CHAPTER THIRTEEN
VASILIHADMADE her wait for this and it was worth every minute. With him sliding in and out of her, Helia’s voice flowed from her in unintelligible moans. None of her fantasies compared. She hadn’t ever felt current like this in her body, this heat in her veins and a coiling deep in her core. And then there was Vasili. The sheen of sweat on his sculpted torso. The look of ecstasy on his face. There was also vulnerability there. Something he would normally cover up. But he couldn’t now.
‘More...’ she begged, and he obliged.
Wrapping his arms tightly around her body, he fused them together. His thrusts were growing harder. Faster. His breaths were coming in a constant rapid rush. She had thought it couldn’t possibly feel better than it had when he’d had his mouth on her, but this was all-consuming.
She lost her whole heart to him. Feeling utter pleasure. Treasured. Protected.
His rhythm was growing erratic as he drew close to release and Helia was right there with him. Stretching. Coiling. Reaching for her peak. And as he slammed his hips into her, tensing as he spilled, she shattered around him. Calling his name as he dropped his head into the crook of her neck and they rode out their pleasure together.
‘Helia...’
Everything had changed. She felt it. Heard it in his voice. They had crossed over to somewhere new. Except she didn’t know where that was. What it would mean for them. For her and this new, pulsing love that thrummed faster than her heart.
‘Don’t move.’
Vasili kissed her forehead, then disappeared into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. She heard running water and he returned with a warm towel that he used to clean her up. Then he tossed it aside and drew her into his arms.
By now Helia had lain in his arms numerous times, but this time it was so different. She turned towards him and Vasili held her against his hard body. She kissed the base of his throat, knowing that her heart was his. She loved him, but she couldn’t say it.
Helia looked into his face and saw that every one of the barriers he had erected around him had come crashing down. She didn’t know how long it would last, but for the moment at least he was hers.
So she settled into his embrace and looked at their surroundings. At the modern room and the books and the art.
‘I’ve finally found a place in this palace that looks like you belong in it,’ she said.
‘Is that so?’
Helia was coming to understand Vasili. She could tell when he was trying to cover up his feelings.
‘Yes. The title suits you. You are the King, Vasili. But that office doesn’t suit you.’ She kissed him lightly on the lips. ‘You should make it yours. Like it is here.’
His arms tightened around her. She felt his lips on the top of her head.
‘I was barely out of my teens when I ordered the change. I needed somewhere to belong.’
Soft words that had the power to break a heart. Helia wanted to ease the hurt in him, but to do that she needed him to open up to her.
‘What was it like growing up here? Being a prince?’
‘Lonely. The only reason my parents had me was because they had to have a spare. Nannies raised me from as far back as I can remember. Well, one did.’
‘What was she like?’
Vasili smiled. Sad, yet fond. His eyes were focused on some faraway place. ‘Sophia was...warm. She was funny and playful. Kind. Smarter than anyone gave her credit for. And she took care solely of me.’
‘You two must have been close.’
‘We were.’
There was a gruffness in his voice that had Helia trying to move even closer to him. Trying to soothe an old hurt.
‘Until my parents ordered that she be fired when I turned fifteen. She said nothing to them. Refused to report to Andreas or thank anyone for having worked here. She broke all the rules of propriety by addressing only me before she left. She told me never to bow.’
Helia could see the connection between Vasili and Sophia. Kind, rebellious souls. ‘Do you know where she went?’
‘No, I wasn’t allowed to look for her. Not until recently, when I found that she had passed away a few years ago.’
‘That’s awful. I’m sorry.’
Helia could only imagine how hard it would have been for him to lose the person closest to him because she had been taken away. Forced to abandon him.
‘There’s a lot of that in these walls, Helia,’ he said, matter-of-factly.
‘You couldn’t lean on Leander either,’ she said, speaking her thoughts out loud.
Vasili sighed. ‘I was ordered by my parents not to waste Leander’s time. He was being raised to be King, so I kept my distance as much as I could.’
‘Except at night.’
She remembered his story from the beach, and thinking then that he had in fact been close with his brother, but maybe Vasili had never got to have the relationship with him he wanted.
‘Yes.’ He chuckled. A low rumble in his chest. ‘We once stole an entire tart. Sophia found it the next day.’
Helia laughed. ‘Did you get in trouble?’
‘No,’ Vasili said, as if the idea was preposterous. ‘We ate a little more of it before she got rid of the evidence. I couldn’t get in trouble.’
‘Because you were the Prince?’
‘Because someone has to care, and as long as I stayed out of the way no one did.’
‘But your parents—’
‘Were the King and Queen of Thalonia and had no time for me. I was an insurance policy, Helia. Nothing more than that. Being their son or behaving perfectly—none of it was worth anything. I wasn’t worth their affection.’
Helia had never felt such anger towards people she’d been supposed to admire. Andreas had told her how Vasili’s parents had been loved throughout the Kingdom. The perfect monarchs. She wanted to laugh. How could they have been perfect monarchs, people meant to care for an entire kingdom, when they hadn’t even cared for their own child.
Her heart ached for the young boy alone in this big palace.
Alone.
Lonely.
Just like her.
‘How did you cope?’
It was hard to comprehend that someone who had every right to be angry and cold was anything but.
‘I told you—I rebelled. At first I would escape into the library and books...’
Helia had spied the stack on the bedside table. She couldn’t help but think it was a sign of a deeper connection between them.
‘Afterwards I acted out. Rebelled against the idea of being the perfect son. The perfect prince. I didn’t want to be a prince at all. The partying, sex, women—all seemed to get a bigger reaction. And since all I wanted was to live my life, I figured living hard was a win all round.’
‘But it didn’t make you happy.’
‘No, it didn’t. And I regret my choice of rebellion now.’
Helia looked into his face then, attempting to read his thoughts. ‘Why?’
‘Because seeing the other side of Seidon...the orphanage... I knew I could have done something real.’
‘This world is not made up of good people. It’s full of people like me.’
But he was good. Vasili was better than he realised. He had been hurt over and over by the people who should have loved him most. He hadn’t seen love from his family, and the one person who had loved him was taken away. So Helia understood why he’d told her he didn’t love, but knew he was blind to all the ways in which he showed that he did.
‘It’s why I don’t blame the people for wishing Leander was still on the throne. I’m sure they would rather our places had been switched.’
Helia looked up at him, horrified. ‘Surely you don’t believe that!’
He said nothing.
‘Is that what you think? That it would have been better if you were on that plane?’
More silence.
A knot formed in Helia’s throat. He really was an island. Alone at sea with all his hurt. So much so that she was certain he didn’t even love himself.
‘Vasili, look at me.’
He looked down at her, his normally bright, intelligent eyes showing nothing at all. They were perfectly expressionless and she hated it.
‘You didn’t know. And now that you do, you have a plan to fix things. You are helping me with the thing that means the most to me. You are good and kind and your people love you. I hate what your parents did to you, but it’s their loss. Do you hear me? You were and are entitled to the way you feel. You are entitled to affection.’
‘Helia...’ he said in a low voice.
‘Do you hear me?’
He huffed a laugh and kissed her lightly. ‘I hear you.’
‘Good.’
She was quiet for a moment, thinking through everything he’d revealed to her. She completely understood why he didn’t want to be King, but she had no doubt he was the King Thalonia needed. She also finally understood why he was so set against having children. In his place, she would feel the same.
‘You not wanting heirs...is that the reason you held back?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want children, Helia, it’s that I know what kind of life awaits them if I do. I won’t do that.’
‘No, you won’t. Because it’s not in you to be cruel.’
She remembered how good he’d been with the children at the orphanage. Every one of them. Yet he thought he wasn’t good. Helia wouldn’t allow it. She’d noticed that he avoided her question, which meant not having children wasn’t the reason he tried to keep his distance. She considered that maybe this lonely, unloved boy still couldn’t trust anyone to be in his corner. She certainly hadn’t until Vasili came along.
Whatever he thought, Vasili needed love. And lying on his bed, in his arms, Helia vowed that she would be strong enough to love him. Even if it meant he could never return it. Even if she craved hearing the words he might never be able to say, she would love him still.
She was risking her heart, but that already belonged to him. It did scare her that Vasili was the first person she’d admitted to loving since losing her father. If he ever found out how she felt he might decide to abandon her too. But there was absolutely no way she would allow Vasili to feel that he didn’t deserve love or had to earn it.
He was enough, and she would show him. Even though her heart was further fracturing at the thought of how lonely it would be to spend a lifetime in this vortex of unrequited love.