Chapter Twelve #2
‘I thought we could just deal with the years I had to be in the spotlight and once I retired we could finally have the life we wanted and things would get better. But I was wrong. She was right to leave because I was being selfish again. I didn’t want our relationship in the media, so I forced that on her without considering what she wanted.
She said she just wanted to be able to live her life.
It wasn’t a great time,’ he said, looking out the window at the sparkling lights of Monaco, certain that he saw a few flashes go off in the distance.
‘Two weeks later we were at the season opener and I saw you,’ he looked at Katherine then, remembering the way his steps had come to an abrupt halt when he’d seen her.
She had taken his breath away. That attraction had never waned.
Sitting here with her in that sparkling dress, it was stronger than ever.
It had just magnified after getting a taste of her.
She laughed but it was sad. ‘You saw me and were attracted to me and everything went to hell.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘I decided after that it would be best for me to be alone until I retired.’ He saw the waiter approaching and leaned back in his chair.
Katherine followed his movements. They kept silent while their meal was placed in front of them then thanked the server and waited for them to leave.
Only then did they resume their conversation.
‘I don’t understand something,’ Katherine said. ‘If driving hurts you so much at this point, why are you so adamant about continuing? I know what you said about your father, but how is this for you? You’re the one who has to live with this career.’
‘I don’t have to. I have another option.’ The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but now he wanted to tell Katherine. No one knew. Not even Dominic. ‘I have an offer on the table from Vortex Racing.’
‘Not to drive, obviously.’ Because they already had a confirmed driver line-up.
‘To be their team principal.’
‘Wow,’ Katherine breathed, sitting back in her chair. ‘That’s huge! But if you’re still looking for a drive, that means you turned them down?’
‘I haven’t given them an answer,’ Lukas admitted, picking up his fork, but all he did was push the food around his plate.
‘This is a massive opportunity, Lukas.’ Katherine sat up straighter, a small frown creasing her forehead as she placed her palms on the table. This was analytical Katherine. The side of her that absorbed information and made connections from it, and it was fascinating to watch.
‘Okay, so they’re new and unlikely to be very competitive in their first year.
Their factory is small but they have attracted some big talent behind the scenes so I think they will have one of the better designed cars, which means there’s potential even with them having a customer engine.
With your name attached, more sponsors would invest and that could make a difference.
Just your name attached…’ She looked at Lukas and he stopped breathing, but it didn’t stop him from listening to her.
‘But with you leading the team, Lukas, I’d say two maybe three years at a push before that car’s winning races. ’
He placed his fork down on his plate. ‘I don’t know, Katherine. I don’t know if I’m ready to leave the cockpit. If I’m ready to lead a team,’ he admitted.
‘You have already led a team as a driver. You have so much knowledge…such an understanding of the car and the craft that even from a technical aspect you could make a difference. Then there’s the fact that you took Dudek’s team from nowhere to a championship.
You’ve done it with two different teams. If there’s anyone who knows how to win a championship, it’s you. ’
‘But it isn’t driving.’
She leaned towards him, placing her elbows on the linen tablecloth and shaking her head. ‘No, it isn’t, but is driving what you’re really passionate about?’ she asked intensely.
Lukas couldn’t answer that. He loved driving but he couldn’t honestly say that he was as passionate about it now as he used to be. He was jaded.
‘From where I’m sitting, driving is keeping you in this weird purgatory where your life is on hold. You’re alone because of it. And you don’t have to be alone, Lukas.’
‘I could say the same thing about you.’ He needed to move the conversation away from this topic because Katherine was starting to make more sense than he wanted to hear.
‘That’s different,’ she said softly, picking up her utensils.
‘Why? You are not your mother. You have achieved so much more than everyone else in your family has. Why are you letting your mother’s choices warn you away from a possible future?’ It was an invasive question, Lukas knew, but he wanted to understand everything about Katherine. He needed to.
‘My achievements so far are precisely why I won’t let myself fall in love. It’s proof of what I can have without that distraction. Without the risk of having or wanting to give everything up for one person. I have responsibilities.’
‘Tell me about them.’
She placed her knife down and picked at the duck on her plate with her fork.
‘My parents are getting older and will soon have to retire, but that won’t be possible if Paige keeps getting into trouble.
One time it was shoplifting, another it was drugs.
There’s always something. She can’t hold down a job.
One time she decided on a whim to pawn a bunch of things and flew to Europe where she worked odd jobs to move around between countries until she ran out of money and my dad had to go and get her. ’
‘Did he miss something important?’ Lukas guessed he must have. If Paige caused disaster after disaster, not every mistake would be remembered, but the ones that hurt in some way would.
‘A celebration dinner when I got my very first media job. It was the first step in our plan and I knew he wanted to celebrate with me but he couldn’t. I understood, but it still hurt.’
‘You didn’t have to be understanding. He could have made her wait. He could have sent her the money to get back and whatever happened after that would have been her choice as an adult,’ Lukas argued, but Katherine’s family history was starting to become so clear.
‘I did have to. I’d vowed to be the one they never had to worry about.
And that’s why I have to be a success, Lukas.
Because if I have the resources to take care of Paige, then my parents can enjoy their golden years.
And then I’ll have to care for them. Someone will have to pay for facilities they’ll need later in life.
Someone will have to cover for all the savings they lost on rescuing my siblings.
And besides all of that, this sport is my life.
It’s my dream. I can’t lose it. Not for anyone or anything. ’
‘I’m sorry, Katherine. I didn’t realise just how much I jeopardised by speaking so carelessly back then. In your place I would have hated me too.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t give you the chance to explain. Maybe we could have had this sooner.’
Lukas didn’t care who was watching then, he leaned across the table and kissed Katherine bruisingly, wishing for the same.
Wishing for more. Wishing that he had done a better job guarding his heart against her, because this affection for a woman he could never have hurt him more than hating her ever did.