Chapter Nine #3
‘But then I forgot about you. I liked the power being with the Russians gave me. I liked the money. I liked the thrill of stealing and taking down our enemies and… I lost myself to it for a whole decade.’ Shadows moved over his face.
‘Then one day I decided to find my father, see where I came from, and that was…a mistake. I woke up on a billionaire’s yacht after a party, hungover and with no memory, to an email in my inbox telling me that my father was in an Athens prison doing time for murder.
He turned out to be just a violent thug.
’ Archimedes let out a breath. ‘I thought I was in control of myself, of my life, but that morning I realised that I was in control of nothing and that I was him. And worse, I’d become someone you wouldn’t have gone with even if I had come back for you.
I had to get back on the right path, so that’s what I did. ’
It felt as if a giant fist had taken hold of her heart and was squeezing it, making it hurt.
Hearing that he’d been intending to come back for her right from the beginning was a sweet kind of pain.
And as to what he’d done in those years…
it didn’t shock her or disgust her. It only made her feel a desperate pity for him.
She could see how such a life would appeal to a man like him, especially when he’d been so young, and that it would be so easy to get lost in it.
‘Archimedes—’ she began.
‘That’s why I never contacted you,’ he said starkly, ignoring her. ‘I was lost for ten years and then it took another five to get back on track. Also, I didn’t want to bring you into it or drag you down with me.’
She took an instinctive step towards him, wanting to touch him, ease him, but he went on. ‘I’m on edge, Zoe. Getting angry about you going to MoMA without me is an example of how just how on edge I am, and that’s dangerous for me and it’s dangerous for you.’
The fist around her heart squeezed again. ‘How? You pulled yourself out of it. You left it behind, which some people never do.’
‘I nearly didn’t, though. That’s the point. You’re like a drug, Star. I want more and more, I can’t get enough, and if I’m not careful, I’ll fall back down that hole again, and this time I’ll take you with me.’
Cold washed through her, the shadows in his eyes making her shiver, a terrible guilt creeping through her. The decision she’d made to torture him, push him, now seemed so very, very wrong. It was like waving a needle at a junkie.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said hoarsely. ‘I think I made things worse when I—’
‘You didn’t know,’ he interrupted. ‘And you didn’t make things worse. I just overestimated my control around you.’
She swallowed, her chest feeling tight and sore. ‘So, where does that leave us?’
He stared at her for a long moment, saying nothing. Then he crossed the distance between them, stopping in front of her and lifting his hands to cup her face between his palms.
‘A year, Star. A year for us to get rid of this physical chemistry. But I can’t do any more than that. You understand that, don’t you?’
His hands were warm on her skin and he smelled familiar and so delicious it almost made her mouth water.
It didn’t matter how long this was for, it really didn’t.
She didn’t want to be the cause of anything that might make things worse for him, and so if he only wanted a year, that was what he’d get.
You always knew being with him would be an impossibility.
The thought wound through her, sharp-edged and painful, but she ignored it.
‘Yes,’ she said, even though, deep down, there was a part of her that didn’t. ‘What about the baby thing?’
‘What about it? That’s something that still needs to happen.’
For a second she allowed herself to think about the child they’d promised Banks—their child—and she was conscious that the thought was a painful one.
It seemed somehow more real now that they were sleeping together, and she was disturbed by how much her heart ached at the thought of giving that child away.
But that was what Banks had demanded, and she needed the money he’d promised her. She had to follow through.
‘So,’ she said, ‘are we going to employ a doctor for that?’
‘Why?’ His gaze suddenly became very focused. ‘When you’re in my bed every night.’
That thought too was a painful one, their child being conceived out of passion and pleasure, and the glory of being in his arms. She didn’t want that. She couldn’t give up a child who’d been conceived like that.
‘No,’ she said. ‘We will still need a doctor for that.’
‘Why?’ He frowned. ‘Wouldn’t that be pointless?’
‘I can’t do it, Demon,’ she said, her voice getting a little husky. ‘I don’t want to give up any child conceived in your bed. I can’t.’
He was quiet a moment, giving her a searching look. Then his thumbs moved caressingly on her cheeks, stroking her skin.
‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Then we’ll do it the way we originally planned.’
She thought that might make her feel better, but it didn’t.
‘Just so you know,’ she said, since he’d given her something of himself. ‘Whatever you did after you left, whatever hole you fell into, I don’t judge you. You made it out and that’s what matters, not what happened while you were in it.’
Something in his deep blue gaze softened. Then he bent and brushed a kiss over her mouth.
She allowed herself to lean into him for a second. Then she remembered something. ‘Oh,’ she said a little breathlessly when he lifted his head, ‘I got you a present.’
He lifted a brow in that sexy way he had. ‘Oh?’
‘It’s a fridge magnet.’
A smile curved his mouth. ‘How did you know? I really hope that’s my wedding present.’
For the first time since she’d left London the ache in Zoe’s heart eased at the sight of that smile. There was no point in dwelling on how quickly a year would pass. The only thing she could do was live it and let the future take care of itself.