Chapter Fourteen
Seraphina
New York City
AIDEN’S BODY SLICES through the water, his movements smooth and relentless. I watch from the marble countertop of the kitchen island, a glass of wine clutched in one hand and a book in the other.
Neither can distract me from the fury rippling in every movement of Aiden’s arms, every fierce stab of his body as he traverses the pool. Back and forth, back and forth. An endless battle to combat his anger and disappointment.
I take a deep sip of my wine. Rosé, some rare vintage Aiden kept for special occasions. I barely taste it as I watch him swim.
I look away from my fake fiancé and stare out over the city.
We flew back sitting on opposite sides of the plane as we traversed the Atlantic.
The distance made it easy to slip behind my old walls.
To wrap apathy around me like armor. Except as the hours tick by, the armor feels so tight.
It doesn’t feel like protection anymore.
It feels like a prison, one that keeps me safe but also keeps me from a man I care about.
The L-word hovers at the edge of my mind, but I’m not ready to fully embrace that yet. I can, however, admit that my feelings for Aiden have gone far beyond my safe crush and ventured into a territory I’ve never explored before. One that terrifies me.
But not quite as terrifying as not giving it a shot.
Aiden plants his hands on the edge of the pool and hauls himself out. Water runs in rivulets down his muscled back. He grabs a towel off one of the lounge chairs and wraps it around his lean hips. His head snaps up and we make eye contact. Hope surges.
Then evaporates as he looks away and stalks to the door, anger still vibrating off him. He tugs the sliding glass door open and steps inside. His hair’s slicked back from his face, his mouth set in a thin line.
“You didn’t have to stay up.”
I steel myself against the coldness in his voice. I’m not letting him push me away this time.
“I wanted to.”
He stalks to the liquor pantry and disappears inside, reappearing a moment later with a decanter halfway filled with what I’m guessing is brandy. The amber liquid sparkles as he pours a generous amount into a crystal glass. I wait until he’s taken his first sip before I speak.
“There are other ways, Aiden.” I clear my throat. “Have you thought about telling Randolph about David?”
He grabs the glass and stalks back over to the window. “We’re not talking about this.”
Hurt grabs me in a tight grip. But instead of disappearing up to my room, I set my glass and the book down and slide off the stepstool. Dominic’s words echo through my mind as I approach him slowly, the way one might a wounded animal.
“He feels far more deeply than most realize. He just doesn’t like to admit it.”
I stop a couple feet behind him. His head is bowed, his face shrouded in shadow. One hand is braced on the window, the other wrapped around his glass. The muscles in his back are tense, each line so taut it looks like he could have been carved out of stone.
I curl my own hands into fists. He’s made it clear he’s not ready for physical comfort.
“Not talking about this now? Or ever?”
“Drop it, Seraphina.”
Anger swells inside me. “If you need time, Aiden, fine. But I know how important this deal was to you. It was important to me, too.”
He whips around, eyes sparkling with fury. “It’s not just a business deal. It’s so much more than that.”
“I know!” I run a hand through my hair as I try to sort through my words, try to make sure I don’t stick my foot in my mouth and push him even further away.
“I’m not saying I can even begin to comprehend your disappointment and anger.
I just wanted to say it was important to me, too, and if Randolph said no, then we just need to—”
“There is no ‘we.’”
The world drops out from beneath my feet. I’m standing here, staring at Aiden, but it feels as if I’m falling through space.
“I see.”
Everything I thought we had built in Europe—the camaraderie, the trust, the tentative friendship that bordered on something more—doesn’t exist. Aiden is nothing like Brett.
Which, I realize as I turn away and move toward the kitchen island to grab my phone, makes this whole situation worse.
Ten times worse. When I ended things with Brett, the relief left me weak-kneed and feeling so light I half wondered if I’d float up to the ceiling.
Now the pain is immense. A stab that pierces skin and bone and cuts straight to my heart.
Because, I acknowledge, as my vision blurs, I am in love with Aiden. Perhaps my crush on him has always been more than the shallow fondness I told myself it was. Maybe it’s the intimacy of making love with someone who pays attention to me, to my needs and wants and pleasure.
But it’s so much more than that. Aiden is so much more than that.
Learning about the man behind the facade, how he rose above impossible heartbreak and achieved success while still staying true to his roots, pulled me over the edge I’ve been standing on for far longer than I’m comfortable admitting.
I press my lips together. I will not cry in front of him. I will not let myself look like a fool.
“Seraphina.”
The sound of my name, that guttural pain lurking in his voice, pulls at me. My traitorous heart leaps. For one moment, I wonder, what if?
Except that’s what I did with Brett. For years.
Aiden is nothing like Brett. Our relationship, false as it is, has everything I’ve dreamed about.
Someone I can talk to, who listens to and respects me, someone who likes trying new things and cares about more than just their career or how good they look.
But the one thing still missing is the one thing I will never compromise on again. I need more than just a friend and lover. I want, and deserve, a man who will love me just as much as I love him. I’m not settling for less, and I’m not pushing Aiden to give what he doesn’t want to.
“I have to go.”
“Go where?”
“Practice.”
I pour the rest of the wine down the sink, rinse out the glass and pick up my book, avoiding looking at him. Tomorrow, I think. I’ll break things off tomorrow or the day after. Give him a little time to process the blow from George Randolph.
“I’ll stay at my place tonight. It’s closer.”
Aiden stares at me, eyes sharp and intense as he watches me. I resist the urge to squirm. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing.
“How about I drive you and then bring you back here?”
“No.” I clear my throat. “I’ll just take a cab.”
“I didn’t…” His voice trails off and he looks away, his jaw so tight he could probably crunch rocks between his teeth. “I’m not asking you to leave, Seraphina.”
“I know. I’m offering. Not just for you, although that’s part of it.” I take a risk and close the distance between us. “But for me, too. It’s hard…” I hesitate. Try to find the balance of how much to share without making this all about me. “It’s hard for me to be here when you’re shutting me out.”
He blinks. “It’s not personal.”
The knife stabs deeper, twists. I force myself to nod before I reach up and lay my hand on his cheek. The hint of stubble grazes my palm, sends a shudder through me. “It’s okay, Aiden.”
He blinks again as his brows draw together.
Before he can say anything else, I lean up on my toes and kiss him.
I only intended for it to be a quick graze of the lips.
But it suddenly hits me that this is probably the last time I’ll kiss him.
The deal is lost. The media attention is dying down.
There’s no need for me to live here, to wear his ring on my finger.
When I walk out that door, we’ll be over.
I move, sliding one hand around the back of his neck to pull him closer as my other hand slides up into his wet hair. I gasp his name, press my hips against him.
We detonate. His arms come around me and pin me to his hard, damp chest. He hardens against me as my thighs clench.
His lips part. Our tongues meet, duel as I rip away the towel and he grabs the hem of my dress.
We break apart for a half second for him to rip it over my head before we slam back into each other.
Mouths, hands moving relentlessly, touching every inch we can as he walks me back.
Before I can catch my breath, his hands tighten on my waist and he lifts me up onto the counter, bringing me eye-level with him. For a moment I see something flare in the chestnut depths, something warm that makes my chest ache with longing.
And then it’s gone, replaced by the one thing Aiden lets exist between us: desire.
So I take it. I take every tiny piece he offers and hold it close as he kisses me with such possessive confidence I can barely catch my breath.
He swallows every moan as he unhooks my bra, trails his mouth down my neck as he palms my bare breasts, cradles them in his hands.
He pulls me to the edge of the countertop, stepping between my thighs as he presses himself against my core.
I can feel every inch of him through the thin layer of my underwear.
He hooks his fingers in the waistband and pulls down. I arch up off the counter, watch him as he slides the material down my legs, eyes never leaving mine. My body is burning, equal parts shyness and brazen need. I nearly close my legs, hide myself.
But I don’t. I want him to see me, every inch of me. Need this last moment.
His arms come around. For a few blissful seconds, he holds me. Just holds me in the circle of his arms. I close my eyes and breathe in the scent of pool water clinging to his skin, the faint trace of cedar from his soap. Feel the beating of his heart against my chest.
I notice every detail. Memorize it.
Then Aiden grips my chin in his hand and tilts my face up to his. His lips slant over mine as he slides the tip of his cock up and down my slick skin. My mouth parts as he slides in. His groan vibrates against my mouth as my body tightens around him.
“God, Seraphina, you feel so good.”
I wrap my arms around his neck, brazenly push my breasts against his chest as I wrap my legs around his waist and take him deeper. His eyes darken as his fingers tighten on my hips.
“If you keep doing that—”
“What?” I push against him, ridiculously satisfied when his lips part. “That?”
His hands slide under my rear and he lifts me off the counter. I laugh as he spins me around, then moan when he presses me against the wall and leans his forehead against mine. Our breaths mingle, harsh and heated, our bodies joined.
“Yes.” His kiss is quick, deep. “That.”
Every thrust carries me higher. I murmur his name, kiss his sweat-slicked skin, dig my nails into his back as I arch against him, wanting him deeper, wanting more, wanting this to never stop.
I can feel my release building. Delicious pressure gathering just above where our bodies are joined. I look up at him, cup his face.
“Aiden.”
That one uttering of his name is filled with everything I feel for him.
His eyes flicker, but before he can reply, I come apart in his arms. Sensation spirals through me, fire racing through my veins and over my skin as I cling to him, crying out his name over and over.
He groans mine as he pins me against the wall and his heat fills me.
I don’t know how long we stand there, Aiden holding me in the arms as his ragged breath falls on my shoulder. I gently stroke his hair, the back of his neck.
I wish we could stay like this.
I close my eyes. Savor the feel of him against me, inside me. Then, gently, I lift my head. Desire lingers in his eyes, sated pleasure relaxing his face for the first time since we left Venice.
But it’s not enough. Desire and pleasure will never fill the holes reserved for love, a family. Aiden will never fully let me in. Our relationship will always be an imbalance, one where I will live in a state of wondering when he’ll leave.
I choke back a sob. One day I’ll look back on my time with Aiden and appreciate that loving him gave me the courage to move forward with my life, to stop punishing myself and start fully living again.
Now, however, it breaks my heart.
He lowers me to the floor and pulls away. I stand there against the wall, my heart beating a frantic rhythm against my chest, pleading with me to not do anything drastic.
But I already know this needs to end. Dragging it out another day or two won’t make a difference. Slowly, I grab the ring. Aiden’s eyes drop down, his body going rigid as he watches me pull it off my finger.
“There’s no deal,” I whisper. I swallow past the lump in my throat and grab his wrist. I place the ring in the middle of his palm. Already I feel naked without it. “So we don’t need to continue this arrangement any longer.”
His fingers close around it. Slowly, he raises his head. The tortured look in his eyes nearly undoes me.
“I don’t want you to go.”
It’s like getting hit by lightning. Those six little words rip away my walls and leave my heart bare. I’m in love with Aiden Hawke. Probably have been for years. A love that has grown and deepened over the last week as I came to know him.
But for love to succeed, it must be returned. Aiden cares about me. But he doesn’t love me.
A tear escapes, traces a hot trail down my cheek. “I don’t want to go, either.” I lay a hand against his cheek. “If I stay, we’ll both end up hurt. Resentful, maybe even angry. What we had this past week will disappear.” I give him a trembling smile. “And I want to hold on to that.”
He doesn’t say anything as I grab my purse and suitcase. I left all of my new dresses and accessories in the closet upstairs. I’ll figure out a way to have them donated later. Right now, though, I just need to get out of here.
The elevator doors open. I step inside and turn to press the button for the lobby. Just as the doors close, Aiden looks up. Our eyes meet.
And then he’s gone, leaving me with forty-one seconds to cry my heart out as the elevator carries me away from the man I love.