CHAPTER TEN
‘SAYTHATAGAIN,’ he’d breathed against her lips.
‘I agree to your terms, Vasili, all of them.’
It had been as if her words had unleashed the tidal wave of want he had been trying to control, and he’d kissed her. He’d kissed her as he’d carried her out of the water, and he’d kept on kissing her until the sun had travelled across the sky and they’d had to return to the resort.
Now they sat on the deck once more beneath the night sky—still in their beachwear, having not bothered to return to the chalet—after enjoying yet another dinner. This one had been far more pleasant than the previous one.
‘Take a walk with me.’
He had meant it to be a question, but it hadn’t come out that way. Not when he wanted so much to extend their day.
‘Of course.’
It should have worried him that Helia was so ready to spend more time with him, but he couldn’t care now. He took her hand in his, leading her away from the deck and onto the sand, where they kept walking until they reached a dark beach the lights of the resort could not reach. The moon was reflected on the water, giving only just enough silvery light to see where they were going.
‘What are we doing here?’ Helia asked.
‘You’ll see. This should be fine.’ He sat on the sand, pulling her down with him. ‘Lie back.’
He let go of her hand and folded his arms behind his head, pleased when she followed suit.
The black sky was covered in silvery twinkling stars. The Milky Way was like an airbrushed stripe across the sky in blues, purples and blacks.
‘It’s breathtaking!’ Helia exclaimed.
‘It is. The lights in Seidon are too bright to see the stars, so whenever I come out here I take a moment to appreciate them. The quiet...’
‘It’s so peaceful. Thank you for sharing this with me.’
He wanted to thank her for being there with him. Even if she hadn’t agreed to his rules it would have been a good day. Probably the best Vasili had experienced in a very long time. Maybe ever. He didn’t want it to end—which was probably rather selfish of him. Helia was likely tired. He knew he should let her retire for the night. But he couldn’t let her go. And yet he couldn’t ask her to stay. He had never asked for anything in life. He moved through it alone. Did things for himself. He didn’t need people, so the words would not form.
The sand beside him shifted. Helia had moved closer. As if she could sense the need in him. He couldn’t stop himself. He unfurled one arm, placing it under her, scooping her closer to his body.
‘You know, according to myth, Hera created the Milky Way.’
Helia placed her palm on his chest. The warmth seared him to his core.
‘Heracles needed that strength for his labours.’ He took great pride in the look of surprise on Helia’s face. ‘What? Do you think princes don’t read?’
‘It’s not that. I just wouldn’t have expected you to be allowed to read about mythology when you must have had a prescribed book list.’
‘I could read whatever I wanted to. Why would you think otherwise?’
‘I’ve been given a list of what I should read.’
‘You can read whatever you want, Helia. You’re the Queen. As someone once said, “Make it so.”’
‘Just like that?’
‘Just like that.’
Vasili brushed his fingers through her hair. Now that Helia had agreed, and he had permitted himself to touch her, he couldn’t stop. He hated it. And he loved it.
‘There may be things you need to read to prepare you for ruling, but you’re not limited to what Andreas thinks is appropriate. He’s pining for the kind of rulers he’s never going to get.’
‘What about you?’
That was a loaded question. What did Vasili want? Initially he had been opposed to being King, but now he had accepted the title. He was King; and when he thought about who should rule beside him he could think of no better option than her. Which had him answering honestly.
‘I’m happy with the Queen I have.’
He didn’t wait for her to respond. Couldn’t bear to see what reaction she might have. So he pulled away and stood up, ripping his shirt over his head and offering her his hand.
‘Take a swim with me.’
‘Now?’
‘Yes.’
‘But...’
‘Don’t be afraid, Helia. Trust me.’
He wanted her to, and when Helia put her hand in his it was easy to ignore that voice at the back of his mind screaming at him to get away from her. Warning him that he was getting too close. He wanted to listen to it, but at the same time he craved that closeness with equal measure.
Vasili took her into the water. His hands tight around hers.
‘Please don’t let go of me.’
‘I won’t.’
When they were waist-deep, he turned to look at her. He had thought at the cove that she looked like some sort of sea nymph, with those eyes the colour of the water, her golden body and the blue bikini, but now... Now she looked ethereal. Utterly ravishing in the pale moonlight. Who cared about Hera or the Milky Way when he had a goddess in his arms? Except she wasn’t...not yet.
He let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her waist, holding her close. Her sharp intake of breath raised the hairs on his body. He wanted to make her gasp. He wanted to make her as crazy as she made him.
Eyes locked on hers, he leaned in...waiting. Praying that she would close the distance between them. Making sure that she was certain it was her choice. He would let her go if she didn’t. Let her go back to the bedroom and give her enough time to fall asleep before he went anywhere near the place and faced another night of little to no sleep. Of craving Helia like air and avoiding even the barest hint of intimacy.
But he wouldn’t have to. While he knew he would still have to face his battles, Vasili rejoiced as she closed the gap between their lips. Pressing hers against his in a desperate bid to get closer. He angled his head and she parted her lips for him. His fingers were digging into the soft skin at her waist as their tongues met in a sweet dance. She clutched at his back, wanting more. And he would give it.
He deepened the kiss, growing hard at the sound of her moan. She would feel his length pressed up against her, he knew it, but he couldn’t step away. He wanted her so badly it was a buzzing throughout his body.
‘Helia...’ he breathed against her lips.
Was he asking her permission to go further? Was he trying to stop? He didn’t know.
He pulled away slightly and her soft fingers came up to his lips. Tracing the outline of them. Need was singing through his blood.
‘Is this real?’ she whispered.
‘Yes.’
It was all he could manage before his hand was at the back of her head and he was kissing her again. Harder. Deeper. Nipping at her lip as desire flooded his body. Her hands were sliding down his chest, making his breath catch, but they stopped on his stomach and he almost begged her to keep going. He trailed his lips along her jaw, to her ear. He understood her question...it seemed like a dream to him too.
‘I need to touch you. Please,’ he begged.
‘Yes.’
One little word that nearly undid him.
With one arm firmly around her, he slid his other hand down her neck, over her chest, cupping her breast. She mewled against him as he rubbed his thumb over her nipple, so he did it again.
‘I need more,’ she begged him.
‘Tell me what you want,’ he said against her neck.
‘Vasili, please...’
‘Tell me how to serve you, Helia.’
‘Touch me...there.’
He trailed his lips over her neck and cheek and just as slowly trailed his fingers down her stomach, dipping below the water and under the waistband of her panties. She shuddered against him. Moaned as his lips closed over hers at the same time as his fingers slipped into her core, finding her slick for him.
He stroked her until she was panting. Every sound she made was driving him into a frenzy of lust. He was painfully hard now, but all he cared about was Helia’s pleasure. He needed her release as if it was his own. It was a new feeling to him. Pleasure was always mutual, and then it was over, but here in the water with Helia he never wanted it to end.
Helia could barely think. His kisses were stoking the flame of her desire while his fingers pushed her further and further to the edge. But she was afraid of the fall. It felt so good here. She didn’t want to think of what came after. So she tried with all her might to hold on to this feeling. This blazing heat consuming her. The water was doing nothing to extinguish the flames. If anything, the constant gentle waves were adding to her pleasure.
Her fingers slid down Vasili’s body, gripping the waistband of his shorts. She felt him tense. Felt the twitch of his hardness against her body. She wanted to touch him.
Helia had fantasised about this. Being in his arms. To give and receive pleasure. Her fantasies had been positively dull compared to what she felt now. Her rough breaths grew ever more rapid. There was a coiling in her belly. She wanted him to feel it too.
‘You feel like heaven, Helia,’ Vasili said, kissing his way down her throat.
‘I want to touch you too.’
‘Not yet.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because right now I need you to come apart for me. And when you do touch me I want to be able to see you...and for you to see a king fall apart at your touch.’
Helia was barely hanging on, his words sending a shock of arousal through her. And as if Vasili could tell just how close she was, he slipped a finger into her, then another. He was curling them and making them hit a spot that had her seeing stars far brighter than the ones overhead.
‘Vasili!’ she cried out as she shattered around his fingers.
He pulled her against him even tighter, kissing her hungrily, stroking her and drawing out her pleasure until she felt weak-kneed.
And then she was in his arms and they were moving out of the water, Vasili carrying her to their chalet.
He took them straight into the large shower, where they washed off the sea and sand. Vasili made her come apart on his fingers again, and all the while he wouldn’t let her return the favour, making her grow tense. Self-conscious. Maybe he’d had a taste of their passion and found her lacking. Her experience was limited, after all.
She climbed into the bed and he slid in after her, propping his head up on his hand. Lying on her back, she looked into his eyes, and could see swirling thoughts behind them. In the light of the room she could see the haze of lust dissipate, gone from his features to be replaced by something else.
She prayed it wasn’t regret.
‘Just say it, Vasili.’
He put an arm over her, holding her tightly against him. ‘I don’t yet fully understand your reasons for choosing to marry me, Helia, but I can only imagine a marriage like this isn’t something you envisaged for yourself.’
Marriage was something Helia had only thought of as a concept—not as something she would ever truly experience. Not when she was so afraid of being abandoned. Trust didn’t come easily, and it was far safer to be on her own because she knew she could rely on herself. It was a huge part of why her only relationship had failed.
She tried to respond to Vasili, but he silenced her.
‘Let me finish. I want you. Probably more than you can comprehend...’
Helia had an idea, but she wouldn’t tell him how she felt about him and for quite how long she had felt that way.
‘Tonight...what transpired between us...it’s only the tip of the iceberg. And I was honest with you. I do want you to touch me. I do want you to give me pleasure in the way I have given it to you. But I need to be sure you understand and have fully considered our terms. I can’t love you, Helia. I’m not capable of that. We won’t ever be husband and wife in the traditional sense. And I am sorry about that, but it’s just the way it is.’
All Helia had done since their talk was consider his terms, but her heart still broke at hearing the words. She’d always known she wouldn’t be enough for him. Being just an ordinary woman from Seidon. They were worlds apart, and his words struck right at those insecurities. But she was also hurt at him saying he wasn’t capable of love, because the very fact that he was grieving for Leander meant that he was.
Maybe his problem wasn’t that he wasn’t capable of love but rather that he loved too much—not that it would mean much for her. He had just admitted that he couldn’t ever love her.
‘I have already agreed, Vasili.’ She hoped her voice would not betray the hurt she was trying to hide from him. ‘I remember we are united in our duty as King and Queen to the world’s eyes, and that in our home we explore this attraction between us. But no sex. No love. No children.’
She waved between their bodies.
‘This is the only way I can give myself to you, Helia,’ he said. ‘And if you have any apprehension at all, then I think it’s best if we don’t cross that boundary.’
‘I thought you weren’t interested in me? You said you shouldn’t have kissed me.’
‘Nothing could be further from the truth. I have made my attraction to you plain. I meant that I shouldn’t have kissed you like I did at the wedding, but I had wanted to since you walked into my office.’
Helia hadn’t realised that she could feel two such conflicting emotions at the same time. It hurt to know that no matter how long they would spend together she would never have his love, but she did want to be with him. And to find out that he was so attracted to her had made the unbroken parts of her heart soar.
However, a lifetime was a very long passage. To travel the entirety of it without love would be difficult. Would their chemistry last? Was it a good enough substitute? Could a physical relationship ever be enough?
If she didn’t accept these terms then she would have no relationship with him at all. Perhaps a cordial friendship, with time. And that seemed like a path filled with misery. Not to mention the fact that her goals depended on her remaining as Queen. So she really only had one choice. Because she did want to be with him, and having some of him was a much better prospect than having none of him.
‘I can do this.’
She placed her hand on his cheek and he leaned into her palm. Right then, despite the fractures forming through her, she knew she made the correct choice.
‘I want this.’
He kissed her palm and then her lips in a slow, lingering caress. ‘That makes me happy.’
She ran her fingers through his soft hair, saw his golden-brown eyes alight with heat. ‘Me too.’
But she was feeling nowhere near as euphoric as she’d thought she would.
‘I’m going to show you so much pleasure,’ he whispered in her ear.
And she let the intoxication of his embrace carry her away from the heaviness in her heart.