Chapter Thirteen
Katherine worked quickly and quietly to put the finishing touches on the Christmas decorations that now hung in the lounge.
After their dinner—and after that kiss that had felt so real her heart had started pounding in panic and exhilaration—they had returned home and Lukas had gone to his room and stayed there.
When she’d come down for breakfast that morning, there had been no sign that he’d woken or worked out, which had been odd. But it had been an opportunity.
Katherine was now getting to experience what life was like for Lukas. Alpha One was his whole life, but there was so much that shouldn’t have to come along with it, which he was navigating the best he could. The unwanted attention, the loneliness. And he was lonely.
A holiday that does nothing but show me that I have no family to spend it with.
Lukas was caring and supportive and generous and kind. He had been proving that to her over and over. Taking care of her in Lapland when he didn’t have to.
At the meeting he’d deferred to her. Made her feel seen. Even her life choices—that her mother was critical of—had been simply accepted by Lukas because she’d made them. He wasn’t critical, because he trusted her to make the right choices for herself.
And now that she was the one struggling with the media attention, Lukas hadn’t been smug. He didn’t ask her how she liked it or say ‘I told you so,’ he’d opened up to her and helped her through it.
That man didn’t deserve to be alone. Especially not at Christmas. Which had given her a brilliant idea. She had slipped from the uber-luxurious apartment and returned with all manner of decorations.
Green fir garlands now hung around the room.
Woven through the gold poles with warm white fairy lights twinkling prettily between red and gold ornaments.
The tree, which perfectly matched the garlands, was almost done.
Katherine had only a few decorations left to hang.
She quickly did so, then got rid of all the packaging before Lukas could see.
There was one last thing to do, which she hoped he would do with her. Place the angel at the very top.
She’d just placed a plate on the coffee table when a gruff voice right behind her said, ‘What’s this?’
Katherine spun around, heart racing. ‘I didn’t hear you.’
Lukas placed his fingers on the pulse point on her neck, which did nothing to slow the beats down.
‘You didn’t answer my question,’ he said softly.
Katherine was hit by a wave of doubt. Had she overstepped?
‘I wanted to show you that you can celebrate the holidays,’ she said. ‘That you aren’t alone.’
‘Is that true?’
They stood exactly as they were. His hand on her neck. Her hands at her sides. Not moving a muscle. Not daring to breathe.
‘Yes.’
For as long as he allowed her to be part of his world, he wouldn’t be alone.
So she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, not trying to kiss him or push for that passion that they so often lost themselves in, but just wanting to hold him.
Give him the comfort he had been giving her.
His arms closed around her and he dropped his head onto her shoulder. In that moment Katherine could have wept. She had never felt his heart so open to her. A sign that this wasn’t just physical.
‘Is that lebkuchen?’ he asked before she could overthink what was happening.
‘Yes.’ They broke apart as he instantly reached for one. ‘Abandoned for biscuits,’ she tsked.
But Lukas had halted. Held the confectionary in his hand, making no move to eat it.
‘Lukas, it’s the off-season and it’s nearly Christmas. I think you can allow yourself a few things that make you happy.’
He turned a burning gaze to her. She knew only part of that intensity was because of the lebkuchen and the nostalgia he would certainly be feeling.
Shaking himself out of whatever it was that had a hold on him, Lukas brought the biscuit up to her lips.
‘After my mother left, at Christmas my father would make sure we never ran out of these,’ he said. She bit into the soft, spicey glory, listening almost as if hypnotised. ‘Most years there weren’t any presents, but there was always a tin of these for me to open on Christmas Eve.’
He popped the other half into his mouth. She was mesmerised by his lips.
Katherine remembered Lukas saying his father had been a cook. ‘Did he bake them?’
He nodded.
‘How long has it been since you had any?’
‘Nearly two years.’
Because his father had died the year before. They couldn’t have spent last Christmas together. He had no one to spend it with anymore. A holiday filled with pain. Well, she was about to change that.
‘I have one more thing to do on the tree. Will you help me with it?’
‘Of course.’
She tugged him by the hand and gave him a box to open but he was inspecting a gold nut on the tree. There were many scattered among the branches.
‘You thought of everything.’
‘Never underestimate a determined woman, Mr J?ger.’
‘I would never underestimate you.’
‘Open that.’ She tried to hide her flushed cheeks but it was no use. He caught her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips. The first kiss since the restaurant.
He let her go and opened the box, revealing an exquisite iridescent shell angel with gold metalwork.
‘Will you put it up top?’ she asked.
‘As you wish.’
While he worked to get it out of the box, she told him of a memory. ‘When we were younger, the four of us would decorate the tree under my parents’ supervision but there was always a fight for who got to place the tree topper.’
Lukas stopped what he was doing to listen to her.
‘At first we had an angel. It was porcelain and so beautiful. We promised to be careful but when the others fought, it broke. From then on we had a plastic star. Whenever the fight broke out, I’d slink away to the corner, as far as possible from the fray.’
‘What did you do for attention?’ Lukas asked.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked, bundling up the fallen tissue paper, but he pulled it from her hands and brought her closer to him.
‘It’s clear to me to that you didn’t get much attention and your siblings’ behaviour would have attracted a lot of it. But you still wanted it, didn’t you? Even though you sat there in the corner away from them, watching. So what did you do to earn it from your parents?’
Katherine stood there dumbstruck. A mouth full of cotton. She couldn’t answer his question, which made her throat burn with emotions she didn’t want to express.
‘I think you chose this job to be seen, Katherine,’ he said so simply, as if he wasn’t about to strip away her armour, leaving her vulnerable.
‘You and your father shared a love of Alpha One and maybe becoming a driver wasn’t an option but given what you’ve told me, you could have chosen other routes. Engineering, perhaps. But you chose journalism. A job that would have you seen and heard by millions.’ He caressed her cheek. ‘Attention.’
She tried to look away but he wouldn’t let her.
‘You spent so long trying to be the good daughter who didn’t need anything that you made yourself nearly invisible.
You did what was asked of you when it was asked with no pushback ever, but you wanted to be noticed by your parents and the only time you were was when it came to racing and this career path.
And you want to take care of them because you are good and kind but also so that they’ll finally take notice of you.
So now, here you are in the public eye demanding attention, standing your ground in your life because you have always been independent.
But from your mother’s point of view…she doesn’t understand why you’ve changed.
Why you suddenly won’t listen to her advice and won’t be invisible anymore. ’
Katherine could feel her throat burning but she didn’t want to cry. Not in front of anyone. Not even Lukas.
‘You wanted to be so good, so easy to deal with that you hid yourself from them, but they should have worked harder to know you.’ His warm hand cupped the back of hers, turning it over and in it, he placed the angel. ‘I see you, Katherine.’
Then he picked her up and took her to the tree where she easily placed the tree topper.
Her heart was going to burst. She wanted to cling onto Lukas and never let go.
‘We still have to make an appearance,’ he started when he set her down.
In an instant she went from floating to falling. This was still a fake relationship. He had been given no way to refuse. She could never forget that.
‘Tomorrow, I will take us out on my boat,’ Lukas went on. ‘We’ll be seen quite easily but we’ll be alone.’ She shivered as he tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear. ‘The paps can get their pictures, but we’ll have complete privacy.’
‘Tomorrow is your thirty-fourth birthday,’ she said, feeling foolish for having bought him a gift.
‘You knew that?’
‘The world knows that, Lukas,’ she deadpanned.
‘I meant, you remembered.’
‘Of course, I did.’
‘Why? And don’t tell me for your work.’
Well, there went that excuse. The truth was she didn’t know. Most drivers celebrated their birthday during the season but not Lukas, so the date should have meant nothing to her. And yet she was always aware of it.
‘I can’t answer that.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’ he pushed.
‘I don’t know why.’
‘I think you do but you don’t want to think about the reason. It’s okay, Katherine, I understand.’
He had it wrong. There was nothing to think about.
‘I need to shower,’ he said.
He didn’t ask for her to join him, neither did she follow him when he left the room. She was left in the beautifully decorated lounge, alone, confused, heart racing for no explicable reason.