CHAPTER FIVE
THESUNHAD barely risen. There would be little sign of life in the palace. But Vasili was already fixing the cufflinks on his shirt and pulling on his coat. He had contemplated his next move for most of the night. There were things that had to be done that neither he nor Helia could change, but he had to think bigger than just the next steps. Ground rules had to be outlined for their marriage. Boundaries neither of them would break. It was the best course of action for both of them.
First, he would have to apologise for his abrupt departure after the wedding. It had not been his finest moment, but Vasili was glad he had taken the time to sort through his thoughts.
Picking up his phone, Vasili called down to the kitchen. The one place that would already be hard at work.
‘We will not be eating in the dining hall. Have breakfast sent to the room,’ he instructed, not having to clarify which room he meant. He was supposed to have spent the night with his new wife. No one knew that he had instead spent the time in this room.
Hiding out.
He banished the thought. He wasn’t hiding. He was strategising.
He had no idea how Helia would react, and hoped a calm chat over breakfast in private would lead to her easy acquiescence.
With that thought Vasili left his room and made his way through the quiet halls to the King’s room. His room.
He knocked twice and turned the knob, expecting that Helia would likely still be in bed given the hour. But when he entered he found her hurriedly shrugging on a satin peignoir.
As quickly as she tried to cinch the belt around her waist, Vasili still caught sight of the gossamer fabric of her chemise beneath. Arousal flared bright in his gut. All thought had been wiped from his mind save one: to kiss her. The blush creeping up her neck did nothing to quash his reaction. He wanted to peel that peignoir away. To see how far that blush travelled. Kiss her again like he’d done at the altar, but this time find out where that road would lead.
Vasili had slept badly, and when he had, he had dreamt of her. In his arms. In his room. For just a second his willpower to keep her at a distance wavered. He could show her such pleasure. He wanted to know more about her. Was desperate to. That desperation broke through the haze of want. Getting to know her, being intimate with her, exposing himself to her, was forbidden.
No one wants you like that. She wouldn’t want you like that.
Of course she wouldn’t. That was why he couldn’t give her any reason to think they could be a normal married couple. They weren’t. Not by any stretch of the imagination. More than that, he couldn’t let her think that they could fall in love. Because he didn’t love, had never been loved. It wasn’t in his genetic make-up.
That didn’t mean they needed to live a life without passion.
Vasili cleared his throat. ‘I’m glad you’re awake. We have a lot to talk about.’
‘Good morning to you too, Your Majesty,’ Helia sniped.
He had to bite his cheek to stop himself smiling. Either Helia was still upset by his hasty exit the day before or she was not a morning person. Perhaps both. It was an idea he found oddly endearing and he filed the information away.
‘Good morning, Helia. Did you sleep well?’ Try as he might, he couldn’t hide his amusement.
‘Marvellously, thank you.’
‘I’ve taken the liberty of sending for breakfast.’
As if it had been planned, a knock sounded at the door.
‘That will be it right now.’
He opened the door and stood aside as a servant wheeled in a trolley with several cloches sitting on top.
He greeted Helia and Vasili with a bow, and was about to serve the new King and Queen when Vasili stopped him with a smile.
‘That’s all right, we can handle it from here.’
He closed the door, then pushed the trolley towards the small table in the room and went about lifting the lids before taking his seat and pouring two cups of coffee.
‘Join me?’
Vasili might not have had the same level of rigorous training to be King as his brother, but he did know that he needed different approaches to win different people over. Sometimes a blatant show of power was needed, but at other times a softer touch was more effective. Given Helia’s irascible mood, and the subject at hand, he knew he would need to be amiable. Charm her. And that was something he could do effortlessly.
He handed one of the cups to her, noting that she added neither cream nor sugar before taking a sip of the steaming hot drink.
‘Pancakes?’ he asked.
He watched Helia study him closely before she answered.
‘Yes, please.’
He loaded her plate with pancakes, cream and fresh berries, before serving himself the same. If what he wanted to speak to her about hadn’t been so important, he would have laughed at her confusion.
He watched her drain her cup before starting on the pancakes. If he was going to have a civilised conversation about their way forward, now was the time.
‘Helia, I would like to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. Both at the wedding and after. I shouldn’t have kissed you and I most certainly should not have left the way I did.’
‘Why did you leave?’
She seemed focused on cutting up her food. Her calm indifference had to be an act. Still, he was glad they had a distraction of sorts for this conversation.
He picked up his utensils. ‘I needed to think. The situation we find ourselves in is not an easy one to navigate, so we need to set some ground rules. Discuss our expectations.’
‘Go on.’
‘I know you have been told that in agreeing to be Queen you will be expected to bear heirs to the throne.’
Helia’s cautious gaze landed on him. ‘I have.’
‘I don’t want you to be concerned about that. I do not expect a physical relationship. You will not bear us any heirs. We will not have sex.’
After that kiss, he couldn’t take the risk. He needed this boundary for himself.
Vasili waited for his words to land. Watched her stiffen as she speared a strawberry.
‘Would it not have been prudent to mention this to me before we were married, Your Majesty?’ she snapped.
‘Your Majesty?’ Vasili repeated, taken aback by the sharpness of her tone.
‘Seems appropriate, given how you are dictating to me. And what about the crown?’
Her fork clattered on the plate as she placed her hands on the table. Vasili noticed how she forced herself to flatten her palms on the tablecloth as they tried to curl into fists.
‘It will end with me.’
Regardless of whatever Helia said next, he would not budge on this. He had decided he would not have children, and nothing would change his mind.
‘Do you want children?’ he asked. He had to know, because if she did, all of this would have to end right now.
‘I don’t know. I hadn’t had the luxury of thinking about the possibility all that much until two weeks ago, when I was told I would be expected to, and now again I am being told that I won’t. It’s my body, and possibly my family, but clearly I don’t get a say in this decision?’
She was right, so he couldn’t blame her for being angry.
‘Are we still being honest?’ she asked, after taking a breath, but he could still hear her temper in her voice.
‘Always.’
‘Then why? Help me understand.’
‘I will not have an heir and a spare. It is my mission to move this kingdom to a system of governance that will never again require a royal.’
‘You really hate it.’
‘I do.’
‘And yet you’re willing to do the duty you hate for the people you are now responsible for.’
The fire had gone out of her tone.
‘What’s your point?’
There was a shimmer of emotion in her eyes that she blinked away. He could see there were more questions she wanted to ask.
Helia shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. Not at this moment at least. But I need to understand a few things.’
‘Of course.’
‘You are aware of your reputation. I have seen all the women you entertain, Vasili. If I am not the one in your bed, and if you are choosing not to have heirs—children—what does that mean?’
That tension she had managed to let go of earlier was back in her shoulders. He supposed he had earned his playboy reputation and could understand her concern over the potential embarrassment she would suffer.
‘Are you asking me if I will stray?’
His voice had dropped an octave. He didn’t like her calling his integrity into question. He knew his reaction was unfounded, because he had chosen the path his life had taken, but he would never deliberately hurt anyone. Especially not Helia.
‘I am. If I am to be Queen—’
‘You are Queen.’
She stared him down and continued, despite his interruption. ‘I will not be embarrassed by a scandal. My goals are too important to endanger them like that.’
Vasili placed his knife and fork on his plate and pushed it aside, clasping his hands on the table as he leaned towards her. ‘I will not be unfaithful to you, Helia.’ She looked down at her plate, but he needed her to understand. ‘Look at me,’ he demanded. ‘I may not have wanted to marry, but I did make a promise to you. Despite what might be said about me, I am a man of my word.’
‘But—’
‘But nothing. I am well aware of my reputation, but what you need to understand is that I have never wanted to be a royal.’
It looked as if Helia wanted to interrupt, but he wouldn’t let her.
‘We agreed on honesty from the start, so that is what you’re going to get. I am sure you have noticed that I tend to rebel against this institution...’ He waved his hands through the air, to indicate the palace and everything in it. Helia smiled, as if to say obviously she’d noticed. ‘My philandering was nothing more than rebellion against how I was supposed to act as Prince. And it was effective. But I don’t need it. It was simply an act meant to serve me.’
‘That may be...but never is a very long time, Vasili. To say that you won’t miss the company of women or won’t want children...’
‘I can say that I won’t want children, and I am not saying I will have no company. There is chemistry between us Helia, I’m certain you feel it.’
He could tell by the way she swallowed that she did. It was impossible not to.
‘What I am proposing is a marriage with no sex, but one in which we explore this thing between us. One with passion and pleasure. Helia, I will never love you—I am not capable of it—but I will remain faithful to you and expect the same from you. This marriage isn’t about love. It’s about duty. But why should we deprive ourselves because of it? However, you have to make the choice.’
Helia was dumbstruck. It irked her that he was dictating to her, but the truth of the matter was that she was married to Vasili. She doubted anyone else would turn her head ever again. Besides him, no one had since her first and only relationship.
She didn’t understand why he would want passion without sex. It had been a big part of his life before. Was it her? Was this some sort of unfortunate attraction for him and he didn’t truly want her?
Helia didn’t want to admit how much that stung, but she was a realist, and just because she was extremely attracted to him it didn’t mean he had to reciprocate. But to go through a whole life without love would be lonely. Especially without children. Without family.
Except she hadn’t had love since she was orphaned, and she had survived. Why did she think her life now would be any different? Besides, it wasn’t as if she would be without distraction. The prospect of experiencing pleasure at the hands of Vasili was exciting. So exciting, in fact, that her thighs squeezed together under the table.
So maybe she would be lonely, but she would also have passion unlike anything she had ever experienced.
And maybe it was a blessing that he was so set against having heirs. It was by far a better choice than having children he didn’t want and would regret having. Children who might possibly be abandoned or bear the emotional scars of not being wanted—or, worse, children who would be left alone if something were to happen to her and Vasili.
But could he really manage a lifetime without sex?
‘Tell me what you’re thinking,’ he said.
Helia wasn’t sure she wanted to. It was evident that Vasili had had to deal with a lot of doubt when it came to who he was and what he could do, so she didn’t want to speak hers aloud and add to the voices.
‘Tell me,’ Vasili insisted.
‘I don’t know if you would be able to turn off such a big part of yourself. You admitted that was who you had to be for a long time, and it doesn’t seem possible to me for you to just switch off those urges.’
‘If it was that important to me we wouldn’t be having this discussion now. I would do as I pleased. As I have always done. I don’t need it, Helia.’
Helia thought about it. His words didn’t feel much like reassurance at all. And there was still the issue of children. She hadn’t thought about having her own. Not when all her life she had been focused on surviving. When she had been alone. She hadn’t even thought about children when she was in a relationship, and that had been doomed to fail.
‘I need time to think about it,’ she said.
‘About what?’
‘All of it.’
‘Fine. I will give it to you.’ Vasili sat back in his chair and took a sip of his now cooled coffee. ‘We will have to make a public appearance—our first official appearance—when we return from our honeymoon.’
‘Honeymoon?’
That caught Helia off guard. She hadn’t known there would be one, but she realised she had been ridiculous not to think of it. Naturally there would have to be, for appearances’ sake.
‘Yes, Helia, a honeymoon. You can take all the time you need to consider what we have discussed here while we are away. I know what it is I have just proposed, and we will not be physical in any way until you come to a decision.’ He placed his cup down and in a gentler voice said, ‘I think we both need to come to terms with all that has changed.’
He was right. She definitely did.
‘When do we leave?’ she asked.
‘Today.’
She nodded, not bothering to ask where they were going. It didn’t really matter.
‘Now, about our first appearance... I want you to pick what we do. I realise it will take you some time to get used to your new life, so choose something that will make you comfortable and Andreas will arrange it.’
‘Andreas will arrange something I choose?’ Helia challenged with a cocked brow. She stopped short of scoffing.
‘Yes, he will. Need I remind you there was a coronation yesterday? You are Queen. You have power. Use it. And should you need it, I will support you.’
There was a look she couldn’t decipher that passed over his face, but she appreciated the words, nonetheless. ‘Thank you.’
‘That’s what a husband is for.’
Despite all that they’d spoken of, Helia laughed. ‘Is it?’
‘So I hear. Other things include reminding their wives about unpleasant events—like the coronation banquet that will be held a few weeks after we return.’
She could tell he was trying to keep the atmosphere light, but the tic in his jaw and the fact that his smile hadn’t reached his eyes betrayed his true feelings.
‘Why does that bother you so much?’
Vasili studied her intently before heaving a deep sigh, as if the weight of the world sat upon his shoulders. She supposed it did.
‘It sickens me that Leander died only two weeks ago and yet now a banquet is being planned. We’ve had a celebration in the city. It just...’ He took in a deep breath and glanced out of the window, grasping the armrests of his chair.
Helia understood. Vasili was grieving more than anyone realised or cared to acknowledge. Yes, the Kingdom had lost its king, but now it had a new one. Vasili had lost his brother. His flesh and blood. Not a title or someone who could be replaced.
‘Vasili,’ she said gently. She wanted to take his hand in hers but refrained from doing so. He was looking at her, and that would have to be enough. ‘I know this marriage isn’t what you chose, but I meant my vows. I will support you. This union between us can be what we make it, and if you want to postpone the banquet then that is what we’ll do. If you want to have a ceremony to honour Leander instead, we’ll do that. You have lost your brother, and you should do what you need to be free of all the chains your advisors have wrapped around you. So, tell me what you need and I will help you make it happen.’
‘Helia...’
Her name was a breath on his lips. He said nothing else as he stared at her. Whatever emotion was contained in that one word was not reflected on his blank face.
It was clear Vasili had loved his brother deeply. And he cared about so much that he wouldn’t reveal. He was willing to do something he truly hated because he cared about his people. If there was anyone who would support her goal it was him. And she felt her silly heart give up a piece of itself to the King.
‘Get dressed, Helia. We will leave shortly.’
His voice had grown low.
Helia nodded and closed the door to the bedroom behind her, feeling utterly devastated for him.