Chapter Twelve #2
“Why don’t I spend some alone time with my grandchild,” she said, and before either of them had a chance to protest, she was headed out of the room.
They were alone. Alessandro gazed at Ann-Sophie.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her cheeks were rosy from sleep, and her mouth was parted.
His mind went straight to all the ways he wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to lie with her and communicate in the best way he knew how.
She looked so much like she had in his vision from the dance floor all those months ago, the one that had stopped him cold.
The thought surprised him. He was no longer scared of this vision, but that wasn’t what struck him the hardest. What Alessandro found, now that the fear had left him, was longing.
Though it had been there from that first vision, it had been too foreign to understand—because he had not let himself.
Because he never believed he could have it.
Now, the force of this longing hit him hard enough to send a tremor through him.
He longed to see Ann-Sophie laughing on his bed.
He longed to have her at the center of his life.
He had longed for these things from the beginning.
Slowly, Alessandro approached the bed. Her lower lip trembled, but she tilted her chin defiantly. Alessandro fought back the frustration with himself, that he had let his parents win and she had suffered because of it. But they weren’t going to win. He would make sure of that.
He sat down on the edge for bed. She had been crying, and he promised himself that he would do everything in his power to right his own wrongs, which started with an apology. “I’m so, so sorry. You told me you loved me and I walked away from that.”
She swallowed, and her lower lip trembled again. “You made that choice right after our son was born.”
“I didn’t want to hurt either of you.” He swiped a hand over his face as another wave of regret swept through him. “I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us.”
“And you alone know what’s best for all three of us?”
He shook his head. “I don’t. Clearly.”
The murmur of voices outside the room floated farther away, leaving them on their own. Together. Ann-Sophie looked so beautiful right now, from her messy hair to her flushed cheeks. Never had he been so sure of anything as he was right now. This was right. She was right. If she would have him.
“Why did you come back?” she whispered.
“Because it felt like I was ripping myself apart when I walked out of the room,” he said quietly, and there was a starkness in his voice that he didn’t try to hide.
Ann-Sophie flinched, as if hearing about his pain caused her pain. This was the last thing he wanted.
“My brother may have talked some sense into me, too,” he added, trying to smile a little. “Something about my ability to care about people and how our past is not my fault. Which sounded a lot like what you were trying to tell me.”
Ann-Sophie gave a wry little huff of a laugh, and Alessandro Carandini, who so rarely found himself at a loss for words, hesitated. How could he put into words how wrong he had been…and how much he wanted to make things right? He had to get this right.
“I love you, Ann-Sophie. Even when every sign pointed to it, I still resisted. That was stubborn and selfish of me, and I regret it. If you’re willing to give me another chance, I will show you.
And if I’m getting it wrong, I will try again.
” He ran a hand through his hair. “I will not walk away from this because you are what I want. I want our family so bad it hurts.”
Creases had formed between her eyes, and he wondered what emotions warred inside her.
The chaos of his own emotions were raining down on him: hurt, joy, sadness and…
hope? Was this hope that flickered inside him, despite all the ways he had tried to bury it?
But the feeling was there, burning inside him.
Maybe it had been there much longer than he had realized.
It occurred to him that he was focusing on himself…again. The way he had far too often, if he was honest with himself. It was time to change that, starting now.
Ann-Sophie opened her mouth to speak. Closed it.
Frowned. Then, finally, she said, “My heart hurts, Alessandro. And I am scared that you’re going to change your mind.
I love you, Alessandro, enough to let you go if you can’t do this.
But if you want to stay, it can’t be something you check in and out of when it gets hard. You have to want more than that.”
It felt as though she was seeing him. Each wound.
Each fear. Each vulnerability. Could she also see the hope that flared higher, stronger, as she spoke of possibilities?
He wanted it give her the same. He wanted her to know he saw her, so he looked into the endless blue oceans of her eyes, searching for the guarded hopes and fears she had held so closely.
I won’t leave you, he promised her silently. I will be there for you. For us.
“Do you want this with everything inside you?” she whispered. Her question was so achingly vulnerable, as if she was baring her soul to him.
“Ann-Sophie—” His voice broke as he spoke her name. But instead of fighting the feelings that were swirling inside him, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “I want this with all my heart. And I will spend the rest of our lives proving it to you.”