Chapter Ten #3
‘I’m not giving our child up.’ The look in his eyes burned. ‘If you need money for your company, I’ll help you.’
Her throat closed, a shaky feeling gripping her, unexpected tears filling her eyes. ‘I don’t want to give it up either, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t care about the money. But I do care about you going to jail.’
All at once the burning coals in his gaze cooled and he lifted a hand to her cheek, cupping it in a way that made her heart ache.
‘That’s not going to happen,’ he said, his voice full of conviction.
‘I’ll find a way around it. But what’s done is done, and if you are indeed pregnant, I’ll make sure no one takes the child from us, understand?
I didn’t want children, but if a child comes from this then I will take responsibility for them, Star. Don’t worry.’
The words should have reassured her, but she didn’t feel reassured. She felt afraid for reasons she couldn’t articulate. ‘Take responsibility’ sounded so cold. Then again, he’d been very clear that what was between them was only sex, nothing more. This was something neither of them had anticipated.
‘What will we tell Banks?’ she asked.
‘Nothing. It’ll take a couple of weeks for us to know for sure if you’re pregnant anyway, and he specified a year of us living together. We have some time to solve the problem.’
It came to her then, like a ton of bricks descending on her shoulders, what exactly she’d agreed to when she’d told him she was his.
She would have to live with him the way they were doing right now, have to be around him every day, be in his bed every night.
And what would happen if she was indeed pregnant?
What would their relationship be like? Would he want more children?
What kind of family would they have? This wasn’t his choice and she didn’t like thinking about what that would mean for them in the long run.
You know what it means.
Yes, she had a horrible feeling she did. What would hold them together? What would be the glue that made them a family? It wasn’t only a child, it was more than that. It was love. What she’d once had as a child, and then never again.
Zoe’s mouth dried and abruptly she didn’t want to be standing there any more, not with him so close.
His physical nearness only seemed to highlight what she was beginning to realise was a great emotional distance.
He viewed his emotions as something to fight and resist, while she gave herself up to hers. Her anger, her loyalty, her love…
You love him.
Awareness caught her by the throat, insistent, demanding.
Oh, she’d loved him years ago, when they were children together, but that had been a sibling kind of love.
When she’d got older, it had morphed into something more, only to have that shatter when he’d left.
But of course that was why she’d been so hurt, and why she’d held onto her anger for so long.
She loved him. She always had.
Desperate to get away, so he wouldn’t see what was in her eyes, she made to move past him, but his hand shot out, trapping her against the wall again.
‘What is it?’ he asked, frowning down at her in concern. ‘You’re upset. Is it just the thought of pregnancy?’
Her pulse thudded in her ears. He could never know, she knew that already.
She could never tell him. ‘“Just” the pregnancy?’ she said instead.
‘There’s no just about it, Archimedes. I wanted children.
I wanted a family. I wanted what I lost when my parents died, but that’s not what you’re offering, is it? ’
A muscle pulsed in his strong jaw. ‘I can give you some of those things,’ he said after a moment. ‘Not all, but some.’
‘I don’t just want one child.’ There was no point hiding how she felt about a family, at least. ‘I want more. I want them to have the childhood neither of us did.’
His blue gaze flickered then steadied. ‘If you want more, then we can have more. And they will have the best childhood we can give them.’
She shouldn’t say it, she shouldn’t. And yet she couldn’t help herself. ‘And love?’ she asked. ‘What about that?’
There was no flickering in his gaze now. It was steady. ‘You may not be pregnant,’ he said, ignoring the question. ‘In which case this will all be a moot point.’
It was true. There was no guarantee that anything would come from this, and really, it would be better for both of them if nothing did. But deep in her heart, she did want something to come from it. She wanted a child, his child.
Except there was no point in thinking about that now. What would happen would happen and she had no choice about it, so why keep torturing herself? Tonight she was in Shanghai and she had him, and that was all she wanted. Even if her heart disagreed.
‘True,’ she made herself say. ‘Would you like another dance?’
The expression on his face eased. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’
Zoe pasted a smile on her face and let him lead her back to the ballroom. If this was all she’d ever have, then she would take it. But there was always tomorrow. Tomorrow, after all, was another day.