Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lex
It’s only when Roos and Mari disappear from view that I feel I can breathe again.
I’m almost winded with the effort of filling and emptying my lungs, and it takes a minute or two for my body to find a rhythm again, to devote a little bit of attention to my other basic functions, rather than flooding my cunt with all my blood and all my energy.
But even that is a lie, because it’s not just lust that has me feeling like I could crawl out of my skin in this moment.
There are also vibrations inside my chest, in my heart, and my head…
my head is an unforgiving mess of thoughts and ideas and confusion and clarity.
I’m certainly not in a position to think clearly, which is why, when I hear Mother Maria call out for more volunteers to take to the stage, I push out of my chair and away from the table I was occupying alone at the back of the room.
It’s not until I’m only a few metres from the stage that I realise I’m going to walk past Mari and Roos. Our paths are literally going to cross as they leave their scene and I enter mine.
It takes everything I have and all that I am not to look into either of their eyes as I approach them.
They’re huddled together, talking, just to the side of the stage.
Out of the corner of my eye, Mari’s head lifts, and they notice me first. I’m aware of Roos’ stare on me too – I can feel it; I’ve always been able to feel her sea-coloured eyes – as I pass them by, my own gaze fixed on the stage.
Because if I look at them, either of them, I’m afraid I’ll fall to my knees at their feet.
I’m afraid I’ll start begging them to take me with them, wherever they’re going, whatever they’re going to do next.
I’m afraid I’ll crack open and they’ll see all of me, all the things I have kept hidden all these years.
This is precisely why I’m heading to the stage. I need to regain control. I need to prove to myself that I’m not that weak and lost creature who begs. I need to remind myself how far I’ve come.
I don’t expect Mari and Roos to stay. In fact, I expect my presence on the stage to decide that they’ll leave for an aftercare room or maybe another playroom, but it would be a lie to say a small part of me doesn’t hope that they both stay. That they both stay and watch just how in control I am.
“Well, hello, Lex,” Mother Maria greets me.
She’s in head-to-toe black leather as always, and her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, doing nothing to soften her features.
Tonight’s cane is decorated with small silver spikes, and for a moment, I wonder what it would feel like being rolled down my back or up the rear of my thigh.
How much would it hurt if she hit me with it?
What kind of a pattern would it leave behind on my skin?
“Mother Maria.” I nod at her. We may be fellow Dominants, but even I concede power to this woman.
“Long time, no play,” she continues. Her smile is crafty, like all her smiles are, but there’s genuine warmth in her voice. “What can I do for you, Lex?”
“I…” My voice breaks. I clear my throat and then speak louder. “I need to fuck.”
“Straight to the point as always.” Mother Maria’s laugh is more of a cackle, and yet it’s a very bright, sensual sound. “And do you have somebody to fuck, or are you looking for a volunteer?”
I nearly do it. I nearly dart my eyes in Mari and Roos’ direction. I nearly challenge them with a look as I answer, “I’m looking for a volunteer,” but I don’t. Instead, I direct my answer to the audience, which is cloaked in darkness.
“Very well.” Mother Maria taps her cane as she steps forward. “Anyone want to come and play with Lex? Xe is sure to show you a good time!”
I keep my eyes trained straight ahead, the side of my face closest to Mari and Roos continues to burn, and I wait.