34. 서른넷 ‘seoreunnet’
His fingers dig in my skin as he leads me backwards towards the lounging chair he threw our soju bottles on.
When my legs hit the edge of the chair, I stop and he helps me lower myself without breaking our kiss. With my back to the mattress, the alcohol bottles now on the floor, and his legs parted, each knee by my side, his kisses trail down to my collarbone as his hand moves up to the hem of my shirt.
Sparks flow through my body while the warmth of his hand travels under my shirt to the top of my bra, his lips caressing my skin as his tongue teases it.
Moon Hee breaks his trail of kisses and looks up at me, asking, ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’ I smile and close my eyes as his breath touches my skin again.
He unhooks my bra and lifts my shirt, exposing my chest.
‘A fucking work of art.’ His voice is raspy, with a hint of desire.
My back arches the moment his tongue finds my nipple, sending shivers all over my body. I never knew how sensitive to the touch someone could make me until him.
I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it above his head, getting my hands on his defined torso and feeling all the creases as my fingers slide down to his pants.
I stop at the edge of his bottoms and look up at the eyes already on me.
His tongue peaks out to wet his bottom lip, and he smirks. ‘Don’t get shy now. I’m all yours, my lilac.’
His words make me shyer than before, making my hands retreat from his pants to cover my face. I hear him chuckle and then he grabs my wrists, holding them by the sides of my head, to see me .
‘No hiding. I need to see your beautiful face,’ Moon Hee says, letting go of my wrists to take off his pants.
My hands stay where he left them, waiting for him to return to them.
He unbuttons my pants and slides them down, leaving me with my black lace panties.
The moon behind him casts a shadow over his front, making him more alluring when he cocks his head to the side and lowers himself on the end of the chair. His hands grab the sides of my panties and he pulls them to him. Moon Hee’s face approaches me and my bent legs close as an instinct.
He places his hands on my knees and tears my legs apart. ‘I said, no hiding.’
His nose rubs on my clit before his tongue meets me. I hold the top of the lounging chair while he fills me with pleasure, making my wetness overflow as he sucks on me, the tip of his tongue teasing me in the exact spot he picked up so fast that gets my eyes rolling back. One of his hands cups my breast, massaging it, and the other slides two fingers into me.
I moan, my body unsettled and oversensitive, and the hand that once laid on my breast now covers my mouth.
‘As much as I would love to hear you scream for me, it would wake up the whole neighbourhood,’ Moonie says.
His fingers slide off me and rest under my belly button, holding me steady, as my legs tremble to the rhythm of his tongue.
Moans try to escape his hold, my breath hitting his palm. My beating heart runs faster and my fingers dig deeper in the chair. I hold my breath; the tension building up to euphoria, until I release, panting as my legs fall tired.
‘That’s a good girl.’ He hovers over me and replaces his hand on my mouth with his lips.
With his hand, he takes one of mine from where they have been waiting for him and leads it to the bulge in his boxers. Feeling him gets me pulsating again in the place he just left.
I slide my hand over the fabric through his length a few times before grabbing his boxers and pulling them down. My eyes catch his cock, and I bite my lip. I want to taste him.
‘Stand up,’ I say and he follows, staying where he once sucked me, only this time I’ll be the one with my mouth on him.
Sitting up, the breeze of the night hits me. My body has been so hot I almost forgot we were outside in the middle of winter. He must notice my shivering because he grabs his jacket and places it on my back.
‘Sorry I didn’t bring a blanket. I wasn’t expecting this to happen,’ he says, chuckling.
‘I don’t think either of us was expecting it.’ I laugh.
I wrap his length with my hand and stroke it while my tongue teases the tip. Then I move my tongue down, licking him as if he was the dessert I didn’t have for dinner, until my lips wrap around his girth. His smooth texture slides perfectly between my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
My eyes look up to his head slightly tipped back so I watch his torso, seeing the tattoos on his chest that have always piqued my interest; tattoos I only got to glance at sometimes. I’m so lost tracing the ink of the kitsune fox on his chest, I don’t notice when his head turns down. Our eyes meet and something inside me erupts; a feeling, a need.
I get up on my feet and meet his luscious lips. My arms surround his neck and his hands slide down to my ass to squeeze it. In synchrony, I jump to wrap my legs around his waist and he holds me to give me a lift. Moon Hee leans us down until my back hits the mattress, hovering over me.
I let go for a second to wet his dick by first sliding my fingers through my tongue and then around him. He holds himself, wetting my entrance before slowly opening me up.
I gasp when he fastens his pace and his mouth meets mine, engulfing all the moans. My nails dig to the skin of his back as he moves back and forth, our bodies dancing together. One of his hands cups my breast as the other holds him up. His kisses trail away to my ear, licking the lobe, and then down my neck. I could have him doing that all day.
I hold my lips close, trying to make as little sound as possible, but when he hits the spot, I can’t contain myself.
‘Fuck it,’ he says, reaching the hand on my breast to my neck and choking me enough to not cut my breath but to make my desire grow. He pounds harder, hitting all the right spots with each thrust.
My voice fills the air as we enjoy the moment. A few minutes pass and he fastens his pace, pulling back right before coming all over my belly.
Moon Hee gives me one more passionate but short kiss and stands up. He grabs his boxers and cleans me with them.
‘I guess I’m going home commando,’ he jokes, and I laugh.
My head is still trying to process what just happened. What he just did. Me and Moon Hee. Us.
‘This was…’ I say. ‘Wow.’
He smiles and sits on the edge of the lounging chair, caressing my leg. ‘Better than I pictured.’
I blush. He pictured it. My smile is uncontainable and I sit up, closing in on him, my chest on his back.
My mouth opens, wanting to say something I don’t remember the last time I said it. Those three words that mean so much. But no sound comes out.
I know in my heart that I mean it, but there’s something holding me back, so I choose to ignore it and focus on what is right in front of me—an amazing man with whom I just had an amazing time.
‘You should get dressed before you catch a cold,’ he says. I love how thoughtful he is. I’ve noticed from the beginning how much he cares for others.
‘Yes, we should.’ I give him a peck on the shoulder and get up to find my clothes. When I pass in front of him, he slaps my butt, making me shriek in surprise and him chuckle.
In the end, neither of us needed a drink. We got high on each other.
***
Today is the day I’m meeting Daldust.
I try to keep calm as my heart attempts to leave my body. All this time he has only been on paper, like a fantasy in my head, but today he’ll become real. Will he be who I think he is?
Millions of questions rush through my head, but all I want to do is hug him.
I shake my head, focusing on the present moment. There’s no need to worry about something that has nothing to do with the now, as Ms Julie says.
Leaving my bed behind, I make my way to my wardrobe. Although I don’t want it to seem like I’m dressing up for him, I still want to make sure I look my absolute best.
But I decide to stay true to myself by grabbing a pair of black jeans and a purple sweatshirt.
‘Morning.’ Elisa smiles, and I leave the lavatory as she enters.
That reminds me, I haven’t told her what will happen today.
‘Good morning,’ I say before she closes the door. ‘I’m meeting my pen pal today. ’
My flatmate swiftly turns around, eyes wide open. ‘Oh my god! How are you feeling? Are you excited? Nervous? Where are you meeting? I want to hear all about it afterwards.’
‘You sound more eager than me.’ I laugh. ‘I’m a bit nervous, but I’m looking forward to it. We are meeting at the bakery.’
‘Go get him, girl. I’m really proud of you, you know? Something like this would have made you anxious even to leave the bed in the past. Look at you now, saying you are looking forward to it.’ My best friend beams.
‘Thank you, I’m proud of myself too.’ I head over to hug her.
We move on with our paths after it and I go to work.
I love watching the shop before opening. There is something about the morning’s silence that gives me peace.
As soon as I open the bakery, a couple walks in for their breakfast meal.
‘Good morning,’ I say. ‘What can I help you with?’
‘Good morning!’ the lady says. ‘We’ll have two coffees and three chocolate croissants.’ The man who walked with her is already sitting at a table.
‘I’ll get right on it. You can go sit and I’ll take your order to the table.’
She thanks me and leaves to meet her mate.
It takes a while until more customers come in, but every time a guy would arrive the first thing I looked at was his shirt. No red shirt, yet.
The movement is slow for a Friday. Maybe today people are more eager to get home from work, or try not to eat so many sweets because they know they’ll mostly relax at home, since it will be raining all weekend.
I don’t mind it though since it gives me more time for baking. I walk to the back of the shop towards the kitchen so I can bake some cupcakes for tomorrow.
Only a few customers have come, so I’m still entertained baking when the bell above the door rings. I walk to the front of the shop to see who it is. The bright red shirt on the man I’ve never seen wearing colour makes my heart pump as fast as it did last night, and when I meet those dark, round eyes, it stops. An overwhelming wave of emotions comes crashing down on me. I run to him and hug him like I never have.
‘It’s really you,’ I say as he stands in front of me.
‘When did you figure it out?’ Moonie asks with a soft smile.
‘I had a feeling after you told me your name’s meaning.’
‘Yeah…I knew you would. I wasn’t sure if knowing Dal meant Moon would lead you to me, but you had to ask the meaning of my name in Korean. In a way, I hoped you’d think it was a coincidence.’ He chuckles, rubbing the nape of his neck.
‘Did you know all along? Was it why you accepted me?’ I have so many questions. ‘And I have to ask, you have colour in your wardrobe?’ The last one might be the biggest one at the moment.
‘I don’t. I had to ask Elijah for it.’ He chuckles. ‘And I didn’t know from the beginning, only after I found your bakery’s name.’
He steps in closer, reaching for my hand and I give it. His touch is warm, leaving a sensation of comfort swirling up inside of me.
He feels like home.
‘I’m sorry for not remembering you…I tried to shut down that night because it was when my life turned upside down. I knew I had talked to someone. I never forgot our conversation. It was the best moment of the night, but because I’d drank a lot, I didn’t remember your face and I never got your name.’ Memories of the starry night flash before my eyes.
‘It’s okay, it wasn’t our time. But I also said that I wouldn’t let another chance pass by me. I would say what’s in my heart, even if that meant I could get hurt. So, I have something I need to say, something I should have said a long time ago. Something I already knew in my heart, and the time we have been spending together and writing to each other just made it clearer.’
I stare into his eyes and wait for him to say what I couldn’t last night.
‘ Saranghae. ’
‘ Saranghae. ’ My eyes smile.
For years I’ve feared I love you’s . I dreaded them, since I felt like no one ever meant them like I did and it only meant they had the power to break my heart.
Moon Hee helped me understand that being in love is a blessing, not a curse. Being able to open up, be vulnerable, to someone is beautiful and the real and raw human connection. That connection is rare and if we ever find it, we should embrace it, not run away. Being scared is normal. It only means what you feel is true. And even if we fear being heartbroken, being able to love while we can will always be worth the risk of being alone in the end.
This family I found by chance showed me there’s more than romantic love. The spectrum is too wide to be put in a box. And those who never love will always be alone, because being able to give and receive love is how we know we are alive.
‘I live so I love’ — Kim Namjoon, Trivia 承 : Love by BTS