Chapter 16
Yesterday had been an oddly emotional and yet uplifting day. It wasn’t what I had been expecting, but it was something.
I hummed to myself as I worked, focusing on the cake in front of me. It felt amazing to be back at work, as if this was what I had been missing this whole time.
I needed to be elbow-deep in frosting, and any other sweet ingredient I could get my hands on, and just enjoy myself.
Everywhere I looked, though, somebody was trying to make sure that I took care of myself.
Nearly everybody had taken time out of their day to try and help me with things, whether it was making sure that I was hydrated, eating enough, or not lifting things that they thought were too heavy. Kendall’s husband had even wordlessly found me a comfortable bouncy stool so I wouldn’t have to stand all day bent over while working on florets. He hadn’t said a word. In fact, he had scowled, growled something that I wasn’t quite sure was even a word, and then went away after kissing his wife hard on the mouth.
I had raised both brows at her, but she just looked dreamy. The fact that they had been married that long and could still be dreamy like that? That was relationship goals.
My stomach ached at that because I wanted those relationship goals. I wanted that happiness.
Which was odd because I had just been thinking that I didn’t. That it was too much for me, that I didn’t need anything like that.
But here I was, changing my mind.
Because I wanted Ridge Wilder.
My sister-in-law coming to me, ready to change who she was because of the pain she was in, made me realize that I deserved it too. I deserved happiness, even though I was so afraid to take that step.
And if it wasn’t with Ridge, I needed to know sooner rather than later.
And wasn’t that a scary thought.
“Those rosettes are coming out fantastic.” I turned to Naomi and smiled. The innkeeper had dark circles under her eyes, as if she hadn’t been sleeping, and I didn’t want to pry. Of course, she worked long hours for the Wilders and was always on hand if any of the guests needed her. She worked so hard as the innkeeper, and I knew the Wilders paid her well for it, but I wasn’t sure how working with Amos might be affecting her mental health. Only, I didn’t know her well enough to ask. It wasn’t my place. Maybe one day, but when that day came, hopefully she would be in a better place.
“Thank you. I’m trying really hard.”
“I can tell. Seriously, they look great. And I know you’re busy, but I have a request.”
I looked up from what I was doing and smiled. “Hit me.”
“LJ’s birthday is coming up. He is a friend of the Wilders.” She came closer, a smile on her face. “He is, I promise. It’s a very long story of how he’s connected to the family, and him and his new wife are adorable. But, he keeps saying he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday.”
“Which is a lot of crap,” Kendall put in as she walked into the kitchen. I was so happy to see her that I nearly dropped the piping bag.
Instead, I just smiled. “You’re here.”
“I am. I’m not working until tonight, but everything was going well so I figured I’d come back since I was only here earlier to make sure you didn’t overdo it. We’re doing good, Chef?”
Chef Isaac nodded and went back to dicing a lot of vegetables. He was a quiet chef, but everyone else was allowed to be as loud as they wanted. We had a good rapport so far, and I enjoyed working beside him. Plus, he made some amazing food.
“Anyway, my office is still here, so I thought I’d come and say hi. And make sure that you’re not lifting too much.”
“I promise. None of the Wilders will let me.”
“It was in the staff memo to make sure that you didn’t.” Naomi winked and I sighed.
“Are you kidding me?”
“Sadly not. But we care about you. We want you safe.”
“Well, thank you. I really am okay. A little bruised, but those will heal. And I could have come in yesterday or even the day before. I missed seeing you guys and working.”
“You had your sketchbook at home and we had online meetings with clients. You’re doing great. Now, have you taken a break?”
“Your husband came in and made sure I was resting on this chair. I promise I’m doing great.”
“He really is the best, isn’t he?”
Once again, that dreamy look came over her face, and Naomi and I met gazes. Something sad crossed over hers, and I hoped that wasn’t my expression as well. I just wanted Ridge to figure out what he wanted. Of course, I should probably ask him to get the answer. I needed to communicate the one thing I had realized that I hated. So I was going to fix that. Somehow. Even if it kicked my ass.
“Anyway,” I said after a moment looking back at Naomi, “so he doesn’t want anything for his birthday, but you’re asking for something from me for his birthday?” I asked, slightly confused.
Kendall just laughed and waved on her way to the office.
“Yes,” Naomi answered. “Pretty much. Can you make a cake? We’ll totally bill it to the Wilders’ tab.” She laughed. “But with their permission, I promise. But he’s our lawyer and does so much for us. And well, I guess we’re a family.”
My heart swelled. I loved working with these people. Even if someone didn’t have the last name Wilder, they brought you in and made sure you were safe and loved and happy. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. No matter what happened with Ridge.
“What is it you’re looking for?”
“He is a coffee addict. But he also likes cream and sugar in his coffee, and whipped cream and caramel sauce if nobody’s looking.” She winked. “I’m the innkeeper. I’m supposed to notice little things like that.”
I laughed and took notes. “So, how many people are we feeding?”
“Well, he has a meeting coming up on his birthday here. So enough for the staff, which is over a hundred people at this point, which is insane when I think back to how many were here at the start.”
I shook my head. “We can do that. Plus leftovers for anyone to take home, including LJ. Will his wife be here?”
“Yes, because she’s in on it. She cannot bake, so she’s asking for help.”
I laughed at that. “Well, I’m your girl. So, we want sort of a sweet latte coffee cake, but not actual coffee cake,” I corrected, as Naomi frowned.
“Yes, not crumbly. Something soft and airy with tons of buttercream frosting. He’s a buttercream frosting guy.”
“That was my next question. I could have fun with that. And now I’m thinking about shapes and everything, and I might also make some cupcakes.”
“Really?”
“Cupcakes are fun, and can help me with the design. Oh, this is going to be great. And I’ll make sure that the company knows what supplies I need, but I’m not charging for this. If you say that LJ is part of the family, and you say that I am as well, that means I’m doing this for family.”
“You are the best.”
I smiled wide as I finished taking notes and Naomi went back to work. I set my notebook aside and went back to florets. When it was time for me to lift the next tier, I rolled my shoulders back. I was still sore, but I could handle it.
“Here, let me help.”
I nearly fumbled the layer at the sound of that deep voice. That deep voice just did things to me.
Why was he like this? Why did he do this to me without even trying?
But no, that wasn’t his fault. That was on me. My need for him, my need to change what I had once craved.
He put his hands on my shoulders, keeping me steady as I held onto the cake.
“Let me take that from you.”
“I got it.” I hadn’t meant the words to come out so sharp, and when he turned to look at me, he frowned.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I promise.”
“I’m really okay. Let me just set this and then I’ll be all yours.” I paused. “Or for whatever you need. For work. Or you know. I’m rambling.”
I couldn’t read the expression on his face. I wanted to know what that expression meant. I had been getting close to figuring out his tells and what he was feeling. But then he closed himself off after the hospital. And I couldn’t handle that. Not when I had a great love with open communication once.
I wasn’t saying I was comparing the two of them. That wouldn’t be fair to either William or Ridge. But knowing my worth in these situations, that’s what I could compare. And I would. Even as it broke me.
“I just wanted to see if you could take a little break. I won’t take you away for long. I promise.”
There was such an earnest look to him now, and that I could read. I didn’t want him to break up with me right now, to say that it was too much and he couldn’t handle it. Just the thought of that made my stomach ache, but he wouldn’t do that. Not right now. Not in the middle of work where everything was just so complicated and convoluted. No, he was better than that.
No matter what happened, no matter how hurt he may be, no matter how far in the past he was, he was better than that. I needed to get my head out of the clouds, or the sand, and remember that.
We were both better than that.
“Okay. Just let me set this.” He stood back as I set the final tier on the dowels. Because the cake was so large, I had wanted to get the bottom layers fully decorated before I added the top layer. One time I had accidentally leaned into a cake while decorating the top and it had turned into a whole disaster, and I wasn’t looking to repeat that experience. When I stepped back, the dark chocolate decadent monstrosity in front of me shone underneath the lights.
“Now, that is fully decadent.”
“I just want to smash my face into it and eat it all.”
I turned, arms outstretched as I blocked him from getting to the cake. “If you try that, I will knee you in the nuts. And I have bony knees.”
“I know you have bony knees. Because you did accidentally knee me that one time.” His voice went low at that, and I blushed all the way to the tips of my ears.
“Ridge.”
“I’m just saying. Seriously though, that looks so delicious my mouth is watering.”
“Thank you.” I blushed again, this time under his praise. “I need to get it into the refrigerator so it sets and then I can talk.” I took a slow breath. “Will you help?”
His shoulders sagged in relief at my question, and I knew it had been the right thing to say, even though I had no idea what would come next.
“Just tell me what to do. I’m all yours.”
I blushed again, even though there was no reason for it. As everyone watched, we made our way around the table and each took a side of the stand and set it on the cart. It was easier to wheel, because I wasn’t one of those people who could lift an entire cake on my own and carry it into the cooler. There was a reason we had the system set up the way we did. Once I locked the cake in the fridge, I sent my notes so everyone knew where things were since the team that worked under me and Chef Isaac would need to know where everything was so they could do their jobs.
Then I followed Ridge out of the kitchen and into the small courtyard. It was cold enough that there were very few flowers, just the small winter ones that seemed to thrive in the lack of heat. It wasn’t too cold though, and I was still warm from work, and so I sat down on one of the stone benches and lifted my face up to the sun. “I don’t know why that feels so good. Probably because I’ve been bent over cake all day.”
“And you’re allowed to? You’ve been cleared for working like that?”
I heard the worry in his voice, and I instinctively reached out to squeeze his hand in reassurance. “Yes. I’ve been all cleared, though nobody would let me back to work until today.”
“I saw the memos.”
I looked at him and grimaced. “I thought Naomi was just joking.”
“No, Alexis and Kendall and Maddie are determined. But don’t worry, you’re taken care of.”
“I know.”
He reached out and pushed my hair back from my face, and I let out a small worried breath.
“I’m sorry.”
I swallowed hard. “For what?” I wasn’t playing dense. There were so many things he could be referring to, and yet so many things that he shouldn’t be sorry for.
“I’m an idiot.”
My lips twitched. “That doesn’t explain much, Ridge. Not to be mean.”
“Thankfully.” He smiled with me and tweaked my nose. It was such a sweet gesture that I laughed, and his shoulders relaxed at the sound. This felt normal. Like it should be. I just needed us to stay that way.
“When I looked at you in that hospital bed, I saw Heather. I wasn’t prepared for that.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “I figured it was something like that.” The hollow ache within me started to gain ground, but he squeezed my hand.
“I don’t see Heather when I see you. I loved Heather. I was in love with her. But just like you with William, we aren’t those people anymore.”
I nodded, my throat tightening. “I know. I’m not the woman that William loved.”
“I couldn’t protect Heather. And that was the trigger, seeing you there. Not that it was you in the hospital bed. Not that it wasn’t her. It was that I couldn’t protect you.”
“You weren’t even there.”
“That doesn’t mean anything to my memories of that moment. Part of me thought I could keep you safe by keeping you away, and that was the most idiotic thing I could have done.”
I shook my head. “Maybe not most idiotic, but it’s up there, Ridge. You being there had nothing to do with what happened.”
“Maybe not. But, I don’t know, maybe if I’d been standing there, the guy wouldn’t have come at you. Whoever it was. Because he knew your name. He called you by your name. And we don’t know why he knew that or why he targeted you.”
Ice settled over me again, but I swallowed it back. “I know. I have to hope that he just knew me from work, or my old job and thought I’d be someone easy to rob. And it ended up being fairly easy for him.”
“I still don’t like that. It’s so unnerving.”
I nodded. “Same. But you and Trace have done your best to keep my house safe, and I know I’m safe here because all of you work so hard to keep your families and your people safe. That’s not something that you can handle by yourself. Not all of the responsibility of the world is on your shoulders. But you can’t push me away when things get tough, or you get scared. Because I spent years watching people push me away when they didn’t want to think about what was lost. And I can’t go through that again.”
I let out a breath as he nodded. “Because I care about you.”
I needed to say the words for me. Not for him. And if he said this was too much and walked away, then I would understand. I would hate it and it would break my heart for a while, but I had learned to put myself back together once and I could do it again. But the only way I could even begin to accomplish that was by making sure he knew what I felt. I didn’t know if I could let myself love him. Because of that fear. But I could let him know a little part. As much as I could for now.
“I care about you too.” He pushed my hair back from my face again and cupped my cheek. “I’m so damn sorry. I never want to put my past or yours over our present. That’s my promise to you. I’m going to do better. I’m not going to be that asshole.”
“Thank you.” I blushed. “I’m not sure what I was supposed to say to that. Other than I’m going to try too.” He laughed then, the most joyous sound in the world, and leaned down to take my lips with his.
And in that moment, I knew we would be okay. Because this was a step. Maybe not the biggest step. But it was a step in the right direction.
I was the new me. And Ridge could be mine. As long as I took that next step, and he did too.
* * *
By the end of the day, I was tired but still exhilarated. I was nearly home, alone in my car, despite Ridge wanting to be with me. But there had been another trespasser at the edge of the property who wanted to see Lark Thornbird again. I didn’t know why people kept thinking they could do that, but they were getting bolder, which meant that Trace and Ridge had to work more.
And while I knew Ridge wanted to be with me, my house was safe because we had the security up. I would pull into my garage and not get out of my car until it was closed. I knew the rules, and I followed them to a T. I didn’t want to get hurt again. Nor did I want to scare Ridge.
The fact that those thoughts went hand-in-hand should worry me, but then again, there was a reason he was the way he was. And he was trying. Just like I was. And that was a promise between us.
I pulled into my garage, did exactly what I was supposed to do, and headed inside. I was humming under my breath when a hand slid over my mouth, and I froze.
“Drop your phone, your purse. If you scream, I’ll kill you. Just like I should have killed you before.”
I knew that voice, I had heard that voice in my nightmares when he called my name. But I didn’t know this man. I didn’t know who that voice belonged to.
He squeezed my arm and pushed me down to the ground, but I didn’t scream. I saw the gun and I knew he could kill me.
Instead, I just looked up into a face that was oddly familiar.
And then I knew.
This was the third man. I’d seen an article after I had looked it up when Ridge told me the story. I had remembered seeing something about it when it first happened, but now it was all very clear.
“Call Ridge. Call your little bitch boyfriend. We need to talk.”
This was one of the men that had killed Ridge’s girlfriend, who had killed so many people.
And one of the men Ridge had identified because he had seen him. And because he was so good at his job, he had remembered the details of their faces even after all that trauma.
Two were behind bars.
But this was the third man.
And I knew I wasn’t getting out of here alive.