Chapter Fifteen
Seraphina
One day later
I TILT MY head back. Savor the warmth of the summer afternoon. Try not to think about my computer sitting on my parents’ kitchen table and the email I sent ten minutes ago.
“Dear Mr. Hawke, I am tendering my resignation, effective immediately. I appreciate the opportunity…”
He won’t reply. Which is for the best, I remind myself for the hundredth time.
We’re incompatible. The family issue is a no-brainer.
I want children. Aiden doesn’t. That he didn’t want me to go matters.
But if I’d stayed for any length of time, I would have placed myself back into a relationship with an unequal balance of power.
One where I would be adapting myself and my needs to someone else’s wants and comfort.
Walking away from Aiden was the right choice. Maybe, one day, the logic of my choice will make the heartache easier.
As soon as I walked into my apartment, I called my mom.
I managed to choke out that Aiden and I had broken up.
Three hours later we were driving out of New York City and up to their home on a quiet street in Millbrook.
Mom didn’t ask questions or pester. She simply drove with my favorite songs playing and one hand wrapped gently around mine.
Dad was waiting when we got home. And they both did what they did before. Loved me. Supported me.
“Here we go.”
I turn and look over my shoulder, smiling as my mother walks up to the picnic table with a glass in each hand.
“What’s that?” I ask as I nod to the flutes.
“Your father brought back several bottes of gin from a distillery in Kansas City.” Mom rolls her eyes as she sets the glasses down on the table. “Apparently his next career is going to be a bartender. We have here the French 75, a champagne cocktail with gin and lemon.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
I swallow past the tightness in my throat as I slide off the swing and walk toward the table. “It’s three o’clock in the afternoon.”
“And you did something important.” Mom hands me a glass and clinks hers against mine. “Something that warrants an early drink.”
Heat pricks my eyes. “Thanks, Mom.”
We sip our cocktails, the sweetness of champagne and tartness of lemon eliciting sighs of appreciation from both of us.
“Will Dad be back in time for the exhibition on Thursday?”
“He wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Mom smiles. “I’m so excited for you.”
After I left Aiden’s penthouse, I went straight to Obsidian.
I danced for an hour, doing tricks with my staff, then my sword.
I took it slow since it had been over a week, but I slipped back into it like I’d never left.
Jessica stopped by to check on me. If she noticed my missing engagement ring, she didn’t say anything.
But she did surprise me with an invitation to dance at their exhibition on Thursday.
Cirque Obsidian’s first in-house event showcasing their students and instructors.
I almost said no out of habit. But when I thought about all the adventures I’d taken in the last week, from getting engaged to my boss to dancing at a Venetian masquerade, dancing in front of a couple hundred other students didn’t seem so scary.
And it gave me an opportunity to correct a mistake. I invited my parents to attend.
“I…” I swallow hard. “I know I put you and Dad through hell—”
“Darling.” Mom cuts me off, her voice firm and loving. “We loved you through all of it. Love isn’t just about the good moments.”
I think about Aiden, the pain in his eyes when I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. Grief chokes me. I know I made the right choice, but it only seems to make the pain worse.
“I…” I press my lips together, get myself back under control. “Aiden…”
“You love him,” Mom says softly.
“I love him so much it hurts.” My voice breaks on the last word. “It hurts so much, Mom. I had a crush on him for the longest time, but it was safe, you know? He was my boss, there was no risk, I could just admire his…well, his—”
“His great ass.”
I laugh through my tears. “Mom!”
“What? I’m in my fifties, not dead.” Her smile dims as she watches me. “You made the right choice.”
“I did.” I stare down at the lemon peel curled inside my glass.
“His upbringing, Mom, was…it was awful.” I want to tell her everything, but it’s not my story to tell.
“He’s not like Brett. He respects me and he’s so intelligent.
I didn’t realize how much he’s tried to give back, how much he’s supported his brother, and I… I…”
“And you love him,” Mom repeats softly.
“I do,” I choke out. “I do, but he doesn’t love me back. He cares for me, and God, I want that to be enough.”
“But the fact that it’s not, Sera, shows how much you’ve grown. Matured.”
I suck in a shuddering breath. “Does it? Or does it mean I’m not giving him the time and patience he needs to come around?”
“Unfortunately, that’s only a question he can answer.”
Slowly, I nod. “I’m afraid the answer is no.”
“And it might be, darling.” Mom stands, circles the table and sits next to me, wrapping her arms around me. “I hope for your sake, and his, he comes around. But whether he does or not, you stood up for yourself.”
Tears pour down my cheeks. “What I felt for Brett those first few months we dated is nothing compared to what I feel for Aiden. It’s not just lust or desire or some superficial emotion. Aiden supports me, makes me feel…seen. It terrified me at first, but the more time I spent with him, the more I…”
The tears finally overwhelm me. Claim what little control I managed to scrounge over the last few days.
“I love him, Mom.” I suck in another shuddering breath. “I love him so much. But he can’t let himself love me.”
“Then he’s an idiot.” Mom holds up a hand as I start to protest. “I respect him for being honest with you, Sera. He could have very easily lied, but he did the honorable thing. I call him an idiot because I suspect he cares far more than he’s willing to accept.”
I nod. “He told me he cares for me. And that’s one of the hardest parts. For him, that’s huge. Astronomical. But I want…”
“You want love.” Mom brushes a calming hand over my hair. “And you deserve it. You don’t have to accept what he offers just because it’s all he has to give.”
“I want children, Mom.” Her arms tense around me. “Even if I could give him time to figure out the emotional baggage he lugs around, he doesn’t want kids.” My voice breaks again. “I won’t sacrifice that.”
She kisses my forehead and hugs me tighter. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I choke out a watery laugh. “Maybe one day I’ll be proud of me, too.”
Aiden
I stare at the email on my computer screen. The one that came this morning and tanked my already horrendous mood.
When I saw her email address, hope flared inside me. Hope that rapidly evaporated when I read the subject line: Resignation Notice.
I glance at the paper on my desk. A printed copy of the job write-up I had one of the other secretaries do this morning, one I could trust to be discreet.
It should be posted now. My calendar is filled for the next four weeks solid.
Without Seraphina here to oversee all the duties and tasks she took care of, I’m anticipating at least seventy hours this week to make sure everything gets completed.
Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s kept me focused on moving forward instead of dwelling on the look on Seraphina’s face right after we made love that final time, the cold weight of her ring in my hand as she walked out the door.
I minimize her email and pull up another file.
When I haven’t been working, I’ve been swimming.
Back and forth, back and forth, going straight for an ice-cold shower when I get out.
If I stop to think for one second, I can see her as if she’s there in front of me, those gorgeous lips parted on a moan as I knelt between her legs on the balcony and tasted her for the first time—
Damn.
I push away from my desk and start to pace. It hasn’t even been two days. I just need time. It hurts now, sure. But it’ll pass.
It has to.
Except as I stare out the wall of windows in my office, I know it won’t fully pass. It will linger, flare at the worst possible moments, just like memories of Mom and David do.
Lights flicker across the city, turning skyscrapers and soaring buildings from simple structures of chrome and streel into glittering towers that stand out against the encroaching night. A sight that normally brings an immense sense of satisfaction, a visual reminder of how far I’ve come.
There’s no satisfaction now. No quiet thrill of pride, no happiness. There’s…nothing.
When Randolph told me he didn’t want to get involved with New Field, I was furious.
Sharing that fury with Seraphina, letting her see me on the verge of losing control, wasn’t an option.
Had I just asked for time and space to process, she would have given it to me.
Instead, I shut her out completely, reiterated my stupid rules and drove her away.
Just more evidence that her leaving was the best thing for both of us. She deserves someone who will be able to let down their guard, love her the way she loves so fiercely.
My fingers curl into fists in my pockets. The thought of her offering that love to someone else makes my vision blur. The possibility of her saying another man’s name, of taking him to her bed and parting her legs for him—
I turn away from the window. The only reason I managed to survive on the streets was because I suppressed everything.
I didn’t think about the people Dominic, Cassian and I stole from as humans, I thought of them as targets.
Not feeling helped us survive. I could function for the first time since the raspy echoes of Mom’s final breaths, followed by that long, single beep, ended my childhood.
Melanie’s betrayal sealed my heart behind the walls I’d already started to build. I turned into someone cold, ruthless.