightening his lips.
I glance up at my boyfriend, who’s looking down at the floor. I’ve never seen him this way; it’s almost as if he’s afraid. Vance Harris doesn’t get scared. He’s the one people fear .
‘Can you just…lend me one more gram? I-I promise to give you everything by the end of the week.’
‘That’s what you said last week.’ The man crosses his arms.
My gaze moves beyond him and his guard, who dresses identically to the man at the door, to the women sitting around some tables, packaging white blocks. They’re all wearing denim mini skirts and a bra, even in this chilly weather.
‘Who’s this?’ I hear the strange man ask, returning my gaze back to him. When his gold teeth make an appearance, my eyes move down to the floor.
‘No one you need to worry about,’ my boyfriend says.
The man closes in on me and his fingers brush my hair back, making me more uncomfortable than before.
A sudden pull on my hand gets me to walk one step behind Vance. I trace its source and locate my boy’s hand holding mine.
The feet that once stood in front of me take a few steps back.
‘Okay,’ the man says.
‘Okay?’ The swift rise on Vance’s head leads me to lift mine as well. ‘Thank you man, I won’t let you down this time.’
The man chuckles, looking back to his guard, who smiles on cue. ‘But she stays.’ He winks at me.
Those words get stuck in the air. I look up at Vance, who’s wide eyed, staring at his dealer.
I wait for him to say something, but nothing comes out of his mouth.
‘Vance?’ I nudge at him, but his only reaction is to swallow, so I repeat, desperation brewing inside me. ‘Vance?’
I glance at the man smiling at me as his eyes trace my body, and the thought of being alone with him blurs my vision.
‘Fine, I’ll bring you the money today,’ Vance says at last.
The man deviates his gaze from him, allowing me to breathe again. ‘She stays until you bring the money.’
I should have stayed in the car.
I should have stayed in the car.
I should have stayed in the car , I repeat to myself as running footsteps sound away from me. A door closing a second later.
‘Let’s go on a date,’ the man pulling me to him by the waist says. My vision is too blurred to see the floor straight .
My whole body is trembling by the time we arrive in a closed room.
The floor is still the only image in front of me, but the image I think of as he slides his hand down my back gets me airless.
‘Let’s sit here,’ he says, lowering himself to the sofa on the right of the room.
I attempt to sit away from him, but he pulls me closer and wraps his arm around my shoulders. I sit straight, pushing my legs as close as humanly possible, his exact opposite.
‘What’s your name?’ His gaze weighs on me, but I’m too scared to look up.
‘You don’t say much, do you?’ he asks, grabbing my chin so my eyes meet his.
The dim light in the room doesn’t allow me to know his exact eye colour, but it’s a light one leading more towards brown. From my peripheral vision I catch his bodyguard standing by the door, watching us.
I hope Vance doesn’t take too long.
He licks his teeth, releasing my chin, and chuckles. ‘A date is for people to get to know each other. If you don’t talk, I can’t get to know you…and I really want to know you.’
The last thing I want is to make him mad at me, so I say, ‘Lilah.’
‘Lilah…A pretty name for a pretty girl.’ His hand moves from my shoulders to my bare thigh as he puts pressure on my skin.
My hands grab on the hem of my dress, pulling it as far down as the fabric stretches.
‘I truly like pretty girls,’ the man with gold teeth says.
I swallow hard. Please, Vance, please.
‘If your boyfriend takes too long, I’ll get bored…I’m sure you don’t want me to get bored.’
The guard receives a call and hands it over to the man, saving me some time. While he’s distracted, I grab my phone to check the time. It’s been half an hour since we entered the warehouse, so I’m assuming twenty minutes since he left.
He should be returning at any minute, thank goodness. One question keeps lingering in my mind. How does he owe money? His family is richer than mine.
Finishing up his call, the boss sits in his previous place. ‘I’m sorry, I had to take that. Where were we?’
‘Right,’ he says a couple of seconds later. ‘I’ll give him ten minutes to return before you and I move to the second stage of this date.’
Each minute that goes by seems slower than the one before. Where the bloody fuck is Vance?
‘I’m being too benevolent, aren’t I?’ he asks his guard. ‘I’ve even given him five minutes extra.’
His guard stays silent, nodding only, so the man turns back to me. ‘He must not like you very much. Unfortunately for him, I like you too much.’
The moment his tongue wets his lips, my eye gives up, releasing a tear down my cheek. His smirk says everything I need to know about him.
‘Turn on the camera and stay outside. Make sure no one interrupts us,’ the man says to the one dressed in black.
Camera?
The hand on my thigh traces up as his other grabs mine to free the dress’s fabric. I attempt to stray away, but that only makes him smile harder. The sick sadist.
My mind is racing too fast for me to come up with a decision.
He wants to see me suffer, so I shouldn’t give him the glee. But if I fight back, maybe it will give Vance more time to arrive. But what if he doesn’t arrive on time? What if he doesn’t come at all?
This time both my eyes give up, sending a stream of tears down my face.
He grabs both my wrists and lowers me on the sofa, holding them above my head. His knee tries to part my legs, but I keep them closed while moving around.
One of his hands takes over in holding my wrist while the other goes to hold my legs still. In that transition, I release myself and end up hitting him on his face with my elbow.
His smile fades, and a frown appears instead. This is the moment I know I fucked up.
‘P-Please don’t,’ I say, my hands shaking.
He slaps me across the face, and the hand on my legs lifts my dress. The other holds my neck, making it harder for me to breathe.
‘Bitch,’ I hear under his breath.
My eyes close, attempting to take me away from this moment. Tears cool down my burning face as my body stiffens under his touch .
‘You don’t need to fight; I’m not going to hurt you. Just have some fun.’ His hands trace my breasts, and he cups them before sliding down to the rest of my stomach. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll still be pure for your boyfriend. I just want to taste every inch of your skin.’
I should have stayed in the car.
***
The monotonous expanse of the grey floor has held my eyes fixated for the past few hours. His bodyguard placed a blanket on top of me, as if that would provide any protection. My chest warms my legs as my arms wrap around it; a position that provides some comfort despite its lack of protection as well.
I’ve felt afraid, but I’ve never felt so unprotected, so out of control, at least not until now.
‘Lilah?’ someone asks, but my strength isn’t enough to lift my eye line.
‘Look who decided to show up after all,’ Gold-teeth says.
‘What did you do to her?’ the other person asks, running towards me.
He slowly crouches down, gradually coming into view. My bare legs feel a sudden jolt as his fingertips make contact, causing me to flinch.
Vance.
I thought I’d feel happier seeing him, knowing I’m finally getting out of this hellhole, but my face is unable to move. I leave the comfort of my position and stand up, the blanket dropping behind me in the process.
My boyfriend takes off his jacket and places it around me, covering the parts my dress no longer can.
‘Here’s your fucking money,’ the man beside me says.
With each step he leads me towards the exit, the sight of my light blue panties resting on the cold, grey floor draws my gaze.
‘Are you okay? What happened?’ Vance asks inside the car, but still I’m unable to speak.
The bright moon shines on the starless dark sky, making its presence as strong as the heaviness in my body. Outside, the buildings take their time to pass by us, or so it seems. Time feels like nothing but a fa?ade at this moment.
Freedom was what I wished for tonight—to be a bird—but this body is trapping me even more now.
As we arrive at my house, the sun is waking up. Vance lays me down on my bed and gives me a peck on the forehead, leaving shortly after .
The world around me is nothing but a blur, one I see change colours. From dark to light and back to dark as I lay on my bed wearing nothing but a ripped dress in a trance where only heaviness exists.
I’ve felt happy, sad, angry and many more emotions, but this is the first time I feel nothing. Empty. A bare shell on a soulless body.
Present time…
‘Vance?’ I blink hard, hoping it’s a hallucination.
Not here. Not in the one place I control. Not here.
‘Hi Lilah.’ The man who caused the worst night of my life approaches me.
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, closing the cash register.
‘I wanted to see you,’ he says.
‘You’ve seen me, now go.’
I know he wasn’t the one to do that to me, but I can’t forgive the way he treated me. Especially knowing what he saw.
‘I wanted to apologise for that night.’ He walks closer to the counter, looking me straight in the eyes. ‘I’m clean now. I have been for two years and one of the steps is to apologise to those I’ve hurt. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I truly wanted to express my regret.’
‘Good, because I will never forgive you. The way you treated me…not only before but when I needed you the most!’
I’ve been holding on to these thoughts for too long. At the time, I wasn’t able to tell him how I felt, but I’m ready.
‘I never understood how we were so good at first and then you started abandoning me at parties, cheating on me—yes, don’t think I didn’t know—ignoring me, and that night…’ My waterline floods and the tears threaten to cascade down my face, so I exhale. ‘That night, you took so long. Why did you take so long?’ But I can no longer control them. Tears roll down my face as I yell my heart out. ‘And you didn’t even bother to check up on me later. I didn’t hear from you for weeks! If I didn’t contact you, I probably wouldn’t have seen you again. What did I ever do to you to deserve that?’
‘Lilah, I’m-I’m so sorry, I swear, I—’
‘I’m not done yet. I needed you, I needed you to comfort me, to help me, especially with my parents when he posted that video. They scrutinised me, and I had no one. No one on my side! I needed you to tell my parents you were the reason we broke up. I needed you…’
My eyes are too blurry to see someone going around the counter and embracing me. Vance stands still in front of me and when that person’s thumb rubs away the tears blocking my vision, his face gives me the comfort I so desperately needed all those years ago.
‘Moonie,’ I say under my breath.
‘I’m here.’