CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HELIAWALKEDDOWN a golden lit passage. Her dress swished along the marble floors. She barely felt her arm in her husband’s as she reflected on the days and weeks that had followed their first time together. They’d been some of the best and the worst. But each day had started with them wrapped around one another and ended the same way. Each day she’d felt stronger. Settling in her role as Queen.
After the clash with Andreas over the tax bill, things had improved with him as well. Perhaps he was coming to accept how different the new King and Queen were, but Helia didn’t know for sure. What she did know was that since then she had dealt with him with an authority that sometimes felt uncomfortable, but was always fuelled by her pursuit of her goals.
She and Vasili went about their duties, made their appearances together and apart, and worked on their project. They were achieving many of their objectives quickly.
She read a different story about her and Vasili every other day in the media, and they were all greatly positive. The people liked it that she was one of the masses, now a queen.
Yet every day felt harder.
Every day she would love her husband. Show him that she did but never utter the words. Every day that one-sided affection had her growing lonelier. And when she looked to the future all she saw was this path stretching on. Just her and Vasili, stuck in this magical, desolate connection.
Vasili didn’t want children, and she had knowingly agreed to his terms, so that meant she would have no family—ever. No outlet for all the love inside her. No one to want and need her as much as she wanted and needed them.
Helia only realised they had arrived at their destination when she was jerked to a stop.
‘You seem distracted,’ Vasili said.
Helia looked at the shut double doors and shook her head, keeping her every thought well hidden. ‘Just a lot on my mind.’
Of course she would be nervous about the coronation banquet.Vasili thought to himself.
It would be her first interaction with foreign dignitaries. He didn’t want to be here either. His reasons for hating the event hadn’t changed, but he had resigned himself to doing his duty.
Even as he’d walked down the passage with Helia on his arm he’d still been wishing he didn’t have to step through these gilded doors, but this tradition served a purpose.
‘If it helps, think of it less as a celebration and more as an opportunity to meet everyone as King,’ Helia offered.
There would be politics to navigate. Every word more than it seemed. Alliances and threats made with smiles on faces and warm hands to shake.
Vasili hooked a hand around Helia’s nape, pulling her in for a kiss that heated his blood as it always did.
‘I wasn’t prepared to wait.’
Especially when she looked so beautiful. Soft and feminine in a pale blue dress falling in layers of chiffon and tulle that reminded him of flowing water. Her hair was pinned up at the centre of her crown, an heirloom of diamonds and sapphires donned by every queen at the coronation banquet. And on her finger sat his ring.
She placed her hand over his heart, on the gold sash that sat on his black uniform. He thought she looked like the very heart of the Kingdom, and if she was its heart he had to be its immovable pillar of strength.
Helia laughed. ‘You never are.’
‘Ready?’
When she nodded, the doors to the ballroom swung open and in they walked to a room full of splendour. Gold and frescoed walls. Elaborate floral arrangements atop tall pillars. Gentle music flowing from the string quintet.
It was also a room filled with people. Royalty, dignitaries, politicians, billionaires...so much power, so much influence in one place.
They were announced, and then it began. Introductions and handshakes. Pleasantries and carefully worded welcomes that didn’t sound welcoming at all.
Once they’d made their way around the room, Vasili excused them and spun Helia onto the floor. It was an invitation for everyone to join them in dance. But Vasili didn’t care about that. He just wanted his wife in his arms.
‘Everyone is looking at us...it takes a little getting used to,’ Helia said as she placed her free hand on his shoulder.
With his palm on the small of her back, he tugged her a little closer, leading her through the ebb and flow of the swirling melody. Perfectly in sync.
‘I’m not surprised that they’re looking.’ He bent low, pressing a kiss to her cheek. ‘I have the most beautiful woman in my arms.’
He smiled at her blush. Helia had shown such strength and intelligence in the weeks since they had married. She was a force in her own right, but he still loved being able to make her blush and then watch her go from blushing to being demanding and enthusiastic in bed. He got to see all the many facets of Helia, and he wasn’t sure he deserved the privilege.
But now he knew what everyone else would be seeing. He could feel it between them. An energy that caught everything around them. The current in their touch and the electricity in the air.
‘I want to take you to bed and have my way with you.’
Helia wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer until her lips were at his ear. She said, ‘Well, you’re just going to have to be patient, Your Majesty.’
‘Not a virtue of mine. In fact, I’m not very virtuous at all—you should know that by now.’
‘What I know,’ she said slowly, ‘is that the longer I keep you waiting, the happier I’ll be later.’
‘Tease...’
‘You wouldn’t have it any other way.’
She pulled away from his embrace and with a sly smile over her shoulder made her way back through the crowd. She was right—he wouldn’t have it any other way. She was perfect, and somehow she managed to make him feel lighter than he ever had before. Somehow she managed to help him not just to accept being King, but to like it. She had opened his eyes, and now he had the power to effect change.
Vasili kept an eye on Helia even as he was drawn into group after group of guests. After what seemed like the thousandth conversation along similar lines, he lost sight of her.
She was still within the palace walls. Safe. But he couldn’t ignore the way her absence grated on him. It was ridiculous when he had known her for such a short time.
‘She’s doing well tonight,’ he heard Andreas say beside him.
Vasili wondered what it had cost Andreas to admit that. ‘Yes, she is. She has been all along.’
He glanced at his private secretary knowing he wouldn’t get any response. It was then that the crowd parted, and he caught sight of her with the Queen of a neighbouring island kingdom. As if she had a sixth sense for where he was, she turned and smiled at him from across the room, never once halting in her conversation.
He wanted her back by his side, so with sure steps Vasili crossed the room.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to steal my wife away.’
Vasili slipped his arm around Helia’s waist, pulling her closer in a move that was unapologetically possessive. It was not missed by the woman in their company.
‘My apologies, Queen Arianna,’ said Helia. ‘It was lovely to meet you.’
The visiting Queen smiled in a knowing way, waving off Helia’s apology. ‘I too was once young and in love. I hope to see you soon.’
Vasili heard Helia promise that she would, but his mind was firmly fixed on that one word. Love. It wasn’t love that he felt. He didn’t love. It wasn’t possible to feel something one knew nothing about. What he and Helia had was pure passion.
He led Helia out onto the cool, brightly lit balcony. Soon he was kissing her with an urgency that she returned. Proof that he was right.
Helia frowned at him when they broke apart, a question in her eyes, but before he could address it, they were being approached by a group of men he hadn’t thought of in weeks. Hadn’t heard from or contacted.
‘Vasili,’ his friend Stavros greeted him.
‘King Vasili,’ another corrected.
‘We haven’t seen you in a while.’ His friend snapped his gaze to Helia. ‘But I guess you have been busy. Your Majesty.’
Stavros inclined his head, a familiar smirk painted on his lips. It had never bothered Vasili before, but now he wanted to shove Helia behind him. Be her shield until the lot of them left.
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you,’ Helia said pleasantly.
No, it was not. Not to him. These were the people he’d partied with. Nobility. Members of the highest echelons of society. But he couldn’t deny he hated seeing Helia interact with them.
‘Why so tense, Your Majesty?’ Stavros asked.
Normally the man’s inability to take anything seriously entertained him. Not today.
Vasili pressed Helia further into his side. ‘Maybe I don’t like you talking to my wife.’
‘Territorial?’ Stavros laughed.
Anger bloomed in his chest. Not at Stavros, but at himself. Because the man was right. Vasili didn’t like seeing Helia with these people because they reflected the ugliest parts of himself. He was selfish. Not worthy of anything meaningful. The women of before had known not to expect a relationship with him. He hadn’t cared about their feelings. He’d been out for a good time. Which made him no better than Stavros or any of the men now talking to his wife. They weren’t his friends. He didn’t have any of those. None of these people had contacted him after Leander’s death. None of them had reached out when he had married or taken the throne.
And he hadn’t missed any of them.
Realisation dawned that he wasn’t even worthy of the most superficial, disposable affection. Of affection of any sort. He had learned that over and over with his parents and now he learned it again.
‘You’re damn right, I am.’
‘Never thought I’d see the day...’
Helia was no longer paying attention to the group of men they were talking to. Her heart had hammered in her chest as Stavros’s words had landed. Vasili had lived a very different life from her own. He had been with women so unlike her. None of whom he felt anything for. And even though she was his wife, she wasn’t any different—because now she was in his bed. She got to enjoy his touches and his attention, and to a certain degree, his support. But nothing more.
‘I too was once young and in love.’
Except Queen Arianna was wrong. Vasili didn’t love her. She had been the one to break the rules. She had been the one to fall in love. And all she’d got in return was an increasingly lonely existence. Because she realised now that she had always craved having someone to love and to love her back. She wanted Vasili to love her back...but he had said so many times that he couldn’t do that.
She didn’t want to spend her life pining for the man in her bed, wanting him in a way that she couldn’t have. She wanted more.
And in that moment her crown fell away. All the people disappeared. She was alone in a dark, quiet palace, seeing for the first time what she would really have in the long life ahead of her.
No one.
And she couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine as she had been doing all night.
Helia knew then what she had to do. It would take strength, but she had already proved to everyone—including herself—just how strong she was. She’d wanted to be there for Vasili, and she had been, but now it was time to choose herself.
Helia pulled herself back to the present. To the music and lights and people and took control.
‘All good kings are territorial, are they not?’ Helia said pleasantly. ‘They have entire kingdoms to protect.’
Vasili’s hand squeezed hers at her side.
‘End of an era, then, I guess,’ Stavros said, making a show of sliding his hands into his pockets. ‘I would say you will be missed, but I’m greedy, so there’s just more for us.’
‘Have at it. I’ve grown tired of the scene anyway. I have more important things to concern myself with.’
‘Enjoy the banquet,’ Helia said, before any of them could say any more. ‘If you’ll excuse us?’
She walked hand in hand with Vasili through the room until she found Andreas.
‘We will be leaving now,’ she told him. ‘Do what you need to.’
He looked between her and Vasili, nodded once, and set off.
It wasn’t long after that when she was thanking everyone for attending and inviting them all to stay for as long as they liked. Vasili didn’t challenge her as she took centre stage, all the while looking like a king who didn’t bother himself with the opinions of anyone.
A lion in his den.
When they finally left, she kept silent until the door to their bedroom had clicked shut.
‘Vasili, we need to talk.’
She watched him take a deep breath, then remove his sash and walk up to her. Gently, he removed the heavy crown from her head and took her hands in his.
‘Helia, I want you to know how well you did tonight.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, and felt a crack forming within her as she steeled herself to say what she needed to.
She stepped away from his reach, knowing how weak she was for his touch. But not even that could stop her now.
‘Thank you for allowing me to share in this life, Vasili, but it’s time we faced reality.’
‘What do you mean?’
He tried reaching for her again, but Helia shook her head and watched his hand drop.
‘This life that we agreed to...it isn’t going to work. For the kind of life you want to live, you don’t need a queen.’
The words shattered the heart that she had exposed to him as if it was made of nothing but glass. Her vision was blurry, but she refused to cry.
‘Helia—’
There was a flash of panic on his face that made it hard for her to speak, but she powered through it.
‘I agreed to marry you for two reasons: the first being my need to help the orphanage, to help those who never get a chance to live the life Thalonia offers to its wealthy, the forgotten. And the second reason, Vasili, was you. I had admired you for so long, but those feelings paled in comparison to the way I felt seeing you with my people...how I feel about you now. But I realise that isn’t enough.’
‘Helia, you knew what this was,’ Vasili said, his face a carefully blank mask.
‘I did. But I also know that I deserve more than a lonely existence and a loveless marriage.’ She stepped forward, placing her palm on his cheek. A single tear rolled down her own. ‘You’re a good man. A great king. And I know you’ll see our project through.’
‘Of course, I will. But Helia—’
‘But nothing, Vasili. We both deserve more from this life, and I hope one day you will find it in you to let someone past your walls.’
Helia had known loving him would be a risk. She’d taken it anyway. And now, even though she tried to hold herself together, and even though she knew she was doing the right thing, her heart felt as if it was being ripped out of her chest.
‘My advisors were right. You aren’t an appropriate queen, because an appropriate queen wouldn’t be good...like you. I wanted this to work.’
‘So did I. Goodbye, Vasili.’
He held her gaze. Gritting his teeth.
Without a word, he turned around and left.
Helia waited until she heard the outer door close before she set herself into motion. Her heart in pieces, she could barely breathe through the agonising fracture carving through her.
She had to get out.
As quickly as she could, she gathered only the belongings that she would need and then left the King’s quarters, slipping through the interconnecting door into a room she hadn’t set foot in.
The unfamiliar surroundings were a small comfort. There were no memories here. No hope. No laughter or stories shared. And that helped her keep control over her shattering emotions. Without much thought, she stepped under the shower, needing to wash Vasili’s scent away. The memories would be punishment enough. She didn’t need to smell him on herself as if he was beside her. He wouldn’t be again.
With ruthless efficiency she scrubbed at her skin and her hair. Once she was done, she went in search of a bag, but she found only one. It would do. Helia stuffed her clothes in it, paying attention only to the next task and the next. It was the only way she could think around the pain in her chest.
She tied up her damp hair while instructing her chauffeur to meet her in the underground garage in the least conspicuous vehicle. She could hear the man’s confusion, but he obeyed.
And then she was on the road. The black SUV with highly tinted windows was rolling through the gates and away from the palace.
Every atom in her wanted to look back. Wanted to look at the home she’d had with Vasili. Wanted to look for him.
Distance grew and it felt wrong. It was all wrong. They shouldn’t be apart. But she needed to do this for herself. To give herself a chance at a happy life. She felt as though a thread was rapidly unspooling between them, going taut as they reached the end of the road and then snapping free completely when they turned the corner.
Helia covered her mouth to stifle the sob that bubbled up. She could no longer see the palace. She wouldn’t see her husband again.